Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
it has been a long day today and the buffalo is tired. I put almost
900 cartoons up on the website for Nancy to make pages out of
so she won't be able to say she has nothing to work with on her
days off. If I have time tomorrow I'll put another 100 or so video
clips up for more than new pages. This should give you some
fresh material to view. We do try to keep our readers happy but
some people ask for too much like when I decided recently to
take my second day off in five years and I got a note from a reader
saying, " Where are the jokes from Saturday, I signed up and I
want them." My finger was poised to blast him into the world of
the forever banned, but instead I told him to lighten up because even
buffalos deserve a day off sometimes.
Speaking of buffalos, Buffy took my picture and a picture of a buffalo
and ran it through a morphing program so that you see me at my desk
and my picture changes into a buffalo. I had the file up and running
on my desktop today and Eva came up and she was watching it and then
she
started looking at me and back and forth to the framed picture of a
buffalo
that a reader sent me. I think she actually expected me to turn into
an
animal. A little later Eva walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge,
and threw 4 eggs on the floor. That had nothing to do with the buffalo
incident but we are back to putting 200 mph duct tape on the fridge
door to keep her out.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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E D Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The
certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby
reservation
who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket
to
the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly,
methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on
my
shoulder, warned, This is powerful medicine and it must be respected.
You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2- 3.' When you do that,
you
will be more potent than you have ever been in your life and you can
perform as long as you want.'
I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I
stop
the medicine from working?'
Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded. But when she
does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.
I was eager to see if it worked I went home, showered, shaved, took a
spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the
bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!'
Immediately, I was the manliest of men.
My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she
asked, What was the 1-2-3 for?
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with
a preposition.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I'll Have The Crab
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Dinner For Two
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Divorce Settlement
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Cheaper Than Disney Land
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Why Not Break The Law
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Don't Look
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Don't Make An Ass Of Yourself
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Doctor Exam
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went
every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and
Easter and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and
he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was. Vhile dey were
taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said,
"Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next
Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up
his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the
finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over
at Lena and said,
"Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"
Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after
dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of
cigarettes.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"
Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in
his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs
Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had
nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel
with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then
and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the
motel and checked in vith Lena.
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there
in the bed, her blond curls on the pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat
have I done?" thought Ole. He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena,
I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to
tell your Sunday School class?"
"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to
smoke or drink to have a good time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a
funeral
home. One turns to the other and says: "Hey, you wanna go in for a
couple of cold ones?"
Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side
of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said
the
one gay. To which the other replied, "Don't you think you ought to
pet
him first??"
Bob's internist referred him to a female urologist. When she came
into
the examining room, Bob was overwhelmed by how beautiful and
unbelievably sexy she was. The Doctor told Bob, "You have to stop
masturbating.
to
examine you..."
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the
class,
and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat up his pants. She said,
"Why have you got your cat at school?" Little Johnny started crying.
"I woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my Mummy 'I'm gonna
eat your pussy today'!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to
her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film
and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had
any questions.
One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I
have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and
wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies.
Is this sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl
cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in
the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens.
Is that sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the
other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled
with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?"
"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.
"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it
would take more than three guys to screw Sylvester
Stallone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There man named Jose that worked in the fields of a rural country
cutting down trees, and every afternoon his wife Maria used to bring
him his lunch.
Well one afternoon Jose got horny and started fucking the shit out of
Maria, as they were doing it a bee flew by and stung her right next
to her nipple.
Days went by and the swelling wouldn't go away, so Jose took her to
the doctor's.
The doctor took a look at it and said "Well we're going to have to
get the puss out in order for her breast to heal, and the best way to
do that is to suck it out."
Jose looked at the doctor and said "Isn't there another way?"
The doctor said "Nope, the old-fashion way is the best way for this."
So of course he believed the doctor and went along with it, so the
doctor went off on Maria's tit, I mean he sucked the shit out of it,
hehad her moaning and everything.
A week later Jose while taking a piss got stung right on the tip of
his dick so he went to the doctor.
The doctor took a look at it and said, "Holy shit, that things huge!
I'll be right back, I'm going to go get a shot that will make the
puss come right out."
Jose looked at him and said, "NO, no, no, like you said the old
fashion way is the best way. Now start sucking!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Threesome Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome:
Pros:
1. It can get really weird
2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
4. Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
5. You get to watch your best friends making love
6. You get to get watched making love
7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be
experienced to
be believed
8. You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
9. You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison
shopping for
condoms
10. Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
11. You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies
without
actually doing anything about it
12. Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a
problem, the
"wrong name" is probably the one on your left
13. Three-person showers are fantastic
14. Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
15. Three-person kisses are best
Cons:
1. It can get really weird
2. Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
3. Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
4. You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the
bathroom; the
other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
5. Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
6. You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends
like
7. Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
8. Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your
notebooks
9. Morning breath multiplied by 3
10. You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or
want
11. You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends
you didn't suspect or want
12. You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of
relationships
13. The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
14. Sorting clothes quickly when the boyfriend/spouse walks in
assumes
comical proportions
15. Now there are two wet spots to avoid
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movies
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Sorry Officer
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Spitz Hound
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Sex with the witness
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Stay off the pole
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National Anthem Cactus
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trucking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three truck drivers die and got to meet God for admittance.
God asks the first driver if he had ever cheated on his log books,
taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He replied that he would never
consider such conduct and that he was a good man. God told him to go
stand on this big X on the floor.
God asked the second driver if he had ever cheated on his log book,
taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He replied 'Oh No I would never
do any such thing" God told him to stand next to the first driver on
the X.
God then asked the third driver if he had ever cheated on his log
book, taken drugs, or cheated on his wife. He explained that as much
as he regretted it he had falsified his log book, and taken some
little white pills because there was the cutest little blonde honey
in Dallas that he had ever seen.
At this point God pressed a button and the first two drivers fell
through a hole that opened under them. The third driver, startled,
asked what happens now?
God said "well those two liars are going to Hell and you and me are
going to Dallas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pork
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GYM
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Good Doggie
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Across from my house is young Mabel
And if her curtains stay open. I'm able
To watch her caressing
Herself while undressing
As long as I stand on this table.
~~~~~
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
~~~~~
There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood
The question's not woody but could he?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the
pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've
never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me
horny ... keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer
and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra
Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12
hours!"
Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme 3 boxes."
The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to
the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks
in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the
skin is hanging off in some places.
Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."
The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?!?!?! You're not going to put Ben
Gay on that, are you?"
Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a
brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down
$500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could
have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1402
Swimming
Diana: So Rudy, Sandi and Katie are all entered into the swimming
contest?
BJ: Right, along with a lot of other dogs.
Announcer: And off they go!
Diana: Sandi, will not do very well, she swims the least of our dogs.
BJ: She probably is there just to get wet and have a good time, but
I have
learned to never underestimate her.
Diana: There they are, Rudy and Katie are towards the front of the
pack
and surprisingly, Sandi is in the middle.
BJ: Sandi, is biding her time.
Diana: The distance of this race is pretty long, Katie has the lead,
Rudy
is doing well. Sandi is moving up.
BJ: This is pretty exciting...Rudy looks like he is trying to grab
Katie's tail.
Katie is pushing Rudy's head down under the water. While they are
fighting
Sandi is moving ahead.
Diana: Opps, Katie is free from Rudy and pushing forward.
BJ: Katie and Sandi, Sandi and Katie...the winner is.....
Diana: Katie! She deserves it, she is the best swimmer.
To be continued...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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