Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For those of you not use to the effects of winter,
from our archives, the winter glossary.
I know many have not seen the stuff except on TV and know nothing of
the terminology so here it is buffalo style.
Snow: white fluffy crystals of water and toxic matter.
Snow Man: made from snow, assembly required.
Snow Showers.: light snowfall
Scattered Snow Showers: Falls on your yard but not the neighbors.
Snow Flurries: Snow propelled by wind like in the movies.
Blizzard : lots of snow real fast for days . Will fill a 16 oz. cup
in seconds add sugar and M&Ms and save 2.49 at McDonalds.
Hypothermia : lowering of the body's core temperature to the point
where you start writing jokelists 12 months of the year. May lead to
death if you aren't thawed out occasionally.
Global Warming: Polar Bears that were drowning because they had no
ice flows to rest on were frozen into 16 feet of ice during the last
cold spell and are now referred to as speed bumps by the Ice Road
Truckers. Another sign of global warming is that Calgary was 40
below zero yesterday and they got a foot of snow, but it was that
low humidity snow that doesn't leave a wet spot when it melts.
Now everyone knows why Doc Chuck shared all the survival stories
with you. We have it on good authority that this will be a mini Ice
Age and soon you will be able to ice skate all over the swamps of
the South and Hockey will become the sport of choice.
Take Care ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Personal Chips
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Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered
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SM: Seeking an adventurous SF Interested in underwater bondage with
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Fishing
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Fat Girls
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Ruined Eyesight
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
American water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt.St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the
keg
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sheep Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of
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"So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
"That's very interesting,
Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
"So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie
boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a
wall."
"That's very interesting,
do it in Cornwall too." And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he
meets a farmer from Abergaveny.
"So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your Sheep?" "Well, I take
the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and
take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders."
"Over your shoulders?" replies the researcher. "Don't you put them
over a wall like everyone else?"
"What?" says the farmer. "And miss out on all the kissing?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cap Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Der Little Fur Cap
Der next night vas Christmas,
Der night it vas still;
Der stockings vas hung
By der chimney to fill.
Nodding vas stirring
At all in der house,
For fear dat St. Nicholas
Might schmell a mouse.
Der kinder had pottied
und gone to der bed,
Und Mudder in nightgown
Und I up ahead,
Vas searching around
In der truck for der toys;
Ve crept around quiet,
To not make ein noise.
Now Mudder vas carrying
Toys in her gown,
Showing her person
From vaistline on down;
Ven as ve came near
To der crib of our boy,
Our youngest and sweetest,
Our pride and our choy;
His eyes opened vide,
Und he peeped from der cot;
Und he saw everything
Dot his Mudder has got;
But he didn't take notice
Of toys in her lap;
He chust asked, "For who
Is der little fur cap?"
Und Mudder said, "Hush,"
Und she laughed mit delight,
"I tink I give dot
To your Poppa tonight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the
machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" Asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and
proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line,
stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his
penis and calls the secretary over. She proceeds to hitch her skirt
up, pull her knickers down and bends over. The foreman gives her a
good rodgering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic,
stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is
outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully
counts
as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra
comfort). He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the
light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls
the
secretary over. Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and
proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary
who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa's Response To Little Johnny's After Christmas Letter
by Lee Bradley
Dear Johnny,
I know WHO you are, and I KNOW where you live. You little shit! You
can't talk to SANTA like that and get away with it!
If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy, by the way,
then
you can just cram it up your little *$$! As for the whistle you
didn't care for -- I gotcha whistle right here!!! Come blow on this!
And the socks...well, I figured you are big enough to be whacking
off, and those sox would have come in handy and been handy to ...
well, even you should get the picture!
And... that little "faggot" across the street, you'll be happy to
know that he's already got pubic hair and his whang is TWICE as long
as yours. Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --always moanin'
and whinin'.
Don't worry about gathering up rocks for my visit to your house next
year, 'cause I ain't coming down your chimbly ever again. If you
find
any pennies this year, you had better stop and pick them up, 'cause
that's about all you're going to get for Christmas. Your mom and dad
are doing to be killed in a car crash, and you'll be stuck in an
orphanage before Thanksgiving.
Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad!
Affectionally, Adieu,
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Anticipation and Reward
http://silverandgol
Carolyn w/ Christmas Together ~Walter Brennan
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My Christmas Gift to You
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Story of the Candy Cane Via Kathy
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Amazing Grace
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Surfin Surfari
Xmas Gullibility Test
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Let's Decorate The Tree
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Unusual Deaths Via Day
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Disney Christmas
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
SnowBerry Designs
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Background Pages
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Christmas Graphics
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Movie Chips
Dog In Pool
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Dogs
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Don't Smoke here
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Drill Team For Retired Guys
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Earthquake
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Egg Trick
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Einstein
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El Rey Del Martillo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAD'S EXPLANATION Son: "Dad, why does love-making makes you feels
good?"
