Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Been watching the Senate hearings on Toyota's recalls this
morning. Prior to this happening I was always impressed
with the quality of Toyota products. Having been a Toyota
supplier I know that Toyota does not accept parts it considers
sub-standard from any suppliers and the requirements
are more stringent than any U.S. company. We had parts
rejected for being three-millionths of an inch out of
specifications.
The tolerances were so tight that in a lot of gaging couldn't be
built to their specs and you had to rely on coordinate measuring
machines to inspect the parts. Packaging for overseas shipment
was another chore that no one cared for as it involved wrapping
the parts in corrosion preventative paper with little desiccant
packages
in a sealed plastic bag, two to a box and then the little boxes
were put in a larger box that was almost a half inch thick that was
bolted to an ocean shipment pallet that was heavy hardwood
with a plastic liner that was sealed. There was specs on every
packing item including the tape that the box was sealed with
and any discrepancy got the whole shipment returned to the
United States sometimes without ever opening a box and you
got to pay for the return shipping. There was nothing wrong
with the parts with the exception that the dollar would get
a little stronger and they didn't want to pay a few more pennies
a part.
All companies have tight inspection procedures for parts from
suppliers and if a part slides through and has a failure after
sale of the car, they pull the records and do repairs on every
car that was made from that shipment and the supplier foots
the bill for repairs. If it is a part deep inside of an engine or
transmission this can put a small company on the verge of
bankruptcy. You can tell from this statement that if Toyota
had anyone to blame this one on they would have recalled
those vehicles a long time ago, instead this was a design
problem that they would have to foot the bill for and they
hid the problem or lied about it for years.
Shame on you Toyota .
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome To Hell!
"Hello, nice to see you all again!
As the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now - this
is hell, and I am the Devil's right hand person. Good evening. You
can call me Toby or 665, if you like. We try to keep things informal
down here, as well as infernal. Now, you're all here for eternity,
which I hardly need tell you is a hell of a long time, so you get to
know everyone pretty well by the end, but for now I'll have to split
you up into groups.
Are there any questions?
No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets, if you'd read your bible
you would have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, I'm
afraid if you didn't go before you came then you're not going to
enjoy yourself very much, but then, I believe that's the general
idea.
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me?
CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
Off we go...
Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please,
thieves if you could join them, and all lawyers, and politicians.
Fornicators, if you could step forward - My God there are a lot of
you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers
if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine
there.
AMERICANS, are you here? I'm sorry about this, apparently God had
some problems with your founding fathers and damned the entire race
into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons and
Baptists who He realizes put in a lot of wasted work. The Iranians,
I'm afraid, couldn't be with us - someone's been holding them in
purgatory for the last 9 months. Sodomites, over there against the
wall. Atheists, over here please. You must be feeling like a right
bunch of know-it-all'
All Christians will be seperated from all Born Again Christians to
avoid long boring arguements about who's more Christian...
......ah yes, I'm afraid the Jews had it right after all.
Moonies, maniacs, marite eaters, male models, masochists, mass
murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - -with
the Methodists that is.
Now, you're the bunch who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah,
yes, I must remember - we've got some strips of flesh to tear off
you later.
Everyone who saw Monty Pythons' "Life Of Brian", I'm afraid He can't
take a joke after all.
All right now, one final thing - we're trying to implement some sort
of exchange scheme with the God, or Bob as we know him. Some of you
will spend a decade in heaven and we're having some angels down
here. Now, I hardly need tell you that they will be expected to
behave in an exemplary manner, so, I hope you will do the exact
opposite - tear off their wings, use their haloes for frisbee
practice, that sort of thing.
MTV, rap and heavy metal music will be played for eternity, and salt
and brimstone is free.
Well, I have to go now, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes,
chains, and electrodes."
........And remember our motto, " Until Hell Freezes Over ".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hooked up
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t shirts
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a thief
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Holding It In Toilet
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Home Alone
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Home Depot Ad
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?"
The friend said, "Not too well. She hasn't been feeling herself
lately. But it was a damned dirty habit anyway."
~~~~
"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Bernice?
said her closest friend.
"Well," Bernice confirmed,
"Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left
a lot to be desired."
