Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
This has been a great summer for fresh fruits and vegetables.
The strawberries which I know come from California have been
large red and uniformly sweet. Some of them had been huge
almost the size of tennis balls and no sugar required. I have a
box of stevia packets which is a finely ground sugar substitute
my mom gave me that is excellent on cereal and fruit when
necessary but it is getting little use. I hit a sale last week near
the
house and got boxes of strawberries 2 for 3.00, new potatoes
from Wisconsin 2.19 a 10 lb. bag, watermelons for 2.99, and various
other grapes, peppers, lettuce, cukes,peaches, ear corn, and a
Rock melon, in all 4 bags full plus the potatoes for 30 bucks.
It also has been a great year for watermelon. We first started
seeing the seedless variety about 5 years ago and they were
lacking in the flavor and texture of the seed variety but each
year they have gotten better and this year was sweet and
tasty. We got one seed watermelon and Sandy chopped it up
into cubes and put in a ice cream bucket. In three sittings in two
days I ate the whole melon without spitting a seed. It was just a
little rough going to the bathroom the next day.
The other day I got up from a nap and sat down at the computer and
Eva was sitting next to me in her high chair watching Noggin. I
sniffed and thought that my speed stick deodorant was working
really good since I had put it on when I took my shower the day
before.
Then I realized it wasn't me that was deodorized it was Eva and
she had put it on her neck. She obviously had watched me a couple
of times using it at my desk since the humidity of the bathroom
wrecks my breathing. Good to see her picking up the idea of
good hygiene at an early age.
Enjoy the chips Eva and I are going to have some frozen blueberries.
buffalo
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Payback Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What little boys will do, its called Pay Back.
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking
down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a
string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute,
and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy
and asked what he wanted
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women
inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not
leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come
in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the
girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no! ! .
He said, "I heard all the men talking a bout having to
get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S
the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the
money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the
first room on the right. He headed down the hall,
dragging the squashed frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the
frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did
you pick the only girl in the place with a disease,
instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get
home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to
eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After
they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me
because she just happens to be very fond of cute
little boys. She will then get the disease that I just
caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will
take the baby-sitter home. On t he way, he' ll jump
the baby-sitter'
disease. Then when Dad gets home from the
baby-sitter'
sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when
Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the
milk, have a quickie with Mom, and catch the
disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran
over my FROG."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy and Jimmy are playing out on the playground. Jimmy turns to
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know. I'll ask my parents when I get home." So that afternoon Billy
goes home.
Billy's mom is in the kitchen. Billy goes up to her and asks, "Mom,
what's a penis?" Billy's mom says, "Billy! Don't ask me questions
like that! Go ask your father." So Billy runs off and finds his
father, reading the afternoon paper. Billy asks his father, "Dad,
what's a penis?" Billy's father seems quite pleased with his son's
question. "Ah, my son is becoming a man!" Billy's father stands up,
undoes his pants, pulls them and his underwear down. "This, my son,
this is a penis,"
says Billy's father. "And for your information, this is not just
any old penis. This is a 'perfect' penis." Now fully informed,
Billy returns to school the next day. At recess Jimmy approaches
Billy. "Hey, Billy, did you find out what a penis is?" "Yeah, I
did," Billy says, and leads Jimmy back behind some tress where no
one can see them. Billy undoes his pants, pulls them and his
underwear down and says, "Jimmy, this is a penis. And not only
that: if it were three inches shorter, it would be a 'perfect'
penis."
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Science Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when
stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said,
"You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that.
I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the
principal, and you'll get fired!"
She then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the
question again,
"Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up looking around nervously, and said,
"The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated
is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy."
Then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
First, you have a dirty mind.
Second, you didn't read your homework.
And Third, one day you are going to be very disappointed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Book Chips
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Funny Book Titles
The French Chef -- by Sue Flay
Unemployed -- by Anita Job
Off to Market -- by Tobias A. Pigg
I Lived in Detroit -- by Helen Earth
Inflammation, Please -- by Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah -- by Ollie Luyah
Downpour! -- by Wayne Dwops
Cloning -- by Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring -- by Lynn O'Leum
Holmes Does it Again -- by Scott Linyard
Home Alone IV -- by Eddie Buddyhome
The Scent of a Man -- by Jim Nasium
Is O. J. Guilty? -- by Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses -- by Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation -- by Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear -- by Lucy Lastic
House Construction -- by Bill Jerome Home
Yellow River -- by Iam Ping
Lewis Carroll -- by Alison Wonderland
Leo Tolstoy -- by Warren Peace
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast -- by Kareem O' Wheat
Why Cars Stop -- by M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows -- by Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger -- by Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing -- by Andover Hand
It's Springtime! -- by Theresa Green
No! -- by Kurt Reply
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sculptor and one of his students went out for coffee after
class.
