[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Tues

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I was in the process of taking a quick nap this morning about 0600.
The lists were close to done and I intended to get up about 0700
and put the finishing touches on them and send them out when I
heard the fan in my room slow for a second and the power went
out. I picked up the phone and dialed the electric company within
seconds and was told by the recording that they were experiencing
outages in the area because of ice and high winds. When the
dispatcher came on I gave her the address and told her there was
no sound when it went off which helps them track down a blown
transformer. All of this was within 30 seconds of my eyes opening
and then I was wide awake. I couldn't go back to sleep and the
computer was off so I couldn't finish the list so I just laid there
for an
hour till the power came back on.

Once the power came on I finished the lists and hopped in the
shower and took another quick nap till it was getting close to time
for Sandy's Optometrist appointment and I went to start the Suburban
and nothing happened, it acted like the battery was dead. I went
to plan B and went out back and fired up the Sunbird. It started
right
up but there was a small snowbank left by the plow as it went trough
the alley. It looked like I might be able to bust through with a run
so I
pulled forward all the way and made a run at it, and got hung up about
half way through with the end of the car hanging out into the alley.
With Sandy and Buffy and a lot of shoveling and Cat litter we got the
car out in time for the appointment. My nephew Joey came over and
spotted a loose wire from the remote starter and got the Suburban
started and I made one more run to Wal-mart to pay for Sandy's
glasses which only set me back 300 with the examination which
actually is about 200 less than what I paid last time. Sandy is
happy and didn't complain about my laptop which arrived yesterday.

The Sunbird is gone. My nephew Frankie was in need of a vehicle
as his Blazer died the other day and he is starting college in a
couple of weeks. I hope it lasts him for awhile, because like most
teens he is a bit hard on vehicles.

Life goes on in the Great White North. Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Sailor Chips
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A Sailor's Christmas
`Twas the night before Christmas, a calm night at sea
We nestled in our racks for Holiday Routine
When from the ventilation there came such a clatter
We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When out from the vent fell this big dust covered dude
He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude
Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes
"Don't goddamn stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose from the deck, then he peered all around
Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound
"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name
"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please f*ckin' explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth
He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth
"Now, look here you bastards" he said as he strolled
"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!"
Then he looked down at the boots that lay at his feet
"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown
"Who the hell polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark
Even spotting dust bunnies, right there in the dark!
"You've got high dust and low dust, that overhead needs cleaning!"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick
"You'd better shit me an answer and SHIT ME ONE QUICK!"
The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard
"Now look right here shitbirds, this asshole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This damn deck it will shine!
I don't want to hear bitching! I need not hear you whine!"
So we gathered our foxtails, our buckets, and swabs
We all worked in silence to finish the job.
It took over an hour to finish our space
He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face
Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff
"Now this is more like it! NOW your not so f*cked up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts
But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-shits!?"
"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!
Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like forever `til reveille sounded
We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded
But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?
But a pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer.
Attached to the buffer, we found a short note
We all gathered 'round to see what he'd wrote
"Next year at Christmas, best have all your shit wired!"
Signed:
Fair Winds,
"Chief" Clause

Dave

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Thurough stripper
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=004strip-to-the-bone.gif

Tree huggers
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=004Tree-huggers.jpg

Safety sign
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=003be-careful-the-safe.jpg

Blanket
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52826.htm

Windows
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52827.htm

No mothers day
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52828.htm

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Plagues Chips
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Ten Plagues
From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
To: The Lord of Hosts

Dear Supreme Being:

Thanks again for accepting our bid for the ten plagues contract. As
agreed, the following pestilences will be delivered to you for
inflicting on the land of Egypt by Passover next:

1. Blood
2. Frogs
3. Gnats
4. Flies
5. Livestock
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locusts
9. Darkness
10. Death of the firstborn

To maximize efficiency of resource utilization, we will be engaging a
number of reputable subcontractors to carry out some of the work. We
will ensure that all this falls within the proposed budget, and we
will coordinate with Moses, of course.

Yours sincerely,

Manny Truelove, Seraph i/c Miracles

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London Chips
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n a nearly empty London bar on a filthy winter's day, there were
several patrons quietly drinking when in comes your stereotypical
American visitor, obviously unimpressed by the country, its weather
and everything else about it.