~~~~~
Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth
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times?" said the one. "Amazing! How did she ever find time to do any
housework?"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fairyland Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Jack HORNY was just arrested for Bo-PEEPING in Mistress
Mary's window, where he was watching her and a Little Miss MUFF IT.
He SPIED'ER and began to pull with his thumb till he was PLUM ready
to come.
Meanwhile Jill JACKed her longtime beau, pulling his pud from crown
to thatchy down, and he had no sooner gotten off than she CAME,
tumbling after.
"Jack the giant" is a killer too, with a *bien* (French for "good")
stalk that has all the girls going ga-ga.
Another candidate for Masturbator of the Year is Georgie-Porgie
Pull- The-Pud Pi (why "Pi"? Because his tool are square!), who
doesn't like girls nearly as much as he enjoys Barbar, his black
sheep. Mother got goosed while watching this shocking display.
Who's the guilty party? Why, it's Robin Redbreast, that notorious
party girl whose boobs are raw from sucking. Georgie Porgy, feeling
a bit less sheepish than usual, found out that a certain short movie
actress is into "water sports," a sexual kink he's recently become
fond of, so he arranged for a rendezvous. Tinkle, tinkle, little
star.
And that doubly endowed chap, Peter-Peter, gave up eating pumpkins
in favor of pussy but could never locate the clit correctly. He's
such a male chauvinist he didn't even care, but belatedly he had a
change of heart and, having finally found Mistress Mary's point of
pleasure, the male chauvinist went to find a pen so he wouldn't miss
it again.
Yes, this little piggy went to mark it. Unfortunately, he's been so
busy balling every chick he could find, he's paid no attention to
his house, which is now overrun with mice, and last night, as he lay
in bed watching a XXX video, Hickory Dickory, a rodent doc,
scampered up on his bed and ran up his cock.
That's all the news for now from Fairyland, and now the latest from
mythology. Our top story is about the girl who wants to Leda swan
astray.... He made off with the lute!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of
the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad
for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had
to come straight back and tell him what they did.
The first nun comes back, and the priest asked, "And what did you do
wrong, Sister?"
"I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ."
"Very well, go drink holy water."
The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards.
"And what did you do wrong, Sister?" he asks again.
"I mooned a monk, and nearly gave him a heart attack."
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Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks,
"And what did you do wrong, Sister?"
"I peed in the holy water."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little
Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me the time?"
The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It
is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my
ass."
With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the
outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running
long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this
at your age?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said,
"That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was
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ass!"
"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten
minutes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subliminal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subliminal Suggestions Warning!
Hi, I'm (your name here). I'd like to (sex) tell you about some
weird psychological phenomenon (fuck me) that has been in the media
forefront (I'm your love slave) in the past few years. I'm talking
about subliminal suggestion.
Subliminal suggestion (buy me a car) is a technique in which the
subconscious is made aware of a concept by having it exposed (and a
stereo) to them too fast or in a way the conscious mind can pick
(you want me) up. Thus, the person so suggested (my room ... 8
tonight) finds himself doing something that he ordinarily wouldn't
do (bring grapes and Crisco).
This technique was often seen being used (I'll get the tequila) in
movie theatres, where one frame of a film would have a message like
"Buy the popcorn." (and the condoms). This one frame goes by so fast
the conscious mind can't possibly assimilate it (I am incredibly
flexible), but many believe that the subconscious picks it up and
causes the mind (I really want
you) to act on it.
Does it really (all night is not out of the question) work?
Who knows ... (and we can bring the stuffed animals and the Jello
and the peanut butter and the nylon rope and watch "Three Stooges"
reruns and do things that they'll have to invent new names for when
we're done and then we can sleep for a couple hours and do it all
again). The jury is still out on that one.
Thanks for your time and patience
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Jesse Taylor
http://silverandgol
John w/ ** Neighbor ** Years Gone By...
http://heavens-
Last Day
http://www.Shangral
Faded Rose
http://www.poetryby
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Surfin Surfari
WW2 Monopoly Via Wesley
http://www.truthorf
How Airport Security Works
http://travel.
George Washington
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2010 Holidays
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Do I Need an Umbrella Via Patricia
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
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that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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morning.....
