Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For those of you who are always looking for a reason
to celebrate, December is your month. A person could
develop a hangover that will last to President's Day
in December.
Dec. 01. Apple Day
Dec. 01. Day Without) Art
Dec. 01. Pie Day
Dec. 01. World AIDS Day
Dec. 01. National Day in Central African Republic
Dec. 01. Independence Day in Portugal
Dec. 01. National Day in Romania
Dec. 02. Abolition of Slavery Day
Dec. 02. National Day in Laos
Dec. 02. National Holiday in United Arab Emirates
Dec. 03. Disabled Persons Awareness Day
Dec. 04. Cookie Day
Dec. 04. Santa's List Day
Dec. 05. Play Hooky Day
Dec. 05. Bathtub Fun Day
Dec. 05. Discovery Day in Haiti
Dec. 05. National Day in Thailand
Dec. 06. Pawnbrokers Day
Dec. 06. Saint Nicholas Day
Dec. 06. Independence of Quito Day in Ecuador
Dec. 06. Independence Day in Finland
Dec. 06. Constitution Day in Spain
Dec. 07. Civil Aviation Day
Dec. 07. Cotton Candy Day
Dec. 07. Letter-Writing Day
Dec. 07. Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
Dec. 07. Teacher Appreciation Day
Dec. 08. Brownie Day
Dec. 08. Lady of Camarin Day in Guam
Dec. 08. Feast of the Immaculate Conception in Nicaragua
Dec. 08. Constitution Day in Uzbekistan
Dec. 09. Homemade Gift Day
Dec. 09. Independence Day in Tanzania
Dec. 10. Thai Constitution Day in Thailand
Dec. 11. National Day in Burkina Faso
Dec. 12. Poinsettia Day
Dec. 12. Independence Day in Kenya
Dec. 12. Guadalupe Day in Mexico
Dec. 12. Constitution Day in Russia
Dec. 12. Neutrality Day in Turkmenistan
Dec. 13. Cocoa Day
Dec. 13. Shareware Day
Dec. 13. Republic Day in Malta
Dec. 13. Santa Lucia Day in Sweden
Dec. 14. Email Tag Day
Dec. 15. Bill of Rights Day
Dec. 15. Kingdom Day in Curacao
Dec. 15. Navidades in Puerto Rico
Dec. 16. Stupid Toy Day
Dec. 16. Independence Day in Bahrain
Dec. 16. Victory Day in Bangladesh
Dec. 16. Posadas in Mexico
Dec. 16. Christmas Observance in Philippines
Dec. 16. Reconciliation Day in South Africa
Dec. 17. Wright Brothers Day
Dec. 18. Bake Cookies Day
Dec. 18. Wear A Plunger On Your Head Day
Dec. 18. Republic Day in Niger
Dec. 19. Oatmeal Muffin Day
Dec. 19. Underdog Day
Dec. 20. Go Caroling Day
Dec. 21. Don't Be A Scrooge Day
Dec. 21. Flashlight Day
Dec. 21. Forefathers' Day
Dec. 21. Winter Solstice
Dec. 21. World Peace Day
Dec. 21. Yalda
Dec. 22. Yule
Dec. 23. Emperor's Birthday in Japan
Dec. 24. Christmas Eve
Dec. 24. Last-Minute Shopper's Day
Dec. 24. Independence Day in Libya
Dec. 25. Christmas
Dec. 25. Pumpkin Pie Day
Dec. 25. Birthday of Quaid-I-Azam in Pakistan
Dec. 25. Constitution Day in Taiwan
Dec. 26. Boxing Day
Dec. 26. Kwanzaa Begins
Dec. 26. Whiner's Day
Dec. 26. Junkanoo in Bahamas
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in Canada
Dec. 26. Day of the Wren in Ireland
Dec. 26. Independence Day in Slovenia
Dec. 26. Goodwill Day in South Africa
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in United Kingdom
Dec. 28. Card Playing Day
Dec. 28. Chocolate Day
Dec. 28. Holy Innocents Day (Childermas)
Dec. 28. Proclamation Day in Australia
Dec. 30. Rizal in Philippines
Dec. 31. Make Up Your Mind Day
Dec. 31. New Year's Eve
Dec. 31. New Year's Resolutions
Dec. 31. Samoan Fire Dance in Western Samoa
buffalo says Some days you wonder if anyone is reading what you
send out. I received a handful of letters yesterday and today
wondering
where the holiday list for December was. It feels good to be missed
heh heh. Enjoy sharing any or all the chips with with your friends
as
they were shared with me.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Letter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Letter Generator
Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to
Santa?
