Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I want to thank Texas Ted for sending me the following
"True Story of Rudolph"
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his
drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.
His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing.
Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't
understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up
into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody
else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears.
Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been
the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.
Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys.
He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often
called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was
different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college,
married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a
copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he
was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived.
Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now
Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in
the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.
Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't
even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift,
he was determined a make one - a storybook! Bob had created an
animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to
little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob
told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the
character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created
was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created
was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A
little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished
the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas
Day. But the story doesn't end there.
The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the
little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the
rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the
Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa
Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed
more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major
publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an
updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of
kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The
book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and
Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from
the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story
doesn't end there either.
Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to
Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists
as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing
cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in
1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any
other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."
The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long
ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May
learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being
different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.
Merry Christmas 2008
buffalo says I had Sandy make up a few empty boxes and throw them
underneath the tree to draw Eva's attention away from the real
presents
which are stacked out of her reach on shelves and in closets. With
all of
her toys Eva has to play with a blue wrapped shoe box dragging it
behind
her by a piece of ribbon going," Bark Bark Bark ." Buffy asked
Sandy what
Eva was doing and Sandy told her that Eva thought it was a dog.
Buffy
then asked Eva what kind of dog and I replied, " A boxer of course."
Enjoy the chips and be good boys and girls, Santa is coming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Christmas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife has left him,
he has lost his job and he owes thousands of dollars to the bank.
Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump,
Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.
Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.
The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.
"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "I will grant you three wishes on
the understanding that you will do me a favor".
"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!! Thank you,
thank you!"
Father Christmas promises him that:
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her
sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your
return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.
2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue
with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody
will have any recollection of your sacking.
3. You shall go to your bank and you will be in credit, you will
have no outstanding bills.
"Oh thank you, thank you !" says the man. "What is it that I can do
for you?"
Father Christmas tells the man to drop his pants and bend over.
After a quite brutal humping, Father Christmas asks the man how old
he is.
"36" replies the man.
You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas!" laughs the jolly
fat gay bastard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Act Dead
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Disgusting
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Devil Chips
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Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was
waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to
let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground.
Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the
gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight
to hell! Follow me, we're almost there."
After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man
jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but
decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he
bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control
jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to
hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine
inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no
fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a
stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here?" Peter asks.
"Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Christeen,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good
this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make
some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of
Christmas," but we have had a little problem up here. The Twelve
Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the
Ten Ladies Dancing. The Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the
Eight Maids of Milking, and the Nine Pipers Playing have been
arrested for doing weird things. Four Calling Birds, Three French
Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up
to my ass in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the Gay Liberation
and some dumb-ass has scheduled Christmas in Poland for the 5th of
February.
Sincerely,
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Reindeer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 15 Reindeer Games
15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter
14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass
13. Spin the Salt Lick
12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11. Moose or Dare
10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do
a slow
burn and Santa dampen his Depends
9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-
7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"
5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3. Elf Tossing
2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey
and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Twelve Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge
in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldn't have
been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection, Aberdine
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two
Turtle Doves! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are
just adorable. You big silly, what next?
All my love, Aberdine
Dearest John,
Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but
I must insist, you have been too kind.
Love, Aberdine
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too
romantic.
Affectionately, Aberdine
Dear John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for
every finger! You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all
those
birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All My love, Aberdine
Dear John,
When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my
front steps. So you're back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are
huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to
complain, and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Aberdine
John,
What's with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What
kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house
and they never shut up. I can't get to sleep at night, and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds
already.
Sincerely, Aberdine
Okay buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8
maids-a-Milking? It's not enough, but they had to bring their
goddamn cows! There's manure all over the lawn, and I can't move in
my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass!
Aberdine
Hey asshole:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers piping, and
Christ do they play. They haven't stopped chasing those 8 maids
since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset
and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to
do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. You'll
get yours...
Aberdine
You rotten prick!
Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sl*ts
ladies. They've been at it all night, along with those frigging
pipers! Now the cows can't sleep, and they've got diarrhea. My
living room is a river of t*rds. The commissioner of buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it.
Venomously, Aberdine
Listen F---head:
What's with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies?
Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run
through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All
23 of the birds are dead! They've been trampled to death in the
orgy. I hope you're satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine.
Your sworn enemy, Aberdine
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling,
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The
destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to
our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy
Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on
sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your
arrest.
Sincerely, Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she
climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to
bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie
and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
"I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl, "She
comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
It was Christmas Eve and a woman came home to her husband
after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she
was getting undressed for bed he noticed a mark on the
inside of her leg.
He asked her what it was she told him that she had visited
the tatoo parlor that day and on the inside of one leg she
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Let Me Be A Child Again
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Carolyn w/Missing You
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Junebug & Friend's
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The Peace Of God
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Lean On Me
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Surfin Surfari
How To Decorate Cookies
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Tic-Tac-Toe With Rudolph
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Ice Hotel
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Candy Canes
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David's Christmas MIDI Page
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Christmas Backs
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Animal World
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Funny Hidden Camera Video
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Girl On Bike
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Giving Change
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Glade Plug Ups
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Go Browns
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Border Patrol
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Boy and Labador
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tonto Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many
canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are
hundreds of Indians.
