Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffalo, The outhouse story reminded me of what my older brother did
in his younger years. Every year he and his friends tipped over a
certain person's outhouse. Well, one year they heard that he was
going to wait for them in the outhouse. That year they tipped it
over as usual, but with the door side down. A different brother and
one of his friends made up a dummy and sat waiting by the side of the
road. When they saw a car's headlights approaching they would throw
the dummy out into the road. They had a rope attached to it so after
the car passed they could pull it back. Now they would be in a world
of trouble for doing that. Rose in Mi.
buffalo made police and fire today.
Larceny
City police also report investigating a larceny complaint involving
campaign signs in the 700 block of Pine. The theft was reported
shortly after 1 p.m. with evidence suggesting the signs may have been
taken sometime around 5 a.m.
There was no dollar amount affixed to the stolen signs and police do
not have any suspects related to this matter.
buffalo says I woke up yesterday morning and replied to several email
reports from friends regarding vandalism and larceny to their campaign
signs, then finally decided I had better check my own and they were
gone.
Unlike last election when they were just trashed by neighborhood kids,
this was adults or it would appear to be because it happened at 0500
and they got signs all over the city and someone caught a license
plate
number on an incident about a mile south of here. The signs have been
replaced even though I haven't stuck them in the ground yet, but the
value is unimportant. It is a violation of my freedom of speech and
the
law to do so and I hope whoever it is gets caught.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you and Larry serious?" the one girl asked her friend while they
were talking over cocktails.
"We're still a little short of a meeting of the minds." she replied.
"I want a big, old-fashioned June wedding, and he wants a quickie in
the back seat."
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done,
when in walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a
rose tattooed on one breast.
One lady leaned over to the other and said, "She don't know it, but
in 50 years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging
basket."
Thought for the Day: Why is it a wife can buy her husband a lawn
mower for
Christmas, but if he buys her a vacuum cleaner, it's a death sentence?
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the
window that read, "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked.
"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
One guy is very upset and yells at his friend, "You slept with my
wife, you son of a bitch. I am gonna make you pay for what you did."
"Bullshit," replies the other one, "why should I pay twice."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Mother Nature
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Kiss
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Shoe lady
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Stop Bart
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Party
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Write My Name
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Signs You Had A Bad First Date"
Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that
you used to date her mother.
You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
She has a thicker moustache than you.
When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at
the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions. You
jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get
married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation
of her parole.
Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved
up your ass.
You are the first guy that she's gone out with that
isn't her cousin.
At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a
free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
She beats the shit out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
You wake up the next morning with a wicked hangover. In the bed next
to you is Janet Reno.
At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house and her pimp
is waiting there with your bill.
You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots,
with an intense itching in your left thigh.
She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then
finally asks if you want to meet Satan.
She is better hung than you.
She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend
doesn't like you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two sweethearts wanted to fly United on the way back to campus after
spring break, but the flight attendant wouldn't let them.
Two men went into a bar. After a few drinks, one said to the other,
"Since you went off college I've been screwing your mother's brains
out!" The second one responded, "I think you've had enough to drink,
Dad."
How is Madonna different from A Rod?
She had a couple of hits last October.
What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
Toys for Twats.
Why do we have orgasms?
How else would we know when to stop?
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleaning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles
as a mode of transportation for your mother)
Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it
sucks in, instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't
broken and doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you
did to the dishwasher.
Dust Pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where
you sweep the dirt, not under the hallway area rug.
Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing
tiny particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint:
look for your old "lucky shirt".
Bucket (buk' it) - Cylindric container used for holding soapy water
when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet
when you're playing with our seven-year-old.
Mop (mop) - a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened
at the end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at
the New Year's Eve party last year.
Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the
toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my
shower luffa again!
Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This
is an actual product that you buy, spray in the oven and
wipe out two hours later. You won't need your welder's
mask for this task, but if it makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead.
Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from
dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set.
That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the exterior of the house
(hint hint).
Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield,
and yes, real men do squeegee!
Final Note: While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's
really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in
place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck
to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct
tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't
make me call 1-800-Duc Tape
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
OLE & LENA'S HONEYMOON
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said,
"Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to." So Ole drove....
to
Duluth. .
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately
threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down
dere
yust for 50 cents." .
THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-
up.
As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, ... "Yep, dat's
her!" .
SWIM COMPETITION
A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in
the
Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The
French woman came in first, the Englishwoman second. The Swede reached
shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and
coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other
two girls used der arms." .
FAMOUS INVENTIONS
The Swedes invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the Norwegians
invented the hole in it. .
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with
only one fish. "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the
first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat price it's a good
ting ve didn't catch any more." .
BAR RIDDLE
A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian
on
the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner. "Look," he said,
"let's have a game. if you answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you
can't, then you buy ME one, Okay?" "Ya, dat sounds purty good," said
the
Swede. The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't
my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Swede scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas
it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the
drinks. ...
Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a bar and spotted one of his
cronies, "Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a
qvestion, I
buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven. Okay . . my fadder and mudder had vun child.
It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my sister, Who vas it?" "Search me,"
said Sven. "I give up. Who vas it?"