Have no fear! This handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do the heavy
lifting for you!
Dear...... [Santa Claus] [Saint Nicolas] [Father Christmas] [Pagan
Troll] [Obese Trespassing Altruist] [Satan Claus - Devourer of
Children's Souls],
This year, I have been a very...... [good] [bad] [materialistic]
[passive aggressive] [manipulative]
[Ritalin-addled] little...... [boy][girl] [TV watcher] [advertising
tampon]. I have...... [not] [sometimes]
[compulsively] ...... [lied] [cheated] [embezzled] [pillaged]
[murdered], and I have...... [always] [often] [rarely] [never]
helped
my...... [mommy] [daddy] [grandma] [grandpa] [brother] [sister]
[mommy's
"special friend"] [other daddy] with their...... [chores] [homework]
[taxes] [pyramid schemes] [colostomy bag]. And I always say thank
you,
which makes me...... [nice] [polite] [seem like I care] and so I
deserve
lots of...... [love] [presents] [blank checks] [age-inappropriate
pants]
this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my
mommy, please bring...... [perfume] [earrings] [Valium] [fruit
leather
panties] [the onset of menopause] [daddy's testicles in a vise]. For
my
daddy, please bring a new......[neck tie] [razor] [money clip]
[dead-
end
job] [Rogaine prescription] [topaz-studded ass plug]. For my......
[big]
[little]....
[fingernail polish] [Legos] [GI Joe] [Barbie] [methadone] [Newport
Lights 100's] [a diaphragm] [a subscription to Guns & Ammo]. For
my...... [doggy] [hamster] [ferret], please bring...... [a chew toy]
[a
cableknit sweater] [kibble] [breath mints] [a homeopathic heartworm
remedy] [non-surgical sterilization]
sitter] [mail man] [cleaning lady] [pool boy] [case worker], please
bring some...... [fruit cake] [coupons] [worthless tchotchkes] [work
ethic].
Now about me! Please bring me all of the...... [Harry Potter]
[Scooby
Doo] [Spider Man] [Star Wars] [Spongebob Squarepants] [Anna Nicole
Smith]...... [action figures] [videos] [breakfast cereal] [pajamas]
[sheets] [beer coozies] [toilet paper], and front row tickets
to......
[Eminem] [Britney Spears] [Aaron Carter] [Mary-Kate and Ashley]
[GWAR]
[Philip Glass] - plus backstage passes so I can get......
[autographs]
[behind the scenes] [coked up] [airborne chlamydia]! Oh, and please
don't forget to bring my...... [pool] [go-kart] [jet-ski] [pony]
[Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0] [amputee Afghan orphan]. But if you
can't,
just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really
want
is just...... [$100] [$1000] [$10,000] [$100,000] [$1,000,000]
[$10,000,000] [$100,000,000]
[cookies] [cake] [pudding] [Jell-O] [meatloaf] [cognac] [eight-ball]
I left out for you.
[Love],[Sincerely]
[ insert name here ]
PS: Please say...... [hi] [hello] [Merry Christmas] to......
[Rudolph]
[Mrs. Claus] [the baby Jesus] [Ralph, the heartless Elfin
slavemaster]
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember [insert name here]? [He] [She] has been a
really...... [naughty] [selfish] [corrupt] [perverted]
[homicidal].
[dork] [weener] [cry-baby] [coprophile] [vivisection] hobbyist all
year
long and doesn't deserve any Christmas presents. So please don't
forget
to put...... [coal] [sticks] [homework] [dog shit] [ebola] in their
stocking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Don't Be Afraid
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Hooker Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incidentally, Ladies of the Evening have their share of the
currently
fashionable neuroses just like everyone else. But they have one
complaint about psychiatrists that the rest of us do not share.
