THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
" Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning to dance in the rain!"
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well, after our "winter event" that started
last Tuesday morning, the other day I finally
got enough energy to dig out the Crown Victoria. It
was buried, forlorn, and forgotten in the deluge of
white fluff that fell this week. In addition to the
almost 1 foot of fluff that covered it from mother
nature, the snow plow had gone by a couple of times.
That left about 2 or 3 foot on the drivers' side of
the car, way past the tires. On the passengers' side,
well, I had parked the car in front of the neighbors'
house. He in turn blew out his side walk with his
snow blower, not much caring where the snow went,
as long as it was not on his cement. Apparently,
the Vic must have been in his "line of fire", because
the passenger side of the car was covered in even
a greater snow barrier. Anyhow, after a little more
than a half hour of scraping, I started to find the
windows. And after another 20 mins or so and waste of
probably half a gas tank while it idled during warm
up, I finally had it reasonably cleaned off.
I looked at the ground in front of the car, 2 or 3 foot
of snow in front of it. If you have ever driven a big
old boat like that, you will know that its pretty
much worthless in snow. With a light rear end and
rear wheel drive, its NOT a choice car for the winter.
But oh well, thats another story.
Anyways, I didn't feel like digging a path in the
street to get out in to the path of the plow. So I decided
I could probably "rock it away" from the deep stuff.
Ya right. Finally, after burning half the rubber off
my tires and another 20 mins, I finally had it out
of there. Then a startling revelation hit me.
Now that I had my car dug out, I wonder where I should go?
oh well. That's another story.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
we're lucky
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m050.html
up early
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m051.html
much better
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m052.html
cold
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m053.html
prayer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m054.html
remember me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m055.html
I'll call you back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m056.html
fuck you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m057.html
of course
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m058.html
valentines
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m059.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
what will they think of next
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hot
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crazy Japanese
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Cupid
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9091.html
grannys pussy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9092.html
winter tyres
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9093.html
______________
Bambi, the pert young blonde, filled her gas tank at a
self service station. After she had paid and driven away,
she realized she'd left the gas cap on top of her car.
"Ooopsie" she said as she stopped and looked. Sure enough,
it was lost.Mustering all her mental abilities she
thought for a few minutes."Surely I'm not the only young,
beautiful, blonde woman to have done this." She muttered
to herself. "Others must have done the same thing. Maybe
if I drive back the way I came, I'll find a gas cap
that will fit, or maybe even the one I lost."
Bambi drove back down the street and sure enough, she
found a gas cap laying by the side of the road. She tried
it on, and it went into place with a satisfying "click".
"WOW, this is SO COOL", Bambi said to no one in particular.
"I lost my gas cap, but found one that fits. It's even
better than my old one because this one automatically LOCKS!"
_______________
Harry did like he always did every evening. He kissed his
wife, crawled into bed and went to sleep. All of a sudden,
he woke up and saw an elderly man dressed in a robe
standing in front of his bed.
"What are you doing in my bedroom? Who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter,
and you are in heaven."
"WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die...
I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to
send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return
as a dog or a hen. You'll have to choose on your own..."
Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that
being a dog is too tiring and that a hen probably has a
nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't
be that bad, he thought."I want to return as a hen." Harry
replied. And in the next second, he found himself on a
chicken farm and nicely feathered. But now "he" felt like
his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster!
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said.
"How does it feel being a hen?""Well, it's OK I guess,
but I feel like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation
going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can" said the rooster.
Harry clucked twice, and pushed with all his might and then
'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow," Harry said "that feels much better!" So he clucked
again and squeezed. And sure enough there was yet another
egg on the ground.The third time he clucked, he heard his
wife shout, "Harry! Wake up. You're pooping all over the bed!"
______________
Kitty: I suspect that my ex used to visit prostitutes
before we met.
Becky: What makes you think so?
Kitty: Well, one night we were just playing around, and he
picked me up and headed for the bedroom.
Becky: So?
Kitty: So I giggled and asked, "Should I struggle?" And he
asked, "I don't know. Does that cost extra?"
____________
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a
local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun
holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a
long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about
how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it
was the root of all the city's problems.
Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said,
"Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end
of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad
person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I
provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local
service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities.
Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the
occasional glass of scotch!"
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point
my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such
a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."
"Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a
sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"
"Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never
touched my lips."
"Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from
a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"
"Well, I really don't know ...."
"I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a
drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the
glass, it's inside the person."
"Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's
out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in
the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must
admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."
"Well let's go inside and settle this"
"No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about
this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you
mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."
"You're on!" said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He
went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the
rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please"
The bartender sighed and said,
"Is that fucking nun out there again!"
____________
She was so Blonde that...
..she wanted to visit a computer chat room, but couldn't find one
near her home.
..she called the *hardware* store to check on their stock of artificial nails.
..she wore a bikini her first day in the car pool!
..she'd heard about the information superhighway, but couldn't find
it on her map!
..she wanted to sign up as an *organ* donor, but all she had was a guitar!
..she called home from work, set down the receiver, then sped home to
see if Call Waiting really worked...
..when told she would need a travel visa, she asked if her Master
Card was OK!?!
_______________
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said,
"I'm going to mop the floor with your face!"
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, It's not very absorbent and you won't be able
to get into the corners very well."
__________
BUFFALO BILL
Football
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hfkhfdj.htm
Football Season
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jakhfj.htm
Fruit Cake
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hdskjhsa.htm
______________
FUN PAGES
Dentist Electric Chair
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=34739&s=n
Blonde Secretary
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20496&s=n
1943 Arcade Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41514&s=n
_____________
SydesJokes Video Clips
Having A Party
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000696.html
Head In Sauce Pan
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000697.html
Heavy Duty
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000698.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROMM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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