Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I think a lot of people in the Midwest know this already but what is with
the 40 mph winds and rain like someone turned a fire hose on? Why are we
expecting another day of it tomorrow? Have the Gales of November come early?
Most ships on the Great Lakes headed for sheltered areas and anchored out
and the Mackinac Bridge was shut down due to high winds. I haven't looked
yet but it sounded like a branch crashed down next door. Unless you have a
low center of gravity like the buffalo, you might want to stay inside.
Have you shaken your mailbox lately. Last Saturday was Shake Your Mailbox
day. This is aimed at you that have your mailbox, rural style on a post out
by the road and live in a snow area. If a plowman strikes your mailbox and
damages or destroys it, they are at fault and required to replace it. If
however it is in such bad repair that snow or ice from the plow knocks it
down, that is your problem and if the ground is frozen you are going to do
without a mailbox till spring. ( Stuffing the broken post into the frozen
snow is not permitted.)
Over the years people upset about having their box knocked down have made
some pretty sturdy contraptions using lots of concrete, large steel bars,
rocks, and even old tractors or farm implements to mount their mailboxes.
When it comes to tangling with a 12 ton John Deere Grader if you damage it
you pay for it and there is also liability if a car or snowmobile hits it,
because it is actually on the right of way. Consult American Association of
State Highway and Transportation Officials in "A Guide for Erecting
Mailboxes on Highways." if you are wondering if your box is legal.
Enjoy the chips.. buffalo
Take a minute and vote for Paris... buff
Hello!
Ross (Cartoonery, RecipeRoss, T2L) gave me your email address. I have a five
year old grand daughter entered in The Gap Casting Call contest and would be
most appreciative if you would run a short promo in your publication for
her.
Please vote for my grand daughter Paris! Let's make her a STAR! You can use
ALL your email addresses to vote once a day! Just click the icon that reads
FAN VOTE. You will have to provide your email address but it's only to
verify the vote!
http://www.gapcastingcall.com/GapCastingCall/EntryDetail.html?id=791086
Thank you!
Julia :-) aka CraftELady
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Quiz Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Quiz.....
1. The most erotic experience a woman over 35 can have is:
a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
b. simultaneously using the food processor, the blender, and the
microwave c. reading a sex quiz d. shopping for shoes
2. When a businessman buys a red Mercedes, he is hoping to:
a. acquire a mistress
b. attract his neighbor's wife
c. preserve his youth
d. get a tax write-off
3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband brings home from the
video store: a. Kitten with a Whip b. Sex Slaves of New Haven c.
Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV d. The girl who works behind the
counter
4. Condoms are not recommended for use:
a. before the 15th of the month
b. after the 15th of the month
c. immediately after sex
d. children under 10
5. Religious families generally have large families because:
a. they generally have more children
b. they just have natural rhythm
c. the Bible forbids television
d. they're just lucky
6. The Bible condemns homosexuals because:
a. they go to the theater a lot
b. they look too much like heterosexuals
c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
d. it's impossible to determine who should take out the garbage
7. After their 35th birthday, fewer than 10% of women ever achieve:
a. multiple orchids b. a satisfactory weight-loss program c. a job
that pays as much as a man's d. comfortable shoes
8. It is not uncommon for the average male to worry about the size
of
his:
a. bank account
b. piano
c. office
d. necktie
9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS can also be transmitted
by:
a. petting goldfish
b. handling chicken fat
c. kissing the family dog
d. bloody bar room brawls
10. Conception has been known to occur in:
a. the ovarian tubes
b. eustachian tubes
c. the Goodyear tube station
d. back seat of a Camaro
11. "Time of the month" refers to:
a. ovulation
b. undulation
c. a new moon
d. the weekend of AFC vs. NFC championship football
12. Testosterone is a kind of:
a. Italian ice cream
b. testimony given in an Italian court
c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
d. Italian chicken fat
13. An erogenous zone is an area where:
a. women tend to fall asleep
b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
c. men tend to laugh before the punchline
d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous
14. At least 50% of males suffer from premature:
a. emasculation
b. matriculation
c. baldness
d. laughter before the punchline
15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:
a. premarital sex
b. post-marital sex
c. the opposite sex
d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals
16. The average frequency of sexual relations is:
a. 78.8 megahertz
b. 92.3 kilohertz
c. 98.4 oyithertz
d. depends on how often your wife works late
17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:
a. doo-doo
b. thingamajig
c. doggie-woggie
d. Who owns this pussy?
18. In your personal experience, sex is:
a. overrated but undersupplied
b. oversupplied but not overpriced
c. over there but not over here
d. over
If you answered a. to all of the above.... you got some of them
right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
ostrich and the chicken
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show your pet
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sizing it up
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch,
telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and
failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I
tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk
and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs
to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll
give it a try!"
A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta help me! Every
time I look at myself in the mirror when I'm nude, I get a raging
hard on! Is there something wrong with me?"
The doctor checks him over, does some tests and says, "I've found
the cause of your erection when you look in the mirror, but I'm not
sure I can treat the problem."
"Why not? What's the problem?"
The Doctor says, "You look like a pussy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stupid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wouldn't say my brother is stupid, but.......
...He keeps forgetting I'm an only child!
...He thinks 'Oral Sex' is 'Talking' about it.
...He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
...He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.
...He has an intellect that is rivaled only by Egg plants.
...We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every
morning.
...He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.
...He sure makes my dog look smart!
...He studied all weekend for a urine test.
...He can't convert 0 feet to meters.
...He was supposed to try out for a part in Dumb and Dumber but
forgot to turn up.
...He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really
will cause hair to grow!!
