THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Poor is the man whose pleasures depend
on the permission of another.
Madonna
Get a FREE $500 Visaâ„¢ Gift Card and go shopping, out
to eat, or use it for anything else that puts
money back into the economy
http://www.tinyurl.com/ya2gw2m
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Google Inc. is searching for a number
of cities to be part of an experiment the company
says would make Internet access better and faster
for everyone. The online media company has
announced plans to build super high-speed broadband
network for at least 50,000 and up to 500,000.
Seems that our fair city here in West Michigan is
among dozens of U.S. cities applying to be a part
of the experimental test market.
That may not be a bad thing.
considering that most Internet cafes around here
are a disaster.I do not like the fancy latte's,
and bitter high priced stuff that is served by the
likes of Starbucks, just for an excuse to play on
antiquated wi-fi. Most of it runs at only 1 or 2
megs. I find it easier simply to stay home and use
my home Internet that runs at 8 meg. I have important
things to do on it, and major deadlines to make, you
know? After all, Turk the dog, (aka Carlos the rat) says
the day should be made of naps, not Internet surfing.
Of course city officials say that while cable
Internet provided by Google might be grease lightning,
its all in the speculation stage right now.
No one knows for sure if their plan would include
the entire city, or just the buildings down town. Also,
there would be an huge expense in laying down new
fiber optics for the major project. And since the city is
broker than the state of Michigan, the hope for a city
grant, on a scale of 1 to 10, is probably a negative 1.
But just think, if we all had faster Internet around here,
I could tell jokes quicker, and you could read em faster:)
Ain't that just what we all need? :)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
OK...so it ain't valentines day ...shoot me.
its still funny!!
THE COMICS
yellow pages
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n050.html
a cold day
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n051.html
orgasm
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n052.html
wonderful evening
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n053.html
bite this
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n054.html
your late husband
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n055.html
marriage penalty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n056.html
3 days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n057.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
fart prank
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9134.html
rope walk
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9135.html
bowling
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9136.html
spinning ball
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9137.html
the dog and the boyfriend
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9138.html
Big booty stripper night at the Palimino
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9139.html
It was the eve of their honeymoon, and Clara and George
were settled into a cabin in the woods. Clara slipped
into a sheer nightgown and crawled into bed, but George
seemed to be preparing to sleep on the couch.
"George, darling, what are you doing on the couch?
Aren't you going to make love to me?"
"No, dear, not tonight," he replied sadly.
"But why not?" she cried.
"I can't, dear, because it's Lent."
"Oh," sobbed Clara, "that's the most horrible thing
I've ever heard! To whom and for how long?"
________________
A young blonde was having problems with her first case
of hemorrhoids. With all the burning, itching and
swelling she didn't know what to do. She calls her older
blonde friend and says, "I'm itching, burning and it's
swollen - what can I do?" The older blonde says "Hehehe,
you have hemorrhoids. I'll go down to the pharmacy and
get you some Preparation H; that will take care of your
swelling and itching. You just set still !!!!"
After about 1 hour the young blonde was still itching
and burning more and more. The older blonde delivers the
Preparation H and tells the young blonde "Take this and
you will be better in about an hour. I'll call and check
up on you in a couple of hours."
The young blonde, not reading the directions, rips open
the box and swallows the whole tube, thinking this is the
worst taste she has ever ran across her lips. She tries to
spit it out.The phone rings and she answers,
"Ssssswwwellooooo." It's the older blonde. She asks,
"So, how are your hemorrhoids??"
The young blonde replies, "They still itch and burn but
I can whistle better than ever before !!!"
____________
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining
of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no
drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete
exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and
suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two
had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not
hesitate to ask the man about his personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot
stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize
all the time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you
are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceable
poison to give her, so I may end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it
would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said,
"Besides, you'll get life in prison yourself, at best. I'll
tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac
to slip into her coffee. You can then 'love her to death'.
No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving
his wife too much. She'll be gone in a month at best."
The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting
the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning.
Three weeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his
friend, and becomes concerned.After office hours, he stops by
his friend's house to see if all is well. He finds his friend
sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even though
it's a warm Spring day. The man's face was gaunt and pale,
he'd lost Lord knows how much weight, and looked terrible.
The doctor asked, "What the Hell happened???"
The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That
woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and
nite." Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just
then the wife appeared from inside the house. All slim and
trim and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she said she
was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new
sports car, her husband cackled and said to the doctor, "Look
at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she
only knew she has less than a week to live she wouldn't
be so God damn frisky."
____________
Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were
answering questions asked by the clerk. "Olga, how old are you?"
Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"
Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
"And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question.
"I weigh yust about 185 pounds."
"Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play
with the Green Bay Packers!!"
"Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."
________________
Doctor: "I have some good news and some bad news, which
do you want first?"
Patient: "Give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "We amputated the wrong leg."
Patient: "What is the good news?"
Doctor: "Your other leg won't need to be amputated after all."
_____________
ASK THE LIBRARIAN
"Do you have any books on how to get organized?"
"Probably, but I have no idea where they are."
"Do you have any books on deafness?"
"What?"
"Do you have any books on nepotism?"
"Ask my husband; he's the head librarian."
"Do you have any books on apathy?"
"I don't know and I don't care."
"Do you have any books on building self-esteem?"
"Not for stupid, ugly people like you!"
"Do you have any books on phobias?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Do you have any books on psychiatry?"
"What do you think?"
_______________
These great questions and answers are from the
days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses
were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions,
of course..
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it
took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least
how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
_____________
FUN PAGES
Kaboom Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41534&s=n
M&M Empire
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38557&s=n
Fat Fun
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41411&s=n
____________
BUFFALO BILL
I love my car
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83108.htm
I feel good
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83109.htm
If I was a terrorist
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83110.htm
____________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Hill Climb
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000717.html
Hillary Campaign Ad
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000718.html
Hillbilly Humor
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000719.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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