THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door
and the whole world will be clean.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
_______________
Clean-n-Green Laundry Ball
Imagine never buying laundry detergent again. Replace
detergent with Laundry Ball and you'll not only save money,
but you'll be saving the planet too. Each ball lasts up to
1000 to 1200 uses, sometimes longer. Laundry Ball uses
natural cleaning power oppose to chemical-laden,
water-polluting ingredients like laundry detergent.
Get the benefits of Laundry Ball today.
http://www.tinyurl.com/ylsxzva
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
You know, I'm sure you have seen all the
"press 1 for english" email out there.
Ya, there is the picture of the Duke,
(John Wayne) cussing and swearing that
there is no way in hell he is going to do it.
And so forth. To be honest with you?
That never really bothers me. I guess
over the last 20 years that I have just
come to expect it when I call that
mysterious 800 number for whatever reason.
But you know what really gets me?
Now this is DEFINITELY the postman's pet
peeve. You ever press one for English,
and the person answers, and you STILL
can't understand them!!!!??? Go figger.
==============
Well it finally happened folks. Almost a
year ago, the old washer died, and we
bought a new Maytag. Being ever the thrifty
house wife, when I asked her if she wanted
a new dryer to match, she said, "Nah,
let's just wait till the dryer dies to
get that one." So, that's what we did.Well,
finally, about 2 months ago, the old dryer started
making noise that probably was louder than
the air port here in town with a 747 taking
off from it. "Ready to get a new dryer now?"
I asked." "Well, its making noise, but it
seems to still be working." So that was
that.And then, the other night she was in
the laundry room, I heard a "OH NO..." along
with noise that sounded like a freight train,
and smoke along with it, emmanating from
the laundry room. When things got quiet finally,
I dared to take a peak. There she was,
with that funny look on her face. "Its time,
isn't it?" I asked. With out saying a word
she just nodded. And now we are the proud owners
of a brand new dryer that matches our washer
which we purchased not quite a year ago.
What really sux is that they put one price on
the dryer, but by the time you pay their delivery fee,
hook up, pay for moving out the old one. pay for
a new gas line bcuz they won't hook it up with
out a new one, pay an extended warranty, pay
for this which is extra, pay for that which is
extra, it damn near doubles your price. its just
one of those W.T.F. kinda deals that life gives ya,
you know?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
________________
COMICS
carrot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o060.html
backside
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o061.html
rollin in it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o062.html
tee pee
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o063.html
redneck motto
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o064.html
forgotten
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o065.html
Starbucks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o066.html
unlucky
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o067.html
unusual
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o068.html
busy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o069.html
__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
I wish I was a little boy again
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9186.html
wife school
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9187.html
outsourcing update
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9188.html
the demon cat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9189.html
accident at the race track
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9190.html
UPS
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9191.html
911 call-(racist content)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9192.html
The Fourth Grade concert is fast approaching and
Johnny has still not decided what he will do. Little
Sarah is going to do a piano solo, Mikey will recite
a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything.
Finally, his frustrated teacher is relieved when he
tells her he has worked out his act.Come the night of
the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and
watch as Sarah, in her prettiest dress, tickles
the ivories to rapturous applause.Then Mikey steps
out in his best suit and recites his poems to the
delight of the audience.Finally, out comes Johnny, in
checked shirt and denim overalls. He steps up to the
microphone and says: "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle
owns a farm and every holiday my family visits him
there. His wife, my aunt Martha, always cooks a real
down-home country meal for us all, and we feast and
stuff ourselves silly, for days on end. Tonight, I
would like to share with you my impression of some of
the many sounds I hear on my uncle's farm. Here is the
first: "Johnny! Why don't you get your ass off the
shitter and give someone else a chance?!""
____________
George and Laura were invited to a Halloween Party
at some friends house. Being their names were George
and Laura, they decided to go as George and Laura Bush.
On Halloween night they got dressed in their costumes
and masks and arrived at the party. They separated,
George went off with some guys to talk and Laura did
the same with some ladies. After a few hours of
drinking, Laura happened to see George coming out of
the bathroom. Laura said, "Hello Lover, why don't
we find an empty bedroom."
George said, "Uh, well, OK, I guess."
They got partly undressed and after a little foreplay,
they started fucking.They lay on the bed in the darkened
bedroom, their breath came hot and fast, as he hammered
her pussy. "Oh, George, Oh George, I'm cumming
again!" she said passionately. "You've never made love
to me like this before. I've actually cum three times.
Is it because of the holiday spirit?" "No," he panted,
as he shot a second load of cum in her pussy.
"It is probably because I am not George!"
_______________
Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It
vas springtime, and da lakes vas yust beginning to thaw.
Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake
to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked
him for some money, but he told her, 'Nah, yust put
it on our tab'. So she valked across, got da smokes at
da yeneral store, den valked back home across da lake.
Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him,
'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store.
Why didn't you yust give me some money?'
Ole replied, 'Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit
any money ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas.'
_____________
The gig was just about ready to start when the bandleader
called the female singer over and said: "Listen, tonight
we're going to begin the set with 'April in Paris', but
I want to do it a little differently. We'll start in
the key of G for the first four bars, then modulate to
B-flat for the next eight bars, change the meter to
3/4 for six bars, then pick up the tempo to Allegro
for twelve bars, then modulate to F-sharp for eight bars,
change the meter back to 4/4 and slow down to Rubato for
four bars, play a tacet for four bars, modulate up to
D-flat for eight bars..."
"HEY, HOLD ON!" the girl said. "I can't do stuff like
that without rehearsal!"
He said, "Why not? You've been doing it all week long!"
_____________
Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital.
There was one nurse that just drove him crazy. Every
time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a
child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
"And how are we doing this morning," or "Are
we ready for a bath," or "Are we hungry?"
Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, at breakfast, old Harold took the apple juice
off the tray and put it in his bed side stand. Next,
he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing..
So you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a
later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My, it seems we are a little cloudy today." At this,
old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand,
popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll
run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this
time." The nurse fainted! Old Harold just smiled!
_____________
FUN PAGES
Two (Too) Funny Motivationals
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40946&s=n
Cross Eyed for Life
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41421&s=n
Get Me A Lawyer Quick
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40944&s=n
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Sneeze Aivastus
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81816.htm
Sorry Sir no bathing suits in the lobby
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81817.htm
Sorry Officer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81818.htm
________________
SYDESJOKES LIST
How It All Started #1
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000741.html
How It All Started #2
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000742.html
How It All Started #3
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000743.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
No comments:
Post a Comment