Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Well they opened my parent's safe yesterday, not with the
combination but with a Sawzall and a splitting maul. It was probably
packed full of asbestos but Don opened it, not me. In addition to
Insurance policies and deeds anticipated that were found was the
combination to the safe and it did not strike a memory with anyone.
Instead of being almost empty though, it was a time capsule of my
parents life and marriage with birth certificates, pictures, report
cards, and records of important decisions that my parents had made.
Unlike our President, I would no problem showing my birth
certificate now.
I am enjoying a quiet moment right now as the females of the
household all went shopping. I did enough of that last week even
venturing into our brand new Wal-mart Superstore. It was more a
matter of necessity than curiosity as wandering through a large
store is more energy than I normally wish to expend but I have
gained so much weight since I intended anything I needed some new
dress clothes. In the end I was
forced to do most of my shopping at JC Penny which is
expensive but one of the few places that does stock for big people.
What really caught me by surprise was my neck. I used to wear a 17
and a half men's shirt. I bought a 20-21
figuring it would be loose but comfortable and it was short by
two inches. It fits but no wearing a tie with it. Maybe some day I
will be able to buy off the shelf again but for the moment it is
Penny's, mail order, or T-shirts and jogging pants.
Enjoy the chips and I hope you are well, all is well here.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You'd be surprised how many people are overpaying on their insurance
premiums. Like most people, you may have been unaware that insurance
premiums can vary widely from company to company, and that you can
save significantly by shopping by State.
Start saving now with UnitedLifeInsurance
Paying too much for LIFE Insurance?
You could save over $500 a year on your Car Insurance. Click Here
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman took an inexperienced man home one night. When they got to
her apartment, she suggested that they try a 69. "What do you mean?"
he asked. Not knowing quite how to explain, she said "you put your
head between my legs and I'll put my head between your legs" Still
unsure but willing, he agreed. As soon as he got his head between
her legs, she let out a rip-roaring fart. "What the hell was
that?!?" he asked. "Oops! I'm so sorry! Let's try again" she said.
On the second attempt the very same thing happened. The man
immediately got up and started getting dressed. "Where are you
going?" she asked, to which he replied "If you think I'm sticking
around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!
A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the
difference between singular and plural. She said, "What do you call
it if one woman looks out a window?" Charlotte said, "Singular." The
teacher said, "That's right Charlotte. Now, what do you call it if
three women are looking out of a window?" Little Johnny raised his
hand and blurted out, "A whorehouse!"
You can tell she's getting old when you give her a sensual foot
massage, and while you're down there, go ahead and rub her breasts
as well.
If a Ram is a Sheep,
And an Ass is a Donkey,
Then how come a ram in the ass is a Goose?
Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local
minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, "My,
Farmer Petrovich, you're certainly giving that sheep a beating. You
wouldn't do that to your wife, would you?" The farmer says, "I would
if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to mount her!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I'm going
http://www.thepostm
chick flick
http://www.thepostm
darn human
http://www.thepostm
Casual Friday
http://www.sydesjok
Cat Carrier
http://www.sydesjok
Cat Scan
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1983, China set out to teach birth control to its rural
population. Doctors appeared on television and demonstrated the use
of condoms and birth control pills.
A mere year later, birth rates INCREASED and the program was
declared a "complete fiasco."
After a survey was taken, the cause of the program's failure became
apparent. 79% of MEN were taking birth control pills, and 98% of men
were putting condoms on their fingers--just like they saw in the TV
demonstrations.
"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash
down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far
up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."
At his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated
his grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy
marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each
other's wishes
and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will
last as long as your grandma's and mine has."
Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said: "What's sex like
then when you get older, grandad?"
His grandad looked at his grandson, smiled and said: "Just like
trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slap Chop - Dice, Chop & Mince in Seconds
Slap Chop makes chopping up vegetables, nuts and fruits quick and
easy. The food gets finer with every slap - you'll never need to
switch the blade. Slap Chop is dishwasher safe making clean up a
breeze.
Order one today and get a second one at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reagan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged
young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.
Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster,
extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster
to the point that to make himself well known to her,
he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having
been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the
following letter from Nancy Reagan sent to Hinckley at the
mental facility where he is being treated:
To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan
My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you
how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in
your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding
and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan
consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.
