Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today a Halloween story from a Herd Member. Do you have a
story you want to tell ?
I remember a Halloween when I was a kid about 14 years old. Dee
Thompson and Bob Olson and I decided to go out and have some
fun. We took part of a roll of toilet paper to 4th and Freya, an
intersection
with some traffic. We strung T P across the road cars would come to a
screeching halt then seeing what it was would drive on through. We
ran
out of paper and went into Mrs.Sumerson'
We stood around for a while, had a candy bar, and stepped out the
door.
Two cops came around each side of the store with guns drawn and big
flashlights. We almost died. They shoved us in a police car and drove
to
down town Spokane.
All the way they kept telling us we were going to spend time. They
said
they caught us with the evidence. When we got into town they parked
about a mile from the police station. They made us get out and bring
the evidence. They marched us down Riverside Ave. past all the
theaters
where all the kids in town were waiting to get into the ghost shows.
Here we go with two big cops herding us with a roll of paper
streaming
out from under our arms. It seemed every kid in town knew us and
called
our names. They made us sit in an interrogation room for about an
hour
and then told us they didn't have enough evidence to make it stick so
they took us home with a stern lecture. Today they would probably
put us in jail.
I'll bet they had a cup of coffee and had a good laugh
ol john
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Skunk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE OLD COUNTRY BOY'S RULES FOR FIGHTING A SKUNK:
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Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Devil Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide... He
lost
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When out of nowhere a evil image with a cape appears and asks the man
what
his problem was, the man replies he has nothing to live for...
Everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells the man he is
the devil, and he would grant
three wishes in return for a blow job under the bridge.
The man thinks for a minute, and agrees to the terms offered. First
he says
he needs a new home, and the evil image tell the man that he now has
a 6
bedroom house with 3 baths at 316 Oak View Lane.
Second, he says he needs a new job, and the evil
image tells the man he is now Senior VP at IBM..
Third, he says he needs a new car in order to get back and forth to
work,
the evil image tell the man he has 2 Lincoln Town cars in his new 2
car
garage.
"Well," the evil image says, "it's time to keep your end of the
bargain."
They go under the bridge, and the act is performed. They both light
up a
cigarette and start chatting.
"Well," says the man who performed the deed, "Did you really think I
was
going to jump???"
With that, the evil image tells the man, "Did you really think I was
the
devil?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Police Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interpreting A Police Report
What the report SAID (1), What the report MEANT (2)
(1) While on routine patrol...
(2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was
closed.
(1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a
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(2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-
DON'T FEED THE PIGS"
(1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims
prevented this officer from doing traffic
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(2) It was raining.
(1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain
intelligence information from a street
informant.
(2) It was too hot to ride in the car.
(1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious
manner...
(2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked
by.
(1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history...
(2) He puked on my uniform one night...
(1) The informant is of known credibility and has
provided reliable information in the past...
(2) I've got two theft cases hanging over his
head...
(1) While being arrested, this subject resisted
arrest, and was injured in the act...
(2) He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirrored
sunglasses..
(1) The motorist was cited for multiple traffic
violations..
(2) I wrote one citation for each swearword he
used...
(1) Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a
voice from inside the house say "Come in" so
this writer entered through the door...
(2) The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have
heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door.
(1) The members of the press at the scene were
offered every courtesy within departmental
policies...
(2) I sent then to a non-existent address which I
called the "Command Post."
(1) I gave the motorist a verbal warning for
speeding...
(2) She was a good-looking blonde who owned a
liquor store and who was free after my shift was
over.
(1) The Chief appeared at the scene and took
command...
(2) I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
(1) Further interview of the witness was impossible,
due to conditions.
(2) It was my bowling night...
(1) The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred
speech, was unsteady on his feet, and smelled
strongly of an alcoholic beverage.
(2) He was howling at the moon and trying to drive
the car from the back seat.
(1) Using only enough force to restrain the
subject...
(2) My favorite song is "Drop-kick me Jesus Through
the Goal Post of Life"
(1) The defendant asked this officer's advice on how
to act before the judge at his arraignment.
(2) I told him he didn't have the balls to call the
judge the same name he called me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yellow Flower Chips
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Go
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replies, "I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking
about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent
me up here. What is it?"
The principal says, "I will not have that kind of talk in my school!
You are expelled from this school and every other school in the
state! Get out!" So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, "What
are you doing home so
early?"
"I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the
yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the
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boy's room and says, "Your mom tells me you've been a bad boy. What
did you do?" "Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids
talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and
she sent me to the principal's office, the principal expelled me from
every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner.
What's the yellow flower?" His dad says, "Get out of my house son! I
don't ever want to see you again!" The little boy is walking down the
street, and a few hours later a policeman stops him. He asks him why
he is walking by himself so late at night. The little boy
says, "Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking
about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent
me to the principal's office, the principal expelled me from every
school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad
kicked me out of the house. Can you tell me what the yellow flower
is?" The policeman says, "That's enough of that! You're going to jail
for 99 years!" 99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides
he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. So he heads to
his old school where it all started. As he is crossing the street, he
gets hit by a car and dies.
What's the moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pot Chips
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that
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bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for
a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew
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Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door, and yells, 'Jesus Christ! Are you still in
there!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Let her find out on her
own
that she's made a really bad mistake.
A Japanese scientist has invented a spray-on Viagra. And if you
thought the
cosmetic clerks at the mall were annoying before when they spritzed
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Viagra is the work of the devil. Now we girls can look forward to
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screaming, 'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy? I can't
remember.
What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?'"
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Becuase there are twenty of them.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
How can you identify the Polock at a Cock fight? He's the one who
brought
the duck.
How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? He's the one who
bets on
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What's worse than an achy breaky heart? an itchy bitchy wife!
a word of advice..... NEVER commit a crime with an accomplice that
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I know a lingerie buyer who gave his wife the slip.
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What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
Porcupines have
pricks on the outside
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
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And tease it, and please it,
For Rome wasn't built in a day."
A short-organed fellow named Kevin,
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then to eight and to nine,
And thought ten was divine....
There will be film at eleven!
There was a young lady from Cheam
Who tried out a breast-growing cream
She awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
Another had grown in between!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a
check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the
check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the
thermometer?
The girl replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay...let'
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?"
the girl queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girls butt.
Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"
The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer,
either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The blind date hadn't been all that great and Mary was relieved the
evening was finally over.
At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my
underwear?"
Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in
the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.
She took one look and said, "Nice design. Does it also come in men's
sizes?"
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1446
Frightnight Cont
Tami (trying to look scared): Oh what could that be... monsters I
guess.
Sandi: Maybe we buried Katie before she was dead.
Tami: Perhaps you did.
Katie runs out from the bushes wearing a white cloak: Boo boo!
Tami: Oh dear a haint!
Rudy: I am scared.. snicker.
Then a second white cloak comes out of the bushes...
Katie: What the..?
Rudy: ACK!!! A ghost!!
Sandi: Let's see Katie, then who is ?? A ghost!
Jess tosses off her sheet: Boo!
The dogs are long gone..
Tami: I think we got them pretty good.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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