Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Thinking back on grade school today it was lucky that any
of us survived recess. I am not talking about the lead paint
on the playground equipment, that was the least of our worries.
Back then we had three actual recesses one in morning and afternoon
that were 20 minutes long and one with lunch for an
hour. You were encouraged to play outside in all but the foulest of
the weather and the teachers took turns out there with us but we
still managed to pull some dangerous stunts.
The favorite game at the swings once everyone found out that you
couldn't do a 360 around the pipe on the swing was to see who could
fly the farthest when they let go of their swing at the
end of the arc. There was some sand under the swings but once you
got away from that it was good old Michigan Glacial Soil, full of
clay and hard as bricks when dry. To make things more
interesting, there were rocks the size of softballs mixed in here
and there. You could spend all fall picking them up and the frost
would force up another batch.
No one ever got hurt on the swings, not so on the football field. We
played full contact football in junior high back then. No pads or
helmets, just stop the guy with the ball. At least that's how it
went till one of the guys got his leg broken. Then it was touch
football at least when there was a teacher around.
They hadn't invented the Frisbee yet when we were in grade school
but we had a substitute, the tops of the large cans that were in the
dumpster for the kitchen. Never mind the fact that they were razor
sharp and some came back at you like a boomerang at least no
one was dumb enough to catch one.
You resolved all your arguments with a fight, some with an audience
and some without but there was never a need for guns, knives, or
clubs, it was one on one and the winner won and the loser lost and
the worse consequences was a black eye or a bloody nose. If the
argument was in school, there was boxing gloves and a teacher to
referee which was to be avoided because the loser didn't want
his whole class to see it.
Last but not least was dodge ball. If you were luck you got nailed
quickly and went over and sat down before you had a bunch of people
trying to get you. They always threw some half empty volleyballs in
there too that you could grab onto and wing across the gym. They
left a welt when they hit you but nothing as bad as dodge ball in
the pool. Combination of bare skin and water made it sting all the
worse.
Oh well we all got through alive or at least I hope you did. Feel
free
to share your memories of recess.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl asks her Johnny, "Where do little girls come from?"
Johnny says, "They come from a hard-on."
The little girl then asks her Johnny, "Where does a hard-on come
from?"
Johnny says, "Girls!"
An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two
teenage boys in line behind him.
They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After
five
minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely
to
stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem.
With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?"
The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your
mother, she gave me a cookie."
(Supposedly true story). Rita Garcia has fessed up after bragging
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about how she got even with her ex.
Garcia broke into her estranged husband's apartment and located
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After a moment of passion with his 19-year-old girlfriend, Pedro was
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems a band of marauding knights reached the Tobermory area an
stopped by the edge of the lock to take a swim. A Scots boy and his
dad were watching when the men came out of the water. "Look," cries
the lad. "They're 12 feet tall?" "Aye," said his father, "Everybody
knows that the knights get longer in Loch Tober"
Confucius Says, "He who puts face in punch bowl get punch in
nose."
"Pastor, I go to an Episcopalian church when I live in Colorado for
half the year, and to a Lutheran church when I am in San Diego the
other half of the year. Am I having an identity crisis?" "No, you're
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A girl went to an ophthalmologist for an eye examination. After he
had
completed his' tests, the doctor said, "You do need glasses. Be sure
to come back after your wedding." "Why can't I have them now?" the
girl asked. "Because, Miss," said the doctor sternly, "I don't
believe
in specs before marriage." (Richard Guttman)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day,
enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good
about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table
and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man!
Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on
the offensive.
"How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink
yourself?
How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I have never taken alcohol
myself" "Then
let me buy you a drink. if you still believe afterwards that it is
evil
I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this
public house drinking?" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup
for
you, them no one will know" The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur
goes
inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the
rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and
could
you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that drunken lush
Nun
again is it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The class was studying the Middle Ages, and all
the kids were having fun learning about chivalry
and for all the Knights to become 'Knighted' when
Terry asked the teacher, "Do all the ladies get
'Laid' tomorrow?"