The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is
borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above
all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have
driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident
that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to
your family to join the world again as a healthy and
productive young man.
Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family
P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has
been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado.
You might want to look into that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Your Food Fresh Up To 50 Days Longer
Always Fresh Containers help extend the lifespan of your fruits,
vegetables and much more. This ultimate food storage system absorbs
and removes food-spoling ethylene gas released during the natural
ripening process.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jewish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish Bubbah had waited a long time for a male grandchild. After
four girls, there was a boy. She doted on him. On his fourth
birthday she took him to Coney Island. After many rides, toys and
treats, Bubbah noticed that her little ainicle (grandchild) was
uncomfortable. She asked him what was wrong.
He replied, "Ich darf pisshen" (I need to urinate).
Looking around, she could see no bathroom available so she took the
little boy into a narrow alley between two buildings, took down his
pants and, as he peed, began to kvell (express a special joy that
could come only from one's offspring).
She said repeatedly, "A leiben aff don petzele!" (Bless your little
penis.) "S'hut vert a millyun dollas!!" (It's worth a million
dollars).
While she doted with overflowing satisfaction on her evaluation, a
man opened a window in the nearby tenement, looked down and called,
"Lady, efsher ihr vilt aroof koomen, mir gib'n a! ! n estimate?"
(Perhaps you would come up here and give me an estimate?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swirly Hair Clip
Style your hair without the crimp. Swirly flexes to style hair
perfectly and it holds it firm without tearing your hair. It comes
with the Swirly Hair Style Guide that's full in color and accordian
style for easy viewing.
Style your hair without the crimp today.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
String Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe was in the corner bar having a few when his friend Phil dropped
in and joined him. It didn't take long for Phil to notice a string
hanging out of the back of Joe's shirt collar that Joe kept tugging
on.
Finally Phil couldn't contain his curiosity, and asked, "What the
hell's that string for?"
"Two weeks ago I had a date with that dish, Linda," Joe explained,
"and when I got her into the sack, would you believe I couldn't get
it up? Made me so mad that I tied this string to my dick, and every
time I think of how it let me down, I pull the string and make it
kiss my ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer 10 questions and your Death Date will be revealed
Here:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs.
Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my
business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your
daughter is doing?" Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"
Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started
knitting tiny garments!" Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well,
thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an
interest in something besides running around with boys!"
A man walked into a Porsche dealership, opened the door of a
Boxster, took a seat behind the wheel and smiled. A salesman
approached and asked, "Are you thinking about buying this car?"
"Oh, I'm definitely going to buy this car," he said, "but I'm
thinking about pussy."
Morris complained to his friend Irving that love making with his
wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try
'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving.
"Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an
hour?"
"That's easy...just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
World's Most Convenient Multi-Use Steamer
Steam Buddy is the quickest and safest way to remove wrinkles. It
gives you the power of the dry cleaner in the palm of your hand.
Steam Buddy is gentle enough for silk, but touch enough for linens.
It heats up in seconds and eliminates the hassle of ironing boards.
Steam up your life with Steam Buddy.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Going Home
http://silverandgol
DREAMS COME TRUE
http://www.wtv-
John w/ Secret Love
http://heavens-
A wonderful hymm and teaching - Listen here:
http://www.haventod
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
The Treehouse Guide
http://www.thetreeh
Protect Native Indian Mountain
http://www.protectb
Great Quotes From Great Leaders
http://www.simpletr
Origami Dollar Art!
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Hard Drive Check
http://www.fatguyut
Bible Search
http://tinyurl.
Cloud Computing in Plain English
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.reflecti
Kitty Korner
http://poetrybyginn
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
you've downloaded any music, movie clips, or games in the past 2
months, then your computer may be infected with "Ad-Ware" and
"Spy-Ware"!
Advertisers use downloadable music as a vehicle to "legally" add
"Spy-Ware" and "Ad-Ware" to consumer PCs. If you're suspicious that
Internet Advertisers have added "Ad-Ware" or "Spy-Ware" to your
computer, then here's your chance to scan your computer at no
charge.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
FREE*- DATING SITE and DATING COMMUNITY!
Are you still SINGLE? Last week we sent you an email to notify you
about our new dating network that is -FREE- to join, and not only do
we have thousands of single women and men located right in your
city, but we have the EXACT SINGLE women and men that you would want
to meet and date this week!