...He keeps forgetting he's my sister
...When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she
was
...But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.
...But he looked hard at the orange juice container because it said
concentrate
...He forgotten that he's been dead for the last five years
...He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Shit, I'm
bricked in!"
...He stole a free cookie!
...He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number
twice!
...He thinks a Toadstool is a well endowed frog
...When he got on the bus, he asked for a return. When the driver
asked him "Where to?" He replied "Back here!"
...It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"
...After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he
burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe
...He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.
...When mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the
butter outdoors!
...He thinks Sherlock Holmes is a block of flats
...In his first airplane travel was astonished to see he was not
becoming smaller in size
...I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.
...When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.
...When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the
line.
...But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change
back.
...He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.
...If he had one more IQ he'd be a pot plant.
...He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for
indecent exposure.
...Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God,
asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.
...He has to pull down his pants to count to 11
...He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were
written on the heel
...But then, I'm a blonde
...But I would give him a dollar for every thought he had, and still
have from five dollars.
...He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously
divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm
still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great
it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was
supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he
didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three
years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but
he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never
sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny sat glumly all evening eyeing his wife suspiciously.
Finally, he blurted, "Suzy, admit it. You've been blowing the dog, haven't
you?!"
"What?!" she shouted. "How can you say such a thing?"
"I've been watching you two," Little Johnny answered, " and, every time you
yawn, he gets a hard-on!"
?
The morning after an all-night honeymoon expert virtuoso performance in bed,
the somewhat amazed but blissfully happy newlywed wife snuggles up to her
new hubby and says, "Darling, you are just wonderful. Last night was simply
amazing. May I ask how many others were there before me?"
After a few moments of silence, the wife becomes a little testy and says,
"Come on, I know there must have been some - I'm waiting."
And "Captain Experience" takes a deep breath and says, "Hang on sweetheart,
I'm still counting."
?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Once Upon A Time
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/Ch.html
Rythyms Of Life
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol40.html
WORMS!
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Texas Rules Of Ettiquette!
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Surfin Surfari
Inflation Calculator
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Iron Man, Spider-Man, Hulk, X-Men, Wolverine and all Marvel Comics
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Best Small Towns
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Garbage Truck Camping
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
NASA - NASA app for iPhone
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Convert Data, Files Online FREE
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FireFox Add - Ons
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Benny Hill Wishing Well
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Be Quiet
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Best Casino Ad Ever
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Best First Dance At A Wedding
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Best Video Of The Year
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CCR Lorraine
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Cell Phone
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Chick Em
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1238.htm
Child Proof Drawer
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Children Fire Alarms
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12310.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A former manager of the New York Yankees once told about a dream he
had in which he died and went to heaven. There he was ordered to
organize and manage a ball team. He said he was overwhelmed by all
the available talent - Christy Mathewson, Walter Johnson, Rube
Waddell, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and many other superstars. Just then
the phone rang. It was Satan calling to challenge the heavenly team
to a game. "But you haven't got a chance of winning," said the
manager. "You see I got all the great ball players up here." Satan
explained, "Oh, I know that. But I've got all the umpires!"
---------------------------------
Seated at the breakfast table, Jill was bent over in pain, and
complained to her husband, "My head aches, I have a pain in my
stomach, and my left breast feels like it's on fire." "Poor girl,"
solaced hubby, "Here's an aspirin for your head, alka seltzer for
your stomach, and if you lift your breast out of the hot coffee, I'm
sure it won't burn so much."
---------------------------------
One of my friends got a speeding ticket and was attending a
defensive driving course to have points erased from her license. The
instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was
crucial, and that the classroom doors would be locked when each
session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the
locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ride a Fat Boy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42513.htm
Bum Fuck Egypt
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Good Spanking
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No screwing in public restrooms
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Work For head
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Wicked Picture
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An uncertain young woman named Fern
Was so great she had lovers to burn.
She got into bed
With both Johnnie and Fred
And didn't know which way to turn.
There once was a lady named Mable,
whose ass was as big as a table.
"Never you mind."
said a frind of mine.
She's ready, willing, and able.
there once was a guy at a mall
who thought he was tough shit and all
he thought he was slick
when he whipped out his dick
but girls laughed cause his dick was too small
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An alligator went to the doctor for a physical... He told the doctor
that he used to be able to swim downstream under water for ten miles
and eat everything he saw... "Now," he mused, "I don't care about
eating. All I want to do is sit on the beach and watch the food
float by." .. The doctor looked him over throughly and said, "Here's
two pills for you." .. "What are they like?" the alligator asked. ..
"Hmmm.... Well let's say they are a lot like Viaggra," extolled the
doc. .. "Cripe, Doc! I don't need anything like that! What are they
really for?"
Looking him over the Doc responded, "Well, they're for 'REPTILE
DYSFUNCTION'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1907 Decisions to be Made Diana is ready to head
back to Caldwell.
Rudy climbs in her car. Val climbs in her car.
Sandi..is not sure what to do.
Sandi: Mommy?
Diana: Yes Sandi.
Sandi: I am not sure what to do. Whether to go or to stay.
Diana gets down on Sandi's level: What does your heart say?
Sandi: My heart is torn. I love daddy and I love you. If I stay, part of me
will be sad by not being with you. If I go with you, a lot of me will be sad
by not being with daddy.
Diana: Try this. Stay with daddy for a week, come home with dad, then you
may have a clearer idea. Sandi: This is so difficult.
Diana: It is difficult for dad and I.
Sandi: I never really thought about what you two must go through.
Okay, I will stay with daddy for a week and then when I come home I will
probably know what to do.
Diana: That's my girl.
The Herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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