Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffalo,
Your tale about the chirping fan reminded me. I once made
several visits inside the tower attempting to cure a
mystery 'chirp'. I was beginning to think the hard drive was on the
way out and did some extensive backups.
Then late one night the chirps started again whilst the computer
was switched off! Magic, I either had a phantom chirp or I was going
crazy.
In the end, with it being late and there being no other noises to
confuse me, I tracked it to the smoke alarm. I don't know about
yours, but ours gives out sporadic single chirps every few minutes to
warn that the battery is low. If you've been out of the house and
not noticed the dying battery the gap between chirps gets quite long
and distinctly random when the battery is very nearly dead.
Bloody thing ;-)
John Craggs
buffalo says heh heh It was a little different sound than that plus I
knew
there is brand new batteries in the smoke alarm.
I got a couple of letters asking why I hadn't mentioned Columbus Day.
Every time I mention Columbus I get a few nasty letters from the
Native
American community who feel they could have lived happily without
being discovered. Lately I have heard stories that have a ring of
truth
that the Vikings, Phoenicians, Egyptians, King Solomon, and perhaps
even Jesus Christ may have beat Columbus here but we don't have any
holidays where we dress up in horns and go pillage and plunder our
neighbors.
I also forgot to say Happy Thanksgiving to the Canadians and I do
apologize for that. I should have remembered that one too as they
were all over here buying turkeys last weekend. It is great that they
shop here as it means lower prices for us all but I couldn't stand the
long waits on the bridge if it were the other way around.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pumpkin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Come Back Line Ever
The police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ year old white male, in a
pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and
lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his
way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, "You know
how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around
for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he
stated in a telephone interview.
Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut
a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' "Guess I
was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident
embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an
approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer
Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer
Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this
pumpkin." Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
approached Aylor.
"I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex
with a pumpkin?"
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said.....
"A pumpkin? .... Shit...is it midnight already?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Butts
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Butt1
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Caught
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Caught you
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Stay-Hard
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Striped
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Tree twat
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumb Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buckwheat and Darla are in school. The teacher asks Darla, "How do you
spell "dumb"?
Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is dumb."
The teacher says, "Now, spell "stupid".
Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell
dictate."
Buckwheat stands and says,"D-i-c-
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Buckwheat says, "I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my
dictate good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rhyme Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the beat of Row Your Boat...
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough
and pass it to a friend.
Peter Peter Rhyme
Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
fucked her ass and went to bed
Mary Had A Little Lamb Rhyme
Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in her back yard
when she took her panties off
his wooly dick got hard
Little Bow Peep
Little bow peep fucked a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a few friends over last weekend and the topic turned to
prohibition.
A lady with four teenagers said, "I just couldn't imagine if
marijuana was legal. Life is hard enough without having to worry
about our children thinking 'it's legal so I can do it.' I mean, I'd
be afraid to let them out of the house."
A Libertarian friend spoke up. "Booze, pot, hard drugs-- everything
should be legal. That is the only way to fight organized crime and
protect our youth. Plus, just think of the tax revenue!"
Somebody else added, "I believe even prostitution should be
legalized...
"Hell, not only do I think prostitution should be legalized,"
I jumped in, "I think it should be free, too!"
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old
castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it.
She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the
dark cobwebby rooms and passages.
"Don't worry" says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time
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"How long is that?" asks the girl.
"About three hundred years."
After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation
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Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the
smaller your balls become.
TOP ELEVEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
11. Cats' facial expressions
10. What the hell is so important about chocolate.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
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Pig Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the
stick
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One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and
said,
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"Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick
Pig
let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and
blow your house down." And he did !!!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick
pig's
house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our
houses down!"
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf
said,
"I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and
the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone
and
made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up.
Out stepped two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats.
These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the
living
crap out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his
mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they got back into their
Caddy and
drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those
guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man sat down at the bar at 5:00 and drank and drank and drank.
At last call, the man got up after drinking 2 1/2 cases of beer. He
hadn't left the barstool since he'd arrived. He staggered
outside,grabbed onto a telephone pole, and pulled his zipper down.
A cop saw this and said,
"You're not going to pee HERE are you?!"
"Oh no sir...I'm going to piss wayyyyy over there."
As a younger man, I was in great shape. As an airline pilot , I was
required to have a Flight physical every six months.
The nurse took the basic data, weight, height, and blood pressure. My
pressure was good, but the heart rate was below 40 beats per minute.
"I cannot put that number down. You'll be denied a physical.",she
said.
"What can I do?", I replied.
She held my hand and winked,saying, "Just think about that for a
minute!"
Retaking my blood pressure and heart rate,she stated, "53 will be OK,
but you really know how to hurt a girl!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Melva/A Passing Storm
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Haunted Lighthouses
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10 Most Condusing Signs
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Words They Want Gone
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Happy Ending
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Aaaaahhhhh!
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Advise for the Dimocraps
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How to blow away a deer
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
IRISH GRANDMOTHER'
My grandmother died in 1965, but her birthday is coming up, and
that always causes me to reminisce.
The long walks we used to take to the store on Crawford Road , the
quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or
washing the sidewalk.
Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in
the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13.
We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40
soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.
She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my
own family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you
marry a womanwith small hands.'
'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.
She answered in her soft Irish voice. "Makes your weiner look
bigger."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit," said a lady called Barr,
"That a penis is like a cigar;
But, in general, to people
A phallic church steeple
Is stretching the subject too far."
____________
I wouldn't think that was so bad
As the sweet little thing that I had
In gay old Paris --
What she gave to me
Has turned my poor gonads to plaid
____________
I wooed a buxom young nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! She was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude --
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Retired Marines in San Diego were sitting down for a break in
their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready yet, with only
a
few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now
some
idiot sailor is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and
ask
what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a crusty
old Retired Navy Chief walked to the window, had a peek, and in a
thick
salty accent asked, "What the #*/@ are you selling in here?"
One of the Marines replied sarcastically, "we're selling assholes"
Without skipping a beat, the Old Chief said, "You're doin' well
then...
only two left!"
Marines, God bless them, should not mess with a Navy Chief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day.
It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they
came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off
all
their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while
enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group
of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest
covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran
for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the
minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face
rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation,
its my face they would recognize."
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1442
The Red River Rivalry
Rudy: OU!
Katie: Texas!
BJ: What is going on?
Sandi: Sigh, it is the usual confrontation between our OU and Texas
fans in the house. Which one do you like daddy?
BJ: I am neutral. You know I am a KU fan. How about you Sandi?
Sandi: I like what you like daddy.
Katie: Texas!
Rudy: OU!
Katie: Oh yeah!
Rudy: Yeah!
Diana: Before you guys start throwing punches, how about just cooling
down and watching the game.... remember it is just a game.
Rudy: Growl...
Katie: Growl...
Sandi: They are such bad sports.
BJ: Remember last year?
Sandi: The two black eyes? Yes.. The year before?
BJ: The bandages..yes.
Diana: I 'fixed' their drinks for them this year.
BJ: You mean?
Diana: Yes, they each have a mickey in them, they will be out like a
light.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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