Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was a beautiful celebration of my mom's life and a
chance to be reunite with friends and family I hadn't seen in years.
There was however one small glitch, mom missed the funeral. Oh
she was probably watching the event from up above but the urn
containing her ashes is somewhere between Spokane and here.
It was shipped out on Mon. via USPS second-day delivery and
five days later it still wasn't here.
Nancy and Lisa were forced to improvise and unable to find an
urn to fill in for the services, they bought a large vase instead.
After gluing on a few decorations and attaching a candle holder
to a cover for the vase they had an object that everyone with the
exception of a handful of people and the priest believed to be
my mom's remains. It actually contained a package of blueberry
muffin mix to give it weight.
Needless to say, this morning's graveside service was cancelled.
and will be rescheduled when mom's remains gets here. Her absence
did not make a lot of difference though and I spent most of the
memorial
service in tears. It was the memories that counted and I am glad
I had the chance to speak first before I was too choked up to speak.
So I guess the lesson to be learned here is that when you just have
to
be somewhere by Saturday, use UPS or Fed-Ex instead of the Postal
Service or you may be late for your own funeral.
Thanks for your support and caring over the past 10 days.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One woman says to another, "I can't understand why you haven't gone
to see that new gynecologist yet!"
"My gynecologist is fine. I don't need to change."
"But the new one's so young and handsome, while your gynecologist is
so old!"
The other woman replies with a smile, "Yeah, I know. His hands shake
all the time!"
Mary, despite her good looks and charm, had still never dated any
boys at the age of 19. Today she was asking her aunt Martha for
advice with boys.
"Aunt Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing Tommy
and I need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to dribble
on my boyfriend."
"Swallow." Her aunt advised. "This will make you even more popular
later on."
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A. Toys for Twats
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Canadians Going For Beer
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Candid Photo
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Candle In The Wind
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to
blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and
as
he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your
father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly
hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he
sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,
"Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.
Gail, the attractive secretary was inclined to brag way too much
about her "dates" to suit the other women in the office.
One day, she was going on and on about a Texan who had treated her
like a Queen all evening and at the end of the date, gave her 2
hundred dollar bills for "cab fare".
"Imagine that." came a voice from the other side of the filing
cabinets, "A hundred-and-
Jack and Jill were parked one dark summer night in Lovers Lane, when
all of a sudden Jill said, "Oh, don't do that, or I'll go all to
pieces!"
Jack replied, "Go right ahead...I've got my hand on the piece I
want!"
Five percent of people on antidepressants have orgasms when they
yawn. So what the hell do they have to be depressed about? - Jay
Leno
Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical technique and
the fact that silicone breast implants have been determined to be
perfectly safe, a California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a
new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an
outpatient
basis in about 30 minutes. They are going to call the practice
"Jiffy
Boob."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Statement Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "I need you."
True Meaning: "My hand is tired."
Statement: "I am different from all the other guys."
True Meaning: "I am not circumcised.
Statement: "I want a commitment."
True Meaning: "I'm sick of masturbation.
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "It's just orange juice, try it."
True Meaning: "Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my
head."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a bag over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "I miss you so much."
True Meaning: "I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look
good."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I am so insecure..."
Statement: "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
True Meaning: "Is my penis really that small?"
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who the hell are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I'll give you a call."
True Meaning: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs
than see you again."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta remember to turn on my answering machine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him
if
we hadn't stopped her."
"He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?"
"No, that's not what made her the maddest."
"It's not?"
"No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the
curtains."
Two Swedish housemaids are having their pictures taken.
The first one asks, "Why is he lookin' at us like that?"
The second replies, "He's got to focus."
"Oh no," says the first one, "you tell him he has to take the
picture
first."
A man is telling his friend about his escapades and says, "I feel so
bad -- I've been cheating on my wife."
"How many times?" asked the friend? "I mean, if this is your first
time, surely you can beg for forgiveness.
"How should I know?" he replied. "I'm not an accountant, I'm a
lover."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Arab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East and
he was only here a few months when he became ill.
He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said:
'Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee pee
on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket ahn breathe
in de fumes for ten minutes.
'Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the
bucket, peed on the poop, and bent over and breathed in the fumes
for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor, he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific!
What was wrong with me?'
