Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
President Obama's pledge during the State Of The Union address
to build more nuclear power plants and the pledge of loan guarantees
was really a pleasant surprise. It is about time someone did
something to get the ball rolling on nuclear power again before the
lights go out on a quarter of the country. We have a 104 operating
reactors at 65 plants. Many of these were built in the 70's and
have had their life extended by overhauls and upgrades but the
newest reactor we have is scheduled to retire in 2050. Wind power
and solar are great but they have a large footprint and are better
for the plains and deserts. Nuclear power plants fit perfectly in
the high population density areas of the East Coast because of their
small footprint. Some of the states are using nuclear for 50-80%
of their power requirements and at least 25%.
Those against nuclear power, are probably thinking that they should
generate the power in Kansas and send it to the East Coast which
is not a bad idea but the grid is incapable of handling that much
load
and personally I would rather live next to San Onofre than under a
bunch of high voltage lines cooking my brain like a microwave.
There are no promises though that we can pull this off before the
lights
go out. It will still be 2020 before the first plant can come on
line. By
then many of the plants that came online in the early 70's will be
closed which brings me to the next point. The least secure point
in these plants is the storage for spent fuel rods which every
terrorist
in the world would love to have. I heard awhile back that funding
for the storage area under Yucca Mountain had been cancelled.
I would prefer seeing this material in a permanent area, secure
under a mountain than vulnerable. Let's find a cradle to grave
solution
before we create more waste.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Vacation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
VACATION ITINERARY...
6:00 am: Get up early. Shower, shave, dance naked with the curtains
open.
6:15 am: Put on my really cool, plaid, wrinkle-free suit. Hide the
bodies and wipe off any possible finger prints.
6:30 am: Eat a half-rack of spare ribs and chug a pint of day old
Yoo- Hoo. Lock the dog in a small, unlit closet with no food or
water.
6:45 am: Leave a dead fish in the mailbox. Depart for the airport.
7:30 am: Check my bags. Chain smoke in the airport lavatory.
8:00 am: Board the plane. Scare the guy sitting next to me by
stuffing my hands into my pants and yelling "down boy!"
8:15 am: Collect everyone's airsick bags and weave them into a sexy
nighty. Buzz the flight attendant and offer her a can of cocktail
weenies.
8:30 am: Take off for Disneyland.
9:00 am: Use my laptop to send "messages from space" to the cockpit.
Scream "There's a man on the wing of this plane!" over and over
until someone gives me a Valium.
9:05 am: Sleep, perchance to dream.
7:00 pm: Land at LAX Leave a special "ticking package" in the
airplane lavatory.
7:15 pm: Be the first one off the plane by declaring that the kidney
in my carry on bag must be delivered by sundown.
7:25 pm: While exiting the plane, announce to the folks waiting to
transfer "Damn that captain can put away some tequila!"
7:30 pm: Club an airport employee and steal his golf cart. Claim
someone else's luggage.
7:45 pm: Hail a cab. When the driver says "Where to?", wink and ask
to go back to his place.
7:50 pm: Get some ice for my head wound. Walk to the hotel.
8:30 pm: Check in at the hotel. Go to the hotel bar and stuff beer
nuts into my nose until asked to leave.
8:45 pm: Strip down to my dainty underthings and hang out in the
lobby. Beg for change in the lobby until asked to leave.
9:00 pm: Pee in the fountain. Proposition the bell hops. Go to my
room.
9:15 pm: Unpack.
9:30 pm: Toss the TV over the balcony. 10 pts if it lands in the
pool. 50 pts if I kill a pedestrian. 100 pts if I kill a swimming
pedestrian.
9:45 pm: Sing to my toothbrush. Cut eyeholes in the bed linens and
"haunt" the adjoining guest rooms.
9:50 pm: Use C4 and fishing line to set trip wires for the maid.
10:00 pm: Put on my golf shoes and very little else. Find the
roughest cowboy bar in town.
10:30 pm: Drink a shot of Jagermeister for every letter of the
Chineese alphabet. Walk from person to person in the bar, point to
someone else and say: "You gonna let him talk about your mom like
that?"
10:35 pm: Leave quickly and quietly.
11:00 pm: Return to the hotel. Call room service and order poached
eggs for everyone on my floor.
11:15 pm: Hide in the hallway and taunt passers by with my
anatomically correct sock puppets.
11:30 pm: Do unspeakable things to myself with a hand mixer until
the wee hours of the morning.
