Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was a long day. I had been up on and off through the
night and after mailing the lists I sat down to do some paperwork
I had been procrastinating on for several weeks. I grabbed a quick
nap after that and then went out and paid the phone and cable
bills and picked up lunch for everyone at Burger King. After that
I put my snow gear back on and did some adjusting on the snow
blower and after making a few passes turned it over to Buffy
for the rest of the job.
I had bought an almost new Bissell Carpet shampooer on the net
for 30 bucks and decided to give that a try as it was less strenuous
than battling with the snowblower. It worked real well till I ran
out
of shampoo. Eva got in on the act with her plastic push mower
running across the floor and ramming the shampooer. She is learning
new tricks and tasks every day. Today it is making snowballs and
throwing whenever someone opens a door or has snow on their
boots. Yesterday she did something and I heard Buffy say, " Now
look what you did." Eva replied, "Oh my Gawd." perfectly. I don't
know
where she picked it up but it blew Buffy away when she heard it.
I took a stop by Ernie's Let's Bring Em Home site and he has
collected
almost 40,000 dollars so far and needs another 13,000 or so to
complete the tickets that have been requested so far. If you got a
few
bucks to donate or just want to stop by the address is
http://www.lbeh.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quickie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are blondes like pianos?
When they aren't upright, they're grand.
What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
Yes, Intercourse ... you go between periods and you are expected to
come.
There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic.
It reads "We may never piss this way again." <Thanx Bruce>
She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue
caught in the toaster.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Everybody likes a little ass,
but nobody likes a smartass.
Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he
was
having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he
asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it
is
a
sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A: The pickpocket snatches your watch.
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a
yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
I always ask atheists: If there is no God, then who pops up the next
Kleenex?
Thought for the day:
It's a strange world of language in which skating
on thin ice can get you into hot water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
thats nasty
http://www.thepostm
first generation
http://www.thepostm
computer dating
http://www.thepostm
Plastic Surgery
http://buffalosjoke
Good Hump
http://buffalosjoke
Women's Meeting
http://buffalosjoke
Burning
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Hillbilly
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Be Polite
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
S and M Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whip me, beat me, make me bleed.
Brutal sex is what I need!
Bang my head against the wall.
I like pain, damn it all!
If you do me, do me right.
Take those straps and tie 'em tight!
Twist my balls and make me cry.
Oh that brutal sex, it gets me high!
Shove a hamster up my ass.
Way up far, so it can't pass!
Yank my pubic hair one by one.
Yank 'em slow, it makes me cum!
Tie me up with dental floss.
You really know how to be the boss!
Dump chocolate pudding down my pants.
Hook electrodes to my balls and watch me dance!
Pierce my nipples with a railroad spike.
Use no anesthetic, it's what I like!
After that last sadistic punch,
Whatever you do.....
don't
don't
don't
Make me watch the fucking Brady Bunch!
Even for *ME* that's too much!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
Your kids and loved ones will have hours of fun and competition.
With plastic BB's, its fun and safe to see who has the best shot!
It comes complete with scope, laser sight, adjustable bipod and
detachable sport stock. The laser sight makes this a sure fire
winner! This toy gun shoots fast and accurate at approximately 200
FPS. The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Spring Sniper Rifle is a full size
rifle and even comes with safety glasses and a starter pack of BBs.
Click here to hear more or buy now:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit
============
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EZ Combs - Stretchable Double Combs
Create dozens of dazzling hairstyles instantly with your very own
set of EZ Combs.
What are they? EZ Combs are what they say they are -- EZ.
Simply slide in one end of the EZ Comb.
Stretch the EZ Comb around your hair.
Slide in the other side, and there you have it.
A Perfect Hairstyle in 3 EZ steps.
Create a variety of hairstyles for all types of occaisions,
including Weddings & Formal Events,
the Office, Nights out on the Town, Working Out, and even in your
bed. EZ Combs are soft & comfortable.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Signs Your New Job Isn't Working Out
10. You have a desk, but no chair
9. Co-workers always punching you in the stomach
8. You see CBS chairman Larry Tisch having dinner with Conan
O'Brien
7. You get stung by a bee. (Not really a sign your new job isn't
working out,
but just as upsetting)
6. You work for NASA and your title is "Executive in charge of space
probe
quality control"
5. After work, you go nuts and throw firecrackers into a crowd of
people
4. Your company physical is scheduled with Dr. Kevorkian
3. People start saying maybe they should have elected your wife
Hillary
president
2. In your one-page performance report, the word "sucks" appears
twelve times
1. Your office nickname : "Deadwood"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Priest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Joseph went up to Father Fred one afternoon and said, "I am
SICK of all this clean living. Tonight let's you and me go out and
party. We'll carouse, drink, whatever we want."
Fred was shocked. "Are you crazy? This is a small town and everyone
knows us. Besides, even if they didn't, they would see our clothes
and know we were priests."
Joe was ready for this. "Don't be silly. We won't stay in town,
we'll
go into the city where nobody knows us, and we'll dress just like
anyone else."