He says loudly, "What a lousy country. The bars are shut half the
time, it's cold, wet and windy, the beer tastes like piss and is
served at the same temperature, the streets are packed and you can't
even get a cab."

Several people quietly leave.

He looks at a gentleman quietly sipping a pink gin and says, "Hey,
limey:
how can you bear to live in such a miserable place?"

He is ignored, more people leave. After much more of this only the
gentleman with the pink gin, the barman and the American are left.

He says, "Hey, limey, I'm talking to you. I've been to damn near
every country in the world and this is the lousiest. I dunno how you
can bear to live here. This country is just the arsehole of the
world."

The gentleman with the pink gin pauses, takes another sip and,
turning, delicately enquires of the American, "Oh, yes. Just passing
through, are you?"

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Short Chips
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Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the
size of the other's manhood, so he asked "How did ya get it that
big?"
The other boy responded "Well I rub it down every night with lard."
Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again
there
was a comparison made with no results. The first boy said "I did
what
ya told me. Every night I have rubbed it down with Crisco." The
other
boy exclaimed "Well, no wonder, that's shortening."

"I've got this thing for tall, lean men," said the new coder at the
software company. "That Mike in sales is certainly a long tall drink
of water." "I hate to bust your bubble honey," replied the office
veteran, "but for a long tall drink of water, he's got an awful
short
straw."

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief
vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an
affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting
few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then
stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her
lap! "Helen,
why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he
cried. "I
would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the
baby
would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out
about
my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it
would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

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Women Chips
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Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want

1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to subtly
steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity and power
they possess as lifegivers and come up with some decent, affordable
childcare. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get
off welfare and we won't have to listen to any more idiots in
Congress blathering about orphanages.

4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look
at ... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle next to you.
You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a slacking,
worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30 percent less than
Carl. Hellooo ...

5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask, "Who's your
daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.

6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out.
Words are kind of important.

7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rock
stars to have women their own age in their videos.

8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now, Clouseau, you
should *know* if she came.

9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask for
directions.

10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off your dick
in your sleep, take it like a man.

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Rodeo Chips
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Rodeo Pick-up Lines
"Got 8 seconds?"

"Ropes, spurs, leather gloves -- Honey, even if I weren't no cowboy,
we're talking a good time!"

"Honey, I need a belt buckle this large to keep from gettin' arrested
in Mississippi."

"Ain't no rodeo clown in the world that could keep me off you,
Darlin'."

"Here's my number, call me when you need a few bucks."

"Run if ya want, Missy, but I'll have you hog-tied quicker than you
can say 'stay away from me you Skoal-chewin'freak.'"

"How'd you like to put a pinch of me between your cheek and gum?"

"Them calves of yours sure look like they could use a bit of ropin'."

"I'll be in Intensive Care later. Why don't you drop by?"

"You sure make me wish I hadn't crapped my pants when that bull
charged."

"Is that a pelvis broken in three places, or are you just happy to
see me?"

"That's right, I said 'AND the horse you rode in on.'"

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Dear Sweet Jesus
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/Dear.html

Carolyn w/ Santa Baby
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/santababy.html

Hyacinth w/Merry Christmas
http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/merrychristmas.html

Christmas With You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/ChristmasYou.htm

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Get the Guitar Hero World Tour(R) Band Kit, FREE (with completion of
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Surfin Surfari

Black Dog's Christmas
http://www.billybear4kids.com/holidays/christmas/christms.htm

Christmas Facts!
http://www.luvscreations.com/holiday_facts.htm

Santatelevision - Santa Claus
http://www.santatelevision.com/

Hand Painting Art
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Happy Holiday from Sally
http://script-artist.com/swf/MINE.swf

Chrismas Time Grads
http://tandemtables.com/TOOTERS2/cmas/

White Christmas
http://simplysally.com/arts/extras/white_christmas.html

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.cci.org/site/c.cdKGIRNqEmG/b.3978475/k.BED8/Home.htm

Kitty Korner
http://www.ginnyfanclub.com/

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Movie Chips

Dragon Costume
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akjhk.htm

DUI
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adui.htm

Dunham On Marriage
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajhfdt.htm

Elephant
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajhikok.htm

Eric O Shea
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfdr.htm

En weg zijn re rimpels
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhjkl.htm

Engineers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/okik.htm

English speaking FFs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfrf.htm

Erl I love you
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghygh.htm

Ethan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ffdd.htm

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Doubt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is talking to his best friend about married life. "You know,"
he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been
faithful to me. But there's always that doubt." His friend
says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business.
Before he goes, he gets together with his friend. "While I'm away,
could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is
anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always
that doubt." The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend. "So did anything
happen?"

