Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
How was your fourth? We took a look in the freezer on Friday
to decide on a menu for our cookout and it is well stocked with
steak, ham, turkey, and pork loin but decided unlike doing
something complicated like Memorial Day's pulled pork, we were
just going to do simple hot dogs, hamburgers, and sausages
served up with barbecued corn, potato salad, and baked beans
and a cherry cheesecake for dessert.
I was glad we stuck with the simple fare, because we need a reminder
just how good a roasted hot dog really is. I took the hot dog and
smothered them in some of the baked beans that were caramelized
almost to the point of being black, throw a handful of onions on top
and it is so delicious with apologies to those that think that use
of
anything on a dog besides mustard is a sacrilege.
Not all went smoothly though. Sandy forgot the eggs that were on the
stove that were boiling for deviled eggs and I didn't catch it till
the pan
boiled dry and I heard the sound like bubble wrap being popped in
the
kitchen. The pan and the eggs survived this time.
While we were taking a break I noticed an ad on Freecycle for a 16
inch Barbie Bicycle for give away. I replied and the woman dropped
it
off on her way to the parade and it was like brand new. True it
will be
awhile till Eva is ready for two wheels but if she actually starts
using
her Big Wheel this summer, maybe next year she will be ready. I
did earn some Mega-Grandpa points with it though and she pushed it
through the house till it was time for her to go to the parade.
Buffy and Eva went with friends to watch the parade and fireworks
and Sandy and I opted for some quiet time and a nap with an empty
house. Parades happen three or four times a year and peace and
quiet are less frequent. Eva returned with an armload of candy so
she enjoyed the trip.
I hope you all enjoyed the day as much.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Stranded Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was stranded on a deserted island for 10 years. One day a
beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!"
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has
it
been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man
a
cigarette.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit, comes out
with a
flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh, thank you so much. You're like a miracle!"
Finally, the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks
the
man, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played
around?"
The man looks at her and says excitedly, "Oh, my gosh, don't tell me
you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
trust
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having sex
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nobel awards
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heaven Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony died and was sent to be judged as to his eternal future. St.
Pete
advised Tony that he had committed a sin and could not get into
heaven
right away--he had cheated on his income taxes. Tony begged for St.
Pete to forgive him and was told that the only way he could get into
heaven would be to sleep with a 500-lb, stupid, butt-ugly woman for
the
next five years.
Deciding this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven,
Tony
agreed and went off with this enormous woman. As he was walking
along,
he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger,
uglier woman. Tony asked Carlos why he was with such an unlikely
companion, and Carlos informed him it was the price he had to pay
for
cheating on his wife during all his married years. Carlos and Tony
agreed to hang out together to help pass the time--which was bound
to
hang heavy with such unfortunate companions.
As Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along,
Tony
and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up
ahead--but
how could it be?--this man was with an absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous
supermodel, real centerfold material. Stunned, Tony and Carlos
approached the man, and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked
him
how he'd come to get this unbelievable goddess as a heavenly
compaion,
while they were stuck with such unfortunate specimens.
Jon replied "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining.
This
has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I've been told I
have
five years to look forward to of the best sex any man could hope
for.
There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After every
time we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Why did I
sell those kids those cigarettes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TIPS FROM JUNIOR EMPLOYEES TO SENIOR MANAGEMENT
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It
gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies,
don't
open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a
paraplegic
and opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which
is
the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really
have
nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that
could cost me a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to
be
popular in conversation.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them
down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer
to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could
really
change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and
it's
nice to know someone is less fortunate.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cowboy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get hitched.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no
experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and
started to
get ready for bed.
When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's
penis.
"Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope."
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love.
After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute."
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I
hurting you?"
"No," the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more
rope!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Young Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the 18th
century
sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham Young, the leader of the
Mormon church.
Woman: "Are you Brigham Young?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the Mormon
church?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to Utah?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all Christian
religions
as false except Mormonism?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Now she's really getting mad.
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Then furiously, she says -
Woman: "You ought to be hung!"
Brigham Young: "I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teeth Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough
nerve
to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get
into
the chair. The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of
whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.
"Ye got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.
"No!" replied Paddy.
So a second shot was brought, then a third.
"Now have ye got your courage?" asked the dentist.
