Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Gas is at 3.07 right now but you can figure that if the price of oil
is 65.00 a barrel then the price with taxes should be below 2.50. It
is kind of funny to watch what is happening though. The price has
dropped and since there is no more Olympics and everyone else's
economy is hurting too OPEC threatened to slow production. Oil prices
came up a little bit and then came a report that there were tankers
sitting in the harbors and no one wanted the oil, their tanks were
full so the price of gas drops a little more till oil is cheaper than
what it was a year ago. So now OPEC says they will increase the
production.
We may be addicted to oil but they are addicted to our money. So good
top off the strategic petroleum reserve and expand it and top that
off too and then drill like you never drilled before and build
windmills all up and down tornado alley. I am still
not excited about Natural Gas powered cars because there isn't enough
juice in the tank to go very far. Pickens talks about the millions of
natural gas vehicles world wide, but they are mostly Trucks, buses,
and taxi cabs that have the room to stick large tanks in non
passenger areas. They also say that they can be installed in the
frames of the vehicles but fire risk in a collision hasn't been
solved. Yes I really want to be sitting on top of two tanks of 3000
psi natural gas on fire. You will probably look like the space
shuttle lifting off.
I was taking a nap this afternoon and woke up with a doll and Eva's
two favorite teddy bears in my arms. I guess she thought I looked
lonely.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the
Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty
female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but
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while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 99.
The guy obeys and says, 99! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep
breath and say, 99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate
with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going t o hold on to your
penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, 99.'
The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Conspiracy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Conspiracy Theories"
Ronald Reagan's second term was the inspiration for Weekend at
Bernie's 2.
TWA Flight 800 landed safely ... in 1954.
The noble gases of the periodic table are not noble at all, but a
bunch of sleazy bastard plasmas.
The "Director's Cut" version of The Ten Commandments includes four
additional, never-before-
Procter & Gamble executives celebrate Satan's power by drinking
flaming shots of Pantene®
Princess Diana was assassinated by NAMBLA.
Sesame Street's Big Bird exudes an affable, nice-guy nature to
conceal his true, deep-down, serial ritualistic murderer self.
Playing Eminem's Marshall Mathers EP backwards reveals an unabridged
audio transcript of the Equal Rights Amendment.
Romans did not kill Christ. The Klingons did.
Adolph Hitler enjoyed a lucrative post-war career as a corrupt
Brazilian pool boy.
Everyone was afraid of Virginia Woolf - that is how she got published.
Delaware is a hallucination.
Steven Spielberg gets his "through the eyes of a child" inspirations
by drinking the blood of children.
Chicago's water has been spiked with LSD since the '68 Democratic
Convention.
Under cover of night, stealthy mobs of ninja homosexuals beautify
your neighborhood.
PETA members routinely supplement their protein-deficient diets with
steaming casseroles of human cuticles!
Strom Thurmond prefers "dark meat."
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman divorced over "divergent careers."
The Unabomber was driven to madness by Coleco Electronic Quarterback
handheld football.
The women of MAXIM Magazine are painstakingly retouched, dewrinkled,
deveined, and artificially thinned in Photoshop - PRIOR to having
their pictures taken.
Airwolf's Ernest Borgnine commands the mysterious CIA black
helicopter squadron.
Corn kernels contain alien biosensors capable of passing through the
body intact.
Log Cabin Republicans secretly coerced confirmation votes in support
of John Ashcroft's hunky ass.
Bill Gates cheats on his wife by hacking in to teenaged girls'
computers and reading their love poetry!
The amazing products of Ronco are actually surplus CIA technologies.
Blockbuster Video devotes 10% of all profits to the Titanium Hymen
Society.
2001's California energy crisis was actually due to escaped Gremlins
from San Francisco's Chinatown.
Lee Harvey Oswald fiercely resented Kennedy's hairline.
Pop Rocks and Pepsi killed grandpa
"Tourette's Syndrome" is just smart people having fun.
Frank Purdue suppressed irrefutable evidence that chickens compose
hauntingly beautiful film scores.
Deployment of the International Space Station project has been
delayed by the mischievous poltergeist of Christa MacAuliffe.
Alan Greenspan is an idiot savant who counts on his fingers.
Post-coital smoking killed the dinosaurs.
Nobody wins Lotto.
The Tooth Fairy resells molars at $3.50 a pop.
The Trix Rabbit uses reverse psychology to instill sugar-cereal-
desire in children.
