Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
A Navy event that has always brought sadness to my heart is
the term Sinkex. It means that a decommissioned vessel is
going to be sunk as a part of a live fire exercise to test cruise
missiles, torpedoes, or whatever the Navy's latest killing device
happens to be. On the good side it does give us a chance to test our
weapons before it becomes necessary to use them and the ships lying
on the bottom soon become a home to marine life ( the type with fins
not two-legged ) and we don't have to worry about how to dispose all
of the hazardous wastes from thirty coats of paint and things like
asbestos. On the bad side we are sinking vehicles not because they
have outlived their useful lives but because they get bad gas
mileage. Would you take your 1999 Chevy Suburban out and use it to
sight in your deer rifle just because it doesn't get as good gas
mileage as your Tahoe Hybrid? Well maybe you would but I sure
wouldn't. I know you think I am talking about the Forrestal and
Kitty Hawk class carriers but it is happening to ships a lot newer
than they are. When I was in school in Philadelphia they were just
starting to do tests with gas turbine ships which later became the
Spruance Class and their bigger brothers the Perry Class. I remember
when I came home in 1987 seeing one of them making a goodwill stop
on the Great Lakes and now ships from both of those classes have
been decomissioned and sunk rather than go through upgrades.
The last ship that was cut up for scrap was the Coral Sea because of
ecological concerns and now we just sink them because the sea hides
all. I wonder if when the Enterprise is retired in a few years if
her hull and reactors will be sunk in some deep trench in the ocean.
Isn't that a lovely thought.
On the good side there are ships like the Intrepid, Midway, and
Missouri that have become museum ships so that people can remember
the days when Thirty Knots and No Smoke meant that you had a good
ship and a good crew, not that you were running a reactor.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
buffalo says I ran into the cold that is affecting people all over
the
country this year and I have been chewing cough drops to help
relieve the pressure in my sinuses. I can't use decongestants
because
of my blood pressure bit I got something to help and knock me out
later so hopefully the worse will be over tomorrow. Thank you Eva
for catching it first from your cousins and sharing it with me. I
hope to
return the favor someday soon.
A Newsletter You May Enjoy
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Get laughs and loads of diversified posts,
Something for everyone's interest.
This is an adult group but
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Diet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the
world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the
Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.
Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a
small ad that read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on
the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and
we"ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door.
There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign
around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and
wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying
himself, she said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself."
He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds,
right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end
asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the
somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."
"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit
card number and we"ll have a representative over to your house in
the morning."
At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the
door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only
in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me,
you can have me." The chase took a good while longer this time and
the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was
through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh
yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20
pounds!
"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening he
called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How
much weight do you want to lose?" "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed.
"Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of weight to
lose at one time." The man replied, "Listen buddy, here"s my credit
card number, you just have your representative over here in the
morning!" and he hung up the phone.
About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on
some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.
At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the
door, he sees this large naked gorilla with a sign around his neck
stating,
"IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
my hobby
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a bad day
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instructions
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: Are you concerned about not having a man in your life right
now?
Mary: Why should I be concerned? I have a mechanic, a handy-man, and
a yard-boy. I have plenty of batteries, and my shower massage works.
Linda, whose daughter had just given birth to a beautiful, healthy
baby, showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill
expected.
"What's wrong," Jill asked. "Are you depressed by the fact that
you're a grandmother?"
Linda responded with a barely perceptible smile. "No," she said.
"It's just that I'm not crazy about having to sleep with a
grandfather."
A pair of stage-door Johnnies are ogling the cuties who
are leaving the dressing room. "Do you see that redhead
over there? I feel like screwing her again."
"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've
been doing it with that great looking broad?"
"No, I felt like it before, and I feel like it now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Clinton Chips
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My apologies to the Cast of Grease
WHITE HOUSE LOVIN'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(To the tune of "Summer Lovin'" from the musical "Grease")
Bill:
"Summer intern, had me a blast"
Monica:
"White house intern, happened so fast"
Bill:
"Met a girl, crazy for me"
Monica:
"Met the prez, down on my knees"
Bill:
"Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee:
"Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah, uh
Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip:
"Try to remember your best"
Investigation Committee:
"Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star:
"Did he cum on your dress?"