They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that
there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left
they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill.
They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come
and they realize they were surrounded. The Indians had spread out
and they were trapped.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and
says, "Tonto, my
friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together,
but now I think we are doomed."
"We?" replied Tonto. "What's all this 'we' crap, Paleface?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
after a long period
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wouldn't you know it
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Fishing
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Fat Girls
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Ruined Eyesight
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick.
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick.
The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin,
on how to have sex with a girl. Joe didn't know how to explain it
him with out being too graphic. So he told him in terms of money
because Joe knew money. So in terms of directions Joe told Kevin you
want to look at a girl's crotch like money. The top is a quarter,
the left is a nickel, the right is a dollar, and the bottom is a
dime. So Kevin goes and thinks about this. Kevin and his girlfriend
finally decide to have sex, so he uses the advice his brother gave
him. He starts out real slow going "quarter....
nickel....,dime.
saying it in his mind faster "quarter..,nickel.
goes even faster saying "quarter,nickel,
is nearing orgasm and he starting screaming out loud "Buck forty,
Buck forty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lovemaking tips for Seniors
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 156
The Christmas Story Part 5
The Cassady Clan get busy. Everyone is knocking on doors, phoning
people for assistance. Later in the day they gather.
Diana: Let's count the money we raised and see how we have done.
BJ: The total appears to be 813.62 cents. Good but she needs about
5,500 not to lose her home. I do not know if we can make it or not.
Sandi: What is that stuff falling from the sky Pops?
Katie: Silly girl that is snow.
Sandi: It is so beautiful, so pure looking. Pop is this Christmas?
BJ: No, tomorrow is Christmas. Tonight is Christmas eve.
Miss Kitty: Look all the trees and the ground is covered with snow.
BJ: Okay guys. I have a plan. Let's go ahead and exchange our
gifts even though it is early. Then we can take this money to our
neighbors and let her do with it as she will.
Everyone zips off to get their presents to give except for Sandi who
just sits looking out the window at the falling snow.
Katie: Here is my gift to you Daddy and to Mommy. Here sis this
present is for you. Miss Kitty, Callie, these are for you.
BJ: Sandi, where are your presents?
Sandi hangs her head down and whispers: I gave them to the family at
the end of the block. They do not have anything.
Everyone stops and just stares at Sandi.
Diana wipes away her tears and gives Sandi a hug: You are so sweet
and thoughtful.
Katie: Waah! I want to give my presents to them!
BJ: Let's load up our presents on the sled and haul them over there.
It is dark enough.
The group loads the sled up and even take a small three foot
artificial tree with lights to the neighbor's house.
Katie: Shall I knock father?
BJ: No, let's just ring the doorbell and hide in the bushes.
Ding Dong! Run!
The six hide in the bushes and wait. The lights come on and a lady
comes outside.
Katie: She must be cold, she is shivering.
Diana: No, Katie she is crying. Look at her counting the money.
This is tough. I think we need to leave.
Sandi: Who is that over by the hedge?
BJ: I can not see clearly it looks like a man though.
Sandi: He looks familiar, but I just can't place him.
Katie: Dad, look a humvee is driving up to their house. Three
military men climb out of the vehicle and approach the lady.
Ears strain to hear the word. "We had a phone call about your
situation ma'am. The men on the base contributed what they could.
You should have about 6,000 dollars there ma'am. If we can be of
further help please let us know." They sharply come to attention and
salute. They hand the young boy in the wheelchair a ribbon and
leave .
The lady is now seriously crying.....she goes into her home.
BJ/Everyone: Sniff sniff. I need a tissue.
BJ: Let's go home girls, I am exhausted. Sandi: I know who that man
was.
Diana: Who was it Sandi?
Sandi: It was the baby Jesus all grown up. I saw some marks in His
hand like
Dad read about in the Bible. He was smiling at us.
Katie: Awwh. I want to stay outside and play in the snow dad.
Sandi: Me to Pops.
Diana: Wait, here comes a taxi.
A taxi pulls up in the driveway. A man gets out of the car and with
a limp he heads toward the door. He is carrying a duffel bag in one
hand and is using a cane in the other. He is wearing a uniform.
The doorbell rings and the woman comes to the door and immediately
hugs the man.... her husband.
Katie: Waah!
BJ: Let's leave them alone, let's go home girls.
Sandi: The pieces of Christmas are coming together Dad, but there
are a few gaps left.
Miss Kitty, Miss Callie, BJ and Diana are in their home. Katie and
Sandi are outside running and jumping in the snow. Diana: I am
exhausted. I have never been so tired in my life. It is all so
emotional. This is the most powerful Christmas I have ever been a
part of.
BJ: Me to. Darn it, the dogs are barking a lot. I hope they do not
disturb the neighbors. Lets look out the window and see what is
going on.
BJ and Diana look out of the window to see Sandi and Katie running
and playing. They are chasing a stick being thrown by the man in
the shadows,,,Jesus. Jesus pets them on the head when they bring
him the stick, He throws the stick they run after it and bring it
back.
BJ: Just like us. We may run away from Him, but we keep coming
back. I know our girls are happy tonight.
Diana: What will Christmas bring?
To be continued The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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