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Fonts and Dingbats
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Grid 16 Game
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Free Wi-Fi Info Via Sally
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Movie Links
Talking Italian
http://www.buffalos
Tattoo Remover
http://www.buffalos
Rocking Horse Ride
http://www.buffalos
063
http://www.buffalos
Blind Man Levis
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How to get jail time for a speeding ticket
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Hrbtno
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Ice fishing
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If my nose was running money
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Important Message
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Following a successful rally, the evangelist was relaxing in his
trailer, when there was a knock at the door. "Come in," he said. A
young maiden, truly beautiful, threw herself at his feet and said,
"Reverend, I have nothing to give but my body." The preacher looked
skyward, "Lord, deliver me from temptation." And then following a
long pause, he began unbuttoning his shirt, and added, "In about an
hour or so."
Myrddin was not too skilled in the ways of meeting women, so his
friends suggested that he go to a local disco where he might be able
to meet some. When he got there, he didn't see any ladies he could
dance with. He started looking around the place further, and he
found a door marked LADIES, and when he opened it, sure enough,
there they were!
Sally runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best
friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend," gushes Sally, "He was working on
the engine of his car when the hood came down and cut off his
finger!"
"My God," shrieks Carol, "did it amputate his whole finger?" "No
thank goodness," sniffs Sally, "but it was the one right next to
it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huge Enemys
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He Likes you
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Did it hurt
http://www.buffalos
Herbert
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Be Polite
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Hillbilly
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Burning
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Hold your Load
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Sports Finger
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ode to the Clit
------------
------------
You try so hard to lick me well,
There's something I should really tell,
You're licking all around my mound,
But there's one place where pleasure's found.
It's not that high or down that low,
It's not that fast and not too slow,
Don't waste my time and all that spit,
Just stay your punk ass on my clit!
With your finger or with your tongue,
Stay on that clit till the job is done.
Suck it like a little dick,
The only place that you should lick,
Do not move until I cum,
The other stuff is really dumb.
I'm telling you to help you know,
The clit's the ONLY place to go.
This is a tip for giving head,
You'll be an expert in the bed.
Women want all men to know,
Do it hard and do it slow.
Don't be lazy, this takes a while,
But it will always make her smile!
After she cums then you can Fuck,
And with a little bit of luck,
Your woman will be thrilled in bed,
You've finally learned to give good head!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles was taking his out-of-town buddy Clyde on a walking tour of
the city. Clyde saw a good-looking girl and asked Charles if he knew
her.
"Yes, that's Jacqueline -- one hundred and twenty dollars."
A little further along, Clyde spotted an even more stunning girl and
asked if Charles happened to know her also.
"Yes, that Rosalynn -- one hundred and eighty dollars."
After the process was repeated twice more, Clyde remarked, "Good
Heavens! Aren't there any respectable women in this city?"
"Of course!" replied Charles, highly offended. "But you couldn't
afford them either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
For decades pundits have been saying that The New Orleans Saints
were so bad at playing football that hell would freeze over before
the Saints would ever win The Super Bowl.
On Sunday, February 7, 2010 The Saints won the Super Bowl.
On that same Sunday Washington D.C. was paralyzed under several feet
of snow and the Government was shut down.
I suppose we now know where hell really is.
Paul Dunk
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1533
A Bath for Katie
Katie come strolling up with a towel over her arm, a shower cap on
her head, a bottle of shampoo, hair conditioner, bath oil, body wash
in a bag. She is wearing a robe.
Katie: Let me check the temperature of the water before I take my
bath. The wrong temperature is bad for your skin you know. Hmm it
needs to be about five degrees warmer father.
BJ: Grrr. BJ warms up the water..
Katie: Father avert your eyes will I take off my robe.
Diana: Good grief Katie you run around the house without clothing.
Katie: This is different mother.
Katie slides into the washtub and starts to take her bath.
Katie: You two are dismissed. I will call you when I am done.
BJ: Dismissed! Call me...why I never.
Diana: You have to admit, this is easier than with Rudy and Sandi.
BJ: Yes, you go inside and rest while I attend to this this
miscreant.
Diana: Okay honey, have fun.
Thirty minutes later...
Katie: Father I am done. Would you mind handing me my robe and
again avert your eyes.
BJ: Good grief. Here you go Katie.
Katie: Thank you father. Perhaps we could do this again tomorrow.
BJ: Not hardly Katie.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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