~~~
Bill:
"Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp"
Monica:
"The prez is sexy - makes my panties damp"
Bill:
"She gave me head, right in the White House"
Monica:
"I said 'OK, just don't cum in my mouth'"
Bill:
"Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee:
"Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. uh
Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip:
"He sounds like a swell guy"
Investigation Committee:
"Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star:
"Did he tell you to lie?"
~~~
(SLOW AND SAD)
Bill:
"Press found out, it turned into a mess"
Monica:
"He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress"
Bill:
"She promised to lie, she made a vow"
Monica:
"Wonder who is servicing him now"
Bill & Monica: Everyone Else:
"Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams
But.........oh...those White House...
NIIIII-HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!!" "Tell me mooooore, tell me
mooooooooooooooore!!!"
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Pumpkin Humper Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white
male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. On Friday night.
On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and
public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his
way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know
how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around'
he stated in a telephone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose,
cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. 'Guess
I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident
embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed
to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience
until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor.
'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this
pumpkin.' Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
approached Lawrence .
'I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex
with a pumpkin?
'He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
he looked me straight in the face and said...
'A pumpkin? Shit .... Is it midnight already?'
This was in the Washington Post...the title of the article was
'Best Come Back Line Ever...'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of east coast Show Owners decide to get together and go on a
hunting trip in Georgia to get away from mid-season stress for a few
days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being
picked up by their Guide "Bubba" and some of his cronies at the
Atlanta Airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.
Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on
the
hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and
don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing
till I tell ya all its all right and oh yea listen up real good to
this here, you see them bunch of Hound dogs over there. Well you see
that big "Blue Tick" hound in the front well his name is "Old Blue"
leads the hounds on the hunt and he is the best hunting hound in the
U.S. of A. and is priceless, but he got one BIG defect, he was borne
with a real double strong sex drive and tools to match so don't be
bending over in front of him or if you have take a dump in the woods
you let me and the boys know so we can tie him up with a big rope...
O.K. that's it come on."
About a mile up the road Old Blue and the hounds have tree'd a big
raccoon, now all the group are wanting to shoot the raccoon.
"Ah lets let Old Blue have him," hollers Bubba.
"What do mean by that?" all the group reply at the same time.
"Well looky here I'll show ya", he grabs a long pole out of the back
of his pick-up truck and knocks the raccoon out of the tree and as
everybody watches in amazement Old Blue screws him to death! Well
Bubba throws the coon in the back of the truck and the hunt goes on.
Right away Old Blue and the hounds tree a bobcat, again Bubba grabs
the pole and shouts let Old Blue have him. Old Blue again puts on a
spectacular performance and screws the bobcat to death, same thing
happens with the next two critters that Old Blue and the hounds see.
By this time the group of hunters are staring in awe at Old Blue,
but they are also getting a little irritated at Bubba cause they had
all paid $500.00 to go on the hunt and so far hadn't fired a shot.
Finally Bubba gives in, "O.K. boys the next thing they tree ya all
can shoot it."
Sure enough a couple bends down the road Old Blue and the crew tree
a three hundred pound black bear, "O.K. have at him boys," well the
city boys not being very good shots, keep shooting and shooting and
the bear keeps climbing higher up the tree, finally some one gets in
a lucky shot and kills the bear but he is stuck between two tree
limbs and doesn't fall to the ground.
"Dammit!" Bubba kicks the ground "Now I have climb up there and kick
him loose".