In the end, he managed to persuade Fred, and they went out that
night
and partied like professionals. When they got back home at 5:00 AM,
Fred's face became pale. "I just thought of something," he said. "We
have to confess this."
Again, Joe was ready. "Relax, I told you, I thought this all out in
advance. Tomorrow, you go into church and into the confessional. I
will come in my regular clothes and confess, and you absolve me.
Then
I go put on my garments, you come in and confess, and I'll absolve
you."
Fred was amazed at Joe's brilliance. And so, Joseph went in later
that morning and said, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My
friend and I, we're both young men, and last night we went out and
caroused. We became drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes, used
foul language, danced to wicked music."
Fred answered, "God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I be.
Do
5 'Our Father's' and 5 'Hail Mary's' and you will be absolved of
your
sin."
A while later, their places were reversed as Fred came in and
confessed everything in detail.
There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, "I don't believe this.
And you DARE to call yourself a priest? You will do 500 "Our
Father's," 500 "Hail Mary's," and go around the church 500 times on
your knees praying for God's forgiveness. Then come back and we'll
discuss absolution, but I make no guarantees."
"WHAT??!!" Father Fred was shocked. "What about our agreement?"
Joe replied, "Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I take
my job seriously."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Mini RC Wall Climber is an utterly astonishing, gravity defying,
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"THINGS WOMEN DO THAT DRIVE MEN INSANE"
by Xebot
I hate it when my girlfriend gets PMS. To me, PMS stands for "Pack
My Suitcase."
My girlfriend leaves hair all over my sink and bathtub. I step out
of the house for an hour, and when I come back, my bathroom looks
like a nativity scene. What is she DOING in there? Running an
Arabian carwash? For 10 bucks, your camel gets to sit in my sink for
an hour?
Women are always late. I show up on time, and she keeps me waiting
for 30 minutes. Here I am, trying to make small-talk with her room
mate, who is a shoe-in for the lead in "The Glass Menagerie." I
always try to break something, just to show that I've read the play.
You see, women aren't actually DOING anything for those 30 minutes,
it's just their way of showing you who's really in charge. Once I
was five-minutes late. My girlfriend answered the door, fully
dressed and holding her purse. She asked, "Where have you been?
I've been waiting and waiting!" I said, "Let's go." She
said, "Gimme 30 minutes -- and don't break anything."
Why do women paint their toenails? Because, although they can't keep
their boyfriends waiting forever, this will at least add another 30
minutes.
Why do women always sound like they want to move in next door to
you?
Every girl I date seems to ask the same questions when she visits my
apartment: "How much do you pay for rent? Do they have any
vacancies? Do they have a room with a view . . . like, of your front
door?"
I hate breast implants. It's hard to get excited about a nipple
filled with 10W-40. I just don't care for the smell of Volkswagen in
the morning.
When my girlfriend gets upset, she runs into the bathroom, and locks
the door. I try to be mature and just wait her out; so I drink a
couple of beers, then pee on her cat.
THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Share the Magic of Christmas with a Vermont Teddy Bear
This Holiday Season, put the one gift under the tree that will be
loved forever - a Vermont Teddy Bear. Whether it's for your spouse,
your mom, grandparents, your kids or Baby's First Christmas, these
bears get the most incredible reaction. Every Vermont Teddy Bear is
unique, just like the person you're sending it to, and each comes
with a lifetime guarantee. We even have a Teddy Bear Hospital that
covers the bear for life no matter what happens - whether the dog
chews it to shreds or it gets run over with a lawnmower - we'll
repair or replace your bear at no charge - forever.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Remembering Christmas Past
http://www.silveran
John w/ You're All I Want For Christmas
http://heavens-
Carolyn w/ CHRISTMAS ~ Jim Reeves
http://carolynsprec
Christmas Wish
http://www.carolspo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Feel what it's like to be famous.
Get the Guitar Hero World Tour(R) Band Kit, FREE (with completion of
program requirements)
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
YouTube - Straight No Chaser - 12 Days Via Shar
http://www.youtube.
A380 Cockpit Via Kathy
http://www.gillesvi
Merry-Christmas.
http://www.merry-
Kaleidiscope
http://www.zefrank.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We are giving away DATING SITE memberships TODAY! But not to a
regular dating site full of people that don't know what they want.
Our singles know EXACTLY what they want!
If you are over 18 years of age, then we want to give you a -FREE-
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of this dating community want to meet up with new people for one
intimate and fun encounters! You have to check it out!
Now, we only have 197 memberships to give away. So if you DO NOT
want to date beautiful singles in your city for intimate encounters
then do not accept this membership that we want to give you for no
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If you DO want to have a LOT of fun with singles that are awesome to
look at and even better to make meet in real life, then take
advantage of this -FREE- membership right now.
Press here to join for NO COST:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Backgrounds
http://www.geocitie
Walpurgis9's Bah! Humbug! Xmas Graphics
http://d21c.
Desktop Folder Icons
http://www.download
94552.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.marvista
Kitty Korner
http://pet-fun.