3:00 am: Sleep...for tomorrow is another day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
not easy
http://www.thepostm
good advice
http://www.thepostm
can't wait
http://www.thepostm
Hercules Flyby
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Hidden Jobs Part #1 - Mind Your Step
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Hidden Jobs Part #2 - Pedestrians Traffic Light
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The English Penny -- EU Directive No. 456179 In order to meet the
conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of
the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be
made aware that the phrase, 'Spending a Penny,' is NOT to be used
after 31st December 2009. From this date, the correct terminology
will be: 'Euronating.
For our honeymoon my fiancee and I chose a fashionable hotel known
for its luxurious suites. When I called to make reservations, the
desk clerk inquired, "Is this for a special occasion?" "Yes, it's
our honeymoon," I replied. "How many adults will there be?" she
asked.
I used to date a Siamese twin but she was too jealous. She was
always accusing me of seeing her Sister behind her back.
Mrs. Johnson, the elementary school math teacher, was having
children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to
do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She
called on Tommy, and with some help he finally got it right. "Who
would like to do the second problem, subtraction?
their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but there was
some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him. "Who would
like to do the third problem, division?" Now a low collective groan
could be heard as everyone looked at nothing in particular. The
teacher called on Suzy, who got it right. "Who would like to do the
last problem, multiplication?
everyone in the room. Mrs. Johnson finally gained her composure in
the stunned silence. "Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?" "Because the
Bible says to go fourth and multiply."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caveman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with
modern man. His descendants are with us even today,
passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens.
If you suspect a "touch of the old hand ax" in your
ancestry, score yourself on this test:
1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself
five points.
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not,
take five points.
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.
4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then
give yourself five points.
6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do,
add ten points.
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels
than sitting in a chair? Take five points.
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add
one point for every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch
under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one
point for every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? Five points.
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club?
You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big
enough to hold an apple? Add five points.
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points.
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when
you're not? Give yourself ten points.
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and
an overcoat? Take five more points.
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? Three points.
Scoring:
0-20 points:
You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges,
compose symphonies, and overrun the world.
20-40 points:
A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have
spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and
whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.
40-60 points:
You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid
eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away.
60-80 points:
Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a
career in pro football.
80-100 points:
Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no
place for you in human society. Try running for public office
instead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toupee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Senior Citizens Bus Trip
A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington, IA , to
Branson , MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to
the driver and says, "I've just been molested!" The driver felt that
she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to
her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that
she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old
wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that
she'd
been molested too. The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and
pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his
hands and knees crawling in the aisles. "Hey gramps, what are you
doing
down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee......
but
every time I try to grab it..., it runs away...!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to
get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a
good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real
credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older
person friendly" policies.
One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, he called him in the office for a talk. "Charley, I have
to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your
being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from
the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, "Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning,
Sir?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As it happened, their wedding night fell during a religious holiday,
and, devout Episcopalian that he was, Mr. Rogers simply couldn't
make love to his virginal bride. "I'm sorry," he said as they
snuggled in bed, "but I can't have you tonight. It's Lent." Her brow
crinkling with concern, his new bride said, "Okay... but to whom and
for how long?"
I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a
simple stage direction. My copy of the script clearly said, "Enter
Juliet from the rear."
After their recent wedding, Jennie and Brad got away for a few days
on a brief honeymoon. While she was inspecting their honeymoon hotel
room Jennie discovered a little box attached to the bed. "What's
this for?" she asked Brad. "If you put a quarter in," he answered,
reaching into his pocket," the bed starts vibrating." "Save your
money," Jennie giggled and said. "When you're a quarter in, I start
vibrating!"
The 69 position is like driving in rush hour, the asshole is always
in front of you!
A young Scotsman was all set up for his very first screw, but his
girlfriend says, "Sorry Jock, not without a condom." Young Jock
searched the town high and low, but being a Sunday, every place was
closed. Walking around, he eventually met Old Angus, a very good
friend of his father. Young Jock explained his problem. Old Angus
said, "Don't worry son, I can help you out." Young Jock took off and
the night was beyond his wildest expectations. A week later, he met
Old Angus in the street and told him about his experience. "It was
wonderful, Angus. Thanks to you, I had the best time I have ever
had." "Just glad I could help out son; now where's the condom?"
asked Old Angus. Young Jock looked at him and replied, "I threw it
away." Old Angus, with a scowl on his face, said, "Ah, yer in
trouble now laddie -- that condom belonged to the club!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Crossings2
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Boogie
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John w/ Fraulien
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Surfin Surfari
Effects of Ecstasy
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Learn What You Wanna Do
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Cakes
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Rotating Skyscrapers
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
VLC Media Player
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Free Software Downloads
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Secret Guide To Computers
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Animal World
Koalas In A Heatwave
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Real Eagle Story
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Movie Links
IKEA Adverts
http://www.buffalos
I love the beach
http://www.buffalos
Indian teacher explaining the word fuck
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Jihadist Trainees
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Jingle Balls
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Peanut Butter Jelly Time
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OK
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Oops
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Parent VS Kids
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Parking 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can one *not* love Irish men after so much honesty?