Up the tree he goes well the old bear is stuck pretty good and is
really heavy. Bubba gives a real hefty jerk but loses his grip on
the bear. With his arms waving wildly trying to gain his balance he
knows he isn't going to make it and he's ground bound, he screams
"SHOOT OLD BLUE ,SHOOT OLD BLUE!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Misty Watercolor Memories
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/LoveRom2/Mi.html
No Trash In My Trailer
http://tinyurl.com/yc5qhmd
Walking In Power
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/walkingpower.html
Christ's Bell
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bell.htm
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Surfin Surfari
faces In Places Via Dianne
http://facesinplaces.blogspot.com/
Graffiti Styles
http://www.learngraffiti.net/id50.htm
Prague Astronomical Clock - 600 Year Old Clock !
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Up Close And Personal
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
MicrosoftR Office Standard 2010 - Those who Serve and Served $79.99
http://tinyurl.com/y97ert9
H J's Halloween Gallery
http://jsmagic.net/gallery/
Power Shell Usage: Bash Tips & Tricks
http://tinyurl.com/925h6
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
HowStuffWorks: The Moo Of The Matter...
http://animals.howstuffworks.com/mammals/methane-cow.htm
Kitty Korner
http://infinitecat.com/infinite/cat1.html
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Movie Links
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhsdjsk.htm
Finish Jackie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abshjsk.htm
Flirting Garbage men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abdhjdsk.htm
Football Season
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghju.htm
Geenautomeernodig
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010901.htm
Mouse Wont Work
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsksowl.htm
Movie TV Bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjkeoel.htm
M Rip It Up
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnzxjzkaka.htm
The Flies In Florida Are Tough
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskks.htm
Dunk Shot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsasjs.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halloween Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Yorker decides to have a party and invites lots of people,
telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts
"themed
party -come as a human emotion." On the night of the party the first
guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green
paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this
guy "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy
says, "I'm green with envy." The host replies, "Brilliant, come on
in
and have a drink." A few minutes later the next guest arrives and
the
host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking
with
a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this
woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she
replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in
and
join the party." A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the
third time and the host opens the door to see two Pakistani guys,
stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the
other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and
says "Christ, guys, what the hell do you think you look like? You
could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street.
What
emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies, "Well, I'm
fucking disgusted and my friend has come in despair."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bite my ass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbvfhju.htm
bite the stick
http://www.buffaloschips.com/tyyuioopp.htm
bitter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bhuteews.htm
bj
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nmjyrwqx.htm
bj 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bhjjkkhj.htm
bj point
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkllooo.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breathed a tender young man from Australia,
My darling, please let me unveilia.
And then, on my own,
If you'll kindly lie prone;
I'll endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.
There was a young lady of Gloucester,
Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
She wasn't much hurt,
But he dirtied her skirt,
So think of the anguish it cost her.
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.
Ross
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official business trip
and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I'm having such a wonderful time! Wish u were her...!"
A lady come home and caught her husband in the act of cheating on
her. The rural housewife went back to the back of the house and
returned with the family's .22 caliber rifle.
Aiming the weapon at her husband's balls she said, "I'm gonna turn a
bull into a steer, John!"
"No no!" pleaded John. "Not like this! C'mon, Judi, give me a
sporting chance, darlin'!"
"All right. I will. You can set 'em to swinging...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1886
The Day After The Night Before
Rudy wakes up: Ohhh, Sandi can you get me an aspirin and
don't slam the lid?
Sandi: Yes dear.
Rudy: You don't have to shout.
Sandi: I wasn't you have a hangover. You were roasted, toasted and
pretty well fried from the festival.
Rudy: All I remember was each Clan wanted me to toast their Clan.
Sandi: How many Clans were there?
Rudy: Well let's see, there was the McClouds, the Campbells, the
MacIntosh, The Innes, The MacDougals, The MacDonalds..
Sandi: I get the idea... I think there were about a hundred Clans
there and I don't believe you could have toasted each of them.
Rudy: I tried...oh boy I tried.
Sandi: I am sure you did. But it might be smart if next year, you
might just raise your glass to each one and not drink but a sip.
Rudy: Oh, that's an idea.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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