Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Anniversary is over and Sandra is happy with her gift. My wife
is technically challenged and can not handle things like microwaves
with keypads, multiple remote controls, and computers, but she loves
music. I got her an Emerson stereo that looks like an old tabletop
radio with a built in record player, cassette tape player, and a CD
player with a minimum of controls. We have quite a bit of vinyl laying
around but we haven't had a way to play it for years as Buffy gave
away my Dual turntable I had stored to some DJ she had a crush on
and Sandy's large console stereo finally gave up the ghost. So
I am safe for another 30 days till I have to figure out a Christmas
gift that won't get returned and I had to brave Wal-mart, Big Lots,
and finally K-mart during Christmas shopping to find this one. I
defy any group of shoppers to try to trample the buffalo, I will
stampede.
Got the new snowblower assembled and trained Buffy to operate
it after I made a few sample passes in front of the house. Eva had
more fun watching mommy blow snow than she does watching
Sesame Street. Dec 1st each year is the start of the on street
parking ban between 3-7 in the morning. To make things even more
confusing they don't let you park on the odd side of the street at
any time. I guess that compass in the mirror may come in handy
when there are no house numbers around.
Enjoy the chips and stay warm. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Survey Chips
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Women's test
I'm Not Bitter Quiz-o-Rama
Instructions: Please answer each question as honestly as possible.
1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out
and leave it as food for wild jackals
2) When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:
a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
b) "Material Girl"
c) "I Touch Myself"
d) Theme from "Psycho"
3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons
4) A woman's hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the
demon-horns
5) My personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbit
6) When it comes to cars, I:
a) Take good care of my car and change my oil regularly.
b) [giggle] What's oil?
c) Think fuzzy dice are cool !
d) Want a Mercedes... NOW!
7) If you man wants to date me, he must also like my:
a) Family
b) Pet rock
c) Therapist
d) Furniture
8) I have a subscription to:
a) Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal
b) Analog and Rolling Stone
c) National Enquirer and T.V. Guide
d) Weekly Reader
9) I want to have ___ children.
a) Any number, as long as they are healthy
b) Some
c) Your
d) Well-dressed
10) My list of favorite authors include:
a) William Shakespeare
b) Maya Angelou
c) Chairman Mao
d) Marquis DeSade
11) A romantic evening is best spent:
a) Before a roaring fire
b) Having a candle-lit dinner
c) Country line dancing
d) Shopping
12) I want to date a(n):
a) Lawyer
b) Engineer
c) Crew-chief at the local JuffyLube
d) Anyone who owns a shoe store
13) I really admire:
a) My parents, for bringing me up right
b) My teachers, for teaching me about life
c) The makers of Velveeta
d) Zsa Zsa Gabor
14) What attracted me most to you (physically) is/are your:
a) Massive chest
b) Tight buns
c) Tattoo collection
d) Credit cards
15) What attracted me most to you (mentally) is/are your:
a) Sparkling wit
b) Open mind
c) Deep understanding of power tools
d) Huh?
16) I really get turned on when you:
a) Are with me
b) Kiss my neck
c) Imitate Beavis and Butt-Head
d) Do the dishes
17) I can't live without:
a) The support of friends
b) Oxygen
c) Entertainment Tonight
d) Makeup
18) If you were really depressed, I would:
a) Listen to your problems
b) Rub your back
c) Get you drunk
d) Laugh
19) My favorite television programs are:
a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
b) MST3K, Roseanne, and Star Trek:TNG
c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and AmericaUs Most Wanted
d) Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual
20) My favorite pig out food is:
a) Low-fat yogurt
b) Haagen Dasz
c) Gummi worms
d) A man's still quivering heart
21) A man should know where I keep my:
a) House keys
b) Erogenous zones
c) Ear-wax remover
d) Guns
22) I would rather die a slow painful death than:
a) Betray a confidence
b) Betray my country
c) Miss "Wheel of Fortune"
d) Spend one more minute with you
23) The most hellish,vile place on Earth is:
a) Bosnia-Herzegovina
b) Texas
c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
d) Your bedroom
24) The one phrase I would love to hear is:
a) "Congratulations, Madame President"
b) "Ohmygod, that is the winning lottery ticket!"
c) "Wow! I've never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!"
d) "What we can't figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in the
first place."
