THE POSTMAN'S CORNER "Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." ~Mark Twain  BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably. The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece. Never miss another word at lectures, movies, shows, or even church… Turn up the volume on what people around you are saying… Listen at the level you want without disturbing others Hear a pin drop from across the room Turns ordinary hearing into extraordinary hearing http://www.thepostm  The Verseo Detox Foot Patch! Detoxify your body in just minutes a day! Made with 100% all natural ingredients. The Verseo Detox Foot Patch is an all natural patch that extracts heavy metals and other toxins from your system while you sleep. It took Japanese scientists over 24 years to develop this technology. People are using The Verseo Detox Foot Patch to: -Relieve pain and discomfort of arthritis -Boost their immune system -Increase vitality and energy -Reduce stress and anxiety -Improve circulation -Improve sleep -Enhance mental focus and concentration -Soothe headaches -Increase vitality and energy http://www.thepostm  Us Weekly, People Magazine or InTouch Weekly Choose your favorite magazine and receive a FREE 1 Year Subscription! Get the latest celebrity and entertainment gossip delivered right to your doorsteps for FREE! http://www.thepostm  Calling all laundry Experts! Which laundry detergent does the best job at getting out those pesky stains? Vote for Tide(R), All(R) or Cheer, and we will give you a FREE $250 Visa(R) Gift Card! http://www.thepostm  Which tickles your taste buds: Whopper® or Big Mac? Take our Nationwide Hamburger Survey today! Share your opinion and participate in our offers to receive a FREE* $500 Gift Card! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! The other day, I was out and about and happened to see some beef pot pies on sale. Growing up, we rarely had such things. As farmers, we mostly were a meat and potatoes family, butchering our own, or the wild game my brother and I managed to bag. So, we considered it special, when momma came home with "store bought foods" like pot pies. It had been years since I had any, since the war department considers such foods to be inedible. She seems to think that pot pies are not on the healthy food list. But I picked one up and brought it home anyway. When I opened it up, I was surprised to discover they no longer put them in one of those aluminum bowls like they used to, using cardboard so they are microwavable, I suppose. Couldn't help but notice they were a lot smaller than I remember, too. I did it the old fashioned way and stuck the thing in the oven. When it was done and I bit into it, it was not quite so tasty as I remembered. There is a simple truth in life that perhaps often we forget. Child hood memories are best left as that, memories. Turk the dog, AKA Carlos the rat, however, seemed to think the pie was worthwhile. He managed to consume a great deal of it. Unfortunately, he was not that happy with my decision on how to divide it between the two of us, as I think he felt that he should have received a bigger share of the spoils. By the way, the little beast has managed to win over the heart of "the war department". She has declared to daughter that "we just ain't givin him back to ya." And it appears that "Carlos" now has a new permanent home, The Postman's Corner has a new assistant editor, and I have a permanent job as official dog keeper. But most importantly, I suppose future trips to the grocery store will mean that I will have to pick up 2 pot pies, rather than one:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS the urology clinic http://www.thepostm first theraputic mattress for men http://www.thepostm while they were at it http://www.thepostm stop complaining http://www.thepostm tree surgeon http://www.thepostm Mrs. Frosty http://www.thepostm can't remember http://www.thepostm Frankly Jim... http://www.thepostm at the fitness club http://www.thepostm smile http://www.thepostm PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY THIS NEWS YEARS EVE!  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES treadmills are hazardous to your health http://www.thepostm holy shit man! http://www.thepostm egg nog challenge http://www.thepostm weekend fishing trip http://www.thepostm value of a helmet http://www.thepostm Uncle Jay explains the news http://www.thepostm Wife's Christmas present http://www.thepostm The 2009 calendar for both men and women! http://www.thepostm If you were an orphan http://www.thepostm quick shot 2008 http://www.thepostm tips for a beautiful life http://www.thepostm a park in North Korea http://www.thepostm  INTERESTING STUFF Triumph the insult dog http://www.thepostm bungie jumpin http://www.thepostm the sun in motion http://www.thepostm 7 years in Afghanistan http://www.thepostm bizzarre videos of 2008 http://www.thepostm the beginners excersize guide http://www.thepostm whopper virgins http://www.thepostm Young Pauly found a girlfriend, but neither one of them knew what to do about sex (one would have thought it's intuitive, but there you have it). They went to Maury for advice, and Maury told the young woman to undress and get on the bed and he would show them what to do. The young woman undressed as she was told by Maury and preceded to get on the bed. Experienced Maury then began to show them the steps involved in making love, in every possible position. When he was finished, he said to Pauly, "Now you can take her home and practice what I have shown you." The young woman said, "Wait a minute Maury, show him again what to do... he is a little forgetful." ____________ Two women friends were out buying Christmas gifts. For her little ones, one of them bought a few of the latest toy gadgets. Unfortunately, they all read, "Batteries Not Included." So they headed over to the electronics department for batteries, but they were all behind the counter. Try as she might, the woman with the gadgets could not get the attention of one of the harried sales clerks. "I know how to get a clerk's attention," her friend said. "Watch this, Sally." She opened her purse, pulled out a tape measure and began measuring the dimensions of one of those $4,000 plasma TVs. Instantly, a sales clerk practically leap-frogged over several displays to reach the woman. "Can I help you?" he asked. "Yes," she said, pointing to the display behind the counter. "We need batteries. Four AA's, two size D's and two nine-volts!" ____________ A young woman went to and evening class to improve her sexual capabilities. When she gets there, she sees an apple, an orange and a pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and a black-board. "What is all this for?" she asked. The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and she does. "Now," said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange." The young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm going. "This is great," she said enthusiastically, "but what is the chalk for?" "When you've got the hang of the fruit," said the instructor, "I want you to stick the chalk up your ass and write 'Mississippi' on the black-board twenty times." ____________ Happy New Year Fart http://www.funpagee A Hard Blow to His Case http://www.funpagee When Patriotism Attacks http://www.funpagee Easy Meal in Africa http://www.funpagee Happy Nude Year http://www.funpagee Dumb Bomb Threat http://www.funpagee Laws That Make Babies Cry http://www.funpagee Jay Leno's economic jokes. 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market. 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street. 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW. 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie! 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left. ____________ David walked into the neighborhood bar and announced that he was divorcing his wife. The bartender asked why. "Well," David said, "yesterday was her birthday, so I took her to the fanciest restaurant in town." "So?" the bartender replies. "So I order a bottle of their best champagne, and I made a toast--'to the best woman a man could have.' " "What's wrong with that?" "Four waiters joined in...." ____________ Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you?" The silver-haired Marcie looked up to see a distinguished- white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and moved over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours, the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had had long, happy marriages, ha lost their spouses during the previous year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma'am, may I ask you two questions?" With great interest and anticipation, Marcie replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcie, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcie grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcie said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?" BUFFALO Bill Cunnilingus http://www.buffalos Feel Elvis http://www.buffalos FUN PAGES from Lorrain Who Doesn't Like Weddings? http://tinyurl. Blonde Secretary http://tinyurl. What Smells Like Feet? http://tinyurl. PAPA Thorn Library scholar http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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