Welcome to: THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! "where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!"  Free Eco-living Tips Delivered M-F to Your Inbox Ideal Bite offers bite-size ideas for light-green living. Easy ways to go green through small changes (they add up!) are delivered to your inbox via a short, sassy email each weekday. The tips are fun, free, and peppered with information and actionable links. http://www.thepostm  I've got something quite important to tell you about... The other day I got a package from my friend Mike Masters. He'd sent me a copy of the new product he just finished up. It's called the Instant Money Toolkit... I spent about 4 hours on Monday night reading through the 250 page book he sent and I gotta tell you... This is just about the best thing I've ever read, seriously. And I'm not even done with it yet! You'll learn every step you must take to start, run and succeed with your own online business and you'll even learn how you can bring in an extra income of at least 5 thousand bucks per month. And guess what? Right now Mike's letting you grab your own copy for next to nothing. All you need to do is pay for the shipping and handling, which is less that a movie ticket. And Mike will send you a copy of his incredible program. You can grab yours below: http://www.thepostm  HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ENTERTAINMENT BOOK! RIGHT NOW, GET $10 OFF AND FREE SHIPPING ON THE 2009 ENTERTAINMENT BOOK The Entertainment book is filled with up to 50% off and 2-for-1 discounts on local dining, movies, groceries, sporting events and more! Order today and get $10 off the retail price and Free Shipping. Discover how the book pays for itself! http://www.thepostm  Your darling daughter brings you countless joys. Now The Bradford Exchange is delighted to offer you 20 special ways to tell her how much she means to you - all in one Ultimate Daughter Charm Bracelet gift! 20 different charms plated in sterling silver, with 24K gold-plated accents and genuine Swarovski(R) crystals. 9 charms with loving inscriptions. Arrives in a custom-designed presentation case. EXCLUSIVE! Quantities are limited and strong demand is expected, so DON'T WAIT. Click this link now! http://www.thepostm Good Morning postman fans! "The war department" had a day off yesterday. and we were sitting around the kitchen table, thinking about what to do about breakfast. With my ear surgery the week before, and then Thanksgiving, it was going on three weeks since we had made a real grocery trip. The painful truth became obvious. We couldn't have cereal because we had run out of milk. We couldn't have toast because we had run out of butter when we made popcorn yesterday. Being a little disatisfied with the remaining choice of oatmeal, I went in to the bathroom to do my morning "meditation" that, upon completion, there was no more T.P. About the time that I yelled for "The war department", she had anticipated my plight, and knocking on the door, she said, "Here, this is all there is left. I took it from the bathroom upstairs." To which I announced that this morning was cause for a trip to the grocery. After a trip to Aldi's, Meijer, and the local neighborhood store, we managed to do a reasonably good job of restocking the cupboards of the postman's clan. I always accompany her on grocery trips because if I did not, she would most likely try to turn me into a rabbit and feed me nothing but lettuce and carrots. Any ways, we are, perhaps, a couple of c-notes poorer, but I ate steak last night, and it was good:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS self esteem http://www.thepostm don't forget http://www.thepostm when you're retired http://www.thepostm hold any item http://www.thepostm sex change anonymous http://www.thepostm my favorite cereal http://www.thepostm so you don't cuss? http://www.thepostm Be sure to support your favorite charity this year!  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Holiday bells http://www.thepostm Grand pa got runned over by a John Deer-Cletus T. Judd http://www.thepostm what would you do for a bud light? http://www.thepostm a bored kid at home http://www.thepostm Abbot and Costello- loafin http://www.thepostm Abbot and Costello-Math http://www.thepostm Groucho Marx- Captain Spaulding's African adventure http://www.thepostm  INTERESTING STUFF Electric drag racing http://www.thepostm the right sandwich http://www.thepostm climbing in to a balloon http://www.thepostm Lights top 20 countdown http://www.thepostm new toilet paper http://www.thepostm idiot takes a tranquilizer http://www.thepostm worlds most flexible woman http://www.thepostm Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway on the opening day of deer season. They both saw a trophy-class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came by slowly. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession had passed. Of course, by then, the deer was long gone. The other hunter exclaimed "Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!" The first hunter nodded and said, "Well, we were married for 42 years." ____________ The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US . Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason. Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10 minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time." The young Iraqi is very upset."What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry? You're Sorry? !!" says his mom, "It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!" ____________ Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began."You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her." ____________ A couple is throwing a dinner party, and the husband who is very thin and bony is walking around the house wearing only his boxers. His wife comes out of the kitchen and says, "Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on." "Oh no, I won't," he says. "I want everybody to see how you feed your husband..." "Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there's nothing that I should feed you for." ____________ "How was dance class today, Melinda?" "Oh, it was great, Daddy. In fact, two boys got into a fight over dancing with me!" Melinda said. "Oh?" said her father, his interest piqued. Melinda continued "Yes! First Richard told John, 'You dance with her,' then John told Richard, 'No, YOU dance with her!'" ____________ A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand." ____________ Fred was unfortunate enough to be hit by a 10-ton truck and landed up in hospital in intensive care. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Fred struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sally visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside." "What does she read?" "My life insurance policy." ____________ Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair. ____________ An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it. The Arab asked "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robes." The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant owned by my brother. Walk that way, he'll give you all the water you want." The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said "I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" The Arab rasped "I found it alright. He wouldn't let me in without a tie." ____________ BUFFALO Bill Best Work Boot Ad http://www.buffalos PAPA Thorn Night of the Living Bread http://able2laff. FUN PAGES from Lorraine Nerd Power Baby http://tinyurl. |
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