Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was watching AMC this afternoon and that great old western
The Magnificent Seven was on. Buffy was nearby on the computer
chatting with friends at the Fubar Lounge. Yul Brenner has
volunteered to drive a hearse with a dead Indian to Boot Hill
against the wishes of the townsfolk and they are lining up for
a gun fight. Steve McQueen walks over to the stage driver and
asks to borrow the drivers scattergun and joins Yul at the hearse
and says, "First time I ever rode shotgun on a hearse." Buffy
pipes up with, " Like I'm sure they used the term riding shotgun
for being in the passenger seat back then." The buffalo just shook
his head and said nothing.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Palin Chips
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Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages Left On Sarah Palin's Answering Machine
10. "Hi, it's John McCain; I had to go to bed. How'd it go?"
9. "Hi, Katie Couric here. Have you thought of a Supreme
Court case yet?"
8. "Hi, it's Bill Clinton. Let me know when Todd's out of
town"
7. "My name is Joseph Sixpack - knock it off"
6. "Hi, Katie Couric again - think of any newspapers yet?"
5. "Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book. It's a bridge to
hilarity"
4. "John McCain again; could you pick up my prescriptions?
3. "Senator Larry Craig here - do you have Joe Biden's
phone number?"
2. "McCain again; do you remember where I parked the
Straight Talk Express?"
1. "It's President Bush. If you're at the debate, who's
watchin' Russia?"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dessert time
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Dog exercise
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UFO AHEAD
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Olympic Event
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Anal Retentive
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chinese words for pussy: Tongue chow
Chinese words for bad pussy: Tongue chow yuck
My husband complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when
you get out of bed, with a hangover, it's feet first!
This sounds like Bill Mahar (sp?) or one of the other *dry* comics.
But there was no credit listed. I got this from the GrinReaper list.
If you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that shit.
"This week the U.S. Navy launched a nuclear submarine named after
Jimmy Carter. Experts say the sub will be ineffective for four years,
but tremendously respected once it's retired."
- Conan O'Brien
A man comes in with a duck under his arm and says:
"Here's the pig I've been fucking".
His wife says: "That's not a pig, it's a duck".
He replies: "It's the duck I'm talking to".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Awesome Auger takes the hard work out of yard work.
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It also works great for digging post holes, removing weeds and
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With Bonus Recargeable Drill
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is my right honorable friend saying that Wrens' [British women in the
armed forces] skirts must be held up until all the soldiers have been
satisfied?
Dame Irene Ward, MP, referring to the fact that the Navy had said
that new uniforms for women would be issued only after men got new
uniforms
BJ (oye)
Once Tony Daley opens his legs you've got a problem.
soccer manager Howard Wilkinson, about a player
BJ
I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is, is, like, French-
I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America.
socialite Paris Hilton
BJ
Would everyone please step forward? At least we can break wind for
one another.
funeral director at a graveside service during a blustery day
BJ
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not only will you strengthen and reshape your abs on the Ab Rocket,
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Your neck and back will be fully supported on the unique rollers of
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So you will look good and feel great.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darling," cooed the wife sweetly over morning coffee, "do you
remember
those trout you spent two weeks fishing for back in April?" "Sure,"
mumbled her husband through his newspaper. "Well," she
continued, "one
of them called last night to say you're going to he a father."
Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said,
"If you build it, they will come."
Whenever I get down in the dumps thinking about what might have
been,
I'm reminded of my uncle, who used to say, "Lynn, if my plumbing
were
different, I'd be your aunt." Little did I know how right she was.
(Lynn Willis from Ruminations)
A girl who goes to a bachelor's pad for a snack get will get a tit-bit
My husband always lets me know when he's not getting enough. The
other
night when my boys were being particularly rambunctious, and groping
each other, I yelled at them, "In this house, we don't touch each
other's privates." To which my husband replied, "No kidding.
The husband was perusing a detailed sex manual, and his wife asked
him
why. He replied that he was tired of being in the same old rut. "But
I
don't understand," she protested. "I thought we had a very good sex
life." "Well," replied the husband, "let me put it to you another
way."
Why are gypsies lousy lovers?
Crystal Balls
What did the wife say when her husband announced that he was going
to
become a necrophiliac?
"Over my dead body"
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bloom Perfect is the world's fastest growing flower seed.
The seeds are mixed in mulch then wrapped in a nutrient fortified
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poem Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a poem with the most
romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
Here are the top 12 entries they received:
1. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
2. I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
3. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the r oses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.
4. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
5. Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not
6. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
9. I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
10. My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
11. My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
12 What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
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Divorce Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a
marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up
their
quarrel, but they were adamant. "So," said the counsellor, "you know
the
consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your
property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give
him
half? My money?"
"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom
and
the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three
children?" That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then
he came
up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your
fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I
depended
on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Prayer For You
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RIDE OUT YOUR STORM
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Dream Lover
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THERE IS NO GOD?
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Surfin Surfari
GOT LYRICS, BUT NEED MUSIC?
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How to Throw Your Own Foam Party
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History of Nations
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How To Tan Small Hides
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PHP Calendar
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SpellCheck.net - Free Online Spell Checker
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File deletion Tool
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
164 Million Winner
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Australia
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Simmons
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Poor Mailman
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Cute Doctor
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Massive Recoil Rifle
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Boogie
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Boom
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Border Patrol
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Boy and Labador
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the
VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why
he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend
you.'
She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and
#2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying. 'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married
and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween party.'
Hannie Teekens
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viagra Side Effects
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Immature Man
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Formatting The Harddrive
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what;s wrong?
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complaints
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hiya Flo!
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Mighty Putty is a super powered epoxy that does it all.
Mold to any shape and apply to any surface for an everlasting bond.
From your smallest craft to your largest home improvement,
Mighty Putty will get the job done.
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was a nurse, and he a cop rookie
From work they decided to play hooky,
From the break of dawn
Well into mid-morn
They sure enjoyed their breakfast nookie
A carpenter living in Crewe,
Who had nothing whatever to do,
Once assisted a whore
With the hinge of her door,
But he made her pay for the screw.
My boss is a fellow named Sid
With the mind of an eight-year-old kid
Just outside his door
A sign said, "Wet floor,"
Sid saw it, and read it ... and did!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TELL-TALE SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE THE PERFECT PARENT
You keep confusing Similac with Sambuca.
You're lobbying hard to get all three toddlers on the
upcoming "Survivor
Instead of spit and a handkerchief, you clean your kids' faces with
turpentine and sandpaper, because that's the way *your* father did it.
"Okay, okay! You can stay up to watch South Park. Now be a good girl
and give Daddy back his Smith & Wesson."
Rather than spend money on expensive lessons, you teach little Suzy
how
to tap dance the old fashioned way... with a loaded revolver.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me
why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about
this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from
its head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the
lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up to
30 bills on one side and up to six credit cards on the other.
Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
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It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,
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Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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