A gluttonous, drug addled, and enraged Elvis Presley choked to death
while trying to swallow his slumbering wife Priscilla.
Department store animatronics' Christmas displays are bristling with
surveillance equipment.
While you are away, The FBI sneaks into your home and roots through
your old Hustlers.
That was not Elizabeth Taylor accepting the 1960 Best Actress Academy
Award - it was really a pill-popping J. Edgar Hoover in full drag.
Lyle Lovett was the inspiration for Chia Pets
Walt Disney personally rigged the Florida elections from his
subterranean bunker far beneath Epcot Center.
A tipsy Richard Nixon took the famous photo of a naked John and Yoko
cuddling in bed.
The Billboard Top 40 is determined by intense late-night games
of "Rock, Paper, Scissors."
Watergate snitch "Deep Throat" and "Deep Throat" star Linda Lovelace
were in fact one and the same.
Sportscaster Bob Costas is really cutting-edge Claymation.
Hillary Clinton did not kill Vince Foster. Chelsea did.
Barry Manilow did not write the songs. He did not even really sing
them.
Eric Clapton pushed that kid out the window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Gorilla Chips
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A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo when a
gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid,
the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the
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eyelid means "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't
make the victim feel any better, and he vowed revenge.
The next day, the man purchased two large knives, two party hats, two
party horns and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he
hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage where he
opened up his bag of goodies.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.
The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat
from the bag, and put it on.
Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it.
The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same.
Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his
pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at
the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Signs He Wants To Get Laid
1. Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking
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2. When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly
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3. You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that
what he looks for in a "chick" is "you know."
4. He whispers,"you'
your face and says, "oh you, too."
5. When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature
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6. In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality
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7. Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first time,
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9. When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory
speech to him, he praises "your multi-talented mouth."
10. When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your
breasts and loudly asks, "What do they do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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There once was this gal who took a sales job in a sporting goods
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He thought for a moment then replied, "O.K. I need a jock strap!"
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The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session.
The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very
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Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here
yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello may I speak to the Commanding Officer of Fleet Marine
Amphibious Group Six."
"Speaking, how may I help you sir."
"Yea, well good morning. I'm Sheriff Johnny Griffin of Duncan County
Georgia. I'm calling about an unfortunate incident that happened here
this weekend between four of my off-duty deputies and your Gunnery
Sergeant John Anthony Taylor."
"Yes sheriff I am familiar with the incident, how can I help you?"
"Well first I'd lak ta pologize fer four of ma men jumpin on the
Gunny lak that. In all fairness they shouldn't have attackted him lak
they did, but in their defense ah hafta say they had been adrinkin.
Anyway that ain't no excuse. They shouldn't of jumped him lak they
did. Also ah wants ya to know that we all have a great deal of
respect fer the military and had they known he was a Marine, they
probably wouldn't jumped him lak they did. See he was eyeballin Paula
the bartender and they didn't take too kindly to it. They saw his
Eagle and glove Marine emblem on his t-shirt and they just kinda tore
into him. Anyways I really regret that it happened."
"I'm sure you do sherriff."
"Well ah just called to pass on the good news to you and hope that
you'll pass it on to Gunnery Sargeant Tarylor. The good news is that
all four of my deputies....
Jones will have a permanent limp but the doctor says he will
eventually walk again.
Wilcox can talk again since they installed the larynx box and they
hope to be able to pull Markam's nose out of his skull later this
week.
They successfully removed the size 13 spit-shined shoe out of Harris'
ass this morning and the doc says within two weeks he'll be able to
sit again. By the way I will be amailing that shoe back to ya."
"I'm glad that they're all recovering so nicely sheriff."
"Yea me too. Me too. Oh could I ask you a favor?"
"Sure sheriff, what is it?"
"Please don't let anymore of your Marines into Paula's beer joint.
I'm down to me and one deputy."
"I'll put if off limits right away sheriff."
"Gunnery Sargeant I just received a report that you were involved in
an "altercation" with four civilians at Paula's Bar in Duncan Georgia
this past Saturday."
"Yes sir, that's correct sir."
"Well along with the report came these pictures, can you explain them
to me."
"Well yes sir, I was sitting drinking my beer talking to the female
bartender when these four guys yelled and charged at me."
"Well would you be kind enough to explain what happened next?"
"Well sir an "altercation" broke out."
