Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I know that many of you enjoy our movies and cartoons, in
fact we had over 600,000 page views last month. I got a
letter from Roger Hills yesterday and he isn't the only one
that has written me via snail mail, concerning the inability
to download the movies on our sites. I don't think that is
fair either because almost everyone of those films were sent
by readers who wanted to share. At first we were having
trouble with bandwidth but Nancy took care of that problem
and we now have 30 terabytes of bandwidth available per
month. Then we started having a problem with html coding
and we couldn't understand what the problem was that made
links unclick able. Then after Nancy came back from vacation
we discovered another problem, we couldn't get into any of
our sites at all.
We did some research and found out that many of the servers
are no longer supporting Front Page 2003 which we were using.
We have tried several open source applications but they don't
work as easily as Front Page and it's hard to teach an old buffalo
new tricks. Nancy has looked into Microsoft Expressions Web 2
but even the update edition is over 100.00 and not in her budget
this week. As soon as we can get a design and FTP program we will
start to put up new pages and I will lobby her to put in a link so
you
can download the movies without having to use a work around.
Heck I'll sit down in the middle of her driveway and won't let her
out until she fixes the pages. If anyone has a copy of Dreamweaver
or Expressions they want to donate to the cause we will accept it
with grateful thanks also.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
P.S. My email address is bbrabant@sault.
other ones I may not see your mail. The snail mail address is a real
address and any map program will show you the directions to my
front door. Save the stamp or the gas and email me though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Normal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARE YOU NORMAL? -by B. Kanner
Facts about us Americans. Did you know that........
-only 30% of us can flare our nostrils
-21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
-Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust
their
husbands to do it correctly.
-40% of women have hurled footwear at a man
-85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear
-67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs)
-the average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it
was a 34B
-85% of women wear the wrong bra size
-3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with
singles leading up to higher denominations
-13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's
homework
-91% of us lie regularly
-27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz
-29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store
-50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to
avoid
the high prices of snack foods
-90% believe in divine retribution
-10% believe in the 10 Commandments
-82% believe in an afterlife
-45% believe in ghosts
-13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail
-29% of us are virgins when we marry
-58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't
-10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item
-Over 50% believe in spanking---but only a child over 2 years
old
-35% give to charity at least once a month
-How far would you go for $10 million?
-25% would abandon their friends, family, and church
-7% would murder
-69% eat the cake before the frosting
-When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the
carton
-85% of us will eat Spam this year
-70% of us drink orange juice daily
-Snickers is the most popular candy
-22% of us skip lunch daily
-9% of us skip breakfast daily
-66% of us eat cereal regularly
-22% of all restaurant meals include french fries
-14% of us eat the watermelon seeds
-only 13% brush our teeth from side to side
-45% use mouthwash every day
-22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink
-the typical shower is 101 degrees F
-Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair
-9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery
-53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on
-58% of women paint their nails regularly
-62% of us pop our zits
-33% of women lie about their weight
-10% of us claim to have seen a ghost
-57% have had deja vu
-49% believe in ESP
-4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids
-the average girl starts her period at age 12
-44% have broken a bone
-only 30% of us know our cholesterol level
-14% have attended a self-help meeting
-15% regularly go to a shrink
-78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home
-46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've
used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find
it up
-30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat
-54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet
-23.5% admit they don't always flush
-45.2% pee in the shower
-44.9% pee in the ocean
-28.1% pee in the pool
-55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while
they're
using the toilet.
-39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been
caught by the host.
-81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants
-29% of us ignore RSVP
-71.6% of us eavesdrop
-22% are functionally illiterate
-less than 10% are trilingual
-37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR
-53% prefer ATM machines over tellers
-56% of women do the bills in a marriage
-2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night
for a million bucks
-20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life
-40% of us have had music lessons
-44% reuse tinfoil
-57% save pretty gift paper to reuse
-66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken
credit for doing it from scratch
-53% read their horoscopes regularly
-16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly
men)
-59% of us say we're average-looking
-blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves
beautiful
-90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us
-53% of us would take advice from Anne Landers
-28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
-51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity
-on average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year
-20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends
-2 out of 5 have married their first love
-the biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money
-only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand
-1 in 5 men proposed on his knees
-6% propose over the phone
-71% can drink a stick-shift car
-45% of us consistantly follow the speed limit
-2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light
-1/3 of us don't wear seat belts
-12% of men never use their car blinkers
-44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them
-25% of us drive after we've been drinking
-4 out of 5 sing in the car
-the average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes
-men say the average erect penis is 10". Women say it's 4"
-56% of men have had sex at work
-1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair
-62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs
-60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand
-the most common fantasy is oral sex
-women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold
-8% of us have regular anal sex
-58% like dirty talk during sex
-22% rent porno flicks at least once
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dick
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Dado Rail
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Sex on the Beach
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
by the inch
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hi dear
http://www.thepostm
hypochondria
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a
baby baboon will become an adult baboon.
A baby pig will mature into a full-grown pig.
A baby jackass will always become a jackass.
Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of
these
The nurse at the Pathology Clinic was getting a bit beyond it. She
was approaching retirement and was continually getting things mixed
up.
One day, a young man came to the laboratory for a blood test. After a
few minutes, the pathologist looked in on the nurse and his patient.
There she was, rapidly stroking the very happy young man's firm
erection.
"Good God, NO!" shouted the pathologist. "Stop it at once! I said,
'prick his finger'."
Did you hear about the woman that filed for divorce after she had
twelve kids? The reason she put in the divorce papers was for extreme
compatibility!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Halloween Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY ON HALLOWEEN BUT ARENT
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something
in the sack tonight.
8. Just get on your hands and
knees and bob your head.
7. She's got a couple of nice
pumpkins on her porch.
6. If you just lick it,
it will last longer.