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few
seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S. A fellow at the end of
the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it
down the bar. It hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them.
The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of
her breasts.
This happens a couple more times. The next time, the drunk jumps up
and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the
floor moaning and groaning.
"Why do you let the bartender do it?"
"Because he has a licker license!"
Harveythefrogprince
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the
perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice,
don't you think, Tracy?"
"Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"
At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies,
is French for 'come to me'."
Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to
you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Divorce Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASONS FOR DIVORCE
A man in Hazard, Kentucky, divorced his wife because she "beat
him whenever he removed onions from his hamburger without
asking
for permission."
A man in Tarritville, Connecticut, filed for divorce because
his
wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read: "I have
gone
to the bridge club. There'll be a recipe for your dinner at
7 o'clock on Channel 2."
A deaf man in Bennettsville, South Carolina filed for divorce
because his wife "was always nagging him in sign language."
A woman in Canon City, Colorado, divorced her husband because
he
forced her to "duck under the dashboard whenever they drove
past
his girlfriend's house."
A woman in Hardwick, Georgia, divorced her husband on the
grounds that he "stayed home too much and was much too
affectionate
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case of fallout, put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Mrs. Harrison was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she
said,
"but my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair."
"What do you mean?" the beautician asked. "Well, I overheard her on
the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped
she'd
be bald soon."
I know I'm really good in bed because women always ask me if there's
any possible way I could make it last longer.
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician
took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20." "Twenty bucks for the
entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a
living
on that." "Oh, don't worry," the lady of the night replied. "I do a
little blackmail on the side!"
What's a wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the
housework
done.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Realizing that one way to prevent abortions is by preventing
pregnancies, the Catholic Church is seeking to help believers
enhance
the efficiency of the one birth-control method it sanctions. Priests
are now advising the faithful that, in addition to being mindful of
the wife's reproductive cycle, they should also be listening to B.B.
King records while having sex. This is known as the "rhythm 'n'
blues"
method. (Doug Robarchek)
Husband: 1 want to make love with you in the worst way." Wife:
"You've
been doing that for years!" (Richard Lederer)
A raging debate festered over why the head of a man's penis is so
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Confucius Says, "The difference between a husband and a lover is the
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Butchers have better meat.
Stan Kegel
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.
There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood
The question's not woody but could he?
There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: What's that book you're reading?
Mary: SEX AFTER FIFTY.
Jill: Is it good?
Mary: It's terrific! And the book's not bad either.
Jill: Oh! Where did you get it?
Mary: My friend Rick gave it to me.
Jill: He gave you SEX AFTER FIFTY?
Mary: Um-hmm, and before 50 too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimp,
ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the
window.
After he had gobbled a few of them down a woman opposite him said,
"Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch."
"Listen, love," He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you, I've
paid my fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well want on
this train."
He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the
window
and eating the shrimp. Finally he finished the bag and settled back
for a little sleep.
The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear
while
he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting
needles.
After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you
stop
that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"
"It's got nothing to do with you," replies the woman, "I've paid my
fare and I'll do what I want on this train."
At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of
the
window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm
cord.
The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined $200
for that!"
To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years after the
police smell your fingers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1653
Back To the Lab
Katie seeing that father has recovered sneaks back to the lab.
Katie: Popcorn would be better if it popped in larger kornels.
Rudy: Hey what are you doing Katie?
Katie: I have a new formula for popcorn.
Sandi: Hey can you make flavored popcorn?
Katie: Sure can, this first batch will be cheddar flavored.
Rudy: How long until it pops?
Katie: Soon.
BJ: Thought I would come down and watch. I heard about the
popcorn. Larger kornels huh?
Katie: Right!
POP!
Rudy: Duck!
Sandi: It's a bomb!
Katie: No it is one kernel.
BJ: The thing is huge, it is the size of a oven.
Katie grinning: Yeah, it was my goal.
Rudy: I got a knife, we can cut it into fourths.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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