Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today's Halloween story is from Herd Member Mitzi
Buff, My most memorable Halloween is one that I still feel terrible
about when I think of it. I was in 5th or 6th grade. Living on a
farm, we never went trick or treating. Usually our only celebration
was a party that afternoon at school. This year one of my classmates
(there were four of us) decided to have a Halloween party. She said
we were all to come in costume and her dad would take us trick or
treating. Her sister, a year older invited her classmates (5) so
there were nine of us. We crawled into the back of her dad's pickup
and he took us around the neighborhood. He would stop the pickup
before we got to the driveway and we would walk up to the house. I
suggested we stop at one farm where the people were friends of my
folks. I knew they always had lots of cookies and other goodies on
hand. When we got there they recognized one boy, whose parents they
didn't like, and told us to leave or they would get the shot gun. I
was too afraid and embarrassed to take off my mask and tell them who
I was. (I doubt if it would have made any difference
anyway.)
We stopped at several other farms and always were given something.
In those days everyone kept something on hand for the company that
arrived unexpectedly - and often. If nothing else, almost everyone
had apple trees and we would be given an apple.
Then, and this is the bad part, we stopped at the home of one younger
couple. I suppose they were about 30 at the time. There was a light
upstairs that went out as we walked into the yard. We rang the
doorbell and pounded on the door but no one came. Finally we decided
if they weren't going to answer the door we would soap their
windows. We had just finished and were going back to the pick up,
when the lights came on and the couple came to the door. They oohed
and aahed over our costumes
and had us come in and gave us cake and hot chocolate. No one said a
word about what we had done. When we left we all felt guilty but no
one knew what to do about it. (We should have 'fessed up and then
gone back the next morning and washed the windows - but we were dumb
kids.) I
never did tell my folks what had happened at that house. (I did tell
about their friends who threatened us with a shot gun.) I also never
again went trick or treating.
Luckily, when my kids went trick or treating, they stopped when they
were ten years old. The kids thought they were too grown up to do it
after that age. The smaller ones didn't think of playing tricks. In
fact, the shoe was on the other foot! Many of the old-timers in the
area where we lived would tell the kids they had to do a trick before
they would get their treat. Then the kids would turn a cartwheel or
sing a song or something.
Nuff said,
Mitzi
Enjoy the Chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Definite Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some definitions
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from
the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through "the minds of
either."
Conference: The confusion of one man
multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such
a way that everybody believes he got the biggest
piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where success comes before
work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get
to open their mouth.
Adultery - The wrong people doing the right thing.
Chivalry - A mans inclination to defend a woman
against every man but himself.
Conscience - That which hurts when everything
else feels so good.
Constipation - To have and to hold.
Husband - What is left after the nerve has been killed.
Minute Man - One who double parks while he visits
a sporting house.
Morning - The time of day when the rising generation
retires, and the retiring generation arises.
Nun - A woman who ain't never had none, don't
want none, and ain't going to get none.
Nursery - A place to park last years fun until it
grows up a bit.
Sin - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.
Sissy - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take
a leak.
Spring Fever - When the iron in your blood turns
to lead in your pencil.
Stork - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing
the babies.
Taxidermist - A man who mounts animals.
Tomcat - A ball bearing mouse trap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Silent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heh! Manuel! 'Ow are you?"
"Verrry wella. 'Ow are you, Pepe?"
"Soooo happy! I am married, my wife is da mosta
beautifool woooman in da world! She cooksa mosta
tasty chillie, she isa da besta 'ousekeeper,
you musta come an' see 'er. There's justa one
thinga, she is a mute, she cannotta speaka at all."
A couple of days later Pepe sees Manuel.
"Hey, Manuel, 'ave you seena my wife?"
"Yeah."
"And whatta you thinka?"
"She is DISGUSTING!"
"Disgusting? My Chiquita? Why?"
"I wentta to see you. I politely said to 'er ,
'My name is Manuel.
I 'ave come to see Pepe. Is he at 'ome? Where
is he?' So, she turns her back to me,
she lifta 'er skirt up, bends forward, and she
isn't wearing anything underneatha! Then, she
showsa me the coffee pot. Disgusting."
"Nah, she is not disgusting, she was telling
you, 'That asshole is ina da cafe'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Brown Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This girl goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, its very embarrassing
but something brown is dropping off my private parts." The doctor
examines her and is sure tht there is some thing brown coming out.
The doctor is confused and says, "How frequently are you
having sex?. Once a day?"
