THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! where the world goes for its daily dose of humor  FREE HOME BUSINESS KIT Make Business Ownership a Reality! Who hasn't dreamed of the opportunity of owning their own business, and enjoying the freedom and control that goes along with it? The possibilities that come from owning your own business are endless: Increased Time to Spend with Family and Friends! Freedom to Create Your Schedule - No Boss! Astronomic Earning Potential - the Sky's the Limit!! Complete the form on this page to receive your FREE Home Business Startup Kit - as well as get matched with up to 3 home business opportunities in your area! http://www.thepostm  receive a FREE 13" Aluminum MacBook(R)! The new Aluminum MacBook(R) is the hottest laptop on the market! Designed with a precision aluminum unibody and equipped with features like a 13.3" widescreen, multi-touch trackpad, LED backlit display, built-in iSight(R) camera and much more, this laptop will be a sure favorite this holiday season! Act now to get yours FREE today! http://www.thepostm  Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and windows saving you money on your energy bills. Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your home as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as dust, pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin Draft Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage and the damp chill from the basement. http://www.thepostm  Ah, the smell of summer. Start enjoying the warmer weather by getting your new FREE Weber(R) Gas Grill. Besides, nothing says summer like a barbecue. http://www.thepostm  Enjoy the holiday season with this Christmas Tree Screensaver. A beautifully decorated Christmas tree glows as birds and rabbits scurry about in the fresh snow. Features: Falling snowflakes Twinkling Christmas Tree Christmas Jingles Birds and rabbits scurry about No purchase or registration required Clicking this Download button starts InstallIQ™, it manages your installation. Learn More. http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS I am yawning today. I do believe that now everyone has gone to work, I am gonna hafta take a nap! I'm babysitting daughter's dog, and unlike daughter, the war department and me refuse to give doggie free reign of the house at night. Silly beast yapped the whole time. And guess what he does today? I put him in the kitchen while I do the lists, and the thing decided to crawl in his cage and he is just laying there happy as can be. go figger. BTW. I tried to mail you something good looking for Christmas but the mailman took the stamp off my butt and told me to get the out of the mailbox! Merry Christmas Anyway!! We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS Mrs. Clause gets what she wants http://www.thepostm Santa and your wish http://www.thepostm Frosty and the rabbit http://www.thepostm Santa fooled around http://www.thepostm Santa gets a new look http://www.thepostm There is a santa! http://www.thepostm where it went http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Adventures of Jack Frost-1970 http://www.thepostm Mickey mouse, 1932 http://www.thepostm the world's smallest man http://www.thepostm suicide mouse http://www.thepostm the snow man-wav file http://www.thepostm the bull fight 2009 blonde calendar http://www.thepostm takne some time out http://www.thepostm · If it's all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. · I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, re-living Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly, resetting the clocks in the house, while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. · My stigmata's acting up. · I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok? · I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... · I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket. ____________ The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recently been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" "Aces," says Sarah. ____________ The farmer's wife walked into the barn one day and was aghast at what she saw in there. Instead of milking their cow, her husband was standing with his trousers down at the rear quarter of the bovine and humping away at it like a mink. Angrily she yelled at him, "That's the most depraved and disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life! I'm going to tell everyone in the community that you were having sex with the cow!" The farmer, meanwhile, had finished up his task and was slowly pulling his trousers back up when he looked at his spouse and calmly replied, "Very well. You tell everyone I had sex with the cow and I'll tell everyone that it's because the cow is better than you!" ____________ Dumble Down http://www.funpagee Standing Up to Yourself http://www.funpagee Sure, Blame the Dog http://www.funpagee Men with Guns at Work http://www.funpagee Easy Meal in Africa http://www.funpagee The Camel Had It Coming http://www.funpagee New Gun Law Richochets Through Philly http://www.funpagee Motorcycle Sounds http://www.funpagee The Greatest Escape http://www.funpagee A Joint in the Joint http://www.funpagee Another Reason to Love America http://www.funpagee The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes. But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!" ____________ Bentonville, Arkansas - Wal-Mart Corporation today announced that they are preparing to sell sex toys in select stores around the country. The mammoth retailer spent a full year on customer research and reached the conclusion that in select rural markets, where it's stores are most popular, there is definitely a pent-up demand for sex toys among women. Starting with a rural Iowa location, Wal-Mart plans a pilot operation for this new sales effort over the summer. The new store- within-the-store, referred to as the "Home Pleasure" department, will feature vibrators and dildoes at reduced prices. The store reportedly will offer the wildly popular Martha Stewart "Prison" line of vibrators in addition to its regular offerings.According to Wal-Mart spokesman Edward Kennedy, "While we expect some risk in this venture, our research indicates that women in rural parts of the country have largely unfulfilled desires and needs for these items". Kennedy additionally pointed to recent studies in urban markets where internet access is affordable and common. There a wide variety of sex toys are commonly purchased by married women.. In rural parts of the country where Wal-Mart stores are sometimes the only retail business around, internet access can also be very limited, so the selling of sex toys appears to be a natural extension of Wal-Mart's personal products offerings. Spokesman Kennedy told Red Tractor USA that the female customers that they surveyed had privately indicated that they "most desired sex toys in the summer time, when their husbands worked the farms from dusk to dawn, seven days a week."Wal-Mart' retailer's marketing plans to locate the "Home Pleasure" departments in the rear of the store near the guns and ammo department. While the men are checking out the latest in Smith and Wessons, their wives can shop discreetly and with confidence for their own little helpers.Wal- sees an opportunity to demystify these types of items and even envisions these locations having private, women-only parties as a means to attract new and discerning customers into their stores. When asked if they expected any backlash from their conservative customers, a Wal-Mart executive who wished to remain anonymous, told Red Tractor USA that "We are already the volume leader in condoms and birth control pills in our pharmacies. So we feel that today's Wal-Mart woman will readily welcome these additions." ____________ This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today. Dear Faculty and Students, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an assisted home for the aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you. Thank you for that opportunity. Sincerely, Agnes Can I Pet Your Beaver http://www.buffalos Another Reason to Love America http://tinyurl. Blonde Secretary http://tinyurl. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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