Gorgeous Gussie puts it this way: "This is the only guy I know who
tells me to lay down on a couch and then sends me a bill."
There are certain members of the sisterhood who really take their
jobs
to heart. As, for example, the girl who was discovered by one of her
steady clients to be dressed in black shoes, black undies, black
bra,
black stockings, black everything -looking very somber indeed. "Why
the dreary get-up?" he inquired. "One of my best customers passed
away," she explained, "and when I mourn, I mourn all over."
When the members of a great old Southern aristocratic family heard
that their daughter Clarabelle, who lived up no'th, had become a
lady
of the evening, they were stunned and shocked. "Imagine!" boomed
Uncle
Stonewall in despair. "It's a disgrace! One of our kinfolk having to
work for a living!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women always say some snide little comments when
they catch their guy looking at a cute girl.
Bills wife caught him last week. She said, "You
look like a kid in a candy store!"
Thank God Bill is witty. He came right back with,
"Yeah, well, I'm married now so, I'm a kid with
diabetes in a candy store."
It was a messy divorce. The wife had charged
adultery and paraded a dozen witness in front
of the Judge. Each witness reluctantly testified
in great detail. The wife was awarded a hefty
amount of alimony. At the end of the trial the
former husband just smiled at her.
"What are you smiling about, you idiot? I just
took you for a bundle." She stormed.
"Yeah, I guess you did," he replied, grinning
wider. "But a movie producer in the courtroom
offered me 10 million for the rights to the
screenplay. And "The Enquirer" just bought
the rights to the transcript for another five
million."
Arriving home unexpectedly early from a business
trip, the tired executive was shocked to discover
his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor.
"Since you are in bed with my wife," the furious
man shouted, "I'm going over and sleep with yours!"
"Go right ahead," was the reply. "The rest will do
you good."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two teenagers, ages fourteen and sixteen, were
turned down by the
marriage license clerk. Then they asked, "Could
you give us a learners' permit?"
Linda was complaining to Jill that her husband
was a great tosser and turner, and was forever
squeezing her on to the edge of the bed or
rolling over and taking the blankets.
Jill said that she never had a problem with her
husband. He just falls asleep on his side and
stays there all night."
"How's he do that?" Linda asked.
Jill replied, "He has a built in kick stand."
"Why do women always want to talk during sex?"
asks Bill. "My wife always says that feels so
good. Does it feel good to you? It feels good
to me. How does it feel to you?"
"Yeah" says Doug, "I know what you mean. My wife
always asks those questions too."
"Well this time I finally gave her some answers.
I said, do you wanna talk, or do you wanna f*ck?
If you'll let me finish, I'll write a report for
you when we're done."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Happens When You Fall In Love With:
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Texas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like
were popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a
true, red-blooded, born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a slippery,
tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful, sultry and
extremely well-endowed Texas lady.
The city-slicker kept leering at her and could not keep his eyes off
the lady's ample bosom. Finally he leaned forward and said to
her, "Lady, you are magnificent. I'll give you $10 if you will suck
my dick."
The Texas gentleman looked appalled, and instantly pulled out his
six-
shooter, and drilled the city-slicker right through the heart.
The lady gasped, then smiled demurely at the gentleman and
said, "Why, thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honour!"
Whereupon as the Texan holstered his gun, he said, "Your honour,
hell! No stinkin', crawlin' tenderfoot from back east is gonna
double
the price of a woman in Texas!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Brother Bobs Christmas Poems
http://ministry-
Carolyn w/Santa Baby ~Elvis
http://carolynsprec
The First Christmas Gift
http://www.andiesis
John w/ The True meaning Of Christmas
http://heavens-
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Surfin Surfari
Random Recipe Generator
http://jamesoff.
Elf Yourself
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Redneck Christmas Tree!
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Updated FunUrls
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Winter Gifs
http://www.geocitie
Backs
http://www.norbert2
Gifs
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Animal World
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Dancing Horse
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Movie Chips
Fire Hose Rodeo
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Gym Prank 1
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Gym Prank 2
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Italian Cork Soakers
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Japanese Party Favor
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Women Drivers
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Women's Instructional Video
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Word Riddle
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World's Best Trick
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Worse Than Locking Keys In Car
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newlywed Game host Bob Eubanks: Gentlemen, what will your wives say
is their favorite giblet?
