THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
I have often repented speaking,
but never of holding my tongue.
Xenocrates
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Oil Tanker ........ THE FRONT FELL OFF!
On August 19th, 2007, an oil tanker off the coast of
Australia split in two, dumping 20,000 tons of crude oil.
Senator Collins, a member of the Australian Parliament,
appeared on a TV news program to reassure the Australian public.
This actual interview is so funny, you'd swear it was a Saturday
Night Live or Monty Python skit, but it's the real thing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9060.html
______________
Hey, did I mention that I signed up for flying lessons?
Ya, I am almost done with the course, but I am having a tough
time of it. I was thinking that it was my instructor's fault. She is too distracting.
The war department thinks I should find another instructor,
What do you think?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
12 cents
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m001.html
pass the mashed potatoes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m002.html
boobs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m003.html
pharmacy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m004.html
Elvis
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m005.html
rice pooties
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m006.html
downsizing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m007.html
say Fred,,,
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m008.html
so what
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m009.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
bad moon rising
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9054.html
annuale
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9055.html
at the opera
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9056.html
know your boyfriend
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9057.html
funny monkey
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9058.html
the penis
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9059.html
One Liners
I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet... he said "postage dew".
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Odd that when a house burns down, the only things left standing are
the chimney and the fireplace.
Only in America do we shop at places with limited parking, overpriced
items, and long lines and insultingly, call them convenience stores.
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
______________
"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch
of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and
asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied
that his axe has fallen into water,
and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared
with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord
asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a
silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave
him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter
went home happy. Some time later the woodcutter
was walking with his wife along
the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and
asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with
ANGELINA JOLIE ."Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.The Lord was furious.
"You lied! That is an untruth!"The woodcutter replied,
"Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no'
to ANGELINA JOLIE, You would have come up with
CAMERON DIAZ. Then if I said 'no' to her,
you would have come up with my wife. Had I
then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take
care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I
said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE."The moral of this
story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a
good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it!-----
____________________
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat clothes.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a
balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack
can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser
is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under
ten minutes.
1. Other women!
Never Argue with a Woman
______________
Pick-up Line Put-Downs
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
_____________
There is this man sitting at the bar when the most beautiful
woman he has ever seen walks in, and he just has to go over
to her. "Let's cut the small talk, shall we? Your place
or mine?" he says.
She looks at him and replies, "Mine."
So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and
they go over to her place. When they get up to her apartment
he walks in and sees all these dicks hanging on the walls.
He jumps back and cries, "What the hell is going on here?"
She answers, "If you don't satisfy me, that's where you're
going to hang. So how do you want it?"
The man thinks for a minute and tells her to go into the bedroom,
turn out the lights and get naked. When she goes into the bedroom,
he goes back down to his car and gets this Big fuckin'
watermelon out of his truck. He goes back up to her place
and knocks on the bedroom door.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. So he goes into the room and starts to
pump her with the watermelon. She is just screaming her
lungs out, absolutely loving every minute of it. This goes
on for an hour or so. When he finishes, he asks her, "So how was that?"
The woman catches her breath and says, "Ahhh, nothing
like a good fingering before a fuck!"
_______________
A missionary comes to a remote village in Africa and
finds that all the men there had more than one wife.
Some of them had even four or five.
The missionary addresses the men and says,
"You are violating a law of God. Man can only have one wife,
so you must go and tell all the women, except for one,
that they can no longer consider you their husbands and live here."
The men consult among themselves for a while, then the village
Chief says. "We'll wait here. YOU go and tell them."
___________
FUN PAGES
Fastest Firefly
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41423&s=n
Blue Lobster
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41430&s=n
Nick Nolte Busted
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=29697&s=n
_______________
BUFFALO BILL
Blonde Arm Wrestling
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012808.htm
Blonde That Started It All
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012809.htm
Boy And His Train
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012810.htm
______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Halloween Strip Tease
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000681.html
Halloween Window
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000682.html
Hallway Races
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000683.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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