Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives since it is haying season
Tractors Continued,
After the first summer of farming the F-20 died. It was in need of
an overhaul and new tires so it was beyond economical repair
at that time. My dad found a John Deere GP to replace it . Most
of you have seen a GP as it is the tractor shown at the beginning
of Green Acres except ours was green with a red flywheel on the
side. The John Deere had a hand clutch unlike the foot clutch on the
Farmall which my short legs couldn't reach at ten and so now I could
drive a tractor. The John Deere had a two cylinder engine with huge
pistons and a long stroke and you could hear one coming from a
mile away with its characteristic pucka pucka pucka sound. At idle
the engine ran so slow you could put it in gear, co in the house and
get a cup of coffee and catch it before it got to the driveway. One
thing that a lot of tractors didn't have back then was brakes. They
had come equipped with them but they had worn out over the
years and to replace them sometimes meant splitting the tractor in
half. If you were hooking up to a piece of machinery on an incline
you learned to let gravity back you up and then slipped the clutch
in forward gear until someone dropped the drawbar pin in. I never
could understand why so many people have trouble holding a car
on an incline with the clutch but then I had good training.
About that time my dad bought a second tractor, an Oliver 60 with
a foot clutch, a starter, and a 4 cylinder Chevy motor. It was a lot
lighter than the John Deere but it would mow or rake hay all day
on a 5 gallon can of gas. It had a foot clutch but I could reach it
with my foot. My dad was showing me in the front yard how to
work the clutch. I put it in reverse and started backing up towards
the
house and as I got close I reached for the hand clutch and their
was none. I had forgotten about the foot clutch in about 20 seconds.
My dad was screaming to hit the clutch and finally a fraction of an
inch from the house I got the tractor stopped. I spent a lot of my
time
on that tractor as my dad didn't sell it till after I was in the
navy.
Every farmer had a small tractor like that mostly the Ford 8N that
was used everyday do the smaller jobs around the farm. Even though
gas was only 20 cents a gallon back then you still didn't waste it.
The Oliver is still around. The plant supervisor at the flywheel
factory
owns it and bought it to use at his cabin.
The John Deere was replaced with a Farmall F-30 when we bought
our first baler with its own 4 cylinder motor on it. The John Deere
was
running a sawmill in a near by town when I last heard of it. When
we started baling hay we also bought a side delivery rake, 7 foot
mowers, and some newer wagons and we were cutting hay several
miles from the house. The Farmall had a road gear installed on it
which was a big gear that went on the engine and a small gear that
went on the neutral shaft on the transmission. When you put it in
neutral and engaged the road gear you could pull two loaded wagons
at 25 miles per hour. We had a couple of steep hills on our road,
one of which had a narrow bridge at the bottom, and I was instructed
to put the tractor in a lower gear on the hills. I was pulling two
wagons
full of hay with my brother on the second wagon watching for cars so
I could slow down and let them pass. My dad was following along
with the 1960 Chevy pick-up we had keeping an eye on me even though
I was almost 18 at that time. At the top of the hill with the bridge
instead of downshifting I gave it full throttle and headed for the
bridge.
When I went across the back wagon with my brother on it was whipping
from side to side so bad that it was scraping the bales against the
rails of the bridge. At the top of the hill I slowed down a little
bit
and my dad came around the wagons and tried to cut me off. I
could tell by the look on his face that I didn't really want to talk
to
him right then and I sped up and he was forced to get out of my
way. When we got to the house I expected an argument and a
boot in the butt which I probably deserved. My dad surprised me and
declared me an adult as he had been at my age and expected me to
make adult decisions in the future. My dad was brilliant. Instead
of being able to fall back on being just a dumb kid or a crazy
teenager, I was now a man and was expected to behave like one.
I still may never grow up completely but I did start thinking more
about what my dad would think if I made a mistake. Even now
when I do something stupid, I think that I am glad my dad isn't
here to see it even though I know he is probably still watching.
I'll wrap this up tomorrow and we will find something new to talk
about. Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Roast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only Don Rickles could get away with saying this stuff.......
But it is true!!!
Don Rickles Roasts the Dems....
Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the
accident?
Seriously, Senator Reid has the face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add
partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply
ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee
Herman
look like Mr. T. And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look
like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less
polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.
Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby,
you must've been something before electricity. Seriously, the
Speaker
may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that
fool
you.. She really is an idiot. Madame Speaker... want to make twelve
bucks the hard way? Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her
constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.
Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers
blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel's the only
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laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why
isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a
Nigerian Banker.
Barney Frank - he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone.
Consider... he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and
they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're
still heading up the financial system! Let's all admit it... Barney
Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. How did this guy
get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts. That's
the
state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!
You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open
wine bottles with him. Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local
newspaper calls you a "lying weasel", it may be time to retire.
Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel
looks up to him!
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you... especially
given your upbringing. All you've overcome... I heard your birth
certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don't know what
makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don't
think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of
thousands of others? Gibbs does his best expositional work in the
bathroom every morning.
As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama's
arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree. Now it's true when you enter
the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in
his back pocket. His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas
simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised
to find out his first name really was Barack. Just don't ask about
his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record... he actually
lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton. As far as his administration
-- what with the tax cheat and lobbyists -- well, in the words of
Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to
hump a doorknob out there."
With all due respect.
FOR THOSE THAT VOTED FOR "HOPE AND CHANGE"... BEND OVER AND
PREPARE
TO RECEIVE YOUR BOUNTY.