25) If a man was to propose to me, I would:
a) Cry
b) Call my mother
c) Be pregnant
d) Giggle uncontrollably
Please write a 300 word essay on the theme: "A Woman's Role In the
Relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur"
Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
puppy love
http://www.thepostm
Pinnochio
http://www.thepostm
you kids have fun
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Cox
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Cocka Cola
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I see
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jewish Chips
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Selma telephones home with some
exciting news:
"Mama, I got married."
"Mazel Tov," says Mama.
"I might as well tell you, Mama, he's not of
our Faith."
"So he's a goy. But am I prejudiced?"
"But, Mama, he's also black."
"So he's a schvartzeh. By me, everybody
should be tolerant."
"Well, frankly, Mama, he's also unemployed."
"So, you'll support him. A wife should help
her husband."
"But, Mama, we have no place to live."
"Don't worry, Selma, dear. You'll move in
with us."
"But Mama, you have only one bedroom."
"That's okay. You and your husband can
have the bedroom."
"Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa
sleep?"
"Papa can sleep on the couch in the living
room."
"Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"
"Selma, dear, about me you don't need to
worry. The minute I get off the phone...
I'm going to drop dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American guy travels to Japan on business. After 3 days of
intense meetings, he's exhausted.
After work he decides to go out and get some dinner, and maybe have a
few drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki, he's feeling a
little horny. He decides to go down the street to a geisha bar.
After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his
hotel for some action.
They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the
bed. As they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then
screaming. As she catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin-Wa!
Shin-Wa!"
The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his
life, and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a
great time. After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely
able to walk out of the room.
The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the
Japanese company he had been meeting with. Everything goes
great . . . they get to the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt
to make par, and have the best round of his life. He takes his time,
lines it up, and sinks it!
The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the
Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!"
The CEO turns to him and says, "What do mean, wrong hole?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sands Of Christ
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to
you.
8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....
9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to
"tinker"
around with.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -diggity.
14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night
long.
19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.
20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.
23. I look good on you.
24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. A ctually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more tha n a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she res ponded breathlessly.
"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four regulars were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and
play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make
it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf
course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my
wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy
says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave
her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my
wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like
they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense
for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe,
Merry Christmas! It's a great morning, is it Intercourse or Golf Course and
she said... "Take a sweater - it's a bit cool this morning..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like RC Toys we have them
The Copper1 MedEvac and Fire Rescue Helicopters
are next year's hottest RC Toys. This 2009 version
came in early and has limited quantity.
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Ed Hardy Viper RC Boat:
This super fast RC boat works in your pool, pond, lake or even the ocean! Includes a powerful 7.2V battery and charger - tons of power to rip and shred your way around your pool! Cut left, Cut right, Hit the throttle and zoom away with full directional control up to 300 feet!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Although I May Be Different
http://www.carolspo
John w/ If I Were Santa
http://heavens-
Carolyn w/No Place Like Home For The Holidays ~Perry Como
http://carolynsprec
Oh Holy Night
http://summerhoosie
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We are giving away DATING SITE memberships TODAY! But not to a regular dating site full of people that don't know what they want. Our singles know EXACTLY what they want!
If you are over 18 years of age, then we want to give you a -FREE- membership to the best ADULT DATING SITE around! All of the members of this dating community want to meet up with new people for one intimate and fun encounters! You have to check it out!
Now, we only have 197 memberships to give away. So if you DO NOT want to date beautiful singles in your city for intimate encounters then do not accept this membership that we want to give you for no cost.
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Surfin Surfari
Christmas Puzzles
http://www.animated
Flower Art
http://www.shangral
Kaleidiscope
http://www.zefrank.
Virtual Fish Tank
http://www.virtualf
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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious relationship secretly download software applications that allow them to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the Internet.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Find Sounds
http://www.findsoun
Gary's Midi
http://www.garyrog.
Unusual effect-photos http://curiosidades
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You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome $497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
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I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training System so I can help people finally get the truth!
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.doghause
Kitty Korner
Magic Cats
http://www.shangral
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch! And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time! And new stations are added daily!
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We wanted to let you know right away that you have been invited to win a seat and play in our upcoming World Series of Poker*.