--- "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda."
.
FINGERNAILS
One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured
her
nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. "Good
gracious,"
said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas really simple," was
Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth." .
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One
evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole
reached
over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex
relations?" He asked. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena...
I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas." .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sailor on leave was paying his bill at a fashionable hotel.
Looking at the girl cashier who was taking his money, he asked what
she had around her neck.
"A necklace of course. Why did you ask?"
"Well," said the sailor, "everything is so high around here I thought
it might be your garter."
I was busy sipping on my vodka when I overheard a group of ladies
having a discussion. One was saying how her daughter was very
meticulous and fastidious about herself and the enthusiasm she had
for getting good grades. She said she hoped she would not be so anal
as time went on.
Whereupon a blonde in the group who was showing off her newly
acquired breasts, chimed in with, "I used to be that way too, but as
the years passed I've become less anal and more oral and vaginal."
One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his
wife in bed with his best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this, you're going to
lose ALL your friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Surfin Surfari
Always Check the Barn Via Juanita
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What Fats Are Healthier? Via Dianne
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Happy Halloween!
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Weathermatrix
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Sending Plain Text Messages
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Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Women Hitchhikers
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Workers Bra
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Wrong Phone
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WW30mm
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XX Cigar Rolling
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Posedis
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Wake Up
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Wal-Mart Baby
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WatDoeJeNou
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Waterbed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was entertaining a boy his daughter had brought home from
college. "I realize it's only a formality," the young man said, "but
I
want to ask for your daughter's hand." "And where did you get the
idea
that this is just a formality?" the father asked. The boyfriend
replied, "From our Lamaze instructor."
A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to her priest that she often
had sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now, my
daughter," consoled the priest, "I'm sure if you think about it,
you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you
are
right," replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more comfortable
in the backseat."
A priest lecturing a teenage boy told him, "The Golden Rule is, Love
thy neighbor as thyself." "Huh?" the boy said. "Am I supposed to
jerk
him off, too?"
A man and his wife were having sex. Fifteen minutes, 30 minutes and
then 45 minutes passed. Sweat was pouring off both of them when the
wife finally looked up and said, "What's the matter, honey? Can't
you
think of anyone else either?"
Stan Kegel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worst Hunting Dog
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Worse Things
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Jugs
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
the game show
http://www.thepostm
911
http://www.thepostm
fuckers
http://www.thepostm
Gopher Hole
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Camping
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I'm No Drive In Bank
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Softly seductive young Brenda
Wants a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
And thoughtful and bright
And sexually right
But mostly a very big spender.
There once was a woman, Monique,
Who proclaimed an efficient technique:
"One fuck daily's just right."
She did seven one night,
And then found that it made her hole weak.
(Kirk Miller)
While making his Halloween rounds,
A lad on a whorehouse door pounds
The lad says, "Trick or treat."
Madam says, "No way, sweet."
You pay before entering on our grounds.
(Ken Pinkham)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three salesmen got snowed in at a farmer's house. They had to spend
the
night, and one salesman had to sleep in the attic, as there weren't
enough bedrooms.
The farmer, being a trusting soul as most farmers are, allowed his two
daughters to sleep with the two salesman, each in their own bedrooms.
Before retiring, the three salesmen discussed whether they were going
to
score that night with the two daughters. They devised a code of
signals so
that each could let the other two know if they were successful. The
first
said he would make the sound of a train horn and yell, "Freight train
through bedroom one!" The second said he would yell out, "Mail train
through bedroom two!"
Sometime after retiring, sure enough, the yell "Freight train through
bedroom one!" was heard. A short time later, "Mail train through
bedroom two!" was heard.
Not wanting to be outdone, the salesman in the attic blurted
out, "Handcar through the attic!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A school teacher asks her class, "What vegetable makes your eyes
water?"
Little Johnny replies, "A turnip, miss."
"No Johnny," says the teacher, "I believe you are thinking of an
onion, aren't you?"
"No miss," says Little Johnny, "Have you never been hit in the balls
with a turnip?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1449
Strange Habits
BJ: Katie I want to ask you a question or two.
Katie: Shoot.
BJ: Why is it that when it you bark at me when I am going to bed?
Katie: I am just telling you to hurry up. I am ready to sleep.
Let's go!
BJ: Okay, another question. Why do you have to put your front feet
between my legs?
Katie: They get cold at night.
BJ: Okay. Next... Sandi.
Sandi: Yes daddy?
BJ: You start on the far left of the bed.
Sandi: Yes, I do.
BJ: Then after I go to sleep...you body up next to me, with your
head on the pillow right next to my head.
Sandi: Is that a problem?
BJ: No, I am just curious as why you start far away and then move in.
Sandi: I allow Katie her time first. When she is sound asleep then
I move
in.
BJ: Makes sense. Rudy..you are next.
Rudy: Yes pops.
BJ: I probably sleep the best with you, so why is it you do not
sleep in
the bed with the rest of us?
Rudy: I am working.
BJ: Working?
Rudy: Yep. I am watching the house. I go upstairs and check on
Toots,
check on the front door, the back door. I dont break anything. Is
anything
missing?
BJ: No, I was just curious.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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