THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Having a friend or being a friend is defined not by what you say, but how you treat each other. Jerry Springer  Congratulations! You've been selected to receive a FREE '09 Honda(R) Ruckus(R) Scooter! The '09 Honda(R) Ruckus(R) Scooter is the hottest scooter on the market! Equipped with Dual-Headlights, a 49cc Engine, V-Matic(R) Automatic Transmission and 1.3 Gallon Tank, this scooter is sure to make a ruckus on the road! Act now to get your new scooter for FREE! http://www.thepostm  If you're looking to make Big Profits From Home, You should check out SMC. This company has been around for over 60 years and have helped thousands start their own business. Sign up today for your Success Guide by email. http://www.thepostm  It is the most successful program in the history of the U.S. Mint. And today it is nearly impossible to collect all the coins comprising this landmark series. Until now! Here is your opportunity to own all 50 coins in the historic U.S. State Quarters Collection—one individually designed coin for each state. And these coins are even more desirable because each is guaranteed to be in Brilliant Uncirculated condition, richly layered in Pure .999 Fine Gold and encased in a crystal-clear acrylic capsule. A custom-designed showcase, suitable for wall or tabletop display, is yours at no additional charge. http://www.thepostm  Pampered Toes is the new miracle foot therapy product that soothes and revives tortured toes in minutes! Just slip your feet into Pampered Toes and feel the stretching and extending of your toes, leaving you feeling healthy and refreshed. Pampered Toes are waterproof so you can even wear them in the shower or bathtub. Order now and receive a second pair of PINK Pampered Toes absolutely Free. http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Well, me and the war department have just about all the shoppin done for Christmas. We don't do a whole lot,for xmas. Just the immediate family. Son wanted a snuggly blanket, and slippers and pjs. One daughter a new set of head phones, other daughter a new cell phone. For myself, She ordered me a new motorcycle vest from Jammin leather. She herself wanted a cookbook and a magazine subscription. Almost all of the presents this year we ordered online, so it was not necessary to brave the malls, a destination I truly find disgusting. There is only one store in the mall I actually enjoy going to, and that is the Nascar place. only thing they have that interests me. Of course, I do enjoy this one little restaurant that specializes in fon du type stuff. Its a bit pricy but makes a rather distasteful event more tolerable. I am planning to brave the elements tomorrow in order to make one actual trip in the traditional fashion, however. I gotta buy her at least one gift that she doesn't know she will get. That will be interesting, not knowing what to get and not knowing where to go. Sigh, story of my life, I always need someone to tell me where to go. Go figger:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS outside http://www.thepostm Obama's tax plan http://www.thepostm Nurses training http://www.thepostm a good night kiss http://www.thepostm there's nothing wrong http://www.thepostm LETS GO TO THE MOVIES the blonde and the cat http://www.thepostm chicken soccer http://www.thepostm polar bears and dogs http://www.thepostm talented girls http://www.thepostm crossing the road in style http://www.thepostm the divorced hunter http://www.thepostm mini pool-play for free http://www.thepostm pimp picks a fight with the wrong guy http://www.thepostm beer belly calories http://www.thepostm throw the shoe game http://www.thepostm kicked out of pizza place http://www.thepostm are you prepared for a chemical attack? http://www.thepostm POWER POINT DISPLAYS classic xmas toons http://thepostmansc hand painting http://thepostmansc ordinary people http://thepostmansc _________ The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice says. "This is Paddy down at the Hogshead Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you Frenchies!" "Well, Paddy," the President replies, "This is indeed important news! How big might your army be?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me brother Seamus, me other brother Sean, me next door neighbor Flaherty, and the entire darts team from down the pub. That makes eight!" The President laughs and replies, "Paddy, you should know that I have 400,000 highly-trained and well-equipped soldiers in my army." "Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back..." Sure enough, two hours later Paddy calls again. "Frenchie, the War is still on. We have managed to get ourselves some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" the President asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Sarkozy sighs, amused. "Paddy, I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. And since you have last called, we have recruited an additional 10,000 soldiers, bringing the total to 410,000." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Froggie, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well, so we are 12 men now!" After a moment, the President clears his throat. "Paddy, I have 100 bombers and 250 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, my army has grown to 450,000 men." "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "Let me talk to me mates." That afternoon, the President's phone rings once again. "Mr. President," states Paddy "I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really?" asks the President. "I'm sorry to hear that. Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and have come to the sad conclusion that there's no bleedin' way that we can feed 450,000 French prisoners of war." ____________ Men know..... that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi. Men know..... that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed. Men know..... that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there. ____________ A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location. She responds 'It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean." ____________ "How come you're late?" the bartender asks the blonde waitress as she walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" ____________ A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her and says, "Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says, "Hey kid, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker. The motorcyclist pulls up to the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, I will give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride." At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought a Harley instead of a Honda so YOU ride it!" _________ FUN PAGES from Lorraine ID Stands for Is Dumb http://tinyurl. Toys That Aren't For Children http://tinyurl. BUFFALO Bill Pantie lock http://www.buffalos PAPA THORN Bored with sex? http://able2laugh. Unknow sextuplet http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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