Cats!
http://www.amazingc
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
We wanted to let you know right away that you have been invited to
win a seat and play in our upcoming World Series of Poker*.
There is no cost involved for you to play: You DO NOT need to
deposit any money or give a credit card number to play...BUT YOU CAN
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Chips
Nancy promises these all work. If they don't
you can call her at 906-555-5555
Church
http://www.buffalos
Cialis Commercial
http://www.buffalos
Cirugia
http://www.buffalos
Cock Piano
http://www.buffalos
Colo Rectal Program
http://www.buffalos
Chinook Water
http://www.buffalos
Circus Monte Carlo
http://www.buffalos
An Unusual Gun
http://www.buffalos
Coming Home
http://www.buffalos
Cop Crapper
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Married Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1." My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained
the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early,
she thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks
I've already had it."
2. We know a fellow who upon being told by his shrewish wife that
she would dance on his grave, promptly provided for a burial at sea.
3. When the shrew learned her husband had taken a mistress, she
demanded, "Does this mean that you've had enough of me?" "No, my
dear," he coolly replied. "It means that I haven't had enough of
you."
4. Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which
he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the
reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if
I should ever fall behind in my payments she might decide to
repossess me."
5. Thomas Gladstone, a stockbroker, received an urgent phone call
one afternoon. "My name is Walters," the caller announced. "About
two weeks ago, my wife got a crazy idea and started walking the
street, asking me to procure customers for her." "Just a minute,"
Gladstone protested. "You want Dr. Gladstone the psychiatrist. His
name is right below mine in the phone book. Many people dial me by
mistake." "No mistake," came the reply. "I want you to invest all
the money we're making."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watch the weazel dance! Hilarious!
Best stocking stuffer for 2008, You're guaranteed to be a hit!
Check out the video and get your now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cow Candy
http://able2laugh.
Milked
http://able2laugh.
Studly
http://able2laugh.
Blind
http://buffalosjoke
Golf Skills
http://buffalosjoke
Gift
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best of 2008!
The latest and skatest craze!
Simply strap on, Push and glide!
See them flash at night when you move, no batteries required!
You're guaranteed to be a hit!
Kids love them! They can race, switch, turn and zig zag!
Not available in stores!
Check out the video and get your now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy with his girl in a Fiat
Said, "Where on earth is my key at?"
As he started to seek
She let out a shriek
"THAT'S not where it's likely to be at!"
A lady while dining at Crewe
Found a large whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
And don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too."
There was a young Scot in Madrid
Who got fifty-five lays for a quid.
When they said, "Are you faint?"
He replied, "No, I ain't,
But I don't feel as good as I did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Voted Best of 2008!
Turn anything into a flashlight and never be left in the dark again!
The world's thinnest flashlight that fits anywhere!
Perfect for cell phones (since you always carry it around)
But also great on Ipods, Cameras, Wallets, Closets and anywhere you
need light!
The catlite is the perfect flashlight, ready when you need it and
right at your fingertips
You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
Not available in stores!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This girl goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, its very embarrassing
but something brown is dropping off my private parts." The doctor
examines her and is sure that there is some thing brown coming out.
The doctor is confused and says, "How frequently are you having
sex?. Once a day?"
Girl: Naa
Doc: Once a Week?
Girl: Nope
Doc: Once a month?
Girl: Naaa
Doc: One a year!
Girl: Some thing like that.
Doc: Oh I get it, it's nothing. The brown thing is just rust!
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get the hottest Stocking stuffer of the year and you're guaranteed
to be a hit!
Meet the amazing flying monkey, they simply steal the show! Take it
to family reunions, office parties, board meetings, school, church
or on the road and score big!
Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
the Amazing Flying Monkey, you'll see. The fun is contagious!
You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!
Not available in stores!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of
glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you
just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,"
stammered the private.
"Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book
of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing
Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?"
"No, no nothing of those..." said the private.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'd rather not tell you sir..."
"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the
medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now."
"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted
the private.
"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a
girl?"
"You see, she crossed her legs....."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pampered Toes is the new miracle foot therapy product that
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Pampered Toes are waterproof so you can even wear them in the shower
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Pampered Toes absolutely Free.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in Guthrie
Diana's brother passed away last Friday about 5 pm. His
name was Gary Campbell and he was a Vietnam Vet a Navy
man. He is survived by two daughters and his wife.
His daughter's fiancé asked for permission to marry her before he
died and he granted it.
He told his wife it was time to go before he died. Diana was there.
It was a peaceful passing.
My cousin's memorial service was nice Saturday.
I was the elder at church Sunday and I spoke over communion. I
spoke
about Diana losing her brother and how in 1994, I gave my wife
communion
the night before she died. I told the congregation that we are
taught communion
is the center of our worship, but I learned that night in 1994 that
communion
and it's meaning can be the cornerstone of our life. Jesus spoke of
sacrifice
and made a promise in the upper room and He spoke from Love. I
mentioned
that we should partake this communion from that promise made from
sacrifice
and given from Love.
BJ in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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