[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Today is the last game of the 2008 regular football season. I have
faithfully watched the fifteen games that the Detroit Lions have
played and I was impressed by their effort on numerous occasions but
they seemed to fall short every game and now they are only one game
away from the distinction of being the only team to ever lose all 16
games in one season. The only
way they could make it to the playoffs is if all the other teams in
the North Central just disappeared from the face of the earth. That
probably isn't going to happen, so with a couple of first
round draft picks and a special schedule for next year perhaps they
will stand a chance. Here is the 2009 schedule via Cashsorter.

2009 LIONS SCHEDULE

September
13................ Taft Junior High School 20................Cub
Scout Troop #101 27................ Detroit Blind Academy

October
04.................Spanish American War Vets
11................Crippled Children's Home 18................ Eloise
Mental Hospital 25................Girl Scout Troop # 353

November
01.................. Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08.................Fraser Boys Choir 15.................Korean
Amputees 22................. National Hospital Pastoral Ministers
26................. Great Lakes Synchronized Swimming Team

SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December 08.................. Grand Rapids Gay Boys Club

RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **

1 - When playing polio patients, the Lions must not disconnect knee
braces. 2 - When playing the Blind Academy , the Lions must not hide
the football under their jerseys.

** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **

1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the
goal line. For all you Lions fans that have never seen this) it
is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times. 3 -
The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at
anytime. 4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3
for the opposing team. 5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down
with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten
yards.

** NAME CHANGE **

The Detroit Lions will be changed to the "Detroit Tampons" as they
are only

good for one period and have no second string.

** PLAYER CHANGE **

Field goal kicker will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no
doubt blow a few, but she certainly won't choke on the big ones!!!

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Friends Chips
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Friends

Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days and then give it back.
Military Friends: Borrow your stuff, keep it, and it goes PCS with
them.

Friends: Know a few things about you.
Military Friends: Know all about you or have met someone else at
another duty station who does.

Friends: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
Military Friends: Cry like babies because they HAVE to leave you.

Friends: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Military Friends: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

Friends: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
Military Friends: Would be sitting in jail next to you saying, "Man,
they made a BIG mistake trying to jump us."

Friends: Have never seen you cry.
Military Friends: Cry with you.

Friends: Will knock on your front door
Military Friends: Walk right in and say, "I'm home."

Friends: Are your friends for a while
Military Friends: Are your friends for life as you move about this
country or the world.

Friends: Will ignore this.
Military Friends: Will forward this

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Coffee Break
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32160.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32160.htm "> Here!</a>

Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32159.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32159.htm "> Here!</a>

Crane
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32158.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32158.htm "> Here!</a>

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Short Chips
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She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving
the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow
your own dope."
How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana
patient.
Then I noticed the rest of her message ... "Plant a man."

My Dad said to my Mother, "You should go bra-less."

She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky
enough?"

He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of
your face."

Many patients call the pathology group where I am
office manager to discuss their medical bills. One
irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory
test on her statement.

Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test
on her bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis."

She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?"

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Eco Canteen - Be Healthy and Go Green

Protect Your Family's Health with this stainless steel water bottle.
Studies are coming out at a rapid rate showing the dangers of
ingesting toxins leached from plastic bottles. Why place your
family at risk? Aluminum bottles are also a danger, as they require
a special chemical coating that often peels off into the water you
drink. Get one of the Top Ten Green Products of the century and get
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View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/evo

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Short Chips
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A man engaged a prostitute and throughout their night's tryst he
kept
exclaiming: "Phooey! Phooey!" The girl became offended at this
apparent slur on her professional ability, and when her part of the

bargain had been concluded, she asked, "Why did you keep saying
'Phooey'? Wasn't I good enough for you?" "Don't get me wrong," the
guy
said quickly. "YOU were fine. When I said Phooey,' I was thinking of

my wife."

Peter was in bed with his best friend's wife. Just as things were
reaching a climax, he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the
bed,
holding his head in his hands. "What the hell's wrong with you?" his

partner asked. "I feel just like a regular son-of-a-bitch, getting
some of my best friend's pussy," the man moaned. "Well," she
soothed,
patting his back, "you can stop worrying. You're not getting his
pussy. His pussy is five inches deeper."

A woman went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she
said. "The other day I found my daughter and the boy next door
together, naked, examining each other's bodies and giggling." The
psychiatrist smiled. "That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty
normal." "Well, I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me. It
worries my daughter's husband, too!"

Stan Kegel

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SnoreEzzz - Tired of Your Husband or Wife Snoring?
This Pillow Is Your Answer!

