Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For the past few days and the next few days I will be using my
web-tv account to mail to you. This is to see if some of you that
have not been getting your newsletters will start receiving them
again. They are being posted from the groups page at Yahoo
and not from Web-tv so the proper address to contact me will
still be bbrabant@sault.
I have been receiving more letters from some who are having a
hard time copying the video clips on our website. Here is the
message I have sent to some today:
As I mentioned a few days ago there is an easy way to save the movies
that you want. When you click on the link and the movie starts
playing right click on the player and then left click where it says
properties and it will tell you the address of the file that is
playing. You can then either send that address to your friends or if
you want to save the movie copy and paste the address into your
browser and when it starts to play you can click save as and download
it directly to your computer. After you have done it a couple of
times it will seem like nothing at all.
If you run into any problems, send me your phone number and I will
talk you through it. I have flat rate long distance so it won't cost
me
a thing to help.
Have a good time and watch out for school kids in those areas that
have started already.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one
day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and
said, "Johnny. This is where you come from." Johnny went to school the
next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as
"Lucky Johnny." "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch
apart
and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd."
"A survey asked people if they would consider having sex with
somebody for money. 41% of the people asked said they would if
the offer was large enough. The average woman said it had to be
$100,000 and the average man said, 'I don't know, how much do you
have on you right now?'"
- Craig Kilborn
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions.
One says "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other
cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend on all fours, mount her
from behind, and reach around and cup her breasts in your hands. Then
you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's,'
and then try to hold on for 8 seconds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Danger Of Masturbation
http://www.buffalos
Finding A Cure
http://www.buffalos
Death By Viagra
http://www.buffalos
Mr. December
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, 'You appear to be
in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to
ask me about?'
'In fact, I do,' said the old man. 'After I have sex I am usually hot
and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am
usually cold and chilly.'
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, 'Everything
appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you'd like
to discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you
the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do
you know why?'
'Oh that crazy old fart, she replied. 'That's because the first time
is usually in August and the second time is in January'
Peggy
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for.
First pupil: 'Tylenol?'
Teacher: 'Very good! And what is it used for?'
Pupil: 'It is used for headaches'
Second pupil: 'Nytol Teacher'
Teacher: 'Excellent. And what it is used for?'
Pupil: 'To help you sleep'
Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: 'Viagra'
Teacher, slightly shocked: 'Johnny, What do you think is it used
for?'
Johnny: 'It can be used for diarrhea'
Teacher: 'Who told you this?'
Johnny: 'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'Take a
Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder'.
Peggy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Change Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SIGNS YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. . .
10. While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching
in a Gay Pride parade.
9. The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced.
8. On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center
lane of a highway, you suddenly run out of gas.
7. You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers, four
bridesmaids and six pallbearers.
6. You ask your doctor for a physical and he replies, "I'm
sorry, I don't do autopsies."
5. The IRS invites you to a weenie-roast and the invitation
begins with, "Dear Weenie. . "
4. While surfing the internet, you suddenly get the following
dialogue box: ICBM launch successful. Confirm strike? (Y/N)
3. You hear that your dentist has been arrested for using
radioactive material as tooth-filling.
2. At the vacant house next door, you notice a U-Haul van
and a truck which looks similar to the ones on old Beverly
Hillbillies TV show.
1. Your twelve year old daughter suddenly develops a craving
for pickles and ice cream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the
harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she
thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've
already had it."
Persuasion was necessary, but the amorous man had finally gotten his
girlfriend between the sheets. In due course he made love to her,
finally burying his sword in her sheath and beginning to screw away.
"Be careful," she panted. "I think I have a weak heart."
"Don't worry," he said, without missing a stroke. "I'll take it very
easy when I get up to the heart!"
Thought for the Day: The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and
Kama-Sutra explains how.
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is
it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to
get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
Bubba asked, "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for
making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and
fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly
women I've been wakin' up with
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pope Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase,
"Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed
that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti
Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that
they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he
could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et
Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Lamb Of God
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John w/ Color Me A Rainbow
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Movies
Short Dip
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Singing Monkey
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Sir Edmund
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Smoke Inhalation
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Sneeze Aivastus
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Jump
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Kayak
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Kidnap
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Kitchen Oil Fire
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Loafing
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After several unsuccessful advances, the bachelor asked his blonde
and alluring but standoffish date "Do you shrink from making love?"
"If I did," she sighed, "I'd be a midget."
A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting,
checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her
bags. Noticing that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled
during the flight, she phoned the front desk and asked to
have the hotel's valet service pick up the suit for pressing.
Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock
sounded at the door and there stood an elderly Chinaman.
Impressed by the speedy service, the career woman exclaimed,
"My, you come lickety-split!
"No ma'am," replied the old Chinaman, "I come get laundry."
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
---Groucho Marx
A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some
course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention
to his replies.
"Are you feeling OK?" he asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with
every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my
condition?"
"Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began
carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News'."
Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Decoy
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Deep Thoughts For Beer Drinkers
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Free Demonstrations
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Discreet Delivery
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the firing squad
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another urban legend is born
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this is heaven
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the
worse for wear.
"I didn't sleep a wink," he told a coworker. "I was up all night
trying
to keep my wife's begonia covered against the freezing cold."
"I should be so lucky," his coworker replied. "When it's this cold my
wife wears so damn many clothes to bed, I can never get anywhere near
her begonia."
~~~~~~~~~~~
At Da Nang, a tough, experienced Marine lieutenant was indoctrinating
a
group of men fresh in for service in his platoon. "Don't never sell
these boys out here short! They're rough, tough, real blitzers! Never
mind what you learnt in trainin', fergft all that jazz and remember
they're battle-tough and take no sh*t. Don't let lem out of your
sight.
If they jump fer cover, you jump, too. Don't never take your eye off
'em." One GI piped up, "Just how near to the Viet Cong are we,
Lieutenant?" "Who the hell said anything about the VC?" the off icer
shouted, "I'm talking about my own Gunnies!"
~~~~~
Situation: Winter time in the south, aircraft flying along his route
of
flight.
There had been reports from other pilots of icing (a hazardous
accumulation of ice in various forms on aircraft control surfaces and
in
the carburetor) along their routes.
Female Controller: "N123Z, verify you have icing on your route."
(Pronounced "ROOT" in the south)
(long pause)
Male pilot of N123Z: "It's cold up here ma'am, but not that cold."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Far off in another galaxy was a planet inhabited only by walking,
talking flowers. The king, a red carnation, had fallen in love with a
common daisy. Unfortunately, she was far below his station, and in
addition to having a rather spotty reputation, she posessed an equally
spotty education. It was clear she would never fit in with royalty.
The
king's ministers suggested that the only way he could possibly marry
this lovely young daisy was to educate her in the ways of higher
society. He hired the very best teachers he could find. They drilled
her
in all the fine arts, taking her to the opera and to the ballet. They
introduced her to the best literature, and to philosophy. Every thing
they did however, seemed lost on the king's intended bride. None of
the
teaching had any effect. Their efforts continued on and on, but she
never showed a glimmer of inteligence. At last, the king, in utter
defeat, cried out, "It's no use! .... I can lead a horticulture, but I
can't make her think!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack and Jessica met on the beach, fell in love with each other at
first glance, and after three days, were married. The wedding night
was just as successful as it could be, but when Jessica awoke the
following morning, she found her husband dressing.
She said, "Honey, where are you going?"
Jack said, "Darling, we married so rapidly, I had no chance to tell
you that I'm a golf fiend. I play golf every day, I enter every
tournament. I am afraid that you will rarely see me."
Jessica nodded and said, "Well, that's all right. After all, we
married so rapidly, I had no chance to tell you, either, that I'm a
hooker."
Jack said, "Oh sweetheart that's nothing - don't worry about that for
a minute! It's easily corrected by holding the golf club like
this..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1401
The High Jump
Katie is wearing her sweats and is loosing up.
BJ: Sandi you think you can compete with Katie in the high jump?
She has won every race and event she has entered so far.
Sandi: It is all about knowing what you can do and using the proper
motivation. Katie will go first. Then I will need you to motivate me
Daddy.
Announcer: Sandi's high jump so far has been two feet one inch, she
has one jump left. Katie's high jump so far has been four feet, two
inches
and she will be the winner unless Sandi can jump higher. Katie has
one
more jump left.
Katie runs towards the high bar and leaps...and cannot clear her
best..
Sandi leans over to BJ and whispers in his ear......
BJ heads to the crowd and gets a large pepperoni pizza and has it
ready
on the other side of the high bar.
Sandi eyes the pizza... and starts to run...faster, and faster then
leaps
in the air, and clears the high bar and lands and starts eating the
pizza.
Announcer: Sandi has cleared the high bar set at Four feet and four
inches
and is the high jump winner!
Katie: Hrumpt!
Rudy: With the proper motivation..
Sandi: Burp!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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