Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
There is a problem with trying to improve gas mileage on vehicles
in the Great White North and that is rust. When you try to raise
mileage more parts are replaced with plastics, aluminum, and
composites but to keep the car economical you still have to use
steel for some of the body panels and frame and drive components.
The less steel a car has the sooner the body will lose its rigidity,
doors won't close, gear shifts will stick and the car becomes
impossible
to drive.
The heavier a vehicle the longer the body will last and this holds
true
in cars as well as pick-ups. You will see a variety of newer foreign
pick-ups from the 80'w and 90's running around with wood flatbeds
on them because it is easier to build a new bed than try to patch
together
the old one. American vehicles seem to have made a little more
progress in the use of double galvanized metal and under coatings
but I was reminded today of my brother Ron's 73 Chevy pick-up
that had a severe case of cancer.
The box sides of the pickup had the supports gone out of them and
they flapped like a dogs ears in the breeze as he drove down the
road.
Finally he took an axe and chopped through the thin metal on the
sides
and left only the floor there. It wasn't long though before the
floor
was gone too though and the truck had no traction because there was
no weight on the back tires. Ron was out working in the woods and
he cut the floor out and chained a 36 in. log to the frame rails and
nailed the plate and taillights to the log so technically he had a
legal
vehicle. Ron was well known by the State Police as a Joker and he
wasn't surprised when he got pulled over. The policeman asked, "
What
exactly do you call what you're driving today, Ron?" Ron told
him, "It's a log truck." Fortunately Ron found a newer vehicle
shortly
after that and the log was consigned to a firewood pile.
Hope you enjoy the Chips...Buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Baseball Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9
year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom
closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her
lover
in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover
are
in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy -
"$750" Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove,
let's go
outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them
for?" Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge
your
friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again !
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever wonder what is the fastest thing on earth? An office manager
was
given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After
sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were
equally
qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one
question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The
day
came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT.
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way;
it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's
very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked The
second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you
don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I
know
of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye...
that's a
very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well,
out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's
a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture
the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING
ON
A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
he
had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same
question. The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous
answers, It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can
explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling
so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or
TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants!" HE GOT THE JOB
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nancy kind of liked Bob, the bartender down at the shore and was
flirting with him for a couple of days. She ordered a drink and was
going to pay for it, and she said jokingly, "This money is all wet,
is it still good?"
Bob said, "I don't know, would you be good if you were wet?"
One evening I had to attend a business meeting, and so I left my two
sons with John.
He cooked dinner and later, while cleaning up, called out, "Does
your
mom have any SOS?"
Apparently not hearing him clearly, my 16-year-old in the other room
said, "Yeah, once a month."
Ruthy: "Oh Jill. This new guy I'm dating is sooooo romantic.
Every
time he speaks to me, he starts with, 'Fair Lady'."
Jill: "Romantic my ass! Don't you know he used to be a
bus driver."
According to a new book called "The Hardness Factor," carrots,
bananas and cucumbers are just as effective as Viagra for men.
Actually, depending on the size of the carrot, banana or cucumber,
you might not even need the man. - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I applied for a job today the company has a woman CEO. They require
all
men
to take a test to see if they would fit in. Here it is.. How did you
do?
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've
both
shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out
about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
with
is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
last
month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
saying at
the
end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that
sort
of
intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure
you
really are a man.
If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're
still
a
little confused.
If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go
drinking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nail Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of
her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her
father what she needs to do. He says to hammer a
nail with a large head on it into the wall where
she wants her picture to be located.
After searching endlessly for a "nail with a
large head on it" she gives up and goes out to
buy one.
When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty
looking man with his eyes popped out of his head
once she entered. Not knowing her way around a
hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.
"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"
He answers, "I have something with a large head
that would be happy to nail you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhh Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest
brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the
youngest got the bottom floor.
A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over
his
girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the
following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the
noise they'd heard last night was.
He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his
girlfriend the next night.
During that night, the two other brothers heard the following
sounds:
Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last
night
was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the
room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his
girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following
sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his
room
was.
So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wi-fi
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Graphics
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Sound Effects
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Movie Clips
Streaker Goal
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Sunrise Gold
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Super Gra
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Surprise During Meal
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Surprise Her Mechanics
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Man Cheats DEA
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Missile
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Peanut Butter Jelly Time
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OK
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Oops
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I
warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the
owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost
us.
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A
warm
voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the
damage that was done:glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man
reclining on the couch asked, "A re you the people that broke the
window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
you. You see, I am a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle
for
a thousand years." "Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to
grant
three wishes.
I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the
last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He wondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it; it's the least I can
do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world."
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary, and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "What's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with
a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with
your
wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, Honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the
same
for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of
the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After
about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked
directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO SHIT... Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in
genies?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cave search
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cclub
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consent
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cell phone vibrator
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censorship
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Flighty young gal named Melissa
Was careless as hell on the pissa.
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!
Said the wench to the new Maharajah,
"You are ever-well hung, you old codjah!
It delights me to lay
And be queen for a day,
But the last Maharajah was largah!"
Vickie had dreamt what was in store -
When she enticedhim to her boudoir
Pleasured herself with zeal
If this dream had been real
She'd be screaming all night for more
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
Her ass, it was fine
But the bee just saw mine
In the shade of the old apple tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of
whiskey.
He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The
girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: "Can your dog perform
other
tricks?"
"But of course", the man answers, "he can even gratify a woman".
Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a
little
room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies
down
on the bed.
The dog looks at her and does nothing.
"It's always the same thing with you!" the man then shouts to the
dog,
"I'll show you how to do it one last time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Call Girl
The call girl confided to her friend, "I'm afraid I'm going to have
to
give up analysis."
"But why? Isn't Dr. Greene helping you?"
"Yes, a lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get
used
to lying down for a guy and then having then having to pay HIM."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!
Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1642
Coming Home
Rudy: Did you really die in the hospital?
BJ: Of course not. My heart just stopped for a little bit.
Sandi sniff sniff: That is too close Daddy.
BJ: They are pros and it was not even close.
Katie: Close enough father.
BJ: You have been close Katie and you to Rudy.
Sandi: But their hearts have never stopped.
BJ: But, I am alright now, I am home. Let's enjoy today, we never
know about tomorrow.
Rudy: A-Rooo!!!
Sandi: I think Mom made us a nice large Heart healthy supper.
Katie: Yeck!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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