Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
My computer running Outlook 2002 decided to crash right when
I was deleting old emails last night and when I booted back up it
was running about one half snail's speed and displayed that it had
errors in some folders and to run the inbox repair tool. Nice to
give us a tool and put it in a hidden folder I had to Google the
correct Microsoft KB for it and then search for the scanpst file. I
dozed between steps but eventually it found 48 errors and corrected
them and now it is back to normal. Nancy would be proud
of me because I frequently lose patience when things take too long
and leave them on a shelf for a long time before I fix them. It does
save them from being flight tested from the back porch but
does mean I have to do the same work twice because I have forgotten
what I had done the first time.
On the bad side I lost 100 emails last night and not sure which
ones.
I watched the Packers/ Lions game yesterday and I know that it is
Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I appreciate that the teams
want to do their part. I also though that the pink ribbons on the
helmets
was tasteful as would a patch on the jersey have been but I didn't
care for pink arm and wrist bands, pink shoes, pink cleats, pink
towels, pink mouth guards, or the pink pylons and goalposts. These
are team sports and everyone should be dressed the same. If you
want to give everyone a pink jersey including coaches and staff,
that's great, a bit putrid but they are all the same.
Cold day 3. I have went through a box of tissue and two rolls
of toilet paper so far, controlling the drainage from my head
and I hope to be in good enough shape to go shopping tomorrow.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
A Newsletter You may Enjoy
'Xpress Links'
The One Stop Variety!
Since Nov. 2008
GREAT for members with a Broadband connection and prefer faster
and longer lasting download link! & GREAT for list owners looking
for resources for their members!
CLICK REQUEST TO JOIN LINK:
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Please Add Me To Xpress Links
Do you enjoy new and classic Movies, Music, PC Games, Programs,TV
Series, Comedians, Audio Books, Ebooks, Documentaries, Videos, and
much More! ALL FREE, ALL READY TO USE! Everything is shared, EXCEPT
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Here, nothing but Download Links from the major File Hosting Sites
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Gay Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just before Rosh Hashanah, a man hears that in San Francisco there's
a gay synagogue. He's very excited, as this sounds like what he's
been yearning for. He gets there, and sure enough, there's a gay
cantor and a gay rabbi, and the congregation too is mostly gay.
He joins in the service, but is terribly distracted by the handsome
young man sitting next to him. (There's really no good place to put
a
divider in a gay synagogue.) Finally, he gives into temptation and
puts his hand on the young man's knee.
Immediately two large men wearing leather jackets under their talis
rush over, pick him up, carry him out of the sanctuary, and toss him
down the stairs onto the street.
"Why did you do that?" he cried. "I thought this was a gay
synagogue."
"It is," replied one of his ejectors, in a deep voice. "But nobody
messes with the rebbetzen (the rabbi's wife)."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
getting married tomorrow
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amish mechanic
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revenge
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor
spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur. Be careful..."
The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a worn
bathrobe. The husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "Why
can't you look like you did when we were first got married?" "How
can I?" she snapped back at her hubby. "I'm not pregnant!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Daddy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who's Your Daddy?
The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's
details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. It is scary to
think that these women are breeding. (My favorite is the last one)
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected
sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so
good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can
you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives
BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area
and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the
Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he
is Christ risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that
to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you
and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was, as all blacks look
the same to me.
8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in
the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than
going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained
unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after
all, when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made
you fart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Memo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A memo from HR
Cussing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die..
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment..
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boyfriend Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9 TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS
1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, okay?"
Also Known
As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.
Let's stay home and watch TV." Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss,
Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Pain in the ass
3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
6. The Sneak - "Who, me?"
Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like
crazed weasels." Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat,
Casanova
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't
know how, but--" Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher,
Story Teller, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love
like crazed weasels in my new yacht." Also Known As: Mr. Perfect,
Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sweetest Day is October 17th.
Order personalized Sweetest Day Gifts they'll love!