SnoreEzzz was invented by a woman whose husband had a snoring
problem, keeping her family awake night after night... today, thanks
to snoreEzzz, they all sleep soundly!

Whether you sleep on your side or back, the patent-pending
snoreEzzz pillow will keep your head and neck aligned and may
prevent snoring. The top pillow feels just like down, so you sleep
like a baby.

Wake Up Renewed and Refreshed
* Reduces or eliminates snoring in adults
* Aligns the head and spine
* Comfort of a down pillow
* Hypoallergenic polyester fibers
* Completely washable
* Practical as a backrest
* Elevates the legs while resting in bed
* FDA approved

Free Bonus Travel Pillow, Pillowcase And Sleep Music
Order Now

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Advice Chips
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Dear Karl,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work

leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't
driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and
the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's
help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes!

He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my
husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been
married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and
admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six
months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly
distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get
through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

--------------------------

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by

a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there
is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum
pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding
wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be
that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure
to the injectors. Mainly, have your air filters cleaned or replaced.

I hope this helps with your problem.

Karl

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Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out

Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
windows saving you money on your energy bills.

Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
Draft
Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/guards

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Farm Chips
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On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three
sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the
window onto
to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in
the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she
possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he
too began
to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the
head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the
cow),
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the
bank.
She s aid, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But
if
you will have
sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the

cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to

satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself

into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in
a row,
I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to
satisfy
the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in
the
field, and his
brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he
went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid.
"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right
if
you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
"Why not THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty

times in a row,
then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in
a
row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

--
>>>(((*> >>>(((*> >>>(((*> >>>(((*>

Some people hear voices in their heads.
Me, I hear a piano. Not so bad, you think?
Let me tell you about Chopsticks Week.
___________________________________
Movie Reviews: http://jimlarsen.blogspot.com/
Book Reviews: http://tinyurl.com/zgmcw

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Pampered Toes is the new miracle foot therapy product that soothes
and revives tortured toes in minutes!

Just slip your feet into Pampered Toes and feel the stretching
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Pampered Toes are waterproof so you can even wear them in the shower

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Additional Ordering Details:

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Lions Chips
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Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super
Bowl?
A: The Detroit Lions.

Q: What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus
Christ".

Q: How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado?
A: To Ford Field - they never get a touchdown there!

Q: What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar
bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What do the Lions and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Note: All of the above also apply to the Oakland raiders

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Turn anything into a flashlight and never be left in the dark again!

The world's thinnest flashlight that fits anywhere!

Perfect for cell phones (since you always carry it around)
But also great on Ipods, Cameras, Wallets, Closets and anywhere you
need light!

The catlite is the perfect flashlight, ready when you need it and
right at your fingertips

You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!

Not available in stores!

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/The Henhouse
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Hu/Hen.html

carolyn w/My Friend Elvis ~J.D.Sumner
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A Look Back
http://www.angel9oh7.com/alookback.html

Let's Dance
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html

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Surfin Surfari

Eyewitness to History
http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/eyindx.htm

101 Simple Appetizers in 20 Minutes or Less Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/3cn4c7

Heavyweight Hall of Fame
http://www.briansbelly.com/halloffame/

TOAST RECIPES
http://www.drtoast.com/recipes.html

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Cupid's Valentine Midis
http://www.norbert26.com/midi/index.html

Download Manager
http://www.majorgeeks.com/download.php?det=1821

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This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.samuidog.org/text4_english.htm

Kitty Korner
http://www.mango-madness.com/

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Movie Chips

I Like Big Tits
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121519.htm

isnt spring great
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121518.htm

JURASSIC
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121517.htm

karaoke ditz
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121516.htm

Gravity
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121113.htm

gravy
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121114.htm

gunfighter
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121115.htm

border
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/121116.htm

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Elephant Chips
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Bloke walks into a bar with an elephant. "This elephant will do
anything," he announces proudly.

"All right," says the barman. "Make it stand on one leg."

So the bloke lifts the elephant's ear up and whispers something to
the elephant. Moments later the great grey beast lifts itself up
onto its hind legs then carefully balances itself up on one leg. The
crowd in the bar go wild with enthusiastic cheering.

"Very clever," says the barman. "Now lets see it fuck my cat." And
so saying, he plonks the genial bar cat onto the bar.

The bloke with the elephant thinks a moment then takes the cat and
places it on the floor in front of the elephant (who is still poised
Bolshoi like on one leg). He gets up on tip toe and whispers
something in the elephant's ear. As silence descends on the drinkers
in the bar, the man steps back and the elephant teeters over and
comes crashing down, splattering Tiddles across the floor.