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Away Chips
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Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old widow and widower named Mary and Steve get married.
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wedding
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Both are very nervous. Cautiously they begin to undress in front of
each
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and
puts them in a glass. Mary then removes her prosthetic leg and leans
it
against the wall.
She looks up at her new groom and smiles nervously, and
Steve is intently watching... Mary continues. She removes
her bra which contains false inserts; she removes a glass
eye and gingerly places it in a special box on the
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continues to stare in an interested manner. As Mary takes off her
wig,
she realizes that Steve is not making much progress in getting
undressed.
He's stopped undressing and is just staring at her.
She asks him, "What are you waiting for?"
Steve quickly replies, "You know what I want. Take it off
and throw it over here!"
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Owl Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Red was seen going into the woods with a small package and a
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Her
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Goodwill Jen said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of
days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?"
Little Red replied, "Because I just can't get a man."
Goodwill Jen said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of
the
woods."
"Don't be so silly," Red said, "I know that. I went in the woods
because
I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't
find
it."
Goodwill Jen said, "I don't understand what you're
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Little Red replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I
took some dead mice and a bird cage."
"So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Jen.
Little Red said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man
is to have a good pair of hooters."
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Pick-up Chips
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Pick-up Lines
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There you are! Where have you been? You were supposed
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I'm here, you're here -- we already have something in common!
What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Wanna swap microorganisms?
I don't want to kiss you -- I just want to tell your lips a secret!
Want to come over and meet my sheets?
I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
Are you busy tonight around 3am? Would you like to be?
I like your smile, but I'd probably rather see you scream.
Two trains are leaving their stations at the same time.
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how long will it take for you to go out with me?
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful woman is sitting on a train with an empty seat next to
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I'll tell you something else I know about cowboys. Cowboys will
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-- "
Suddenly the incredulous cowboy asks, "Chickens?"
A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by
sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks
into
his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed. She
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gets
up and starts to get dressed. The rabbi turns to her and says,
"Where
are you going? I'm not angry with you."
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Worse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Good: Your son developed an interest in religion.
Bad: He's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Worse: The secretary gets pregnant
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the striper
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Worse: He looks better than you do in them.
Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Worse: It's 25 miles to the nearest gas station.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Worse: He finds Mr. Right.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's ten
Good: Your neighbour exercises in the nude.
Bad: She weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Worse: He's the star of it.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Worse: You're arrested for passing one of the bills.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbours.
Worse: All of them.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
car wash
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Pooh Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bother," said Pooh. "I need a Zoloft."
"Bother," said Pooh, "it's your husband, and he has a gun."
"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet tastes like chicken."
"Bother," said Pooh. "I'm a boneless bear."
"Bother," said Pooh, "There's nothing in the closet today but
Zena-wear."
"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet is giving me heartburn."
"Bother," said Pooh, "I seem to have misplaced my favorite crack
pipe
again."
"Bother," said Pooh. "Is it still considered bestiality even if you
didn't
enjoy it?"
"Bother," said Pooh, "We are Winnie of Pooh. Resistance is futile.
Your
Hunny will be assimilated.
""Botehr" siad Pooh. "Mi Dylsexic,:
"Bother," sad Pooh. "Where did I leave my gawdammd Ritalin?"
"Bother," said Pooh. "Who put the nipple rings on Eyore?"
"Bother," said Pooh, "Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
fhtagn."
"Bother," said Pooh. "These fatigues are chafing me so."
"Bother," said Pooh, "my right breast is leaking."
"Bother" said Pooh. "Go on..." said the psychiatrist.
"Bother," said Pooh. "Crap."
"Bother" said Pooh, "I feel like I have a tree up my bum."
"Bother," said Pooh "Is that my prostate?"
"Bother," said Pooh. "I seem to have found the librarian's G spot."
"Bother," said Pooh, "I lost the handcuff keys in the hunny tree."
"Bother," said Pooh. "The burritoes gave me gas."
"Bother," said Piglet. "Stand upwind of P-p-p-pooh!"
"Bother," said Eeyore, "Poooooh's flatulent aaaahgain."
"Bother," said Pooh. "Christopher Robin had another one of THOSE
dreams
again. This might not wash out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Hispanic in Phoenix has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for
7
days.
When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in
charge says that since the loss occured over 7 days ago the vehicle
is
probably over the border and stripped for parts.
The Hispanic was heard to mutter as he left the station . . .
. . . " Damn Fucking Canadians".
rubin
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flies Away
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Currently used by farmers, equestrians to get rid of flies.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaz has always had a special way with the ladies. He is a regular
Don
Juan when it comes to impressing a chick at a bar. Case in point,
last weekend
I was out with Chaz and overheard him hitting on a young vixen with
one of
his best lines yet...
Chaz slithered up next to this gorgeous babe, turned to her and
said,
"Those clothes are very becoming on you!"
"Why, thank you!" replied the complimented hotty.
"Of course," continued Chaz, "if I was on you ... I would becoming
too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get a new CPAP or BiPAP machine
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machine and your current supplier does not replace your supplies, we
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in Guthrie,
As it turned out, I needed every single prayer.
After the surgery, I flatlined, coded. I was awake
when it happened. The room filled with people
telling me to stay with them. Heck yes, it was my
prime intention to do so. They gave me a shot and
my heart started and all went okay. My BP was low
for a few days then went well. The surgeon said
in two more months, I would have been dead. He
has yet to explain what the heck is going on with my
ticker. I am going to switch heart doctors.
BJ
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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