Dad: "Just like digging in your nose, it's feels good, right!"
Son: "Why is it that guys don't usually feel as good as gals?"
Dad: "Just like when you dig in your nose, it's your nose that feel
good, not your finger!"
Son: "Then why do gals feel bad when they are raped?"
Dad: "If a stranger comes along and digs in your nose, will you feel
the same way?"
Son: "When girls are having their menstruation, why don't they
usually want to have sex?"
Dad: "If your nose is bleeding, will you still want your nose to be
dug?"
Son: "Dad, one last question ... why don't guys like to wear condoms
when they make love?"
Dad: "Would you want to wear a glove when you dig your nose?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Act Dead
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Disgusting
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Jeremiah
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With his pecker limp on the floor,
And his wife still implorying for more --
"Ten hours of screwing
Has been my undoing;
I simply can't Fuck any more!"
____________
There was a young woman in Dee
Who stayed with each man she did see.
When it came to a test
She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.
I chase all the girls when I'm spunky
A five day a week sexual junky
I tend not to stray
On Tues- or Wednesday
On those nights I spank my own monkey.
************
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie.
They were having sex in the back-seat of a small sports car when the
man suddenly slipped a disk in his back! He was stuck he couldn't
move at all and neither could his girlfriend, she was pinned nude
beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she
managed to reach over the front seat with her leg and honk the horn.
A big crowd gathered, all enjoying the free show.
Some women volunteers served them coffee through the window while
others worked to free them. Finally firemen cut away the car frame.
The 250 pound man was lifted out and the woman, sobbing was helped
out of the car, too.
The ambulance driver tried to calm her down telling her the man
would be fine, but she was so upset. She said she was worried about
how she was going to explain to her husband what happened to his
car!
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top Signs Your Clergyman Might Be A Pedophile
Every Sunday he turns the children's sermon into his own private
tent revival.
Has the altar boys wearing micro-mini-robes.
That funny taste in the Communion wine? Roofies.
When did "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" make it into the hymnal?
When the kids got back from summer camp, they all had "Father
Callahan's Bitches" tattoos.
Asks that you act out your confession.
Gives each kid a pat on the ass after Communion.
Has a special Sunday School class called "Exploring What God Gave
You."
He's got a great letter of recommendation from Cardinal Law.
In the "Meet Father Hopkins!" section of the church newsletter,
he lists his favorite movie as "The Bad News Bares."
None of the other local churches seem to belong to this
"Interfaith Coed Naked Youth Water Polo League" he keeps talking
about.
The hymn "Jesus Loves the Little Children" is cropping up an
awful lot.
This is his 15th parish in 11 years.
Turns the rectory into a "home for homeless kids with no family.
Or relatives. Or nosy teachers."
More Suspicious Signs
Instead of "Our Father, who art in heaven," he just says, "Who's
your daddy? Who's your daddy?"
Insists that it takes nude archangels to ensure the Christmas
pageant is biblically accurate.
Has the entire "Altar Boys Gone Wild" video collection.
His suggested destinations for the next kids' field trip:
Neverland and Thailand.
Communion ceremonies now include a swimsuit competition.
Instead of Communion wafers, offers Fruit Roll-Ups.
Penance given at confessions involves handcuffs and a Polaroid
camera.
He keeps interrupting your confession, saying, "Wait you think
THAT'S something...
The title of this week's sermon? "Timmy Johnson Is A Filthy
Little Liar Who Doesn't Know When To Keep His Mouth Shut."
He can't say "rectory" without stuttering and breaking into a
sweat.
Moans softly during circumcisions.
You find a trail of animal crackers from the playground to his
confessional booth.
There was a very disturbing moment in his puppet show depicting
the raising of Lazarus from the dead
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 140
The Manger Scene
Diana: Where do you want the Manger scene BJ?
BJ: I think under the tree will be fine.
Katie: Here is the camels and the wise men.
Diana: The shepherd men and Joseph.
BJ: Mary and the animals.
Sandi: Who is this baby I am putting in the cradle?
BJ: This baby is what Christmas is all about my dear Sandi.
Sandi: Gosh! The baby looks so sweet....there is something.
sniff sniff.
Katie: Here girl take his hanky.
Sandi: Honk honk. Excuse me. I don't know why I am so mushy.
Diana: We will tell you the story later Sandi.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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