"Well Gunny lets start with the first picture here, its marked Mr.
Jones."
"Well sir, he was the first one to come at me, I grabbed him and
tried to hold him as he repeatedly attacked my fist with his face."
"I see, and how did he break his leg?"
"Apparently it was when he flew out the second floor window sir."
"What about photo number two Mr. Duncan it says."
"Sir it appeared to me that Mr. Duncan had severe intestinal gas.
Anyway a vacuum formed in his intestines which caused my foot to rise
with unusual force and lodge itself in his ass , plugging the vacuum
that was emanating from his rectum. He too departed by the same
window."
"I see and Mr. Wilcox here."
"Unfortunately Mr. Wilcox swung at me and missed but unfortunately
his forward momentum caused him to trip and the poor fellow fell into
my palm and struck it with the brunt of his neck."
"Ok and Mr. Markum here?"
"Mr. Markum's nose charged my elbow sir."
"Did he manage to successfully engage your elbow with his nose."
"He did sir."
"And how long did this entire incident take Gunny?"
"I would estimate 20 to 30 seconds sir."
"And what did you do when it was over?"
" I finished my beer and continued talking to the bartender sir."
"Thank you Gunnery Sargeant, that will be all."
( They fail to mention though the Gunny was an ex-Navy Seal)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vacation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe left for a two day trip to Chicago to visit
his sisters. He was only
a few blocks away from his house when he realized
he'd left his wallet
on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house. He
quietly entered the
door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife
washing the breakfast
dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.
She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her,
reached out, and
squeezed her left breast.
"Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Joe
won't be here for
breakfast tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's try it this new way," said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
"I should be affronted,
But this time I'm taken aback!"
____________
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
she thinks they went to Buckingham
but when they were found
they were all gagged and bound
and Little Boy Blue was phucking'em
____________
My dental hygienist, Faye Ray,
Said, "Travis, eat pussy each day;
Your gums will be stronger,
Your teeth will last longer,
Coz pussy prevents tooth decay!"
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I turn on my computer and I'm looking for some action.
I see my online lover and beg for satisfaction.
We go to a private room and you know what happens next.
We think and type and dream about many different kinds of sex.
Just about 9 days pass and I find I'm feeling ill.
Maalox, Pepto--NOTHING will make my stomach chill.
I mention it to my online boo we try to figure it out.
A few more days have passed...now my stomach's sticking out!
So, now my head is spinning I don't know what to do.
I'm having sex with no one-- EXCEPT...my online boo.
No, wait just a minute. Please tell me this can't be!
He cannot get me pregnant by having cyber sex with me!
I call the local clinic and explain the situation.
All the nurses laugh at me, I'm crying in frustration.
My stomach's getting bigger with every passing day.
Who would have ever thought you could get pregnant this way?
A pregnancy test was taken, it came back with a yes.
I IM'ed my online lover and put him to the test.
I told him of my feelings and all my gaining weight.
I told him we were parents and gave him my due date.
When all the shock was over, he gave me an online *kiss*.
He told me that he loved me and he'd help me get through this.
My stomach start's to ache I go run to my mom.
I feel the need and start to push...out pops a CD ROM!!
I put it in the computer and while I wait, I pace.
When soon on my computer, comes a beautiful baby's face!
You know this story's fiction but before you take a risk,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane He
turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to Obama, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said Obama. 'How about What Changes I Should Make
To America ?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?'
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To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to
change America when you don't know shit ?
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Inspired by the artistry of Thomas Kinkade. Moving vehicles too,
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train and cars. Beautifully displayed on a mahogany-finished bases.
So much to
see in this Thomas Kinkade home decor! DO NOT WAIT! Strong demand is
expected.
Hurry, Click this link now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1450
Hobgoblins and Such
Diana: So have you guys decided what you want to be for Halloween?
Katie: I want to be a Diva!
Rudy/Sandi: Groan!!
BJ: You really need to wear an outfit, something scary.
Rudy: As I am mostly white, I thought about being a Banshee.
Diana: Nice idea Rudy. I will help you with an outfit.
Sandi: I am not so much into scary things. Something gentle is more
my line.
BJ: How about being a Smurf or a just a large Fuzzy Bigfoot?
Sandi: I could do that, but not a scary Bigfoot.
Katie: Well I want to be scary.
Diana: Okay how about being a Vamp.
Katie: Kool!!! Do I get a Kape?
Diana: I will work on it.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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