Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I Hate Mondays.
I was up at 0530 this morning working on the lists and had a nice
start on everything so I decided to go back to bed until 0700 and
then get up and finish it off. I get back up and the computer is
off.
I push the on button and first page I get notified that the jumpers
for the front side bus had changed and were no longer applicable
to my processor. I figured either the computer had lost all of its
marbles or the cats were practicing computer repair again. I have
warned them about that because they are full of static in this dry
weather and they refuse to wear a grounding strap on their paws.
I was offered the option of shutting down and repairing the jumpers
or going into set-up and changing the settings so I clicked on
set-up
and then exited set-up. The computer then started to boot up
properly
and went into scan disk and found nothing wrong so I shut it off and
rebooted and it came back up normally. I had about 200 emails in
Outlook with movies in them or about a half a gig and I am running
low on space in that drive so I stripped all of them and put them in
a
different drive and that took another hour. So finally about 0900 I
was back to where I had been at 0530 and ready for another short
nap.
I am not the only one with computer problems. Nancy let her sons
use her laptop and now it is freezing and crashing on a regular
basis
which led to the problems we have had with movies the past few
days. If it freezes in the middle of uploading then all of the
movies
come out the same. She was in the process of restoring her computer
to the out of the box configuration last night and then beating the
boys
with it, so I am not sure when we will have new movies today.
On the good side the temperature was up to 22 degrees this morning
and gas is down to 1.78 a gallon now. Eva is watching Toy Story on
my other computer so at least she is quiet for the moment.
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Salesman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman is driving down a country road one day when his car broke
down. There was a farm near by, so he went up to ask for some help.
The
farmer suggested that his daughter, Nelly, could give him a ride
into
town to get the necessary parts for his car. Nelly was an innocent
girl,
the epitome of virginal beauty.
Nelly and the salesman were on their way into town when he convinced
her
to pull over to the side of the road to enlighten her about the
facts
of
life. They had some down and dirty sex all over the car, and then
went
into town to get the car parts. By the time they got into town, the
auto
store was closed, so they had to return to the farm. The farmer
allowed
the salesman to spend the night in the barn and get his car fixed in
the
morning.
The next morning the salesman went up to the farmhouse to get Nelly
so
she could give him a ride into town. Nelly was gone, however, and
her
sister Venus opened the door. Venus was very unlike Nelly. She was
sexy,
voluptuous, and really even a bit sleazy. Venus volunteered to give
the
salesman a ride into town, and off they went. Venus did the
convincing
this time, and the salesman had the "ride" of his life. They
eventually
made it back to the farm with the parts, and the salesman fixed his
car.
He thanked the farmer, left his address to they could keep in touch
in
the future, and went on his merry way.
A few months later the salesman received a later from the farmer
which
contained only a poem:
Were you the one who did the pushin'
Left the bloodstains on the cushion
And the footprints on the dashboard upside down?
'Cause since you met my daughter Nelly,
There's a swelling in her belly,
And you'd better get your ass back into town.
The salesman thought for a minute, and wrote the following response:
Yes, I was the one who did the pushin'
Left the bloodstains on the cushion
And the footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I met your daughter Venus,
I've had some problems with my penis,
So I guess we're pretty even all around.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Santa meets a jet plane
http://www.thepostm
reality of Santa
http://www.thepostm
pigs fly
http://www.thepostm
Big Ape
http://www.buffalos
A look see
http://www.buffalos
Financially insecure
http://www.buffalos
Boosting Circulation
http://www.buffalos
A New Organ
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They had to fire the Masseuse at our country club. She was rubbing
people the wrong way.
Q. "Why don't roosters have hands?"
A. "Because chickens don't have tits!"
Bill and Doug were having a drink at the bar and Bill says, "I found
my wife's G-spot".
Doug says, "Oh yeah?"
Bill replies, "Yep - my neighbor had it."
When the well-molded secretary entered her boss' office one morning,
he looked out the window and announced idly, "It's certainly going
to
be a beautiful day."
"I don't think so," replied the secretary. "The weather forecast is
for snow."
"It's not going to snow," contradicted the exec. "I'll lay you
twelve to one."
I'd rather not," she remarked. "That's my lunch hour."
Thought for the Day: If only women gossip, how do guys and their
buddies keep track of "Who's easy?"
Bill has the typical observant wife. One evening after dinner, she
handed him a bottle of Rogaine hair-restorer.
Bill told her while he was indeed starting to thin out some, he
didn't really think he needed hair-restorer yet.
She said, "Oh. It's not for you, it's for your secretary, she seems
to be losing quite a bit of her hair on your jacket."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store
in
search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices
box
full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex" Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back
Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions)
looks
around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the
man
behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and
said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs
the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out
the
instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says
to
do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and put the frog "down there".
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise,
nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at
this
point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of
the
paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call
the
pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had
some
complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl
welcomes
him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the
instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking
very
concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into it's eyes and
sternly
says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one
more
time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watch the weazel dance! Hilarious!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lesbian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.
2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.
3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
5. What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.
6. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.
8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
10. What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.
11. What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
12. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was in a hurry to board an airplane and he didn't have time to
do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man
stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and snuck him on to
the
plane.
About 30 minutes into the flight, a stewardess noticed that the man
was squirming in his seat.
