Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Intro today is a little long but worth the read
"The last ship that was cut up for scrap was the Coral Sea because of
ecological concerns and now we just sink them because the sea hides
all. I wonder if when the Enterprise is retired in a few years if
her hull and reactors will be sunk in some deep trench in the ocean.
Isn't that a lovely thought. "
------------
------------
I have always appreciated your navy stories... just interesting
stuff. You make the information more human too. Thanks for
sharing.
This end of this story got my attention (above). Especially the
comment above. I understand your comments about the decontamination
required to decommission a ship. I was trained as an asbestos
inspector. I've dealt with radon, mold, etc... over the years. In
the military I managed a construction materials testing lab at Ft
Hood, Texas. But I've been retired now... longer than the twenty
years I served. I'm now medically retired.
I seem to recall when they decommissioned the Sturgis... it was a
ship (with a nuke power plant) used to supply power from the shore.
Ship had duty down in south and central America. I have always
wondered where the disposed of her reactor? There was a training
reactor on Ft Belvoir in Virginia. Actually still is, but it's
filled with concrete and have been inactive for maybe forty years.
US Army used to train nuclear power specialists in that place. Sure
it's behind a fenced area away from the public... but how far is
really far enough when your talking nuclear rad-waste?
I recall off the east coast there were dump areas with a re-bar grid
over it... to keep it relatively undisturbed. The drums were
leaking or nearly leaking so badly back then... no one wanted to
touch them. I believe it was 'just' chemical waste... but that's
bad enough.
Hanford in Washington State is a disposal site in deep trouble... and
has been for more than forty years. I'm dieing of pancreatic cancer
and my wife is a four year survivor of two types of thyroid cancer.
Oh yea, and the 'cure' the medical community gave her... resulted in
almost immediate rheumatoid arthritis. She's now been diagnosed
with two types of arthritis on top of having to deal with the thyroid
cancer.
I'm one of the cynics that really believes after the first above
ground test... Einstein and the scientists quickly learned they'd let
the genii out of the bottle. Rad-waste was airborne and eventually
enter the land, water, etc. It became part of our food chain. Not
that there was anything they could do when they learned the facts
about radiation... but then they didn't stop testing... did they?
Nope. These scientists..
would become completely uncontrollable, and burn down into the core
of the earth. These learned clowns must have said something like...
oh well, let's try it anyway. Yea right... to hell with the
planet... lets see what happens!?
Radiation spread far and wide after those above and below ground
tests. It was in the water and air... that found it's way from the
soil into the grasses. I recall that it was discovered that cows
eating contaminated grass concentrate isotopes in the butter fat
portion of their milk. Of course that milk was processed, packaged
and shipped everywhere for consumers... young and old. I suspect it
may have been impossible to tell people to stop eating contaminated
foods (it was to wide spread). There was no calling it back.
Telling people they had been contaminated wouldn't change their
fate.
In an early (not heralded to the world) at the foot of the Urals -
uneducated farmers and their families were told the area had a
plague. Survivors were taken to far off places for study and the
land was abandoned. There were towns that were simply taken off the
map. It wasn't until years later the disaster was discovered by a
British scientist studying theoretical data about exposures. He
realized it was not theoretical.
complete. Indeed the villages were no longer on the Russian maps...
they no longer existed. It's the same way the Russians treated
people in and around Chernobyl after the accident and fires.
At the foot of the Urals they experimented with burying low level rad-
waste in trenches. It seemed to work well, but of course
bureaucrats or scientists got involved and higher levels of waste was
included in later burials. When ground water came into contact with
hot waste products there was a steam explosion that tossed waste into
the atmosphere. It was not a nuclear explosion... simply a steam
explosion. But the results were catastrophic to the surrounding
villages.
The thyroid is a gland that is extremely sensitive to radiation
(especially isotopes of iodine)... and thyroid failures are epidemic
in our nation today. One day at a lunch gathering I discovered my
wife, our secretary and my boss all had thyroid problems. They were
all on thyroid hormone replacement therapy. My wife's thyroid was
removed in two operations (should have been one... but it's a long
ugly story for another time). Since hers is completely removed...
and she still has cancer they treat her with therapeutic doses of
Iodine 131. The side effects are NOT good at all.
