_________
A young gay man is confronted by some of his friends and told
that he may be drinking a bit too much and it seems like it may
be getting in the way of his work and effecting some of his
relationships. His friends are concerned that he may need to seek
help. He took their feelings to heart and joined AA. At the end of
a year of dedication he is clean and sober and gets his "pin"
showing his progress (of one year being clean and sober).
He then thinks, he has wanted to stop smoking for awhile,
could he use the same principles he used in AA to stop smoking?
He sets himself on the path and does so. By the second year when
he gets his pin from AA, he is tobacco free, and has a small
dinner party to celebrate the fact. When he gets together
with his friends, they are amazed at what good health he
is in, and amazed that he is not only alcohol free but also
tobacco free. They applaud his dedication. About a year later he
has another dinner party and announces to all his friends that
he is "no longer gay." His straight friends as well as his gay friends
are totally amazed at this. No one believes he has managed to change
so much in is life. "Did you do the same things you did to stop drinking
and smoking?" many asked. "Was it just a choice of lifestyle change?"
others asked. "Was it some type of religious revelation?" was even
asked. "No, nothing so drastic" he replied. "Its just when I quit
smoking I found everything tasted different."
______________
One morning, this gay man woke up from a wonderful dream, only
to hear his partner in the bathroom making grunting and moaning
sounds. The gay man got out of bed, walked down the hall and
opened the bathroom door. The gay man looked at his partner,
masturbating with a condom on. "What the hell are you doing?"
he asked his partner. The gay man's partner looked up at him
sheepishly, "Oh, I was just packing your lunch!"
______________
Two Scousers (from Liverpool) riding along the East Lancs Road on a
motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker
stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He
tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000
bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries
everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting
on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he
has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". The trucker once
again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000
bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to
fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the
back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his
way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure
enough PC Plod pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks
the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The
policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.
He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets
onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers
as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires
so many officers. "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2
have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a
motorbike already".
________________
An illegal alien picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da
hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'How about $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'How about $300?'
'No', she says.
'How about $400?'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, how about $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had
every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How
bad could Immigrant Style be?''? So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally,
after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and
says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But
that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal alien replies 'You send bill to Government.'
__________________
Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used
car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he
could use the old sales pitch that the car was *like brand-new* and
had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that
approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe
him and no sales were made that day. His boss was furious and
threatened to fire Bill if he didn't sell any cars the following day.
The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure
enough he sold three cars.The manager of the used car dealership
called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all
these sales. Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady
story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by your
daughter who only used the backseat."
____________
After the speech in Berlin , Obama got out of the shower and was
drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white
from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing
he was turning white and might have to give up his hopes to be
president, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The
doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an
examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid,
gave it to Obama, and told him to drink it all. Obama drank the
concoction and replied, 'That tasted like bullshit!'
The doctor replied, 'It was, you were a quart low.'
_______________
PAPA THORN
BUFFALO BILL
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
No comments:
Post a Comment