The doctor said, 'You were homesick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/New Again
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John w/ Dust On The Bible
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Surfin Surfari
The Frankenstein Blog
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Wanted By The FBI
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Pioneer Recipes For Kids
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Cyber Investigations
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Venecia
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Live Search Maps -
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Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Poker Face
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Pool Prank
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Pregnancy Test
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Priest off
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Pump News
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Ping
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Piscina
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Rabbit VS Snake
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Rally Flip
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Remote
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Engaging Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember the old gag about divorce being so expensive because
it's worth it? Now you can say the same thing about being en-
gaged.
A Gainesville, Georgia woman has successfully sued her ex-
fiance after he called off their wedding. A jury ruled it
was a breach of contract and ordered him to pay $150,000 in
damages.
Rosemary Shell holds a large, glittering engagement ring in
her hands. She no longer wears it on her ring finger, but
instead keeps it in the box it came in. She says it's a
reminder of what could have been.
"He changed his mind for no good reason," said Shell.
Or, perhaps his reason was that he realized he was about to
marry a woman who would sue him for breaking up with her.
Shell says when Wayne Gibbs, her ex-fiance, said he wasn't
interested in marriage she moved to Pensacola, Florida and
started a lucrative new job earning $81,000 a year. Then
Gibbs showed up.
"He asked me to marry him. He gave me a ring and I gave up
my career and I came back to Gainesville. He told me he
would pay my bills, that we would be married by the holidays
and we would live happily ever after. I believed him," said
Shell.
But two days before the wedding, she says Gibbs left her a
goodbye note saying he couldn't go through with the wedding.
He also wrote her a $5,000 dollar check. She says she tore
up both and instead sued him for breach of contract.
"He callously allowed her to quit her job, move back and
into his house where she had no income and then after a
couple of months he just put her out on the streets and
said 'you know you're on your own'," said District Attorney
Lydia Sartain.
To tell you the truth, both of these people sound like idiots.
I think they would have been perfect for each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
class reunion
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class trip
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clearance
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cleavage
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clergy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Your Diabetes Meal Planner
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Slogan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whore House Slogans
1. More Fuck for your Buck!
2. More Honey for your Money!
3. More Gash for your Cash!
4. More Hole for your Pole!
5. More Head for your Bread!
6. More Booty for your Looty!
7. More Strange for your Change!
8. She'll Wear a Collar for a Dollar!
9. Will suck for a buck!
10.We'll Tally Whack Your Ban !
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Egg Genie - Automatic Egg Cooker
Steam cook eggs to perfect consistently whether its soft, hard or
even medium boiled. Egg Genie has a light and sound indicator to let
you know when eggs are done. It's also great for steaming
vegetables. Included with your order is the Baconwave - cook tasty,
crispy bacon in your microwave.
Prepare perfect eggs with Egg Genie.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two rather drunk gentlemen stood at the bar near closing time. "I've
got an idea," said one, "let's have one more drink and then go and
find us some girls to fuck."
"No," replied the other one, "I've got more than I can handle at
home."
"Great," replied the idea man, "then let's have one more drink and
go
up to your place and fuck your wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up
every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could
settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?"
every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking
confused but never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I
just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.
turn to stare at me with a blank look.
Lesley
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1651
The Shoes
Katie: I got it! This will work.
Katie goes to work and soon comes out with her new invention.
Katie: Try it on father. They are just shoes.
BJ: Okay, they look sharp. Feel comfortable to.
Katie: Allow me to put on some music father.
BJ: Hey hey the shoes are moving to the music.
Katie: Yes, they are the dancing shoes. They react to the music
being
played. What can go wrong with this?
BJ: They are going quite well Katie.
Katie: You go father! You are cutting a mean rug. Excuse me will
I
attend to nature's call.
BJ: Hey don't leave me here.
Katie: I will be right back father.
But Katie gets distracted so easily, she finds birds who needs
chasing,
butterflies that need attending to.
Diana: Supper is on!
Rudy: A-Roo!
Sandi: Oh-boy.
Katie: I am hungry.
Diana: Where's BJ?
Katie: Don't know.
Diana: He is probably taking a nap. We will not disturb him.
In the lab...
BJ: Help!!! My legs are tired!
In the house...
Sandi: Ah my stomach is full, I need a nap.
Rudy: Me to.
Katie: It seems like I am forgetting something.
Diana: Anybody want to go to town for ice cream?
Dogs: Yeah!
Later after getting ice cream and back home..
Diana: Okay let's go wake up dad.
Rudy: Funny dad isn't asleep downstairs.
Sandi: Wah, where's my daddy?
Katie: Opps! He is in the lab, I forgot.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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