Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Gasoline dropped to 3.35 a gallon and that isn't the cheapest
place in town. Michigan does have one of the highest state
taxes on fuel so that would probably account for some of the
difference.
Reminder from Jingles: Microsoft will not send you updates
through the mail. Shortly after he told me that his anti-virus
had caught an email with the subject Security Update for OS
Microsoft Windows, my isp reported this in their virus trap.
From: "Microsoft Update" <securityassurance@
Subject: Security Update for OS Microsoft Windows
Virus: BackDoor-BAC.
The minute you download the supposed update your computer
can be used to mail out spam by some hacker in China.
Enjoy the chips, MSU plays Northwestern tomorrow at 3:30 and
I will be hoping for MSU to extend their current winning streak.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns
Dear Abe,
I hope you can help me here.
The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house
watching the TV as usual.
I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked
out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my
husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom
with the neighbor's daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22.
We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been
having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly
distant.
He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him
anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is
clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and
also check all grounding wires.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the
fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the
injectors.
I hope this helps,
Abe
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Hip Hop Rapper
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
How To Get Your Husband To Do Housework
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Seeing Eye Dog
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
stress
http://www.thepostm
wonderful day
http://www.thepostm
there it is
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spells that Work!
Spell to Get Measles
1. Find someone who has measles.
2. Lick them.
Spell to Turn Day Into Night
1) Stand facing a large tree or wall.
2) Close eyes tightly.
3) Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast
as you can.
Spell to Breathe Under-Water
1) Attach concrete block to your feet.
2) Jump into water.
3) Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper".
4) Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.
Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants
1) Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.
2) Drink.
3) Repeat steps 1-3.
Spell to Attract Lightning
1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf
clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hub-caps. Etc.
2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV
antenna high in the air.
3) Wait.
Spell to Stop a Runny Nose
1. Get two cotton balls.
2. Shove one up each nostril.
3. Tape them there.
Spell to Make a Person fall in Love with You
1. Call person at least thirty times a day.
2. Park outside their house and shut your headlights
off.
3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e.-roses without
petals, a nice headless Barbie doll...).
4. Follow them everywhere they go... careful, they'll
try to lose you!
5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order,
that means the spell is working!
Spell to Make Your Computer Fast
1. Open Window.
2. Throw Computer out window.
(If the computer hit ground really fast, the spell worked.)
Spell to Save on Gas
1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.
2. Remove shoes.
3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast.
4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!"
Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!
A Spell to Go to the Bathroom
1) Drink so much water that you think you will burst.
2) Drink another glass anyway.
3) Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of Pepsi.
4) Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the
spell's effect.
Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom
1. Eat a bushel of prunes.
2. Take a dose of Exlax.
3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!
WARNING:
Spells are not guaranteed. Use at your own risk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Despite the product name, these patches can be put on most any place
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend
him against a charge of bestiality.
"I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive
and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he
continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really
knows how to pick a jury."
The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately
had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbour, began his
testimony.
"I saw Jed mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when
he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jed's pecker."
The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up
hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow
next to him, "You know, a good goat will do that
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanted: People with Access to a Computer & Internet
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Lucrative pay rate & bonuses available...
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waterfall Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A German, an American and an Englishman were exploring the jungle
when they came across an breathtakingly beautiful waterfall.
After admiring it for a while, the American says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of the great American Constitution, you know,
where every atom of water is
like an individual who has the freedom to make it's own way through
the world in unison with nature."
The German says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of the great
German economy, strong and powerful and smooth running."
The Englishman, when asked about his thoughts says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of oral sex."
The American and the German look at him in amazement.
"What is it about this waterfall makes you think of oral sex?"
"Uh, everything I look at makes me think of oral sex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not only will you strengthen and reshape your abs on the Ab Rocket,
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So you will look good and feel great.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scene at City Hall in San Francisco or Ottawa or..........
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." "Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones." "Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.
"Yes, we're brothers." "Brothers? You can't get married." "Why not?
Aren't you giving marriage licenses to
same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings.
That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do
love each other. Besides, we don't have any other
prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and
lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection
under the law. If you are not gay,
you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry
a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight
doesn't mean I want to marry a woman.
I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate
against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license.
Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that
we
can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.
we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." "So
you're discriminating against bisexuals!" "No, it's just that, well,
the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for
couples." "Since
when are you standing on tradition?" "Well, I mean, you have to draw
the line somewhere." "Who says? There's no logical reason to limit
marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our
rights!
The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the
law. Give us a marriage license!" "All right, all right.
Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of
marriage!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bloom Perfect is the world's fastest growing flower seed.
The seeds are mixed in mulch then wrapped in a nutrient fortified
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Park Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs You're at a Bad National Park
Joe Camel subbing for vacationing Smokey the Bear.
Malnourished bears holding signs that read, "Will caper amusingly for
food."
According to posted signs, not only may you feed the animals, but
afterward, you have a right to expect them to put out.
