THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!!! Blow, blow, thou winter wind Thou art not so unkind, As man's ingratitude. William Shakespeare  BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably. The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece. Never miss another word at lectures, movies, shows, or even church… Turn up the volume on what people around you are saying… Listen at the level you want without disturbing others Hear a pin drop from across the room Turns ordinary hearing into extraordinary hearing Special TV Offer Includes buy one get one free! http://www.thepostm  Yum-O! Get cooking with your FREE Rachael Ray(TM) Chef's Package including a 10-pc. Hard Anodized Cookware Set, a Rachael Ray(TM) Gusto Grip Knife Set, plus 3 Rachael Ray(TM) Cookbooks! Just click below and this Celebrity Chef Package will be yours to keep for FREE! http://www.thepostm  Chili's™ or Applebee's™.. Which restaurant has better food? Answer now for your chance to get $500 in gift cards to the restaurant of your choice  Receive a FREE* $100 restaurant gift card of your choice or $100 worth Coke® or Pepsi® for participating! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! I am limping along here. My Internet is working at the moment only poorly and intermittently. My phones work not at all. So the postman is fuming until Wednesday when they promised to send someone out to look into it, when they get around to it. Sheeshe. Seems like the world comes to an end without all this fancy technology. Altho it is kindof pleasantly quiet with no telephone ringing every time I want to lay down to take a nap. Hopefully, this connection will last long enuff to get this issue mailed out. Nothing much happening the last couple of days, altho Turk the pooch gave us quite a scare. I have taught him that the computer office is "off limits" and he pretty much obeys without need of a closed door or a doggie gate. However, one night our backs were turned and he happened to sneak in. I take a myriad of pills and such, and occasionally I might drop one on the flooor without realizing it. Altho I do my best to pick them up if I do, its easy to miss one. Well, of course fate struck, and the war department comes running in all upset because Turk found a mysterious capsule laying on the floor. She managed to get it away from him but not before the pooch had downed half of it. OF course we are just panicking, not knowing what it was. And then the thought occured to me that everything I take is in tablet form, not capsule. What the heck, what was this mysterious thing? Was it gonna kill him? After calming down a bit, the war department took a sniff, and discovered what it really was. We had been munching on "Good and plentys" the other night. Those are little bitty bites of licorice that do actually resemble pill capsules a little bit. Turk had found a white one, rather than one of the pink ones. The vet said he would probably be ok as we discovered the truth just about the time that I had dialed his emergency number. The worst that could happen is that he might get a case of the "shits" if he ate enough of them, said the vet. I informed the doc that Turk the mutt was already a little shit anyway so a little more of it probably would be ok:) By the way, a lot of you folks wrote in to tell me how much you enjoyed the Christmas holiday screensavers. Obviously they were a big hit.!!! Now that Christmas is over, here is something really cool to make your computer really warm and cozy! A 3d animated fireplace screensaver, trust me, I downloaded it yesterday and its awesome! Be sure to get it!...  COOL 3D FIREPLACE SCREENSAVER. Cozy up to the warm fireside on your desktop. With animated graphics, this free screensaver will make you wish for a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. Features Glowing 3D fire Inviting and cozy scene No purchase or registration required We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS the blame http://www.thepostm caught by the wife http://www.thepostm feelin guilty http://www.thepostm the library http://www.thepostm internal revenue http://www.thepostm paternity http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES President Clinton vood doo doll http://www.thepostm how not to become a crothety old man http://www.thepostm great moments with GW Bush http://www.thepostm how nature shows get you in trouble http://www.thepostm awesome photography http://www.thepostm hello friend! http://www.thepostm  INTERESTING STUFF comedian quotes http://www.thepostm math for the fast lane http://www.thepostm 14 must see movies http://www.thepostm dolphine stampede http://www.thepostm Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a f**king yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the f**k were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole f**king year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't f**ked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll f**k you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the f**king North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that f**king bike. F**K YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A- Sincerely, Little Johnny ____________ Q. What's another name for pickled bread? A. Dill-dough. Q. What's the difference between light and hard? A. You can sleep with a light on. Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy? A: She's withholding evidence! ____________ Things To Say To A Man With A Huge Penis: "Am I dreaming?" "Can I keep you?" Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, "Thank you God" And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, "I DO!" ____________ Bathroom Time Monitored http://www.funpagee Cheap New Years Thrill http://www.funpagee Repeat Yourself http://www.funpagee Loopy Guy Finds Loop Hole http://www.funpagee There were once two cowboys, one from California and the other from Wyoming, riding the range when suddenly they came upon a poor sheep with its head stuck in a fence. Well, the temptation was too much for the Wyoming cowboy and he quickly leapt from his horse and had his way with the sheep. Upon completing his dirty deed, he stepped back and asked his buddy from California if he wanted some. "You bet!" was his enthusiastic reply and he jumped down from his horse and stuck his head through the fence. ____________ Three pregnant women are sitting chatting and knitting sweaters for their expected kids. The first one says "I hope that I have a baby boy, because I'm knitting a blue sweater." The second says " Well I hope that I have a girl because I'm knitting a pink sweater." The third woman says "I hope my kid is a spastic, because I've fucked up the arms." ____________ Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him, "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish." They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30 minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty." "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty." gesto de amor1 http://www.buffalos Double Trouble http://tinyurl. Election is Officially an Election http://tinyurl. Kicked in http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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