Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was watching the news out of NYC this morning as they welcomed
in the start of winter at 0704.. They were complaining about the
cold
there even though it was over 20 degrees warmer outside than what
it is here. They are going to catch the same single digit weather we
have a little later today and a lot of teams will be playing
football in
weather one would expect in January in Green Bay. I imagine there
are quite a few that would like to be playing in Detroit today, not
because Detroit has yet to win a game this season, but because
the Lions have a nice warm domed stadium to play in.
I was out looking around this week and I have only seen one maybe
two Christmas tree lots. It has been about 6 years since we had a
real tree, mainly because I have a thing about the possibility of
fire.
My old boss lost his home about this time of the year due to a tree
fire and they were barely able to make it out safely. By the time
the
smoke alarms went off the house was engulfed. It is hard to beat the
smell of a fresh cut Spruce though. It is the perfect tree to me as
it
loses its needles more slowly than a Pine or Fir and lights and
ornaments
clip on easier. Rather than the old metal stands that are hard to
balance so the tree is straight and hold only a few hours worth of
water, I had a 4x4 sheet of plywood with a green 5 gallon pickle
bucket attached to it and long deck screws holding the tree to the
plywood. A little silicone around the bucket stopped leakage and
the tree was as sturdy as it was in the field which is necessary
with
a half dozen cats using it for climbing practice and hide and seek.
The artificial trees don't seem to attract the cats as much and they
are content with batting around the ornaments on lower branches.
Does anyone out there still have a real tree? In your yard doesn't
count heh heh .
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Osama Chips
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Little Rebecca comes home from first grade and tells her father that
they learned about the history of Christmas. "Since Christmas is for
Christians and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for
giving someone a Christmas card?
Rebecca's father thinks! a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God
would get mad. Who do you want to give a Christmas card to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock?
"Well", she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a card, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little
bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent cards to Osama, he'd
love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to
tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone
anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride.
Rebecca, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Rebecca says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the
Marines could blow the shit out of him and send him back to hell
where he belongs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Safety Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
..but everyone already has their decs up by Thanksgiving, so what
good are
the warnings ?
************
"Holiday Safety Hints"
1. Do not overload electrical circuits. No more than three
sets of lights to one extension cord. and no more than 3 drinks to
one
decorator !
2. Check all lights for damaged sockets, plugs or cords.
Repair or replace anything that looks defective. replace hubby ?
3. Only use UL or FM labeled extension cords. the ones in the
yearly stash
marked XMAS cords
4. Don't run electrical cords under rugs or carpeting. across open
bare
floors is ok
5. Turn off all electrical decorations before leaving
home or going to bed. soon, the guv'mint will tell us this is the
law, for
our own good !
6. Be sure that lights used outside are clearly marked
for outdoor use. car headlights ?
7. Be careful when using ladders outside to decorate
home exteriors. Do not place lights in trees near power
lines. early 4th of July display may occur
8. Fasten outdoor lights securely to the exterior to
protect the lights from wind damage. Use only insulated
staples to hold strings in place, not nails or tacks. men, by
nature, will
not adhere to this one
9. Never use electric lights on old metal artificial
trees. artificial tree ???
10. Keep all light strings out of reach of small children. and
cats....this
one is impossible
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Coin Chips
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We were at the pharmacy when I found a treasure. It was a bag of
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sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home and my son and I
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The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to
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With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied, "Those
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And finally, my son replied, "Then I'll buy this one for my Daddy.
He likes the LITTLE ones,,,"
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School Chips
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It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher
was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the
kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy,
"My name is Bob Fuckhauer."
Upset, the teacher said very loudly, "THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT KIND
OF BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASS THIS YEAR, now Bob; tell me your real name!"
The kid said, "No, really teacher, it is Bob Fuckhauer. You can go
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believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went
across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office
for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class,
"Do you have Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even
get a damn cookie break!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Indian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He
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shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the
Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and
accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Blonde Chips
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A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she
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by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/His Gift To Us
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Disney Christmas
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Christmas WAV's
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Christmas Clip Art
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tree Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man
1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its "sell by"
date.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman
1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you
have had
in the past.
2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical
devices. 3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial
one in the
closet.
4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the
curb and
have it hauled away.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas
trees.
8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in
the
back of your pickup truck.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa ran out of presents
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man named Hyatt,
Who's sexual habits were a riot,
From horses to hens,
To mices and mens,
If it had a hole, he would try it.
************
I chase all the girls when I'm spunky
A five day a week sexual junky
I tend not to stray
On Tues- or Wednesday
On those nights I spank my own monkey.
************
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the lighter side - this joke explains all you need to know about
Israeli-Palestinian politics. It was sent to me by a friend of our
organization, I am sure you may recieve it from other sources:
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
The Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of
rage.
The German - carefully washes the copy, sterilizes it and makes a
new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra
with no charge.
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the
Chinese, drinks tea and uses the extra money to invent a device that
prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his
coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from
the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to
purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the
Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are
all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his
cup of tea to the Palestinian.
Titus
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells
the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of
a turkey on her right thigh just below her
bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy
Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking
real good. The woman then instructs him to
put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas"
up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good
too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave,
the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could
you tell me why you had me put such unusual
tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband
complaining all the time that there's nothing
good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 155
The Christmas Story part 4
In the hotel room the four members of the Cassady clan are
discussing what happened the night before.
Katie: I am awed father at what we witnessed.
BJ: I would say we should never forget what we saw and that we
should tell others.
Sandi: I still do not fully understand how the baby, and Christmas
all tie in.
Diana: I think it will be clearer when we go home.
Katie: Let's go in my UFO!
BJ: Okay everyone pack.
Later after arriving back in Guthrie, everyone is excited and busy.
Miss Kitty: Dad, bad news.
BJ: What?
Miss Kitty: The lady on the end of the block is getting evicted.
She was crying yesterday. The son in the wheelchair was also in
tears. What do we do?
BJ: Has anyone heard about her husband?
Miss Callie: Not exactly. The army has him listed as possible KIA
in Iraq.
Diana: That is horrible. Especially as he is not officially listed
she is in dire need of funds. We have a few hundred dollars, but
she will need thousands to help with her mortgage. What can we do?
Katie: I have a plan....
Sandi: After Katie tells us the plan pops, can you explain more
about Christmas and it's true meaning?
BJ: Sure, but Katie, tell us your idea.
Katie: We get Rutherford, every one we know, go door to door and see
what we can do, email everyone we know. We have to save this
family.
Diana: This is tough only a few days before Christmas. Will they
have a home? Where is their husband/father? Is he really dead?
To be continued The Clan Cassady in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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