Bears not only take your picnic basket at gunpoint, but also make off
with your Ford Explorer.
Your view of the scenery is blocked by reactor units #2 and #3.
"Here we see the oldest mobile home formations in the entire White
Trash National Park."
Waterfalls seem to lose some of their majestic power whenever someone
flushes a toilet.
Proudly proclaims, "100 percent Spotted Owl Free!"
When a squirrel runs by, park ranger bolts, screaming, "Run!! Run for
your lives!!"
Every couple hundred feet along the hiking trails -- another
Starbucks.
On the tour, you see more of the Grand Crack in the ranger's ass than
you do of the canyon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Awesome Auger takes the hard work out of yard work.
Its patented spiral design with laser sharp edge, gives you the
muscle to blast through hard rock and clay, or cut through the
thickest roots, and easily power out rocks and stubborn stumps.
It also works great for digging post holes, removing weeds and
dandelions or planting trees, shrubs, and bushes.
With Bonus Recargeable Drill
Additional Ordering Detail:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/You Are Precious
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Whispering Trees
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Eye Of The Eagle
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Sand Art
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Surfin Surfari
HubbleSite - NewsCenter - Entire Collection
http://hubblesite.
Robbie's Handy Household Tips and Tricks: Home Remedies
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Tricks For Teats 1
http://www.shangral
Guide To Signs
http://www.octanecr
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Mike's Oldies
http://www.mikesold
The Illustrated Guide To Breaking Your Computer
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Halloween Sigs
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Priest off
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Pump News
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Fragrance
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Crash Auto Route
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1-555-GET-A-
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Bungee
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Ben Stein
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10 Up, 10 In
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3rd World Bomb Squad
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Kind so Flucky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School
1. Everybody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins
and only because they haven't had sex yet.
2. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc..., school just sucks.
3. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel
like smoking something a whole lot stronger.
4. You get disciplined during sex only if you want to.
5. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to
drink.
6. Sex relieves stress, school is the cause of stress.
7. Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.
8. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
9. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still
cheaper than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
10. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex.
At school your teachers screw you regardless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your darling daughter brings you countless joys. Now The Bradford
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In For It
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Pick up Lines
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Money Worries
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Trick Mirror
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Little Bitches
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mighty Putty is a super powered epoxy that does it all.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man of L'Hore
Whose dink was one inch and no more
Which was all right for keyholes
And little girls' pee holes
But no good at all with a whore
____________
At the orgy I humped twenty-two
I was bushed before I was through
Though a whole night of sexing
Is boring and vexing -
At an orgy, what else can you do?
____________
Suzie Wong and her sister looked tight
When they laid Mr. Wright one hot night
He resisted just one
But a pair?.. Too much fun
Which is how two Wongs made a Wright.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Adjustable Bristle Length
Soft, Massaging Tips
Brush Cleans Itself
Easily Attracts Hair, Dirt and Dander
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - The party's over for four inmates accused of
going on a beer run after the jail's doors were accidentally left
unlocked.
The men were charged Monday with escape and bringing alcohol into a
jail. The breakout occurred Thursday night after cellblock doors at
the Hawkins County Jail were left unlocked and a faulty control panel
failed to alert jailers, Sheriff Warren Rimer said. Two of the
inmates walked out through a fire exit, leaving the door propped open
with a Bible, and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They walked
to a market, bought some beer and returned to the jail to share it
with other prisoners. When the booze ran out, the other two inmates
made another beer run to a different store. Authorities believe the
inmates bought more than two cases of beer in all. "I guess they
thought if they came back they wouldn't be charged with escape,"
Rimer said, "but they were wrong." The store visits did not raise
alarm because the inmates were wearing street clothes borrowed from
other prisoners. The crowded jail does not have enough orange
jumpsuits to go around.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he
observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with
eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.
Again,
it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This
too
shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her
little
boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your
brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up to
30 bills on one side and up to six credit cards on the other.
Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
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It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,
no questions asked.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1439
Fairy Tales Cont
Rudy has finished watching Snow White and has fallen asleep.....
Sleepy (aka Sandi): ZZZZZZZZ
Dopey (aka Katie): Hey Sleepy quit making so much noise, you are
keeping
me awake.
Doc (aka Rudy): Will you guys just get along for once in your life?
Sleepy Sandi: Is it time to eat yet?
Dopey Katie: Is that all you think of is food and sleep?
Doc Rudy: Be nice Dopey Katie, we have to get back to the mines soon.
Dopey Katie: Where is Sneezy?
Ka-Choo!
Sneezy - Cleo: I am right here and Grumpy-Mark is behind me.
Grumpy-Mark: Hrumpt!
Snow-white Diana: Hey you Idgits time to get to work.
Doc-Rudy: No, according to our union contract, we have another thirty
minutes on our lunch hour.
Snow white - Diana: Oh yeah, then I will have to lay off three of
you.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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