THE POSTMAN'S CORNER where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!  Hurry! ACT BY DECEMBER 17, 2008 to give personalized Christmas gifts as special and unique as the ones you love. Our Top 10 personalized gifts are exclusively designed to delight; they are customized with engraved names, birthstones and more. They even come with custom-designed packaging for gift-giving. DON'T WAIT - each fine jewelry gift takes time to personalize and you don't want to miss the deadline. Visit us now! http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a FREE Dell XPS M1530 Laptop!  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a $1000 Gas Gift Card! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Its been one of them kinda days today. I usually don't have problems with viruses or adware. in fact, I find that using a little common sense is more preferable to high tech virus protection. In other words, you don't go to websites you don't know or trust, and etc. But, somehow I had a "Brain fart" today and yep, came down with a hellaciously malicious adware infection. For some reason not clear to me any more, I chose to visit some stupid website written in Korean! DUHH! I know that's where I got infected. Anyways, I got rid of it easily enough, but its taken most of the day to return the puter back to where I like it with all the proggies and special stuff I like. oh well, live and learn eh? Its also one reason this issue is a little brief. So, I hope your day goes better! Wanna see what the war department is getting for Christmas? She loves stuffed animals so I got her a Vermont teddy bear! Have you gotten your sweetie or your daughter one yet?  This Holiday Season, put the one gift under the tree that will be loved forever - a Vermont Teddy Bear. Whether it's for your spouse, your mom, grandparents, your kids or Baby's First Christmas, these bears get the most incredible reaction. Every Vermont Teddy Bear is unique, just like the person you're sending it to, and each comes with a lifetime guarantee. We even have a Teddy Bear Hospital that covers the bear for life no matter what happens - whether the dog chews it to shreds or it gets run over with a lawnmower - we'll repair or replace your bear at no charge - forever. http://www.thepostm We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS Santa meets a jet plane http://www.thepostm reality of Santa http://www.thepostm talk about something else http://www.thepostm dearly beloved http://www.thepostm sweethearts http://www.thepostm Maxine says http://www.thepostm thanks for the offer http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Dad at the comedy barn http://www.thepostm redneck xmas story http://www.thepostm Chipmunks roasting on an open fire http://www.thepostm extreme sports http://www.thepostm McDonals fat ass meal http://www.thepostm ice cream vendor http://www.thepostm  David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend. "Man this weekend was the best!" David says. "I finally scored." Simon says, "Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst experience I've ever had." "How so?" replies David. Simon relates, "That girl Cecilia brought me back to her room and said she would do anything I want. So I asked her to go down on me, and she said no problem. In the middle of the whole thing, she starts turning green, coughing like crazy and passes out." "Damn!" Simon says. "What happened?" David responds, "Turns out she's allergic to nuts." ____________ After being off work for two weeks vacation, I returned to work and went into the bosses office. He doesn't joke around much, so when he looked up and grinned and asked me if I wanted to fill out an application, I said," No, from what I hear the pay is low, the work is hard and the boss is a terrible to work for." Anybody know where there are any job openings. Apparently, he also has no sense of humor. ____________ Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and, while she was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitchen and handed Jill the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward. ____________ An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyerasked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asked Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" said Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer said, "Sam, listen, you are 80 years oldand your eye sight is probably pretty bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam quickly replied, "I can see the moon, how far is that?" ____________ Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Questions... 1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex. 2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that f**king ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat. 3. You've got no chance of me calling you. 4. No, I won't be gentle. 5. Of course you have to swallow. 6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time. 7. I hate your friends. 8. I have every intention of using you, and nointention of speaking to you after tonight. 9. I'd rather watch a porno. ____________ The evangelist was haranguing the crowd and carryingon and on about sin - "The wages of sin are high." hebellowed. A young man sitting in the back yelled out, "Not ifyou can find somebody who'll do it for free ____________ A customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A." ____________ Q: What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold? A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? __________ Bob: "My doctor says if I don't give up sex, I'll be dead in a week." Bill: "Why is that?" Bob: "I've been screwing his wife." THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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