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Movie Chips
Best Work Boot Ad
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Bier
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Bird Crap Detector
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Breast Implant recall
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Black Diamond Cheese
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Bowling Bloopers
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Boy & Labrador
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Brass Pole
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Bud Light Wheel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. Nurse he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head). "Nikita Kruschev? But he is dead for a long time." "I don't care I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last wish!" The nurse didn't know what to do. Then she thought of something. As the man did not wear his glasses the nurse takes her beautiful tits out of her bra and offers the left one to the man. He holds it, caresses it and very moved. He said, "Oh my dear Nikita, my old friend!! How happy I am to see you again!" He was kissing her left tit so warmly that the nurse started liking the whole situation. She asks the man, "What about kissing president Eisenhower's head." "Yes!! Is he here too?" "Of course he is here," she says, and offers him her right tit. "Oh my dear president how happy I am to see you here," said the man, kissing again and again, "Eisenhower.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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With WOW Containers you can:
* Mix and match sizes
* Always have room at the top
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* Stop losing lids
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* 22 two cup containers
* 10 four cup containers
* 6 eight cup containers
* 2 bonus twelve cup containers
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phone Sex
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Life Savers
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Anal Sex Is Easy
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Squat On This
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hear what you've been missing!
The Bell + Howell Silver Sonic XL has the ability to give you sonic hearing, easily amplifying sounds up to 60 feet away. Never miss out on a conversation, game or TV show ever again! Small and lightweight, it looks like a wireless cell phone earpiece so no one will know you have sonic hearing! Silver Sonic XL's flexible ear mount easily adjusts to fit all ear shapes and sizes. Plus, the convenient volume control lets you easily control the intensity and volume of your Silver Sonic XL so you can set the level right where you want it.
Silver Sonic XL is portable, SONIC HEARING!
* Small and lightweight
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* 3 soft tips helps insure comfortable fit
* Amplifies sounds up to 60 feet away!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Once Was A Man From Peru
Who Was Desperately Hanging Out For A Screw.
He Picked Up A Moll
And Rammed Home His Pole
Then Said, `Jesus, That Was Long Overdue.'
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Badly Wanted A Screw.
She Tried A Broom-Handle
And The End Of A Candle,
But Threw Them Away For A Jew.
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Had Nothing Whatever To Do.
So She Sat On The Stairs,
And Counted C*nt Hairs;
Four Thousand, Three Hundred And Two.
There Was A Young Girl From Peru,
Who Regretted Her Lovers Were Few.
So She Walked From Her Door,
With A Fig Leaf, No More.
And Now She's In Bed With The Flu.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TITAN Peeler - The World's Best Peeler!
The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting, dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order yours today!
What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time.
*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer. *Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and vegetables.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says, "I bet I know what you
want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with
every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S."
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have
enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with
every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I
have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any
because I can smell it on your finger!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Barack Obama is being honored on brilliant, uncirculated U.S. Mint Presidential Dollars by The New England Mint. These limited edition coins are now available to the American public for the first time ever through this special offer. Order today and as a special bonus you’ll receive the President Obama 2008 Kennedy Half Dollar Layered in 24K gold FREE!
This offer is only available until January 2009 and then will be retired FOREVER.
To Order follow the link below:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A world renowned cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral
attended by fellow physicians, family members, friends. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart
then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said,
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral....I'
That's when the proctologist fainted
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snuggie - Lower Your Heating BILLS This Winter!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1481
Black Friday Revisited
Diana: Everybody up, it is 4 am!
Rudy: What.. 4 am, so is it a fire?
Diana: No, it is time to go shopping.
Rudy: You got to be kidding me. I am shopping for my pillow it
is right here.
BJ: Don't you want to go shopping Rudy?
Rudy: Heck, I am awake now. I have to go to the bathroom so might
as well go along.
Katie: Shopping! Oh boy, my favorite thing.
Sandi: Can we buy food?
BJ: No, we usually get different kind of things on black Friday.
Rudy: Like what?
BJ: We got a plasma TV last year, movies, electronic stuff.
Sandi: That's cool.
Katie: I need my sweater, it is cold outside and dark.
Diana: Remember what I told you guys, it will be a madhouse
there.
Rudy: A-roo! I will lead the way!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Remember 9/11/01
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