Photo Frames
Keepsakes
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To shop now, please visit the link below:
(Copy and paste the URL listed above if link does not appear)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sailors Last Wish
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/B/Wi.html
carolyn w/All Shookup ~ Elvis Presley
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/shookup.html
Marlene w/Cast Your Cares On Him
http://tinyurl.com/yezlaqm
World's Best Husband!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbands.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
The Amesbury Archer Via Wesley
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Free-flying cyborg insects steered from a distance Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/yakwfa8
Darvaza - Door To Hell!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html
NFL Fly-Overs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6MYcngqvik
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Martha's Web
http://www.marthas-web.com/
Total Commander via Lisa
http://www.ghisler.com/
Shell Picture Via Lisa
http://www.baxbex.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.mattlake.com/album.htm
Kitty Korner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA32ikd9B34
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Links
Get Flashed
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Little Brother
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Mohammed Brand Condoms
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Man In Line
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Mechanic
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010906.htm
He Is Alive
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsssj.htm
Incident Action
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Italian Police Motorcycle Drill Team
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PD Budget
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gaaah.htm
Great tequila Commercials
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Counting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his
uncle came to visit and Little Johnny was anxious to show off his
newly acquired skill. He asked his uncle to give him an addition
question. So his uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
Little Johnny counted it out on his fingers and said, "Seven."
His uncle said, "Listen Little Johnny, you can't count it out on
your
hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad
at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets."
So Little Johnny put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked,
"What is five plus five?"
His uncle saw movement in Little Johnny's pockets, and then Little
Johnny said, "Eleven!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bj sand art
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bj bar
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bj discount
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burger king
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black daddy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/llkllll.htm
blame
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnmnnjkl.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No bananas she said, with a sigh,
And a tear trickled down from her eye.
No cukes, no zucchinis,
No Oscar Meyer weenies,
"I'll have to go find me a guy."
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This new ceramic knife is guaranteed to stay sharp for life. This
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he
noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He
went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." she smiled
pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?" "What would I like?
I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run
my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands
along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to
your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously
unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth. And then I'd like to suck on
your beautiful tits and bite your nipples lightly. But what I came
to buy is a new tie."
Did you hear about the new study that says, "Sex decreases your
chances of getting a cold?" the more sex you have, the less chance
you'll have a cold. Now every time a woman sneezes, I hear someone
say, "Hey, I got something for that."
The male bodybuilder eyed a gorgeous female lifting weights in the
gym. He ambled over and said, "Hey babe. What do you say to a little
private training session?" She replied, "What do you have in mind?"
He stared at her crotch and leered, "I feel like working on the
snatch." She retorted, "I think you should head for the showers."
"Why?" She pointed at his crotch and said, "You'll have to settle
for the clean and jerk."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1696
The Woodelf Returns
Everyone is sound asleep....
It is 1:30 am....
BJ is awoken by a whimper, a whine. He looks over and sees this
white head peering over the edge of the bed with floppy ears and big
pleading eyes.
Rudy: Whimper, whine.
BJ: Well come on up Rudy. You never want on the bed.
Rudy: Want to now.
Rudy starts to mush pops, licks and kisses and hugs for a few
minutes and then he lays down at the foot of the bed.
BJ is thinking...: This is unlike Rudy...there is something afoot.
About five minutes later, BJ has this feeling he is being watched.
He opens his eyes and yes, Rudy is eyeing him and almost leaps at
him and licks him in the face. Yes, Rudy is wanting something.
Rudy nods his head at BJ and points to the bedroom door...like
follow me!
Rudy: Come on pops, follow me. By the way Katie, wake you tush up.
Katie: Eh, what the...?
Rudy: Sandi, everybody up!
Sandi: Mumble mumble...
Rudy rushes to the front door, the others stagger after him. BJ
opens the door, a blast of cold arctic air hits him.
BJ: You knew a cold front came in didn't you?
Rudy: Yipper. I love the cold air. Come on guys lets play.
Sandi: What time is it Daddy?
BJ: It is one thirty am.
Katie: What?
Rudy: Come on guys, let's play.
Sandi: Gotta pee now.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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