"There you go," says the bloke. "That's fucked it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TAME YOUR MANE - GET PERFECT HAIR EVERY DAY!

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Limited time offer buy 1, get 1 FREE!

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* Polishes and adds incredible shine
* Straightens or curls
* Uses much less heat, won't fry your hair!

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Toon Chips
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It Fits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32157.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32157.htm "> Here!</a>

Going To Sleep
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32156.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32156.htm "> Here!</a>

Doggie Kisses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32155.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32155.htm "> Here!</a>

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Scrub King - Cuts Your Cleaning Jobs In Half

Simply attach to any garden hose and you get the only portable
scrubber in the world with the power of a water jet! Easily attach
almost any home steam cleaner and now you have the muscle of the
Scrub KingTM plus the power of steam to Power Clean, Degrease and
Sanitize!

Scrub King Features:
* Clean, Scrub, Brush & Polish
* Works Under Water
* Has More Torque Than Any Other Scrubber
* Nearly 300 Scrubs Per Minute

14 Day Trail
Order Now it's a 14 day Trial

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Zipper Chips
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Here are a few ways to tell someone they are 'flying low' as we used
to say in grade school:

Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

You've got Windows on your laptop.

Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

Your dork is ajar.

Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

I can see your Gap dancers.

Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

Elvis Junior has left the building!

Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

Captain, sensors detect a wormhole in the forward quadrant!

Lil' Shaq's at the free show line.

You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

I see you have an opening in senior management.

Men are From Mars, women can see your penis.

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Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you
to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably.

The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed
to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/loud

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Parting Chips
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A boy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a

secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to
say no
to everything."

"Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"Nooo," the girl said.

"You know," said the boy, "We're going to have a lot of fun if
you're on the
level about this, and follow your mother's advice."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PASTA N MORE - The Amazing New 5-in-1 Pasta Cooker!

Cook, Drain and Serve All In One!

Pasta N More is made of certified materials, fits in any microwave,
its dishwasher safe and makes dinner for 1 or a family of 9. The
unique design swirls the water and not the pasta quickly cooking it
to a perfect al dente texture! Youll receive the air-tight storage
lid to keep left-overs fresh and perfect for saving, storing or
reheating meals in an instant.

Offer includes!
* Pasta Pot
* 2 Handles
* Strainer Lid
* Steam Rack
* Storage Lid
* Cookbook

BONUS COLOR CODED KNIVES WHEN YOU ORDER TODAY

http://buffaloschips.com/pasta

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly
approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper
order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also
happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final"
arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she
wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, image as the undertaker / postal clerk
went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became
quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too
small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard
about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering
the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For
days, he agonized over the dilemma.But finally his experience as a
postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and
it reads as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED "

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The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
Your kids and loved ones will have hours of fun and competition.
With plastic BB's, its fun and safe to see who has the best shot! It
comes complete with scope, laser sight, adjustable bipod and
detachable sport stock. The laser sight makes this a sure fire
winner! This toy gun shoots fast and accurate at approximately 200
FPS. The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Spring Sniper Rifle is a full size
rifle and even comes with safety glasses and a starter pack of BBs.

Click here to hear more or buy now:

http://buffaloschips.com/ak-47

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 845

Be-Tween-er

Katie: We got to do something for Dad's birthday and
yet have a New Year's Party.

Rudy: I am still tuckered out from Christmas.

Sandi: Me to. I ate too much ham, chicken. pies, rolls.

Katie: I have dad's cake downstairs, it is 8 feet by 10 feet.

Rudy: Why so large?

Katie: Well in dog years he will be 448 years old so I needed
something large enough to hold 448 candles. I need muffin, Miss
Kitty, Sylvester and you guys to light about 70 candles each before
the first one burns out.

Sandi: What about the smoke detector?

Katie: I will have to take the batteries out of them.

Rudy: The candles could start a fire with the heat from the fire.

Katie: I have a fire extingisher jut in case; a super deluxe model.

Sandi: I will get the fork lift and move the cake into the living
room.

Rudy: Wear your hard hat.

Katie: I have an industrial vat of bubbly to celebrate dad's
birthday also.

Sandi: What year?

Katie: Hmmm December 2008. It cost about six dollars a gallon.

Rudy: Nothing but the best for pops.
I got his present here.... It is a new chewtoy.

Sandi: I got him a new collar.

Katie: I got him one years supply of Alpo.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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1 comment:

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