5. Let me see your big sack.
4. Can I eat your zagnuts?
3. Have your mom check it
before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
And the dirtiest sounding but
not-dirty Halloween saying is...
1.He's got candy spread out
on the living room floor!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young blonde woman in Nashville, TN, was so depressed that she
decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Cumberland
River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the
frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the
edge of the dock, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you
away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every
day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and
added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a
fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night,
the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a
piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by
the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I
get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the General Jackson,
and we never leave Nashville."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and Little Mary were walking home from school one day.
As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along side the
road, doing it, well, doggy style. "What are they doing, Johnny?"
Mary asked. Well, Little Johnny, being a man of the world for all his
12 years, knew what they were doing but was embarrassed to say it, so
he said, "Well, he's scaring her." Little Mary said, "Oh." They
walked a little farther, and Little Mary said, "Scare me, Little
Johnny." Well, Little Johnny thought, "What the Hell." So he took her
into the bushes and "scared" her. After they were finished, they
started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion
mounting a mare in the field. "What are they doing, Little Johnny ?",
she asked. "Well, he's scaring her." So Little Mary said, "Scare me
again, Johnny." Well, Little Johnny took her into the bushes
and "scared" her again. After they were finished, they started
walking home again. Pretty soon, you guessed it, they saw a bull and
a heifer in the field, going at it. "What are they doing, Little
Johnny?" she innocently (?) asked again. "Well, he's scaring her"
Little Johnny said once again. After a few more minutes of walking,
Little Mary said, "Scare me again, Little Johnny." Now Little Johnny,
being a little tired by now, had just about had enough, so he yelled
out, "Boo, damn it, boo!"
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Pun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the doctor say to the witch in the hospital?
With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a
spell!
Dracula got into his casket one July. As he reclined he
remarked, "There is nothing like a cool bier on a hot day."
A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way
to get a stakeout.
What did the vampire say to the English teacher
See you next period.
Why did the impotent guy date the witch?
Because she always scared him stiff!
When is a pixie not a pixie?
When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a
goblin'.
Why don't witches wear panties?
To get a better grip on the broom.
What do hillbillies do on Halloween?
Pump Kin
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard
sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down,
he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah," the man answered, "I'm
supposed
to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln."
protested the barkeeper. "That's right. My last four scores were
seven years ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Passing Storm
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Blue October
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The Miracle
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Leno's Garage Via Dianne
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PT-658
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When Great Grandma And Grandpa Were Born
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Checking In On You
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Computer Gripes
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Movies
Romantic Dinner
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Amnesty Bills
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Voting Ad
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Argument Settled
http://www.buffalos
Been Married To long
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I believe I can fly
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Ice mint Explosion
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I Forgot
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Insane low flying high speed jet passes
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Inside the Space Station
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Applicant
"I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer
"I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants.
Applicant
"That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor."
Employer
"More than we can use already."
Applicant (as he is getting desperate),
"I'm not proud, I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk. If you have too
many, I'll start as a janitor."
Employer
"It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with
your qualifications.
Applicant (as he stands up and angrily yells),
"To work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double
dealing jerk!"
Employer
"Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat. We may just
have an opening."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheer leader 2
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Cheer leader 3
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Check up
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CHEF 1
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Marriage
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Milk maid
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Pimp Juice
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Fritz
Who planted an acre of tits
They came in the fall
Rosy nipples and all
And he leisurely nibbled them to bits
There was a young man named Perkin
Who was furtively jerkin his gerkin
His wife turned to say
In utter dismay
Why Perkin, you're shirkin your furkin
There was a young man from Baroda
Who wouldn't pay a whore what he owed her
Midst thunderous applause
She pulled down her drawers
And pissed in his whisky and soda
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife didn't believe her husband was going fishing and camping every
weekend with his male friends. After a terrible arguement, he told
her, come and go along. She said, no, with a wife along you ole boys
will not have any fun or anything as usual. He told her to put her
hair up, put on a baseball cap and wear his old boots and his old
torn crotch, torn knees, raggged coveralls and his felt, plaid shirt.
She agreed. He would call her Ralph, and she would be just one of the
boys. The first night all 15 of them were sitting around the
campfire, trying to decide on the night's entertainment. One old boy
said, "Lets put up a pot and measure Penises, longest wins." A drunk
sitting acoss from "Ralph" with the torn crotch coverallls, said, "I
don't know about penises, but I'll bet everything I own that old
Ralph has the longest asshole you've ever seen!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots.
She downs the first one..."This is for the shame",
And then the second one..."This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one... "This is
for the shame" and then the second one...
"This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender
Stops her. "Ma'am, I was just wondering...
About shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked.
But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane
Mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got knotted
Together and he dragged me around the front yard for forty minutes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1443
The Maze
Diana: Everyone in the van.
Rudy: Where are we going?
BJ: We are going to a pumpkin patch and to a cornfield maze.
Katie: What is a maze?
Sandi: I believe it is a place where you enter and it is designed to
get you lost.
Rudy: Why would you want to take us there? Do you want to lose us?
Diana: Of course not. It is supposed to be fun.
Rudy: You have a strange way of having fun.
Later at the pumpkin patch...
Katie: Get this one, it looks like Rudy after he drank that six pack.
Rudy: I wasn't that green.
Diana: Okay, here is the entrance to the maze, let's enter. Everyone
take a different path.
Sandi: I will stay with Daddy.
Katie: I am off, see you guys later... Zoom!
Rudy: I will go with Toots.
Diana: Let's go Rudy.
BJ: Come on Sandi, let's take the middle path.
Later... much much later...at the park bench.
Diana: So when do you think Katie will come out?
BJ: I do not know.
Rudy: She has the best sense of smell.
Sandi: And she has the best hearing.
off in the distance....
'help'
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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