Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Sometimes you have to say thank you to hackers. Someone
managed to hack into the laptops of workers at Iran's new
nuclear power plant but were stopped short of the actual control
computer unfortunately. The program they were using was
designed to take control remotely of the reactor. No one has
admitted owning the program but causing a Chernobyl style
meltdown might sour the people of Iran to playing with atoms.
I started to watch the Twins and Yankees play tonight but I am still
upset that the Tigers faded out due to injuries so I turned to the
last minutes of Top Gun which I have watched maybe 50 times
and always wonder at the last flying scene. Iceman in a plane that
has been shot up with one engine out decides to go supersonic
with Maverick as they are passing the carrier. I question the
capability
of doing that not because of the lack of thrust from the missing
engine as the Tomcat was overpowered, but the aerodynamics of
a plane with only one engine is going to make it difficult to fly
sub-sonic
and even worse beyond the sound barrier, definitely a twin engine
task.
Enjoy the chips....... buffalo
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Honeymoon Chips
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Three couples were married and stayed at the same
hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken
care of by Joe the Bellboy. The first man married a
nurse. Joe showed them to their room and thought to
himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be
hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Joe
showed them to their room and thought to himself,
"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have
sexy voices and once you pop that top button..."
The third man married a school teacher. Joe showed
them to their room and thought to himself "Poor guy,
she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid."
The next morning Joe reported to work at 5:30 in the
morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to
call for breakfast any minute and the other two would
call much later in the day.
6:00 a.m.
The phone rings it's the nurse's husband wanting
breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and
Joe stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were
still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Joe asked,
"What happened, sir? You married a nurse.
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse.
All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying,
"You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary!"
Joe went back down to the main desk to wait for the
next call.
6:30 a.m.
The telephone operator's husband calls for breakfast.
Joe brings it as fast as possible hoping for the best.
The man opens the door and Joe stepped back in shock.
The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and
pressed. Joe asks, "What happened?" Telephone
operators are suppose to be as sexy as their voices."
The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a
telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a
nasal voice saying, "Your three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."
Joe went back down to the desk, just knowing the
teachers husband will be calling any minute.
4:30 P.M.
The teacher's husband called for breakfast. Joe can't
believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples
room. The man opened the door and Joe took a step
back in shock. The wore only his boxers and his hair
was a mess. He had scratch marks on his chest,
arms and legs. Joe fearing the worst asked, "What
happened to you? Did you have a fight?"
The man smiles and happily replies, "Oh no. Son,
when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher.
All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice
saying, "We are going to do this over and over,
until we get right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Law Chips
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One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking
down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and
attractive young lady walking ahead of them.
One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to
spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young
lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take
you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant
voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man
accompanied the young lady to her apartment.
The following morning, the man presented her with $125.00 as he
prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating, "If
you don't give me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it." He
laughed saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
The next day, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering
his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his
lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She
can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it
will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court
as
follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece
of property--a garden spot--surrounded by a profuse growth of
shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a
specified length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took
possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for
which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only
$125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not
excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be
granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."
The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his
opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore, was
somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it.
"Your honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine
piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a
degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my
client found a well on the property around which he placed his own
stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed
personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were
sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was
adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We,
therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered thus: "Your honor, my client agrees
that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had
defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have
rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the
defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the
pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment
through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was
prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to
others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the
125.00 or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff
for damages." The defendant wrote a check immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Confession Chips
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At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.
One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found
it was samller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him
that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe
said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again
questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the
offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe
did. Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and
this time he said "I can't hear you". Again the priest asked "Joe
did you take any of the offering?" Again Joe answered "I can't hear
you". This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE
OFFERING" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". By this time the
priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional
and satd "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So they traded places and Joe asked " I hear that you and my wife
are having an affair, is that true?" To which the priest answered
"By Golly you can't hear in here".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rain Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a minor
communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Alfred
whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Alfred,
is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's fuckin' raining, of course you stupid idiots!!" he screamed,
and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied: "Rude Alf the Red knows rain, dear!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young
boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't
figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy
went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a
woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy
took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away
so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and
asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me
if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt
something getting hard, so I ran."
The young gynecologist was giving his attractive nurse a thorough
annual check-up as a professional courtesy. The nurse had the
distinct impression that the doctor was prolonging each step, but
she said nothing at all. Toward the end of the exam, he smiled and
said, "you're lucky, you know, a session like this would have cost
you at least a hundred and eighty-five dollars." "you're luckier
yet, doctor." laughed the girl. "a session like this would have cost
you at least three hundred."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Beau
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John w/ ELVIS!! All Shook Up
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Dream Lover
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How to Throw Your Own Foam Party
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There, I Fixed It: Epic Kludges + Jury Rigs Via Dianne
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Soap Box
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PHP Calendar
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SpellCheck.net - Free Online Spell Checker
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X-Rite: Get exactly the color you need, every time, Via Wesley
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Men's Locker room
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Magic Finger Find The G Spot
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My new Philosophy
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My SS Check
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NEVER MARRY A WOMAN BIGGER THAN YOU!
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It Looked Like A Parking Space
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7 Wonders Of The World
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ABC Banner
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Adidas DM
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Right Chips
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Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to
wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a
lady arrived without her head covering. The priest tells her that
she cannot enter without it.
A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to
her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to
enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse."
"But Father, I have a divine right," she says.
"Yes, I see," he says. And your left one isn't bad either, but you
still must wear a blouse to enter this church!"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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A woman who lived near Cape Fear
Would always most carefully steer
Past men whom she saw,
But was brought to the floor,
By a well-timed attack from the rear.
***********************
A sofa spud who now and then
Goes to see the sea but won't go in
Says 'Waves are unnervingI
Like channel surfing
My clicker can hang more than ten.'
***********************
When limerick writers convene,
Their reason for making the scene
Is to make tepid jokes,
Meant for church going folks,
Into verses perverse and obscene.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been
traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there
were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried
to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran
away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and
started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex
again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by
running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came
to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested
beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the
women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said," If you fix
our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing
or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are
three girls asked," How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking
for a short while he replied," Could you hold my camel?"
Stan Kegel
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1888
Wake-up Call
BJ and Diana are in bed just visiting about nothing.
BJ: Have you noticed the different ways the dogs will wake us up if
they need something?
Diana: Not really.
BJ: Katie will come in the room and bark. Sandi will come in and
either stare at you or paw you. Rudy will whine and lastly Val will
jump into bed and just love you. In fact, you will think she wants
nothing, but she wants something.
Diana: Yes, she gets me out of bed all the time by getting into bed
and nuzzling me.
BJ: See...
Just then...
Bark Bark Bark!
Diana: Your turn...
BJ: Okay Katie what do you want?
The herd
(Exactly the way it is. I am certain each of your critters has
their own way of communicating their needs to you)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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