"You have the most delicate, slender hands," said the student, a
rather gorgeous young thing. "Forgive me for saying it, but they
belong on a woman."
Not only did he forgive her, he obliged.
An old man just had a heart transplant and was getting instructions
from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and
alcohol, and advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night.
"What about my sex life?" asked the old man "Will it be all right
for
me to have intercourse?
"Only with your wife," said the doctor. "We don't want you to get
too
excited."
The Bride smiled sweetly at the Maid of Honor when they both
overheard the Groom say to the Best Man, "Look, I'm positive she's a
virgin. In fact, if you care to bet, I'll give you 20 to 1 odds."
When they were alone though, the Bride shouted, "How could you do
such a thing? We're only just married & already you're throwing
money
away."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Honeymoon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and
moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's
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sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.
He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm.
The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!" So Tony climbed on
top of his wife, and pounded the old bone home.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed
upstairs
started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said the wife.
"Let's make love again!"
Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and screwed her
as hard as he could.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the
bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said
the wife. "Let's do it again!"
So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he
shouted, "Hey,
kids, cut it out! You're killing your old man down here!"
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Wreck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature,
had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly.
In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they slowly
drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow-driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For
every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll
remove one piece of clothing. He enthusiastically agreed and sped
up the car.
* He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
* At 70 off came the pants.
* At 75 it was her bra...and
* At 80 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time...and
traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited
and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an
embankment and hit a tree!
His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull
him free, but alas he was stuck. "Go to the road and get help," he
said. "But I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she
replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his
shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover up," he
told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the
road, he pulled over to help. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she
sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver
looking down at the shoe between her legs shook his head sadly and
replied... "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
Ken
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young exhibitionist named Kay,
Having tossed all her panties away,
Has invited us lads
(Via newspaper ads)
To a pubic performance today.
A young English lass named Tess
Had herself in a terrible mess
She offered a fuck
For a fresh U.S. buck
But found out she was worth even less.
To music I must have been born,
'Cause, man, I love blowing a horn!
While cornets get cornier
Horns make me hornier
My mouth's full-time pursed, I must warn.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little truck driver was driving when he saw a sign on a farmer's
gate
post that read "$100.00 to anyone that can make my horse shake his
head
no." He stops and goes to the farmer and says, "I can make your
horse
shake his head no." "Well," says the farmer, "No one has ever been
able
to do it before so have a go." The driver picks up two flat rocks,
moves
to his rear end and slams the horse's nuts between the rocks. Then
he
whispers into the horses ear. The horse shakes his head from side to
side, No! The little driver goes into the farmer and says, "Well, I
made
him shake his head no.
Give me my $100.00."
The farmer pays the wee chap and asks, "What did you say to him?"
The
little guy says, "I just asked him if he wanted me to do it again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came
upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On
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shaking hands, when a truck hit us"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1397
The Oily Limpics
BJ: Diana, what is with all the commotion outside?
Diana: You want the short answer?
BJ: Sure.
Diana: The dogs.
BJ: Okay, the long answer.
Diana: They have been watching too much TV, they are fascinated
with the olympics so they are starting a neighborhood version of the
same.
BJ: Ack!
Diana: Right, with some added features. Sandi is favored to win
the
sleepathon.
BJ: Sleepathon?
Diana: Correct, who can sleep the longest. Rudy will be one of the
favorites for the pull.
BJ: Pull?
Diana: A contest to see who can pull the most weight. Kind of like
weight
lifting, but doggies can't do that, so they put weight on a sled.
BJ: Oh, that makes sense.
Diana: Katie is heading up the swimming side of the event.
BJ: Of course. So when does this start?
Diana: Tomorrow. There are about 100 dogs entered so far. The
events
are the 100 meter dash, hurdles, one mile run, the pull, the 100
meter
swim, the sleepathon, the long jump, the high jump, the eatathon,
and
the marathon run.
BJ: Ack!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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