My cancer is incurable stage IV pancreatic cancer. It's amazing
that I'm still alive today. I've elected to forgo the chemo. I'd
have already been sick for more then two months. I had major
surgery in April and have done well because of it. They removed
about ten pounds of material (much of it tumor) from inside me. The
process gave me perhaps a year of quality life. That's not so
bad... when without the surgery I'd have already been dead. It was
amazing what they were able to do (the Whipple Procedure).
The blood tests show the tumors are growing or spreading... but they
must be growing in my butt? The illegal invaders are not hurting me
at the moment. I'm feeling weird about feeling good, when they tell
me I'm so sick and the illness is 97% terminal within two years or
less.
Take care Buffalo Bill,
Howard Lucas
US Army retired 1967-87
MCPS retired 1988-08
Enjoy the Chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Slang....what can you expect???
Going for a McSh*T:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member,
your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a
McSh*t with Lies.
Greyhound:
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Johnny-No-Stars:
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to
show
their level of training.
Monkey Bath:
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".
Mumbler:
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc., i.e. you can see
the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
Mystery Bus:
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with great looking people when
you come back in.
Picasso Arse:
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got four buttocks.
Salad Dodger:
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
Swamp-Donkey:
A deeply unattractive woman.
Tart Fuel or B*tch Piss:
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.
Titanic:
A lady who goes down first time out.
Two-Bagger or Double Bagger:
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover
their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
Up on Blocks:
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage.
e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on
blocks".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Awful Truth
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Pumpkin Head
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Dancing Stone
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another example of your government at work????
1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he
joked about being too wasted to "push the button" in case of nuclear
attack??
2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a
finalist in the Miss America pageant??
3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out
atop a desk in the oval office??
4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with
a slave who was his wife's half sister??
5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"??
6. Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first
husband, and was branded an "adulterer" during his re-election
campaign??
7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife
while he was engaged to someone else??
8. Which president had a torrid affair with the
First Lady's personal secretary??
9. Which president had sex with a young woman in a White House coat
closet, while, at one point a secret service agent prevented the
hysterical First Lady from attacking them??
10. Which president had sex in a closet while telling his partner
about the other president who did the same in a closet??
11. Which Vice-President was ticked off because he felt that HIS
record of sexual conquests was much more "impressive" (i.e.
numerous) than the President's?
12. Which future president, while a college student, enjoyed showing
off his penis, which he named Jumbo??
Answers:
1. John F. Kennedy
2 Bill Clinton
3. Lyndon B. Johnson
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Bill Clinton
6. Andrew Jackson
7. George Washington, Lyndon B. Johnson
8. Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy
9. Warren G. Harding
10. John F. Kennedy
11. Lyndon B. Johnson
12. Lyndon B. Johnson
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer's Guide ...
* A *Paris Hilton* - an expensive hole
* A *Salman Rushdie* - an impossible read
* A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but it wasn't.
* A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution
* An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim
* An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker
* A Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another
* A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand
* A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
* *Glen Miller* - didn't make it over the water
* A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed
* An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it
* A *Michael Jackson* - gradually fading
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* A *condom* - safe but didn't feel real good
* A *circus tent* - a BIG top
* An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
* Brazilian* - Shaves both sides of the hole
* A Jeb Bush--too far to the right, out of play
* A Nancy Pelosi-too far left, clueless on how to get home from there
* A Monica Lewinsky--all lip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rabbit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The newlyweds had been married only a few months but she realized
that the magic had gone from the marriage.
As he sat at the breakfast table, head buried in the newspaper, she
cried "What's wrong, honey? What am I doing wrong? What's missing
from our marriage?"
"Hasenpheffer!
"Hasenpheffer? What's Hasenpheffer?
"Well, its kinda like a rabbit stew in a tomato sauce. My mom used
to cook me the greatest Hasenpheffer all the time. You never cook me
Hasenpheffer.
"That's it?" she cried, fantasies of marital bliss rushing through
her mind. "Honey, when you get home tonight, you're gonna have the
best Hasenpheffer you ever tasted!"
"Great, honey." he said as he left for work. "I can hardly wait."
So she gets her "Joy of Cooking" and finds a great Hasenpheffer
recipe, makes a shopping list and as she heads for the door the phone
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on the phone.
