Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Once upon a time if you lived in most cities and
you had more than a tablespoon of gas in your
tank you could get up enough speed to coast to
a gas station to fill your tank. Gas stations
like local markets dotted street corners up until
the eighties and then they both started to disappear.
In most cases it was the laws regarding double
wall fuel tanks and the costs of upgrade that killed
the local gas station, but just like Wal-mart
and the smaller department stores the chains took
over too.
Anyhow in our town there are a number of these places
with the tanks gone and the buildings still remaining.
Most are small, only a little storefront area and
a small office and a bathroom, definitely not candidates
for a mini-mart. The pieces of land are small to as
they originally only had two or four pumps. Few are willing
to excavate to build larger buildings because many
closed rather than face remediation which meant the
removal of contaminated soil to special landfills.
So what has your town done with these old pieces of
history? The larger ones that had a service bay and
lift have become small garages with one or two
mechanics, some good and some mediocre to fill the
gap between do it yourself and the dealer. The small
ones have a variety of small businesses in them.
They are the perfect size for the payday loan businesses
that take your check and wait for you to get paid to
collect. U-Haul and Ryder and also some of the car
rental places filled some of the stations with larger
lots, along with used car places that started out as
people parking their cars in abandoned lots with, "For
Sale" signs on them.
We have one just a few blocks away that was a used
car dealer when I first moved back. I can't remember
what type of gas it sold originally but the dealership
specialized in buying repo cars of the auction block
and doing minimal repairs and reselling them. I heard
they ran into licensing problems with the state and
closed down. Then a place called Caffeine Express
moved in there and became so popular after a few
years they moved to a bigger building. Then a sandwich
shop called Gobbler's Nook moved in there with a big
ugly sign that said, "Get A Get A Gobbler" It lasted one
season and the building stayed empty for awhile
and now it houses a pet grooming business that seems to
be fairly busy.
Who knows what stories lurk in our old gas stations
and what dangers? All we can be sure off is the memories
that lurk in our minds of 27.9 cent gas and free
full service. One thing for sure though, if you are
like most Americans you better have more than a tablespoon
of gas in your tank before you try to make it to the
nearest gas station and don't ask for a fan belt,
battery or a set of tires.
Price of gas dropped to 3.86 still a lot higher than the 3.25 I
think
it should be but at least we do have all the gas that your money
can buy
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Money Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris is complaining to Uncle Yossie.: " Uncle, you gave me some
terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" asked Uncle Yossie.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, but that big bank is
in terrible financial trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the
world," said Uncle Yossie. "Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," replied Morris. "They just returned one of my
checks with a note saying, ' Insufficient Funds.'"
Business was bad, the small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.
The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly. "So to
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The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halloween Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halloween Definitions
Bobbing Apples: What happens when you jog without a bra.
Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.
Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your
throat.
Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.
Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix
your
fridge.
Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for Halloween.
Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done.
Also, see "Mr. Hyde."
Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.
Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing
each week.
Mummy: The person who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
Mr. Hyde: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done.
Also,
see "Invisible Man" .
Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.
Skeleton: Any supermodel.
Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.
Witch: See "Mother-in-Law.
Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pig Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A miner comes out of the hills, enters a bar, orders a drink.
Looking around, he asks the bartender, "Hey, where're all the
wimmin?"
The Barman replies, "Ain't no wimmin here, not fer a long time."
"Well what do y'all do?"
"We do it with the animals."
Thoroughly disgusted, he ordered another drink and headed back to
the hills.
Months later, same story... After downing too many whiskeys he asked
the bartender, "You're sure you do it with the animals?"
"Yes, we do, sir"
Hearing this, he raced into the street and saw a pig run into an
alley. He chased after it and started having his way with it, the
pig squealing. After a while he heard a noise behind him. He turned
to look and saw half the town, horrified.
The bartender was in front and said, "My God, man, what are you
doing?"
"I thought you said you all did it with the animals."
"Yeah, but no one fucks the sheriff's broad!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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T-Shirt Chips
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2. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
3. Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
4. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
5. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
6. I'm multitalented - I can talk and piss you off at the same
time.
7. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
8. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!
9. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of place to hide the bodies.
10. I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
11. Next mood swing..6 minutes.
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13. Please don't make me kill you.
14. And your point is...?
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17. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
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20. I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A proposed Nebraska law will allow parents to abandon their
teenagers if they can't handle them. To which Britney Spears
asked, "Why would anyone wait that long to abandon their kids?"
- - - - -
The founder of Enzyte was convicted of defrauding customers
Seeking male sexual enhancement products. Ironically, he will
end up becoming the product himself and provide sexual
enhancement performance to all his cellmates.
- - - - -
Now we go from the Beijing Olympics to the Democratic
Convention. Oh goody. That's like going from a naked super
model hot tub party to a root canal appointment.
- - - - -
Trojan is giving away free condoms at the Democratic
National Convention. It makes sense because it seems
Democrats have been screwing each other since the
convention started.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Truth is weird
WORLD SOCIALIST NEWS:
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA (October 1, 2008): A new study by the Society
for Kicking Aussies out of Australia (SKAOOA) has found that
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"This proves that the murderous English Aussies need to be forcibly
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In separate news, SKAOOA denied being funded by the Chinese
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Beer Diet
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Farmers 3 Daughters
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Why I Didn't Make The Olymics
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Corn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're
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first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a
drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then
sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second
man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she
will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full
of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it
out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied
and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man
calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give
them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that
buttered corn."
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
she thinks they went to Buckingham
but when they were found
they were all gagged and bound
and Little Boy Blue was phucking'em
A cock of a fellow named Randall,
Shot sparks like a big Roman candle,
He was much in demand,
For the colors were grand,
But most girls found him too hot to handle.
There was a young woman from Wild,
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By thinking of Jesus...
Contagious diseases....
And the bother of having a child.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided
to dress up and go out.
The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon
between her legs.
When she came out, the old man cried, 'You can't go out like that!"
She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."
Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked
with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.
The old woman says, "you're going out like that?"
And he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a
dick-tator."
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow evidently under the influence was trying
desperately to catch a train back to his suburban
home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each
time he was told that he would have to take
another train. When he boarded a fourth train he
slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose
eyes, ears and nose told him that this new
passenger had been drinking too much. He told our
besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that
youare traveling the rough and rocky road to
damnation."
To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on
the wrong f#¤king train again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1433
Political Adds
The dogs are watching TV and Sandi has the remote when
the adds come one...
TV: Are you tired of your money vanishing into thin air?
If you are then vote for
Click!
Purina dog chow, good for all the dogs in your house.
Click!
If you vote for me, I will promise you that I will bring
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Consider the alternative, higher taxes, high crime, loss of
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...if you maintain an erection lasting more than four hours, you
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Yes, just check my record. I support the veteran. I support
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I support the..
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I would not vote for him for dog catcher. I mean I would not
vote for
him if he was the last person on
Click!
Dancing with Stars! We are down to the last four couples. Who
will win
will it be Donna and Adam or will it be
Rudy: This is pretty cool Sandi. Let me have the remote for a
while.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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