[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Tues


Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Nancy was over yesterday and tried to set up a wireless
network for me. She ran into the same problems that I ran
into when I tried to set it up following Netgear's instructions.
I know she was figuring, buffalo is an idiot and theis will take
5 minutes, but she was on it for two hours with no success
so now I feel better even though I am out 40 bucks for a
router because I tossed the box for it a few weeks ago. Today
I'll get a Linksys router and try again, as I need to get Buffy
out of my room and hopefully my network will reach to her house
which is a half block away. There are unsecured systems
everywhere and people have no idea how far a network actually
reaches. We are getting signals from over two blocks away and
fairly strong at 3 bars.

I went out yesterday evening in a blizzard. There wasn't much snow
falling but 48 mph winds were doing a good job of blowing the stuff
we had around. It was icy out too and automatic four wheel drive and
ABS are great for this weather but you can still do some fun slides
and skids as long as there are no other cars around. I would hate to

slap someone with a 4,000 lb. vehicle just playing around.

We managed to keep our power on last night but my mom's lights went
out several times and finally as I was talking to her on the phone
her
power went off completely. The electric company found the problem
and had her back up and running in a couple of hours. In the
meantime
Nancy's boys had brought her a lantern and a small heater which was
really nice of them. There are sometimes when a person can wish they
had the old woodstove instead of gas heat but they are few and far
between.

Thanks to Mark in Japan and Wesley for the tips on yoyos. First
slack
time I get I will work on it.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Relation Chips
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Cues and Clues to bag the male

Never do housework.
No man ever made love to a woman
because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man -
unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep
with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should
be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - its too
little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well -
they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the
opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to
suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in,
tell him check books.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually,
"Oh all right, I'll stay the night".

Women sleep with men who, if they were women,
they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that
you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no,
you're just practicing.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him,
"You may be, you look familiar."

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Things You Can Do With a Useless Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/040206.htm
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Pussy Is Pussy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/040205.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/040205.htm "> Here!</a>

Progress
http://www.buffaloschips.com/040204.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/040204.htm "> Here!</a>

Viagra
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Cunnilingus
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22723.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22723.htm "> Here!</a>

Feel Elvis
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22722.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22722.htm "> Here!</a>

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Survive Chips
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Sing along to the tune of "I will survive"

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I
grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on....

But there you are? Another lie
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've bought me a french fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans!

(Chorus)

Go on now go, walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4! Weren't
you a brat to think I wouldn't rat you out!? Don't you know we're
only joking when we say size doesn't count???!

I will survive! I will survive!
'Cos as long as I have batteries, my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!. . ..Hey! Hey!

[Verse II]

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud!
But to hell with all your egos and to hell with all your needs Now
I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

(Chorus)


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Get Ripped.

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Lion Chips
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The Ideal Quarterback.


The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions.
The only thing that was missing was a topnotch quarterback to lead
the team.

Then, one night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young
Afghan Muslim soldier with an incredible arm. He threw a hand
grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!

Then, he threw another at a passing car going ninety miles an hour.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself. "He has the
perfect arm for a quarterback!"

So, he travels to Afghanistan, finds the young man, brings him to
the States, and teaches him the great game of professional football,
the way it is played in the U.S.And, the Detroit Lions win the Super
Bowl on the strength of the young man's abilities. The young Afghan
is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him
what he wants, all the man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom" he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You
deserted us You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've
won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among
thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts "At this very moment,
there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of
rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives
last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she
doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses for a moment, and then
tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to
Detroit!"

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Studies are coming out at a rapid rate showing the dangers of
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Cat Chips
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HARVARD READING TEST
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard
University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud
without a mistake. The average person over 50 years of age can't do
it!

1. This is this cat

2. This is is cat

3. This is how cat

4. This is to cat

5. This is keep cat

6. This is an cat

7. This is old cat

8. This is fart cat

9. This is busy cat

10. This is for cat

11. This is forty cat

12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top
down.

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SnoreEzzz - Tired of Your Husband or Wife Snoring?
This Pillow Is Your Answer!

SnoreEzzz was invented by a woman whose husband had a snoring
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Whether you sleep on your side or back, the patent-pending
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like a baby.

Wake Up Renewed and Refreshed
* Reduces or eliminates snoring in adults
* Aligns the head and spine
* Comfort of a down pillow
* Hypoallergenic polyester fibers
* Completely washable
* Practical as a backrest
* Elevates the legs while resting in bed
* FDA approved

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Mouse Chips
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A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful female
giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked
over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside
her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the
bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the
barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and
broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing
I must have run 10 miles!"

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Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out

Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
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Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
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Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.