PRESS HERE TO JOIN FOR NO COST (MUST BE 18 and OLDER):No Credit Card
Required:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Clips
Crazy White Man
http://www.buffalos
Crime Scene Technology
http://www.buffalos
Cubs Game
http://www.buffalos
Cucumber Sandwich
http://www.buffalos
Dancing With A Man
http://www.buffalos
Dog In Pool
http://www.buffalos
Dogs
http://www.buffalos
Don't Smoke here
http://www.buffalos
Drill Team For Retired Guys
http://www.buffalos
Earthquake
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tour Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory,
along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by
what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all
time.
Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned
substances were found in his southern France hotel room while on
vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.
The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap,
which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.
Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as
saying "We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought
they'd be okay throughout Europe."
Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also
physically searched Armstrong and found several other interesting
items that they had never seen before, including a backbone and a
pair of large testicles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
Jupiter Jack let's you talk without using your hands. It transmits
quality sound through the speakers in your car. Just plug Jupiter
Jack in your phone, preset your radio to 99.3 FM and you're ready to
start talking.
Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
coin
http://www.buffalos
col sanders
http://www.buffalos
cold
http://www.buffalos
cold as
http://www.buffalos
cold as ice
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Your Diabetes Meal Planner
Click below and answer a few questions to get your meal planner.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A horny young blond from Vancouver
Liposuctioned herself with a Hoover
Despite the seduction
Achieved by the suction
Was generally thought to improve 'er
In Las Vegas a maiden named Carol
Was arrested for wearing a barrel.
She'd not drawn the joker
While playing strip poker
And lost all her other apparel.
There once was a man named Bill
Who had a loyal wife named Hill
He played harmonica,
Made love to Monica
And now he's in for the kill!
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Egg Genie - Automatic Egg Cooker
Steam cook eggs to perfect consistently whether its soft, hard or
even medium boiled. Egg Genie has a light and sound indicator to let
you know when eggs are done. It's also great for steaming
vegetables. Included with your order is the Baconwave - cook tasty,
crispy bacon in your microwave.
Prepare perfect eggs with Egg Genie.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old gentleman was aging more rapidly than he wanted.
"Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you
give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while."
"WHAT!" said the man, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it
wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker
in the first place !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the USA Honor Society, we believe that everybody deserves to be
recognized for their talents and achievements. That's why we need
you to respond to this email.
Pending final approval, you will receive an Official USA Honor
Society Certificate for... FREE! That's right, act now to find out
if you're eligible. The USA Honor Society will also give you an
online profile for... FREE!
Act now so we can validate your profile and prepare your official
Certificate! On behalf of the Biographical Research Department, we
wish you continued success.
FOR YOUR FREE CERTIFICATE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts. She never had a
boyfriend so she went to a Psychic for help.
"Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this
life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman
and all men will fall at your feet."
Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she
thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."
She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses
and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being
able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started
touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with
a huge smile on her face,
"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!"
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flies Away
Stop swatting, shooing, and spraying and get the ultimate
green invention for getting rid of flies.
Protect your farm, your home, your property, and your
barbecues from fly invasion.
Just add water plus the bait and hang outside. That's it!
Flies Away makes your home a No-Fly Zone.
Traps & Kills up to 20,000 flies!
Currently used by farmers, equestrians to get rid of flies.
Patented, bio-degradable and non-toxic bait, used by the U.S.
Military.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1654
More Inventions
BJ: So what else did you invent Katie?
Katie: Aha thought you would never ask. I invented warm ice cubes.
They do not last very long, but they are warm. I invented temporary
shoestrings. They last for about six hours. They are cheap, but
.... I invented disposable letters for books, as you read them the
letters fall off the pages. Then you can reprint the books with
other book titles. I invented a cool heater, that is the heater
never warms up to above fifty-five degrees, it is a green thing. I
have the same thing for an air conditioner, it never cools below
ninety degrees, very energy efficient. I have the twenty-five hour
clock for those people who live on the time line where the day
shifts between one day and the next. It is a small market, but...
BJ: These are all rather unique ideas Katie.
Katie: Unique is not the word father.
BJ: Yes, I had a different word in mind.
Katie: Genius.
BJ: Not quite the word.
Katie: Amazing?
BJ: Keep digging.
Katie: I am without words.
BJ: Close enough.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment