Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Tonight Eva brought me a tree ornament. It was cube shaped and
had four little figures inside the one inch cube. As I stared at it
I
remembered back 30 years when I had taken apart the flash cubes from
an old Polaroid camera so Sandy could work her handicraft magic on
them. Most of the ornaments on that tree were handmade mostly from
kits and supplies she had picked up at Lee Wards
like the Wizard of Oz ornaments. Some people have a creative knack
like that they see a basket, candles, and little bits and pieces and
suddenly it's a centerpiece for a table, or garland and ribbon
become
a wreath. Artists amaze me. Of course I can duplicate some of the
stuff they do but I don't create, I merely imitate and change it
slightly to fit my purpose. Sure I can wire a house or a machine but
only because hundreds before me did it and wrote codes and left
wiring diagrams. The artists are the ones that took 50,000
transistors and put them on a piece of silicon and made it tell you
the time and the date and the seconds. Intel and AMD just took the
artistry of Texas Instruments and made it do what they wanted to do.
This season amazes me just like that. There is so much raw
creativity
and artistry used to express our feelings of Christmas and whether
it is popcorn strands on a tree or a display of lights that makes
your
electric meter spin faster than a child's top it is all beautiful. I
have really enjoyed the works of Jacquie Lawson that have been sent
to me this year and Eva has to see each one at least twice. She
refers to Santa as Ho Ho. She is not trying to be politically
incorrect she just calls them the way she hears them.
My buddy Martin the postman a few hours south of me in Grand Rapids
mentioned yesterday that they were due to be nailed by that
snowstorm that trucked through the Midwest on its way to the East
Coast yesterday. It dumped snow on Chicago and Detroit but we didn't
even see a flake of it up here. We are more affected by North Pole
weather and Alberta
Clippers and Saskatchewan Screamers than the Plains stuff that comes
across farther South. Martin lives in a snow belt area that is
plagued by
lake effect snow but even though they have more snowfall because of
it their average temperature runs about 8 degrees higher and they
get
Spring while we are still in the Ice Age.
If you don't already subscribe to the Postman's Corner you can sign
up at http://www.thepostm
and if you are easily offended it may not be the ezine you want.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Spider Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TALES OF A GIRL SCOUT LEADER
I worked at a Girl Scout camp in rural Wisconsin for one pretty
miserable summer. We stayed up until 2 am trying to get things
cleaned up and ready for the next day, and woke up at 5:30am for
more of the same.
One day the horses had gotten out of the pasture. We spent until 4am
rounding them up. Just as my tired head hit the pillow in my army
surplus platform tent, I heard a tiny crystal clear voice: "Wake up!
There's a spider in my tent!"
Masking my exasperation, I mumbled, "Is it a daddy longlegs, honey?"
"Noooo...", she said in a hushed and reverant tone. So, I got my
spider hunting kit- a plastic watercup and a clipboard, and followed
her to her tent.
For you see, I tried very hard to instill a love of even the most
unfriendly looking natural beings in my campers. We were living in
their backyards, and so should not fear the spiders, or the
centipedes, or the bats, but love them and appreciate their place in
the great mandala of life. You know, the whole Lion King deal. My
standard operating proceedure for spiders was to name them, catch
them under the cup, and release them to their spidery duties of
catching mosquitos.
At any rate, my love for the natural world was waning as I followed
this little Botticelli angel of a child through the waxing dawn. Her
tent mates were crouched fearfully outside the tent as I strode
confidently, bravely, tiredly up the creaky wooden steps. When the
first few beams of my flashlight revealed nothing, I went back out
side and told them, "The spider went home guys, he's not there
anymore. You should all go to sleep now."
"I don't think he'd just leave," quavered out the cherub. "So show
me where he is," I said, not just a little frustrated. "I can't
find him anywhere!" She took my flashlight and immediately spotted
the biggest, hairiest, grossest wolf spider I'd ever seen. It was
the size of my fist- easily outstripping the spider catching cups
capabilities.
Taking a quick breath for courage, buying time, trying to remember
my love for nature and everything living, I turned to the mite and
asked, "So... What's his name?"
She put her chubby hands to her little hips and looked me square in
the eye.... "That there is Franco the Fucking Big Spider and I want
him the HELL out of my tent!"
What could I do? I poked the wall of the tent until Franco got
tired, flipped me the bird, and left.
I had 4 little girls on the floor of my tent for a week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pregnant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor
says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these
cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother
and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla
is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been
left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About
five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something
wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time
anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three
wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it
this time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Men Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like........
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.....Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate
much interest.
Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they
just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like.....Cement.
After getting lai-d, they take a long time to
get hard.
Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right
for your butt.
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep
you up all night long.
Men are like.....Commercial
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers
Hard to figure out, and never have enough
memory.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the
hang of it.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're
riding it.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste,
and they need dough.
Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware
store or the bathroom.
Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the
table.
Men are like.....Snowstorms
You never know when he's coming, how many
inches you'll get, or how long he will last.
Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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NASCAR Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeff Gordon fires his entire pit crew
This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of
the government's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove
a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment,
whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with
millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to
be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most
races are won or lost in the pits. However-Gordon got more than he
bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the
inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds,
but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-numbered, and sold the
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of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
DEnnis
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Memo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
x*x*x*x*x*x*
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind
the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC
(the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder
to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is
forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
3. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the
river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have
a Happy Holiday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas In The Corps
T'was the night before Christmas
and all the the Corps
Not a sole had liberty,
the troops were all sore.
Yes, every Marine
every Marine in the lot
was lying on a rack of nails
called a Marine Corps Cot.