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Short Chips
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A five year old boy walked in on his mother taking a
bath in the tub.

The five year old looked over her naked body.

He pointed to her Yet, and asked "What's that Mommy?"

The mother, a bit embarrassed, told a white lie, and
said, "That's where an axe hit me son."

Later the boy was playing with some friends, and told
them, "You know what? My Mom got hit by an axe right
in HER PUSSY!"

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered
the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to
disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter. One
nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor
facing upwards.

"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her.

"This is a stick-up,...not an office party!"

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Pampered Toes is the new miracle foot therapy product that soothes
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Pampered Toes are waterproof so you can even wear them in the shower

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends

Poems Of The Week!
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html

carolyn w/ Falling In Love Tonight ~Elvis
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/fallinginlovetonight.html

Martha w/A Prayer For The New Year
http://www.epicureansdelight.stocktonet.com/a_prayer_for_the_new_yea
r.htm

SouthBreeze w/New Year Wishes
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Surfin Surfari

Word/Phrase Origins
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Medical Health Test
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Christmas Fire
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Environmental Art
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

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New Year Animations
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Animal World

Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips

Funnel Prank
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Funniest Video Of The Year
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Funny
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Funny Video
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Futuristic Car
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Fiesta Days For Emailing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0102.htm


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Man Rules Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed
to call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the
allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever.

6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10
scale.

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly
optional.

9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more
importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see
nothin'.

13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is
beer.

14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only
after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under
the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment,
she's officially your girlfriend.

15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel...and it's free.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,
you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.

18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a
Sagittarius?"

19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

21. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you
may not join him...too gay.

22. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you
in the eye, and deliver a "FUCKOFF!" You are absolved of your
responsibility.

23. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before
the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
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Scrub King - Cuts Your Cleaning Jobs In Half

Simply attach to any garden hose and you get the only portable
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* Works Under Water
* Has More Torque Than Any Other Scrubber
* Nearly 300 Scrubs Per Minute

14 Day Trail
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Toon Chips
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the blame
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j101.html

surprise
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j102.html

base ball
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j103.html

Pervert!
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Sucking His Finger
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22719.htm
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Trained
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22720.htm
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you
to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably.

The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed
to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece.

Additional Ordering Details:

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Limerick Chips
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They will pass out free condoms, you know,
But not sex toys for women, and so
If a dildo's desired,
It can sure be acquired,
But you'll need to use cash called dil-dough.
(Kirk Miller)
________________________________________

This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, "Dad, I've got to fart!"
Said Bart, "If you do, you must sit in your own pew."
(Judy K.)
________________________________________

Golfers cuss all day long 'til they're hoarse.
I don't like it; to me it's the source
Of a peeve, drives my mad
Tees me off, it's so sad
The rough language is par for the coarse.
(Kirk Miller)

Ross

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PASTA N MORE - The Amazing New 5-in-1 Pasta Cooker!

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* Pasta Pot
* 2 Handles
* Strainer Lid
* Steam Rack
* Storage Lid
* Cookbook

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you a prostitute or are you a consultant?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another
client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what
they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the
client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

17. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return
looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday
PM).

18. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

19. Even though you might get paid the big bucks, it's the client
who walks away smiling.

20. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is
higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

21. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you
constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
Your kids and loved ones will have hours of fun and competition.
With plastic BB's, its fun and safe to see who has the best shot! It
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check
He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I
just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job

The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is
excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who

wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Ben z CL, and he
will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals
will
be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her
overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will
also
have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as
the
daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A
two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc.
located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and
the
salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me!

The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . .. You started it.'

Randy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 517

The Birthday Part 2

Diana: So what happened then?

Sandi: Rudy offered the police some beer.

Diana: Oh no!

Sandi: Oh yes. They were going to handcuff Rudy, until Katie
placed
them under a hypnotic spell and made them drink some beer.

Diana: That is worse.

Sandi: She made them act like chickens.

Diana: Oh dear.

Sandi: They would peck around the yard, drink some beer. Finally a
second police car came by and arrested the first two police men and
apologized for the behavior of the other officers.

Diana: I might need to come home.

Sandi: Everything is okay.

Diana: So where was dad during all this time?

Sandi: Oh yes Dad. I forgot to tell you about the Playboy
Playmates didn't I.

Diana: WHAT!!!!

Sandi: Just kidding mother. Dad was all tired out from moving his
mother and he was asleep downstairs and missed all the fun.

Diana: Fun?

Sandi: Well I have to go. The fire trucks are leaving.

Diana: Fire trucks?

Sandi: Oh, I forgot that part of the story.

To be continued

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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