Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I lost Sandy in Wal-mart last night, unfortunately my nephew
found her.
I had been putting off a couple of things lately. the larger of
which was cashing in several months worth of cans and bottles,
about 25 dollars worth. It was enough that both back seats in the
Suburban were filled to the roof. We zipped over to one of the
supermarkets that has a wall of bottle machines. I finished up
my cartful a little before Sandy and giving her my handful of
receipts
I ran around and did a little shopping while she finished.
The second thing we had planned was to pick up baby shower
gifts for Nancy's son and girlfriend which is scheduled for today.
First came a stop at Dollar Tree and then a trip to Wal-mart. When
we got there I sent Sandy in alone so I could rest my legs. Sandy
went
in and then came back out with some prices and then went back in
and I waited. Finally after about 45 minutes I drove past the three
entrances to see if she had come out and then parked the Jimmy in
the same place as before and I waited. Finally I had been sitting
out there for over an hour so I went in the store and took a look
around and no sign of Sandy. On the way back out to the parking lot
they have a pay phone, which was a surprise and BTW costs 50
cents, and decided to call home.
As near as I can figure Sandy must have came out while I was doing
my drive by and went back into the store where she told someone she
couldn't find me or my Brown Suburban which is actually copper and
closer to a burgundy than brown. They had a look at the parking lot
and not finding a brown Jimmy came back and told her I wasn't there.
She saw my nephew there and he gave her a ride home. So anyhow
I got the blame and now I have to come up with a way to prevent it
from
happening again like shackling her to Buffy. They may still get lost
but
at least they can't move as fast. Maybe that and little name tags
with
my license plate number would help.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his
golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One
morning he had played the first hole and was just about to
tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous
woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second
tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could
finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed
and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman
beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that,
not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and
wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few
drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went.
Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it
was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold.
They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation.
After the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex
he had ever experienced. The lawyer was so taken by the beauty
and skill of this woman and desired her no end. He then asked if
she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she
agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of golf, a magnificent
evening meal and once more the woman performed sensational
oral sex on the lawyer.
This went on for three weeks when the lawyer finally said to
the woman, "Listen, the golf and the company have been
fantastic! But, there are only so many performances a man
can take. When are we going to have sexual intercourse?
"We can't," said the woman. "Why not?" came the reply.
"Because I'm a transvestite" replied the woman.
"YOU BITCH!" screamed the lawyer, "...I CAN'T BELIEVE that
you've been playing off the LADIES TEE FOR THE
LAST THREE WEEKS!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
fuck you
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of course
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valentines
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Having A Party
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Head In Sauce Pan
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Heavy Duty
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excuse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXCUSES WHY MEN FORGET VALENTINE'S DAY
The Florist couldn't find your house, did you move?
*
I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
*
The Hallmark Store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than
the best.
*
I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up
again!
*
I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner.
Where were you?
*
I didn't know you liked jewelry.
*
I thought Saint Valentine's Day was a Catholic holy Day.
*
Your mailman must have been shot in a Post Office Massacre.
*
I thought we would do something different this year.
*
I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
*
You didn't remind me!
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Running late for a job interview at a large men's fashion company, I
grabbed a white dress shirt that I didn't have time to iron. The
interview went well -- until the end.
"Just a word of advice," said my interviewer.
"You might want to iron your shirt before your next job interview."
I held up the back of my shirt collar, revealing the tag. On it was
the
name of that very clothing company and the words "wrinkle-free.
I got the job.
------------
I was going away for a few days and left my husband a list of
chores.
For fun, I put down as Item 5: Think about your wife a lot.
After I returned, my husband proudly reported that he had completed
every job. When I saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had
been
crossed off.
"What's this!" I exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me at all while
I was gone?"
My chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully. . .
"Hon... I started to, but just never finished."
------------
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past.... but
never
forgets the present.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine, a retired pilot, sent me the following anecdotes
from his student pilot days:
I had an acquaintance who got all the way through flight training
although he had one really bad eye. The drill was: doctor gives you
a little "paddle" and says, "Cover one eye and read the lowest line
you can on that chart." So he takes the "blinder" in his left hand
and covers his left (bad) eye and reads the 20/20 line. Doc says,
"O.K., Now cover the other eye and do it." So the guy switches the
paddle to his right hand and covers his left eye and reads the 20/15
line. "Very good," the doc says and they move on to the next exam.
Worked every time!
In primary training we had several small, outlying grass fields
where we would go to practice touch-and-go landings when on solo
flights --
they had no control tower nor any personnel there -- just a
wind-sock.
One guy stupidly landed at one of these fields with his landing gear
still up. When he slid to a stop in a cloud of flying clover and
dust he climbed out at first, but then got back in the cockpit and
on the still-working radio transmitted on 121.5 (the "guard"
frequency, which would be heard by dozens of planes aloft and the
home tower), "Mayday!
Mayday! Mayday! This is Saufley two-one-two. My engine has quit."
After waiting a little while he transmitted, "Mayday! Mayday!
Mayday!
Saufley two-one-two, I think I can make it to Williams Field." Then
a bit later, "Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Saufley two-one-two, I
can't quite make it to Williams, I'll try leaving the gear up to
stretch the glide." Then he got out, threw a bit of dirt in the
magneto, and sat on the wing until the rescue squad arrived in a
fire truck to pick up this "heroic"
student pilot who had dead-sticked it in with an engine failure!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a
sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating
positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain
brown paper, I just had to buy one. Once safely at home I opened
it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an
expensive book about Chess.