"Are you OK, mister?" the stewardess asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," said the man.
Time went by and again the stewardess noticed strange movements.
"Are you sure you're all right, sir?"
"Yes," the man insisted, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't
have time to do the paperwork to bring my puppy on board, so I hid
him down the front of my pants."
"I see," the stewardess said. "Well, as long as he's housebroken, I
guess it will be OK."
"Oh, he's housebroken,
weaned yet!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: Do you think you'll ever "tie the knot" again?
Mary: I'm not tying any more knots! In fact, everything I own has
Velcro.
When my neighbor proudly told me he was surprising his new wife with
a horse for Christmas, I asked what kind of horses she liked to
ride.
He said he wasn't sure, but she could probably ride about anything
since she had worked several years at the Mustang Ranch out in
Nevada.
Trelawney was outraged to discover that his favorite club had passed
a law allowing members to bring their wives into the sacred premises
one evening a month.
"Darn females barging in everywhere," he grumbled. "Besides, the
rule is unfair to bachelors like myself. Is it all right if I bring
a girlfriend?"
The chairman of the house committee pondered deeply, then answered
tentatively, "I hardly think anyone would object - provided, of
course, that she's a wife of a member!"
Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy
was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me
late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."
"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.
"Oh... she just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me!"
I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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right at your fingertips
You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
Not available in stores!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Remembering Christmas Past
http://www.silveran
Brother Bob's Christmas Poem
http://ministry-
Carolyn w/ Twelve Days Of Christmas
http://carolynsprec
ml
Daily With The Troops 3
http://www.shangral
John w/ Please Come Home For Christmas
http://heavens-
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Surfin Surfari
Border Wait Times Via Heather
http://apps.
Scrooge Quiz
http://www.funtrivi
Cookie Recipes
http://smittenkitch
Film Questions
http://www.rondexte
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Sally
Bruce's Christmas Banners
http://www.wtv-
Multilingual Christmas Midis
http://www.ylw.
Christmas Fonts
http://moorstation.
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.geocitie
Kitty Korner
http://www.cfainc.
Bunny Cam
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Movie Chips
Automatic Confession
http://www.buffalos
B. J.
http://www.buffalos
Babes At The Beach
http://www.buffalos
Bad Police Search
http://www.buffalos
Bad Day On The Farm
http://www.buffalos
When The Parents Are Gone
http://www.buffalos
Whit Arlington
http://www.buffalos
Why I Go To Weddings
http://www.buffalos
Why Buy Expensive Toys
http://www.buffalos
Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During
the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of
them
possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account
for
this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the
reason
for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and
when
it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best
as
she could."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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the Amazing Flying Monkey, you'll see. The fun is contagious!
You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!
Not available in stores!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Take It Off
http://buffalosjoke
Gimme Sin
http://buffalosjoke
Little Gift?
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sands Of Christ
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further.
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now, click here:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A disgusting young man named McGill,
Made his neighbors exceedingly ill,
Because of his habits,
Involving white rabbits,
And a bird with a flexible bill.
____________
A man from the Washington Post
Once had it off with a ghost;
At the height of orgasm
The pale ectoplasm
Shrieked: "Coming! I'm coming... almost!"
____________
Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess
Stan Kegel
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady, who was an avid record collector, heard there was a new
recording on the market so she dialed her local record store. In her
haste, she missed dialed the number and got a local bar. Before the
bartender could say the establishment'
"do you have hot lips and seven kisses?"
After a short pause the bartender replied "no, but I have hot balls
and
seven inches!"
She inquired, "is that a record?"
To which he replied, "no, but it's better than average!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
stumbling Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man
replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw
it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
Out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, 'Sir are
you aware that you are exposing yourself?' Momentarily confused,
the drunk looks down at his crotch and without Missing a beat,
blurts out.... 'Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
Kathy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1488
Chums
BJ pulls up to a park.
Katie: What are we doing here?
BJ: We are going to meet some of my old friends here guys.
One of which is my oldest and dearest friend from when I was
a young lad. I knew him when I was eight years old. So we have
been friends for 55 years. Another I have known for about 53
years and a third for 51 years. Their names are Harry, John and
Sam. Katie you meet Harry and Sam. Rudy and Sandi you have
meet Harry, this is first time to meet John.
The other cars pull up and older men get out of their cars, but
their is something in their eyes, a twinkle, that bespeaks of
childhood yet inside.
John: Welcome home Bobby (BJ was known as Bobby growing up).
shaking hands..
BJ: Merry Christmas John. How's the family? I know I should call
you Mike as that is what you go by now.
John: Nah, that is okay. I should call you BJ, but you are Bobby
to me.
Sam chuckles as does Harry.
Sam: Harold how are you doing?
Harry: I am fine Sam.
John: The years make us grow older, but never make us grow apart.
BJ: Well said. I just wish Ronnie was here to share.
Harry: He has been gone for what... 10 years?
BJ: Thirteen years. Did everyone bring a glass?
Yes!
BJ: Then raise it...to another year...May we be remain friends.
May
the Blessings of God be with us for another year. Merry Christmas
my
friends!
Rudy: Boy, it makes me want to shed a tear.
Katie: I am shedding a tear.
Sandi: Sniff sniff.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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