"I have some bad news for you," says the friend. "The day after you
left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn
honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove
away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a
strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go
on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the
man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then
they turned off the light." "Then what happened?" says the man. "I
don't know. It was too dark to see." "Damn, you see what I mean?
There's always that doubt."

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Toon Chips
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Santa says
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j001.html

plugged chimney
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j002.html

bad news
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j003.html

Mother load...
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52823.htm

Damn Dog
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52824.htm

Another Priceless
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/52825.htm

Don't Be Afraid
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22411.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22411.htm "> Here!</a>

Nude Beach Members
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22410.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22410.htm "> Here!</a>

Hidden
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22409.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22409.htm "> Here!</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you
to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably.

The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed
to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece.

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Chief Chips
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Command Master Chief Selection A young Navy Officer was in a car
accident, but due to the heroics of another young officer the only
permanent injury was to both ears, which subsequently were amputated.
Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and
eventually became an Admiral. He remained, however, very sensitive
about is appearance. One day the new Admiral was interviewing three
Master Chiefs for the Command Master Chief position. The first Master
Chief was a Surface warfare type and it was a great interview. At the
end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything
different about me?" The Surface Warfare Master Chief answered, "Why
yes. I couldn't help but notice you have no ears."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tack and threw him out of
his office. The Aviation Master Chief replied, "Well yes. You have no
ears." The Admiral threw him out also. The third interview was with a
Submarine Master Chief. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and
seemed to know more than the other two Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same
question, "Do you notice anything differently about me?" To his
surprise the Submarine Master Chief said, "Yes. You wear contact
lenses." The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an
incredibly observant Master Chief, and he didn't mention my
ears. "And how do you know that?", the Admiral asked. The Submarine
Master Chief replied, "Well it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no
frigging ears."

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to
know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does
for a living. The first little girl says, "My name is Mary and my
daddy is a postman."

The next little boy says, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

Then one little boy says, "My name is Johnny and my father is a
striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later
in the school yard, she approaches Johnny privately and asks if it
was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

Johnny blushed and said, "No, I'm sorry. My dad's the defensive
coordinator for the Green Bay Packers, but I was just too embarrassed
to say so."

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Northern Territory farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the
farm manager.

'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute.
The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my Ute
and
is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.'

The manager says,'Ok, there's a ...303Rifle behind the seat.
Take it; shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him.'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, 'I did what you said
boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the
bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on'.

'Now what's the problem?' raged the Manager.

'Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck
under the right-front wheel arch.'

'... You there Boss?

Michelle

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The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
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sport stock. The laser sight makes this a sure fire winner! This toy
gun shoots fast and accurate at approximately 200 FPS. The Warrior AK-
47 Airsoft Spring Sniper Rifle is a full size rifle and even comes
with safety glasses and a starter pack of BBs.

Click here to hear more or buy now:

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn

Vol 141

Rutherford

(We do have a stray white lab, about 5 months old hanging around the

house. He was in rough shape, maybe a broken jaw, ticks everywhere

and his ribs stuck out. I have left extra food out and now he is well

rounded. We have become, if not friends, neighbors).

Sandi: Pops, what can we do for Rutherford?

BJ: I have put together the old dog house, put your shredded blanket

in it, left extra food and water outside. What more can we do?

Katie: Bring him in Dad.

BJ: We have just enough right now Katie. Four of you is enough.

I do not mind if Rutherford is outside.

Sandi: How would you treat baby Jesus if He were outside dad?

BJ: Gulp!

Katie: Yes, we know you have done a lot of good. You have saved

Sandi, Callie and are helping Rutherford, but we want to help.


BJ: What do you want to do?

Katie: I have a crew working on the doghouse. We have put in

a large bed, a tv, and nice living room.


BJ: But the dog house is only 5 feet by 4 feet... how can...

Katie: Mirrors, a little paint will do wonders.

Sandi: Yep Pops, already we are planning a food drive to help

Rutherford.

BJ: Girls I think it is time we talked about Christmas...

The Herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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