Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am not sure what happened last night but cable tv locked up
for over 8 hours. Whatever the picture was, that was where it
stayed. Vanna was turning the same letter, the weatherman
was looking at the same map, and Barney Frank and OJ
Simpson's picture were on the two news channel for 8 hours.
This never happened with analog tv only through the marvels
of digital tv can we experience a new myriad of misfortunes
and malfunctions in the broadcasting world. These are the
same people that mail me or call me once a week and ask
me to try their internet service or phone. My mom has cable
internet and she wasn't online last night. I depend on my net
and phone for security and sanity so I will leave it to the people
who have been doing it since Bell called Watson. They have
managed to have a great track record even when beavers and
contractors attack their fiber optics they are back up and
running in under 8 hours.
Last night was faintly nostalgic because the only channel that
came in was the Canadian CBC affiliate. I was a little bitter
about missing Survivorman last night but the shows on CBC
weren't all that bad and the movie was great and I am sure I
will be able to catch Les in the reruns about a dozen times.
It is always fun to see what new disgusting meal he can find
for himself each week, in fact sometimes I don't realize that
I have seen the episode till he is eating some gigantic grub
and telling you on one hand that it is high in protein but on the
other hand tastes like a piece of snot-filled gristle. You
immediately
know that in spite of what others have said if you have to eat that
crap to survive you will probably die.
Hoping you stay connected with the world..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Evil Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding
the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale
in
the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver
when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her
that
her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical
condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and
that
she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to
be
her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of
more
shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip
with
a cup of coffee and a beautiful cream slice complementary from the
last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You
went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're
proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours
enjoying
yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive
Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it
will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For
the
rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll
now
be his carer!'
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed......
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. What did you buy?
Myron
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
overcoming handicaps
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getting desperate
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the g spot
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Why Beer Should Be At The Bottom Of
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Caught
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How to Spot A Gay Guy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of sex in the
convent was a problem. She confessed to Mother Superior that it was
unhealthy and she was restless. "Comfort yourself with a candle,"
she
was advised. "I've tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the
same thing wick in and wick out."
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was
pregnant. The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you
know who the father of this baby is?" The girl thought and then
asked,
"Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean
made
you FART?"
One day a completely naked young lady walks into a bar. Of course,
the
bartender stares at her as she walks up to his bar. "What?" says the
young lass. "Haven't you seen a naked lady before?" The bartender
continues to stare at her. "Give me a beer," she says. "And stop
staring like a fool!" The bartender fetches her a brew and then
answers her original question -- "Of course I have seen naked ladies
before! But I was just curious as to where you'll pull the money
from
to pay for this beer."
A woman went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she
said. "The other day I found my daughter and the boy next door
together, naked, examining each other's bodies and giggling." The
psychiatrist smiled. "That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty
normal." "Well, I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me. It
worries my daughter's husband, too!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watch the weazel dance! Hilarious!
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm living with a girl but we're not married. It's like leasing with
an option to buy.
Did you hear about the mohel (circumciser) who missed? He got the
sack
"Great, just what I need," she moaned as he brought home a new
microwave oven. "One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off
in twenty seconds."
The husband was reading a sex manual, and his wife asked him why. He
said that their sex was monotomous." She protested, "But I thought
we
had a very good sex life." "Well," he replied, "let me put it to you
another way.
How do you give a blonde more headroom?
Adjust the steering wheel.
What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as a meat substitute.
OTHER HUMOR
Chin Rest: Tthe space between the vagina and the asshole
Flatbush: What a woman gets when she wears tight jeans. (Richard
Lederer)
She was only a Taxidermist'
mounted.
Pick-Up Line: Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the
hell
outta me.
Confucius say, "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet
pussy."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Birthday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling
too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my
wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a
present for me.
She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I
said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The
children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and
despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said,
"Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better;
someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and
said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your
birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out
into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis
and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office. Do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not."
She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and
smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I
think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more
comfortable.
"Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and in
about six minutes, she came out... ... carrying a big birthday
cake, followed by my wife and children. All were singing Happy
Birthday.
... and there on the couch I sat... ... with nothing on but my
socks...
...and *that's* why I fired my secretary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Valentine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Surprised Valentine
At the office, where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing, and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so, to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful, for me to even try.
A few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away. I
could
not get the courage up, and "Hi" was all I'd say.
Then, I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a valentine to her, and with it I'd express,
The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel,
And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.
I'll tell her, that I dream of her, and how it all would be,
If she would only take the time, to be alone with me.
I poured my heart out in the card, and ask her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special valentine.
In just a few short days, I had a response in my mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.
I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me,
I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.
With great anticipation, I removed the envelope,
And closed my eyes a moment, as my heart filled up with hope.
I opened up my eyes to see, a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center, someone drew, a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see, if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.