"You're damn right!" Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like
to
see the SOB who'd dare to touch me teeth now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/4Th of July
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Raena's News ~ Paws for A Moment ~ July 4, 2002 via Juanita
http://poetry-
John w/ Little Bitty
http://heavens-
Melva w/ The Shrimper
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Surfin Surfari
Webcam Network
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Cast Iron Cookware Seasoning
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Freight train vs. tornado
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Weird Rainy Days!
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Country/Bluegrass Jukebox
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Kind Of Scary
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Kitchen Table
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Law Enforcement.
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Lil Red Riding Hood Chunk
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Lucky Louie
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The Mom Song
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Tolerant Cat
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Uncle Jay
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Walk-in Closet
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Who Needs Pockets
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is one of the first" Dirty" Jokes I ever heard. A Canadian girl
named Cindy told it to me .. I wonder...
Bob goes on a blind date with this Canadian chick named Cindy.
Later, after dinner and a movie, Cindy invites Bob up to her
apartment to fool around.
She reclines on the couch, spreads her legs and says, "Stick
a finger in me."
Bob obliges. Then Cindy says, "Stick in the other three."
Once again, Bob obliges. Then Cindy says, "Just go ahead and shove
your whole hand in there."
So Bob eases his hand into Cindy, who then says, "Now shove
in your other hand."
Bob does so, and Cindy says, "Now CLAP!"
Bob tries, but nothing doing. "I can't!" he says.
Cindy looks at him with a smile and says, "Pretty tight, eh?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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camel toe3
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came too soon
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Wanted Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I miss my husband. I really do. He's traveling and I'm home all
alone and this weather sucks and I want company. So, I'd like to
propose the
following:
I'm looking for a surrogate husband, just for today. I will cook a
great meal for you and greet you at the door wearing nothing but
lingerie.
You must agree to:
-- come home by 7:00pm, but not actually show up until 8:00pm.
Please don't apologize for being late and don't call to let me know
you are going to be late.
-- walk in the door without actually greeting me.
-- the first words out of your mouth, after you get out of the
bathroom, should be: "What's for dinner?"
-- take your plate from the table and walk into the living room and
sit down in front of the TV, leaving me alone.
-- put your feet up on the coffee table, chew with your mouth open
and ask me to grab you a beer.
-- not compliment me on the fact that the house is clean or that the
food that took me several hours to cook is any good.
-- ignore me for the rest of the night and watch ESPN instead.
-- tell me to stop when I try to cuddle up to you on the couch and
ask me to get you a beer instead.
-- come to bed without showering, even though you've been at work
all day.
-- fart in bed and then fluff the covers.
-- wake me up to ask me for a blow job.
Please, please, please help me out! I miss the asshole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were
going
to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe
it.
The first person to get it got a piece of candy.
First she said, "The object is red and grows on trees." A kid raised
his
hand and said "an apple" . The teacher said "Correct".
Then she said, "The object is flat and comes in different colors" a
different kid raises his hand and said it is a notebook!
The teacher said "Correct".
Then Johnny said, "ooh! ooh! Can I try?" The teacher agreed.
He stood up and put his hand in his pocket. He said "The object is
round, hard, and has a head on it."
The teacher said "JOHNNY! GO TO THE OFFICE!!"
Johnny said, "NO. It's a quarter!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in
a MacDonald's hamburger a couple of years ago.
Here is David Letterman's top ten MacDonald's excuses for
the condom in the Big Mac:
10. We were test marketing the new "McRibbed."
9. Condom, Condiment...
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.
7. It was either there, or in the vanilla shake.
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese
are true.
5. We're experimenting with a new, even happier meal.
4. Employees too embarrassed to ask "Would you like a
condom with that?"
3. So what? A regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.
2. Drive-thru speaker broken: "Coke with lots of ice" sounds like
"Prophylactic device."
And the number one MacDonald's Excuse for the Condom in
the Big Mac:
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too
careful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1639
Dad's Surgery
Katie: We have to help father with his operation.
Rudy: A-Rooo!
Sandi: I can get his bed ready with movies for him to watch.
Rudy: I can get plenty of pizza and booze.
Katie: No, no, remember he does not drink plus those are bad for
him.
Rudy: The pizza is for us and I need some beer to go with the
pizza.
Sandi: Oh.
Katie: I think Tami is going to bring over some Tofu bugers and
some
styrofoam rice cakes.
Rudy: Ack!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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