From a 'personals' section from a Dublin newspaper:
Heavy drinker - 35 Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football
Club and has been known to starting fights on Patrick Street at
three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long time
fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still
exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a born troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and
thirsty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail
purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in
the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady,
with a lovely chest.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi
for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20-year-old double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin
sister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Estimates
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Can't Be Right
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Lift Your Leg
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Life Sucks
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Erin
Who asked, "Why are all the men starin'?"
Her mother said, "Honey,
It's 'cause you look funny,
And there's a distinct lack of clothes that you're wearin'!"
There once was a man from Bombay
Who ate gallons of beans every day
He farted so loud,
He attracted a crowd
But the smell made them all run away.
A Certain Sweet Girl From Key West
Was Uncommonly Large In The Chest
Any Man's Close Attention
To Her Outside Dimension
Brought His Own Measurement To Its Best.
Here's a Hell I hope Spammers endure:
Eternally swim in manure,
While bombarded with e_mail
That tells in great detail
Of joys they can never procure
To temptation I'm quick to submit
I regret many sins, I admit
Yet this is no boast:
I regret the most
Those sins that I failed to commit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This German tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer
that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that
interesting and he managed to stay behind and start wandering.
Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the
chapel. While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior
surprised him. "OH! I am soo sorry!"
"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...You know.
Could I take a look?"
A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was
kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked
at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You
know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"
"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting really
exited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?
"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?"
the nun requested.
The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down
his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly
straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the
(SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DENVER - One of two Colorado men who used women's thong underwear to
cover their faces while they robbed a convenience store has been
sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Twenty-year-
He and 25-year-old Joseph Richard Espinoza pleaded guilty to the May
15 robbery.
Prosecutors say the pair threw a large rock through the store's
window soon after the clerk opened the store.
One man wore a green thong; the other wore blue.
Prosecutors say Rico grabbed the store's clerk by the neck and
punched her in the face several times, breaking her jaw.
He then collected about $100 from the cash registers, while Espinoza
stole 37 packs of cigarettes.
Espinoza's sentencing is scheduled Monday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1528
Poem
BJ: Why is everyone so glum?
Katie: Sandi has this poem...it is so sad.
BJ: Read it Sandi.
Sandi: It goes like this...
True Blue
The first time I saw the little dog
He seemed so all alone
Waiting outside the prison gate
But I knew he had a home
For he wore a collar around his neck
With a tag that showed right through
And when I looked down at it
I saw his name, "True Blue"
Inside the jail there was a man
Who was convicted of a crime
As they shaved his hair
I spoke to him
For he didn't have much time
I asked him if there's anyone
Who he would like to see
He turned around
with tear-filled eyes
And then he said to me
I know this may sound foolish
To a lawyer such as you
But the only one I want to see
Is my little dog, "True Blue"
I've got a wife and family
But I've brought them
such disgrace
That they wouldn't want
to see me now
As I meet this awful fate
So you see, the only one I have
Is my little loyal friend
And the only thing I ask right now
Is to hold him once again
I told the warden of this request
But he said he did not know
As to whether he could
grant this wish
But I begged him,
"Don't say no"
I went outside and saw True Blue
Who somehow seemed so thin
Just then the door swung open
And a voice said, "Bring him in"
For there were only minutes left
To let them say Good-Bye
As I carried True Blue,
he seemed to know
His master soon would die
The man hung down
his head in shame
As the preacher began to speak
Then True Blue jumped
out of my arms
And laid at his master's feet
The man picked him up
and held him close
As he whispered, This is the end
But before we part, I just have to say
You've been more than a wonderful friend
I took True Blue and
brought him home
For I promised to do my part
But I found out just hours later
"True Blue" died of a broken heart
I'm glad that this was one case
Where permission was not denied
And this was the only time
in my life
That I saw a warden cry
This poem was written
as a Dedication to the
Devotion of a Dog
C Elaine Hall
Used with permission
All rights reserved
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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