Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I know we have spoken on this before, but there are a lot of
people that like to embellish about their jobs in the military.
You know the sailor that claims he was a SEAL, or the grunt
that claims he was a sniper, or the man who says he was the
star center of the Air Force Academy Basketball team but after
a few drinks his story starts to unravel and if the truth finally
comes out he was a supply clerk, a mess cook, or was a
gate guard for four years. None of them quite had the knack
of storytelling that this man did in Louisiana.
NEW ORLEANS — A Louisiana man is sentenced to a year of home
confinement after pleading guilty to illegally wearing military
medals at his wedding.
U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey also Tuesday sentenced 42-year-old
Andy Jerome Ticker of Holden to two years of supervised release and
ordered him to pay a $500 fine.
Prosecutors said Ticker has never served in the armed forces, but he
wore a Navy captain's dress white uniform at his April 12 wedding in
Slidell.
The uniform was adorned with several medals and decorations,
including a Silver Star, Purple Heart and Navy Cross. The latter is
the second-highest medal next to the Medal of Honor.
Wearing military medals without proper authority is a federal crime.
I guess the big question I have is, Was the bride in on this also or
does this guy have some major explaining to do regarding where he
was when she thought he was on a WestPac for 6 months.
BTW The great pumpkin has already found the most deserving pumpkin
this
year. It weighed in at 1500 pounds. Sorry Nancy you didn't even come
close.
If we had a pumpkin chucker to throw it we could probably take out
Iran's
nuclear facilities or Quebec.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Friday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm Joe Friday, private eye. I work on Tuesday, Tuesday's my
secretary.
Yesterday I was working in my New York office when there was a knock
at the door, scared me half out of my secretary.
Then a tall blonde walked by, I knew she was tall 'cause we were on
the 7th floor.
The phone rang. It was a client. I knew something was wrong because
she told me there was.
I raced down the stairs, called a taxi, the taxi stopped with a jerk,
the jerk got out and I got in. (continued)
We took the corner at 80 miles an hour. A cop stopped us and told us
to put it back.
Then we were driving on the sidewalk because there was a sign that
said "keep deaths off the roads".
We were getting further out of the city. I knew this because we
weren't hitting so many pedestrians.
When I got to my client's house she greeted me with a burning kiss.
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There was a man on the floor. He had bullet wounds to the head and
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Then a brick came through the window, hit her on the left breast and
broke four of my fingers.
We got a flat tire. She pumped and I pumped, she pumped and I pumped.
Then we got out and fixed the tire.
When we got back to my clients house she invited me in for a root
beer. The root was nice but the beer was flat.
I was giving her a goodnight kiss but she closed her legs and broke
my glasses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Essentials
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Mafia Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings
My love for you...
it came and went.
So your feet are now
in wet cement.
I'm here to fulfill
your fondest wishes
Now that your husband
sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me
It's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying
wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card
from a slim selection,
But that's all they offer
in witness protection.
Love, J. Doe
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fox Pass Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manners Maketh Man?
In the north of England lived a man, poorly
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"And do you further remember how later, at
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I dropped the marmalade?
"That, Sir, was a faux pas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's worse than a cardboard box?
A: Paper tits!
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Q: How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
A: When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.
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Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
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Q: Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A: Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
Q: What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other?
A: A block of flaps
Q: What do rednecks do for Halloween?
A: Pump kin.
Q: What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss?
A: A conga in an old people's home!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer
Q: What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
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Q: Did you hear about the Polish porno flick?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you hunt bear?
A: With your clothes off.
A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me. I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "The light was on..."
Q: What's the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the
battered womens' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.
Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her
complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge. He
instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so. The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her
pussy. After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that
feel?" "Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear."
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry
a week.
Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is
such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as
looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my
son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in
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"Understanding your point of view is NOT going to change my mind. I
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- Rhino Guy, to idiot, 2003
Little Johnny went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of
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have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two widowed senior citizens ladies were discussing their sex lives
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know
how she managed that.
The second lady told her that when she went to buy groceries that she
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young
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know
in a very subtle way that she was available.
Well the first lady was very hesitant about doing that. But one day
she
was feeling very horny and decided, what the heck, she was going to
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it a try.
She went to the grocery store and parked as far from the entrance as
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even need!
As the young carry out boy was carrying her groceries to the car she
kind
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tender voice that she has an itchy pussy.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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have everything I need
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IKEA commercial not seen in US
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IKEA Adverts
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I love the beach
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Indian teacher explaining the word fuck
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Table Expanding
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Proposal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Proposal
I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree
that...
Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole*
minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely
fake
one.
Section 1.01 And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff
like "So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like
a
cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.
Section 1.02 I will never ask for more *foreplay*.
Section 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any
relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the
bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex
scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault.
Even if I wasn't there.
Section 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night
out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled
Himalayan yak, and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.
Section 3.01 I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity
in the bedroom.
Section 3.02 And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
Section 4. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"),
I
will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead.
Nor
will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
Section 4.01 I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.
Section 5. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel
sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work
and
you just lie there, grinning.
Section 5.01 I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female
friends
and inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies.
Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so
they have to stay.
Section 5.02 I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in
order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your
intake
of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine-month
pregnancy.
Section 5.03 I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact
that a baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.
Section 5.04 I promise to shave every *possible* inch of my body, and
will always love your *weekend* beard...
Section 6. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your
friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one
day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform
them
that you have "ruined me for other men".
Section 6. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer
games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
women.
I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so
you're in charge of anything *mechanical*
Section 6.01 With the exception of the following household items:
iron,
washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal,
garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.
Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.
Signed ____________
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tit Mans Dream
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who lived near Cape Fear
Would always most carefully steer
Past men whom she saw,
But was brought to the floor,
By a well-timed attack from the rear.
************
A sofa spud who now and then
Goes to see the sea but won't go in
Says 'Waves are unnervingI
Like channel surfing
My clicker can hang more than ten.'
************
When limerick writers convene,
Their reason for making the scene
Is to make tepid jokes,
Meant for church going folks,
Into verses perverse and obscene.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major
argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then,
they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade
Alfred whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade
Alfred, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's fuckin' raining, of course you stupid idiots!!" he
screamed, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied: "Rude Alf the Red knows rain, dear!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A judge asked a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with
murdering
a school teacher with a chainsaw."
From out in the audience a man shouted, "Lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back to the man.
He turned to the defendant and said, "You are also charged with
killing a
paperboy with a shovel."
"Tightwad!" blurted the man again.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge who continued, "You are also charged with
killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge thundered
back, "If
you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in
contempt!"
So the man answered, "I've lived next to that man for ten years now,
but
do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1437
Saying Goodbye to Pearl
Diana: This is the last time we will be in the movie guys.
Katie: Waaaah!
Rudy: It means, my acting career is finished?
Diana: Yes, sorry guys.
Sandi: It's okay, we had our run. How about you daddy?
BJ: This is my last day also.
Sandi: Reflect back upon this episode of your life daddy, for
a while you had your time in the sun.
BJ: Quite so. Most people never get the chance and not only did
we get the chance, but the people were very nice.
Diana: Yeah, but it is time to get back to life, our life.
We can get the movie on DVD when it comes out.
Rudy: A-rroo!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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