A painter's joke may be off-color while a cook's might be tasteless.
A beautiful young feminist insisted on attending the local church in
a see through blouse. The priest saw her approaching and protested,
"I'm afraid you can't enter the church dressed like that" "But I
have a divine right " persisted the woman, "A divine left too " said
the priest, but you still can't come in.
Wet Dream: A snorgasm.
A sight-seeing bus travelling from San Francisco to Muir Woods
National Monument wound around many hairpin curves. After
successfully negotiating a particularly sharp curve, the bus driver
pulled over to the side of the road. "Well, this is a new twist,"
he said, surveying his wide-eyed passengers. "I'm taking a load of
petrified tourists to see a living forest!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning,
addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was
the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon,
"If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of
whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back
of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the
water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you
tell
me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the
church replied, "Sure, I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an
ass!"
"Working on nuclear submarines is not hazardous," a military
lecturer
insisted. The soldiers in the audience were skeptical, but he
persisted. "For example," he said, "some seamen stay on board for
three to four years. And at the same time, their wives give birth to
perfectly healthy babies."
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his
parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was
obvious
that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had
knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the
back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20
reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my
voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with
him, and he will with me.") The next day, as he was counting the
offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his
message
was a notation "Genesis 3:10" ("And he said, I heard thy voice in
the
garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.").
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy Valentine Day2
http://silverandgol
Redneck Valentine
http://www.dobhran.
I Want You For My Valentine
http://www.reflecti
.htm
Best Bed Positions
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
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because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
BleachBit
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Candy Heart Maker
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Vtags
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Eagle Vs Fox!
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Movie Links
Centrum Silver
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Chicks Playing Pool
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Chokes On You
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Christmas Songs The O.J. Way
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Church
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Dad Blanket
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Cleveland
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Close a Bag without using a baggie tie
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Dean Martin & John Wayne
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Dean martin & George Gobel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best secretary in the world to have is the one that never misses
a period.
Doing the missionary position does not mean you have sex in a
church.
Tom in deep thoughts is sitting calm, very quiet. Jerry asks, "What
is wrong with you, Tom?" "Please don't ask." "I am your childhood
friend. Talk to me." "My seven year old son made my secretary
pregnant." "That's not possible." "No, he did." "How's that
possible?" "He punctured my condoms!"
The gay burglar couldn't blow the safe, so he went down on the
elevator.
One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay
shed. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his
girlfriend on the bottom level of the hay shed. He decided he
wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested. After a while he
heard his son say, "Father, father up above. Give me strength for
one last shove." So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down
below. Get off and give your father a go."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goldielocks
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Fizzy Piss
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Wonder Bra
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Six Shots
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl named Michelle
Who's crack had a horrible smell
And when she spread
The first thought in my head was
"Yo quiero Taco Bell"
The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!
There once was a disc jockey named Louise
Who's box had a sucking disease
One night it got wet;
I lost a cassette
An eight-track and twenty CD's
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A long, long time ago, in a place far, far away,
a lonely guy was on his first date with a girl.
Yessir,... it was his first date EVER, and he was
very anxious. His id was in control, and his thoughts
were dominated with hopes of carnal pleasures.
In his anticipation, he lost all control before they
had even arrived at the restaurant. He told her, "I'll
give you twenty dollars if you let me pull over and
feel your breasts."
The young woman thought carefully about his offer.
She considered his reputation, and she considered
her attraction toward him. She even took out her
purse and checked her finances, counting every
penny.
And then she said:
"I'll give you $9.83 if you'll take me straight
home and never tell anyone I went out with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rabbi Levy is addressing the 'Enlighten Your Daughter' meeting of
the synagogue women's guild. "Ladies," he says, "I'm sure some of
you know by now that the unfortunate Jonathan Bloom has been sent to
prison for making love to his wife Sadie's dead body." A number of
'Oy Vays' are heard from the ladies present. "You might also be
interested to know," the Rabbi goes on to say, "that I spoke to
Jonathan yesterday and I now firmly believe that his actions were
entirely innocent and accidental. So although we are all feeling
sorry for Jonathan, there is a lesson to be learned. Ladies, go back
home to your daughters and tell them that when making love with a
good Jewish husband, they should please make a little wiggle."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1524
Getting a License
Rudy: Pops, I am going to get a driver's license today.
BJ: Err-ah, is that legal?
Rudy: Dunno, maybe you could be a test instructor first.
BJ: Sure thing Rudy. I guess you are going to drive one of Katie's
cars.
Rudy: Right. Let's go.
BJ and Rudy climb into the car...
Rudy: Fasten your seat belt Pops.
BJ: Already done..
Rudy starts the car and smartly drives the car onto the road.
BJ: Where did you study about driving?
Rudy: I took an online course and book study.
BJ: Very good and I assumed you passed?
Rudy: Top of my class..
A car approaches..
BJ: Err-ah Rudy...there is a car approaching and you are on the
wrong
side of the road..you need to move over.
Rudy: Nonsense, he is on the wrong side of the road.
BJ: Rudy...this is important..where did you take your class?
Rudy: The Great Britian School of Diving of course.
BJ: Rudy, in England they drive on the other side of road than we
do.
Rudy: Gulp!
The Herd in Guthrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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