Suddenly she realizes the time and, fearing her dreams of connubial
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She grabs a rabbit from the butcher, gets a bottle of tomato sauce,
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As she dashes out to her car, she catches her heel on the curb,
stumbles, and drops the grocery bag on the ground. Looking at the
mess on the ground, she realizes that her marriage is surely doomed
and sits down on the curb and starts to cry hysterically.
Up walks a drunk, sees the bawling lady, looks at the mess between
her legs and says,
"Don't cry lady. He woulda been an idiot, anyway. Just look at his
ears!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Texas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Texan named Lyndon Johnson died and ascended
into Heaven.
St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying "You
will certainly enjoy Paradise."
The Texan shook his head sadly and said "I always
thought that TEXAS was Paradise."
St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we
have to offer." He took the Texan to an area that
had a beautiful river flowing through it with
wildlife and flowers everywhere. "Isn't this
beautiful?" said St. Peter.
The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as the
area around SAN ANTONIO."
Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another
area where there were rolling hills, whitetail
deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush every-
where. "Now" said St. Peter "Have you ever seen
anything so wonderful?"
The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is beautiful
but it does not hold a candle to the TEXAS HILL
COUNTRY in the springtime."
Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the
Texan to a beautiful white beach, with gentle
waves, and an azure sky. "Now have you seen
anything this beautiful in Texas" said St. Peter.
The Texan smiled and said "I guess you've never
been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND".
At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a
large rock. On the side of the rock was a huge
iron door. St. Peter opened the door and they
stepped into an elevator and started going down.
As they descended, it grew more and more hot.
When the elevator door opened, it revealed the
fires of damnation-Hell. St. Peter said, "Now,
have you got anything in Texas that can top
that?"
The Texan thought a moment and shook his head.
"No, but I know a couple of old boys from a company
called Halliburton that can put that thing out for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Football Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world
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The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie
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After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and
says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be out done the wife rips off another one
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Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and
says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!'
Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by his wife, so he
strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it
everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
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Martha's Web
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Viera Clip
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Walk It Out Granny
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This Kid Deserves An Oscar
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Tolerant Cat
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Toll Booth
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FOR GENTLEMEN: HOW TO STUFF UP YOUR DATE
There are MANY ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say
on
a date...
* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use
this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
* No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix
alcohol
and penicillin.
* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
* People say I remind them of Peewee Herman.
* I used to come here all the time with my ex.
* I never said you NEED a nose and boob job. I just said it wouldn't
hurt to consider it.
* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice
on
the answering machine every hour.
* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I
wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching and farting
contest.
* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date
just
won't be as smart as I am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs
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No Sex Causes Bad Eyes
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Fire Alarm
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Two point navigational system
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
No bananas she said, with a sigh,
And a tear trickled down from her eye.
No cukes, no zucchinis,
No Oscar Meyer weenies,
"I'll have to go find me a guy."
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole
for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed
to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six
o'clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home
taking little travelled routes, running across deserted
fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You
good-for-nothing bastard!
Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six
hours ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do
that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your
date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give
her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you
get!"
So, the son showed up for his date with flowers AND chocolates.
She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long,
passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her
fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that
he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1436
Hijacked
While everyone is attending to Rudy, nobody paid attention to Katie
who sneaked to the bi-plane and deftly revved the motor and took off.
Pilot: My plane! Who took my plane?
BJ: I do not know.
Sandi: Head count... Rudy,,here, Diana, here. I am here,,, where is
Katie?
BJ: Gulp!
Pilot: Look the plane is making figure eights.
BJ: It can't be Katie. It has to be a pilot.
Sandi: Katie has been reading up on piloting.
BJ: Hand me my glasses. Let me focus on the pilot.
Diana: Well can you see the pilot?
BJ: Not clearly, the pilot is wearing an old leather helmet with
goggles and has a white scarf wrapped around their neck. It is most
difficult to
determine who it is.
Pilot: We did not refuel, so there cannot be much fuel left.
Sandi: Oh dear.
Rudy: Look the engine has quit.
BJ: We will see how good the pilot is. The pilot is using the plane
like a glider. The pilot is obviously quite experienced. Look a
perfect landing.
Everyone runs up to the plane as... Katie emerges.
Katie: Ta-da!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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