Girl: Naa
Doc: Once a Week?
Girl: Nope
Doc: Once a month?
Girl: Naaa
Doc: One a year!
Girl: Some thing like that.
Doc: Oh I get it, it's nothing. The brown thing is just rust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Diet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mainichi Daily News a Japanese scientist has developed what he
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shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner."
Patricia
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Charlie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some of you at the Friars may remember a guy named Charlie Schlossel
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Last night I was about to enter my limousine when I saw this homeless
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Schlossel. It was a sobering moment. I said, "Charlie, what happened?"
"Well, I went through fifteen million like this," he said, snapping
his fingers. "You know, after I sold my business I always wanted a
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He said, "I saw this little girl in the Greek Islands ... breasts,
ass firm, tight, maybe twenty, twenty-three years old. I married her.
Two years later he took me for five million in the settlement."
The lesson, I guess, that we can all learn is that if it flies,
floats, or fucks --- rent it.
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Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she
into the back seat.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to
blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says
"Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.
Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM,
SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering
wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.
Q. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A. Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.
Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.
Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A. A
refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A. A blonde parade.
Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A. She moved.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up
Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Movies
Swan Song
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Talent
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Talking Italian
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Tattoo Remover
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Rocking Horse Ride
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Rudolph Was A Swinger
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Rush Hour In a Japanese
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SC Cool Mint
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Scottish Stun Gun
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Shadow Dance
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: Have you seen Jan lately?
Mary: No, why?
Jill: Well, she's gained some weight.
Mary: Oh! How much?
Jill: Well, let's put it this way. The cheeks of her ass would have
different ZIP codes!
You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know it yet."
Mary: Did you ever try that "spouse-swapping" thing?
Jill: Well, my ex and I talked it over with our friends Anne and
Bill, but nothing ever happened.
Mary: Why not?
Jill: Anne wanted to be with me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old maid from Luck,
Who took it into her head to fuck.
She was about to resign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to suck."
An old window washer named Luigi
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
The wife of the raider Von Luckner
Admitted her husband was stuckner.
She oft went to sea with him
In order to be with him,
And to give him the pleasure of fuckner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q) How do you make a bull sweat?
A) Give him a tight Jersey.
Q)Have you heard of the new oriental cookbook?
A) Its called 101 ways to wok your dog.
Q) What do you call an experimental monkey in a Cuiseinart?
A) Rhesus pieces.
Q) If an elephants front legs were doing 60 miles per hour...what
would
the back legs be doing?
A) Hauling ass !!!!!
Q) You know what elephants use as tampons....right?
know why elephants have trunks?
A) Because sheep don't have strings.
Q) Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A) Because their peckers are on their faces.
Q) Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for the
new
season?
A) They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q) Why are clams like women?
A) Because when the red tide comes you don't eat them.
Q) What do you do when your Kotex catches on fire?
A) Throw it on the floor and tampon it. <ooooooooh bad Amy >
Q) What do you give an 90 year old woman for her birthday"
A) Mikey....He'
Q) How do you make a hormone?
A) Put sand in the vasoline.
Q) What kind of pussy answers your phone?
A) An answering cervix.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: I'm sorry I'm a bit late! My cab driver almost had a wreck
getting me here!
Jill: What happened?
Mary: The driver in front of him started to go when the light turned
green, but he slammed on the brakes to look at a gal on the sidewalk
who was wearing a mini-skirt. My driver almost hit him in the rear!
Jill: My goodness! How short was the skirt?
Mary: Well, she was wearing blue panties!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1447
Revenge Smee!
Katie: We can't let Tami get away with that.
Rudy: How dare she trick us!
Sandi: We did try to trick her.
Katie: It is not the same.
Sandi: We can put our heads together and come up with a plan.
Rudy: Yeah, two head are better than one.
Katie: Rudy, there are three of us.
Rudy: Well okay, three are better than one.
Sandi: I have an idea...
Sandi whispering..
later
Ding dong!
Tami: Hello guys.
Rudy: We are selling Dog Scout cookies and we were wondering if
you would like to buy some?
Tami: Sure, how much?
Katie: Ten thousand dollars, but for you two dollars a box.
Tami: I will buy one box.
Sandi: Here you go.
Tami: Thank you.
Later...
Tami: These cookies have funny decorations on top...green.
Wow they are hot! Those devils! These are jalapenos!
At least they left me a glass of water. Gasp! It is vodka!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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