I'd love to be your valentine, but I think I will pass,
My husband says he'll be at work, to kick your stupid a**.
I'm glad you like my body, and you think it's really fine,
My husband says this card is going, where the sun don't shine.
In your card, you said there's things to me you'd love to do,
I think my husband's going to do, all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy Valentines, I'll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you'll wish you were never born.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Blood Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 3am, and a man is driving his brand new BMW M3 down the N1 at
240km/h.
He's two minutes away from home when he sees a car on the side of
the
road, on its roof, and flames all around.
There' s no one else in the area, his cell phone reception is dead,
so
he stops his car.
Sure enough, there's a beautiful woman in the car, but she's
bleeding
to
death.
The guy reckons " screw it" and rushes home to fetch a blanket.
He gets back, puts the blanket on the back seat of his M3, and puts
the
woman on the blanket.
He then rushes her to the hospital.
Six months she lies in the hospital, and he is with her every day
and
every night.
He donates blood to keep her alive.
Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get married.
Life is cool for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and
decides
to leave him.
His love of money is obvious, and she feels like a trophy wife.
She comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, she
reaches into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar.
Sure enough, he stops her before she reaches the door, and asks"
What
are you doing?"
I'm leaving you, " she says.
"Oh really, and how are you going to leave?
The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar I paid for. It's my car.
You are not taking it anywhere."
"Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him.
"And those bulging suitcases?
The clothes you're wearing?
Everything, I've paid for.
They are my suitcases and my clothes.
You're not taking them anywhere"
"Fine," she says, and throws the suitcases at him.
She strips down completely and throws her clothes at him too.
"And the blood in your body?
I sat with you for six months in the hospital.
You know half of the blood is mine.
You're not going anywhere."
She looks at him, turns, whips out her tampon and says
" I'll pay you back in monthly installments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Manger Baby
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The Gift Via Juanita
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John w/ A Hard Candy Christmas
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I Believe In You
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Surfin Surfari
It's A Wonderful Life
http://www.fanpop.
Wizards Of Winter
http://www.youtube.
Christmas Song Words
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Unusual Cakes
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Goodies
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3D Christmas
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Sweater Letters
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Canardx
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Candid Camera Russian Style
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Carrier Landing
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Cat
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Cat Bird
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CCR Lorraine
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Cell Phone
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Chick Em
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grand Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eight Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active
8. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.
7. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
6. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn.
5. Granny found cuffed to her walker.
4. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
3. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice.
2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggy style."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prickly chick
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Bad date
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SHOOO!
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Multi Tasking
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Thats Him
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said an ovum one night to a sperm,
"You're a very attractive young germ.
Come join me my sweet,
Let our nuclei meet,
And in nine months we'll both come to term."
Stan Kegel
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two
teenage boys in line behind him.
They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five
minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely
to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem.
With this the boys asked: Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?
The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your
mother, she gave me a cookie."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young boy and a young girl are playing in a sunny field alone.
After a while they both are very hot so after much discussion they
take off their shirts ... that helps a lot and they continue
playing.
At some time later the boy asks the girl "What are those things?"
(Pointing to her breasts)?
She says "they are my headlights; look you have them too but they
are
kinda smaller" so they continue playing.
Later, the boy has a bee fly up his pant leg so he hurriedly removes
his pants.
The young girl asks (pointing at his penis)" What is that?"
He replies "Why that's my plug, don't you have a plug?
" (It's beginning to get dark by now) She says "No - I have this."
(She removes her pants. The boy says "I can't see too well but it
looks like you have a socket. Hey, I have a idea. If I stick my plug
into your socket it will make our headlights light up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1486
The Sweet Sandi, The Killer
Diana: You are lucky that Sandi cuddles up to you all the time.
She is a very special dog. She is so loving and sweet.
BJ: Yeah she is. I am very fortunate. She is also very loving
with
the grandkids and with you daughters.
Meanwhile outside....
Rudy: What did you kill Sandi?
Sandi: I killed a squirrel. You want a bite?
Rudy: Nah, I like pretty much only rabbit.
Katie: Let's see Sandi, you have killed Moles, Squirrels, Snakes,
Rabbits, Aramadillos, Birds, Mice, Rats, Opossoms, ...
did
I miss anything?
Rudy: Don't forget that deer leg she carried into the yard and the
deer skull.
Katie: How do you do it? You are so mild and timid in the house,
yet
out here...
Sandi blushing..: I don't know. I just like to hunt. Don't forget
I killed a
skunk. That was to protect our home.
Rudy: Yeah, and you never got sprayed, but we did!
Katie: It took me a Month of Sundays to get right again.
The herd in Guthrie
(for certain I have a great little huntress. Also, if any other dog
is outside
when I am outside, she will attack that dog, but will stop when I
yell
'Stop'. She is a great protector.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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