Contestant: She would say her favorite giblet is, uh, is her
panties.
Eubanks: Her panties.
Contestant: She's got, she's got these funny-looking panties and I
don't know what a giblet is . . .
Eubanks: You don't know how close you are really. Rick?
Contestant #2: It would have to be our Pachinko game.
BJ
When asked to walk in a straight line after being pulled over on
suspicion of DUI:
You're going to have to give me a little longer. This is tougher
when you've been drinking.
Illinois woman, quoted in the (Bloomington, Indiana) Pantagraph
BJ
You've mistaken that banana for a telephone!
a handy English phrase in a Japanese textbook
BJ
Customer: Do you have any day-old doughnuts?
Clerk: Yes, we do!
Customer: Are they fresh?
overheard at Mighty Fine Donuts in Erie, Pennsylvania
BJ
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
self esteem
http://www.thepostm
rollover
http://www.thepostm
don't forget
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Farmplay
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Hats
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Billy Was Warned
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hunting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Seth goes to the doctor to see about erection problems. "I'll be
ridin' the tractor on the south 20," Seth said, "and the warm sun
and the tractor vibratin' gets it up! But by the time I can get back
to the house and maw gets ready, it's down--and I can't get it back
up. Can you give me somethin' to help keep it up?"
The doc says no, he can't. Age carries its price. But--perhaps some
signal could be arranged and maw would be prepared as paw arrived at
the house? Maybe maw could even meet him halfway?
"A great idea!" says Seth. "There's a little grove about halfway to
the house from where I'm plowin'. Me and maw used to have sex there
when we were younger! It'd be a great spot. I'll carry my shotgun
and when it's all up and hard, I'll fire it and she'll get there
same time as I do. Thanks doc!"
Time passes. The doctor meets Seth at the bank one morning and asks
how he's doing. Seth says he's okay. The doc asks how Seth's wife
is, and Seth says, "Poor maw, she's dead!"
"Sorry to hear that," says the doc. "How did she die?"
"Just run herself to death durin' the quail season," said Seth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family
when her daughter walks in.
"Mother, where do babies come from?"
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One
night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and
have sex."
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues,
"That means the daddy puts his pe-nis in the mommy's
vag-ina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child
seems to comprehend.
"Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your
room you had daddy's pe-nis in your mouth. What do you
get when you do that?"
"Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When one of the girls of the Establishment died, the funeral was a
beautiful affair. Hundreds of friends and clients showed up for the
solemn procession. Car on car of brightly colored flowers followed
the
slow moving hearse, and when they finally arrived at the cemetery
the
Madam took her place at the side of the yawning grave and began to
weep copiously. Two of the girls, standing nearby, heard the Madam
muttering through her sobs -a quiet, reflective, eulogy: That was a
wonderful girl. She brought in more business than any girl I ever
had.
She was the best prostitute I ever knew. One of the girls turned to
her companion. "See?" she mused, "You have to die before they say
something nice about you!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1482
And Their Off (mentally?)
The Family is lined up outside the store, it is dark, cold and
dreary.
Rudy: Is this worth it?
Diana: It is customary.
Rudy: Says who?
Katie: I don't mind.
Sandi: You never mind anybody.
BJ: Here here don't bicker.
Diana: Look, the doors are opening.
Rudy: LOOK OUT! IT IS A STAMPEDE!
Later, about 30 minutes later the family drags themselves to the
van.
Rudy, beaten and harried: Look at me! I have a black eye.
Katie: Yes, but you saved 50 cents on that thing-a-ma-jig.
Sandi: Katie, you have a black eye also.
Katie: Yes, and did you see the left uppercut I handed out?
Sandi: Did you get the thing you wanted?
Katie: Well, no. They only had 10 on hand and I was the 11th in
line.
Diana: I got my electronic device and saved 4 dollars.
BJ: Oh, I didn't notice what you bought. You could have saved 5
dollars
at store B.
Sandi: So we all got up at 4 am for nothing.
BJ: I have an idea.
Diana: What.
BJ: I treat us to breakfast then we go home and back to bed.
Katie: Yay for father!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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