When out on the Parade Deck
I heard such a clatter,
I sprang from my cot
to see what the hell was the matter.
With bayonet in hand
I moved stealthily to the door
I cautiously waited to see
if there were more.
Yes, it was the Commandant of Marines
this there was no doubt
he was wearing his poncho
green side out.
He carefully moved from rack to rack
he cautiously inspected each rifle and pack
to a chosen few a 96 chit
but to the majority a ration of s*it
As he pulled away in his gold plated tank
pulled by ten colonels all bucking for rank
I heard him say, and he said with a shot
Merry Christmas you *uckers you'll never get out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Remembering Jesus Birth
http://silverandgol
Redneck Christmas
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Remembrance Via Carol
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Legend
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Movie Chips
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Fire hose Rodeo
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Fly
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Football As It Should Be
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For Men
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Zapped
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They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore
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This Kid Deserves An Oscar
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Tolerant Cat
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Toll Booth
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanukkah Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Hanukkah Song by Adam Sandler
Intro: This is a song, that uh, there is a lot of Xmas songs out
there, but not too many about Hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all
those nice little Jewish kids who do't get to hear any Hanukkah
songs--
here we go...
Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah It1s so much fun-akkah to
celebrate Hanukkah,
Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights, Instead of one day of presents,
we
have eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town with out a Xmas tree, Here1s
a
list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:
David Lee Roth lights the menorrah, So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas,
and the late Dinah Shore-ah
Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli, Bowzer from
Sha-na-na,
and Arthur Fonzerrelli.
Paul Newman1s half Jewish; Goldie Hawn1s half too, Put them
together--
what a fine lookin1 Jew!
You don't need 3Deck the Halls or 3Jingle Bell Rock Cause you can
spin
the dreidl with Captain Kirk and Mr.Spock--both Jewish!
Put on your yalmulkas, it1s time for Hanukkah, The owner of the
Seattle Supersonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah.
O.J. Simpson-- not a Jew! But guess who is...Hall of Famer--Rod
Carew-- (he converted!)
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby, Harrison Ford 1s a
quarter Jewish-- not too shabby!
Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is, Well, he1s not, but
guess
who is: All three stooges.
So many Jews are in show biz-- Tom Cruise isn?t, but I heard his
agent
is.
Tell your friend Veronica, it1s time you celebrate Hanukkah, I hope
I
get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah.
So drink your gin-and-tonic-
really, really wanna-kah, Have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Kinky
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Ass Transport
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beautiful
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Uncle Bob
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This year
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Some dick in a truck
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Alien Invasion (smut alert)
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Anal Surprise
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twas the night before Christmas
And naughty girl I
Went to offer my Santa
Some sweet honey pie
I knew he couldn't
Resist this sweet treat
I know for a fact
Tis his fave thing to eat
So I put on my stockings
My heels and my lipstick
And asked him to show me
Where he keeps his dipstick.
I went down on my knees
And unzipped his fly
Then sucked his cock down
In the blink of an eye.
He moaned and he whimpered
As my tongue stroked his sac
He said this is better than all
The toys in my pack!
His hands held my head
As I continued to blow
Then he laid me down quickly
And put his tongue down below
He was sure and so lively
He made me scream and then beg
As he sucked on my clit
And pinned down my legs.
You're mine, you bad girl
He said with a spank
Then rolled me onto my stomach
Deep inside me he sank
He rode me so hard
I knew when he came
Because he panted, then shouted
And called me by name.
He fucked me all night
And without any warning
He tied me to the bed
And shagged me til morning.
I am sure that the rest
Of the story is clear
You and I will be renting
That suit again next year!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is
shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on
the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the
snow- covered White House lawn and sees the words "BILL CLINTON
SUCKS" written in pee in the snow. Clinton gets all upset and calls
White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes
but he wants to know who did this. The Chief of Security returns in
a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good
news, bad news, and real bad news. "OK," says Clinton "give me the
good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news." The
Chief
says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know
who the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad
news is the culprit is Vice President Gore." This really upsets the
President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him
the real bad news. The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in
Hillary's hand writing"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both
ultimately result in death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 154
The Christmas Story Part 3
BJ, Diana, Katie and Sandi are overwhelmed at the sight of the new
born baby.
Katie: Is this the baby Jesus? If so how did we get here?
BJ: I have no answers other than let's enjoy what we have.
Diana: Sandi, what do you think?
Sandi: I do not fully understand Christmas, who Jesus is, but I
know
one thing. This baby is the Christ Child, Emmanuel . Though I do
not
understand the meaning of all of this, I feel very humble and
humbled.
BJ: Sir, are you Joseph?
The father just puts a finger to his mouth to hush us so the baby
will
sleep. The mother smiles at us and takes off a scarf and puts it
around Sandi's neck. Sandi cries.
BJ: Look dawn is breaking we must head back. I do not know why but
we must do so.
Katie: Before we go I want to leave something for the baby. I know
he cannot use it, but he can have my DVD player.
Diana: He can have my necklace. I do not know if I should give him
the
cross though.
Mary nods her head yes.
BJ: I can give him my ring. It is not much, but perhaps he can use
it
later in life.
Sandi unbuckles her collar and gives the baby her collar. This is
all I
have, I give you all.
So the travelers march back over the hill and with one farewell
look,
march back to where they came from.
Diana: BJ, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt I was back in
ancient
times and the Christ Child was being born.
Katie: Me too mother.
BJ: Could we have all had the same dream? We are in our hotel.
Sandi who is sniffling says: Look at this......
BJ: The scarf around your neck, from .... Mary.
Sandi: I understand more, but I am still confused about the
whole
story of Christmas.
To be continued
from somewhere the herd.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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