[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

 
 
 
 
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
where the world goes for its
daily dose of humor!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Its been one of them kinda days today. I usually don't have problems with
viruses or adware.
in fact, I find that using a little common sense is more preferable to high tech virus protection. In other words, you don't go to
websites you don't know or trust, and etc. But, somehow I had a "Brain fart"
today and yep, came down with a hellaciously malicious adware infection.
For some reason not clear to me any more, I chose to visit some stupid
website written in Korean! DUHH! I know that's where I got infected.
Anyways, I got rid of it easily enough, but its taken most of the day
to return the puter back to where I like it with all the proggies and
special stuff I like. oh well, live and learn eh? Its also one reason this
issue is a little brief. So, I hope your day goes better!
Wanna see what the war department is getting for Christmas? She loves
stuffed animals so I got her a Vermont teddy bear! Have you gotten
your sweetie or your daughter one yet?
 
 
 
 
This Holiday Season, put the one gift under the tree that will be loved
forever - a Vermont Teddy Bear. Whether it's for your spouse, your mom, grandparents, your kids or Baby's First Christmas, these bears get the
most incredible reaction. Every Vermont Teddy Bear is unique, just like
the person you're sending it to, and each comes with a lifetime
guarantee. We even have a Teddy Bear Hospital that covers the bear
for life no matter what happens - whether the dog chews it to shreds
or it gets run over with a lawnmower - we'll repair or replace your bear
 
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
 
THE COMICS
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
 
 
 
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4365.html
 
 
 
 

 
David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend.
"Man this weekend was the best!" David says. "I finally scored."
Simon says, "Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst experience I've
ever had." "How so?" replies David. Simon relates, "That girl Cecilia
brought me back to her room and said she would do anything I want.
So I asked her to go down on me, and she said
no problem. In the middle of the whole thing, she starts turning green,
coughing like crazy and passes out."
"Damn!" Simon says. "What happened?"
David responds, "Turns out she's allergic to nuts."
_______________________
 
After being off work for two weeks vacation, I returned to work and
went into the bosses office. He doesn't joke around much, so when he
looked up and grinned and asked me if I wanted to fill out an application, 
I said," No, from what I hear the pay is low, the work is hard and the
boss is a terrible to work for." Anybody know where there are any job
openings. Apparently, he also has no sense of humor.
________________
 
Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that she
needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and, while she
was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her videotape on stress
management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came
into the kitchen and handed Jill the tape. "It was good," she said,
"but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied.
"You couldn't have watched the whole thing."
"Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward."
_____________
 
An old man was a witness in a burglary case.  The defense lawyerasked
Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam, "I
saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asked Sam again, "Sam,
this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes" said Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer said, "Sam, listen, you
are 80 years oldand your eye sight is probably pretty bad.  Just how far
can you see at night?" Sam quickly replied,
"I can see the moon, how far is that?"
_________________
 
Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Questions....But Never Will
1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that f**king ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You've got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won't be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and nointention of speaking to you
after tonight.
9. I'd rather watch a porno.
_______________
 
The evangelist was haranguing the crowd and carryingon and on about sin - 
"The wages of sin are high." hebellowed. A young man sitting in the back
 yelled out, "Not ifyou can find somebody who'll do it for free
_____________
 
A customer called the airline's reservation office to
pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation
specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name
as it appears on the card, sir?"
The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."
______________
 
Q: What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant
woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's
good for him.
 
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that
sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
__________
 
Bob: "My doctor says if I don't give up sex, I'll be dead in a week."
Bill: "Why is that?"
Bob: "I've been screwing his wife."

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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